I need to cut short my essay to maximum 250 words. I have tried pruning and rephrasing, but, I don't really want to compromise on my content. The essay must describe my background and how the graduate studies will help me. The graduate course is for 1 year with a co-op opportunity. I have posted my Statement below. Swift and valuable feedbacks will be appreciated. It is kind of urgent. Thank you.
Some events have long lasting impacts on life. For me, it was the tech-entrepreneurship expo that I had attended while pursuing undergraduate studies in Mechanical Engineering. Business, technology and entrepreneurship all under one roof, attending the event brought about an epiphany about interdisciplinary nature of modern day's economy and the power of data. It led me to explore online courses to get more insights and help prepare myself better for the industry, through this endeavor I stumbled upon a Data Science MOOC and I loved it. I started implementing applied machine learning concepts and performing exploratory analysis in R to derive meaning out of raw historic data. One of my the projects involved applying supervised learning algorithm like Support Vector Machine to predict the activity of human beings and published the research paper on academic.edu. These learnings helped me climb quickly into the top 2% of data scientist in the world on kaggle, an online platform for machine learning competitions. In order to substantiate my learning through practice, I ran a blog on machine learning which quickly attracted 800 followers. I later went on to pursue my callings in the real world when I joined ZS associates as a business analyst, where my previous learnings helped me ease into the role. At ZS I worked in the multichannel marketing projects, which involved exploratory analysis of various marketing channel's historic data of various marketing channels for our clients and creating predictive statistical modelss statistical to help improve the sales and marketing tactics. But I felt the need of of formal solid grounding in the field During all this time I have felt the need to have a structured approach which only a classroom level learning environment could have provided. This is when I came to know about the this in turn would have equipped me with the relevant skill set to to improve my understanding of the over underlying concepts, in the presence of like-minded individuals.MMAsc Program Platform that provides the right platform to me to achieve my goals and will help me leapfrog into corporate world with a solid technical -business foundation. Also the 1-year duration along with the Co-op opportunity will help me get back into the workforce as soon as possible and put my experiential learnings to practice, which is my real calling.
Hi Harjot, I hope my suggestions will help you to bring your essay to some extent within 250 words.
I am not asking you to compromise on the content, but you can make it less detailed like I did for the introduction lines.
My career started when I attended the tech-entrepreneurship expo as an undergrad student of Mechanical Engineering. This taught me about interdisciplinary nature of modern day's economy and the power of data.It led ........., through(You can remove this line, no need to detail your accomplishments. Hope that will reduce some words from your essay. Your prompt asked how your graduate studies will help you, but you were focused on what you did. You can reduce this and focus on goal , how your studies will help to achieve your goal. ) ..............
.... I came across a Data Science MOOC through online courses to gain more insights and to better myself for the industry.
Thank you very much Sakshi for the prompt response. I will try to build a balance between my background and what I plan to achieve from my studies. I have tried to put storyline perspective to the statement, So I am just a bit skeptical whether reducing the details would reduce the attractiveness as a candidate. If you could elaborate on what kind of details I should include/ not include, that would really help. I really appreciate your feedback. Thanks again.
Hi Harjot, In one single line, you are missing the part that how you expect the program to help you in that passion?What are your objectives and goals that program can help you to attain? Just add this then we can see where we can deduct.
I have added the prompt below.Your Statement of Interest (max. 250 words) should relate your background to your career goals and explain why you are interested in pursuing the MMASc program. MMAsc is masters in management of applied science focusing in data analysis.
I have made edits to the initial SOP and now I have made a final draft balancing my background details and reasons in pusuing MMAsc Program below. @sakshi Please let me know your views about it.
My career started when I attended the tech-entrepreneurship expo as an undergrad student of Mechanical Engineering. This taught me about interdisciplinary nature of modern day's economy and the power of data. I came across Data Science MOOC online to gain more insights and to better myself for the industry. I started implementing applied machine learning concepts, one project involved applying supervised learning algorithm like Support Vector Machine to predict the activity of human beings and I even published it on academic.edu.These learnings helped me climb the top 2% of data scientist in the world on kaggle, a machine learning competition platform. To substantiate my learnings, I ran pythonformachinelearning blog which quickly attracted 800 followers. I entered the professional world as Business Analyst at ZS associates. I have worked in the multi-channel marketing projects, Involving exploratory analysis of historic data of various marketing channels for our clients and creating predictive statistical models to help improve the sales and marketing tactics. Now looking forward to enhance my career, I found MMAsc Program. The core courses in communication and management will provide the learning that my undergraduate studies lacked. The interdisciplinary nature of cohort will provide the platform to engage in collaborative work and develop a deeper sense of understanding about analytic concepts. 1-year duration along with the Co-op opportunity will help me get back into the workforce as soon as possible and help expedite my transition from someone from engineering background to upper management, fulfilling my long term goals.
Hi Harjot, I made few changes :) I did not make any changes in the content as I am from medical background, so its complicated for me;) But I did reduce the words and edited for grammar and language too. Hope this helps :) I was looking for a word in the end, so if you can add a word in end. From an engineer to ?? Upper management is common, if you can write the specific term of your designation/career goal after the program.? For me, this is complete then. You have some great achievements and I wish you luck for your future :) Let me know if it works for you:)
.....concepts.In order to gain more insight and to better myself for the industry, I came across Data Science MOOC while browsing.....
With my enthusiasm, I successfully published my project based on applying supervised ...... beings on academic.edu . My accomplishments made me among the top 2% of data scientists in the world on a machine learning competition platform, Kaggle. To substantiate my learning, I started "pythonformachinelearning" blog which quickly attracted 800 followers. I entered..... ZS associates. I worked in multi-channel marketing projects involving exploratory analysis of historic data to create predictive statistical models to improve the sales and marketing tactics. Now looking forward to enhance my career, I found MMAsc Program. I will acquire knowledge from the core courses in communication and management that my undergraduate studies lacked. The interdisciplinary .......... concepts. The program along with the Co-op opportunity will help me to get back into the workforce as soon as possible. MMASc in data analysis will help expedite my transition from an engineer to upper management.
Thank you very much sakshi :) you've been of great help. I wish you best of luck in your endeavours as well :) . Cheers
