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SOP - Applying MS of CS in Data Science (Working Experience but Irrelevant Bachelor Degree)


kpwasabi 1 / -  
Jun 9, 2016   #1
Hi all, thank you in advance for your help.

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Enthralled by how much data and technology have changed our lives, and motivated by a desire to extend my knowledge needed to solve the demanding problems today, I am submitting my application for the Master of Computer Science in Data Science at XXX. With an innate curiosity, a strong desire and ability to learn, along with my unique but relevant work experience, I am ready to meet the rigor of this demanding course.

My first biggest career decision was choosing a programming career despite the lack of an official degree. It is still the best decision I have ever made. And I owe this to the encouragement and inspiration by Dr. BBB MMM, who was a research scientist from the School of CVCVCV Engineering, CNCNCN MGMGMG Department then. I was admitted to School of CMCMCM Engineering at XXX for undergraduate. To lighten the financial burden on my parents, I worked at least 20 hours weekly while pursuing my Bachelor degree. I still remember walking nervously to Dr. MMM's office asking for work one day in my junior year. Despite the fact I didn't have programing experience, he hired me to work on digitizing research papers and technical reports. To build the JJJJ online publication portal to publish the digitized papers, I took on the initiative and self-taught myself HTML and later ASP language. The student job gave me the first sweet taste of web programming.

By the time I graduated, I was completely fascinated by web technologies. After XXX, I moved on to the PPP EEEE in Chicago, where I was first exposed to Big Data in action. Working as a GIS Consultant, I created an online engineering document management system utilizing linear referencing system, a solution that had been implemented for various Illinois County departments, and won us the Merit Award of ACEC Illinois 2006 Engineering Excellence Awards. Subsequently at CSCS STST LLC, working along side with some of the smartest engineers, my team and I designed and built a backend device usage diagnosis system to support the various consumer electronics the company offers.

As I advanced to product management role, data has become an even more integral part of my work. At MCMCMC, a fashion mobile commerce startup in San Francisco, we relied users' voice on focus groups for critical insights on bug fixing and feature improvement on our mobile app. Having witnessed how data helped teams and companies make better decision, I introduced the data driven approach to PRPRPR, a Singapore based e-commerce company, as I was hired as the IT Manager. By studying user traffic and server load data, we restructured the server architecture and saved up 40% of IT operation cost; by studying customers' email subscription behavioral data, we improved email bounce rate from 38% to 7%, and reduced email marketing expenses by 35%.

A few months ago, I started working on a startup idea - a talent extrapolating program that helps individuals delve into hidden potentials that have yet been realized, using data such as the individuals' personality, social and professional profile. After doing some initial research and attempts on data curation and data cleaning, I realized I need to gain more exposure to research environment; and master skills in data mining and exploration techniques. Thus I decided to pursue a masters degree.

Due to family obligation, I can only afford for online master programs. I am thrilled to discover XXX, a prominent school in Computer Science, is offering its Master in Data Science online at XXX. It proves XXX is at the forefront of innovation and aims to cater the necessary training and education of data science to students all around the world no matter where they are. I am confident with XXX's world-class curriculum, remarkable faculty and exceptional peers, would enable me to build on my deep but interrelated interests, background and research intentions. It will serve a solid foundation of building my startup.

Last but not least, outside the realms of work and pursuing my goals, I am loyal supporter of TED and behavioral science channels on social media and podcast. I am also an advocate of women in tech. I help facilitate meet-ups of local groups such as Pyladies and CodingGirls.

With my unique professional background, I sincerely hope that I qualify all the requirements for admission into your Graduate Program and that my application is favorably received by the admissions committee. I believe I would make an excellent contribution to the first cohort of the Master of Computer Science in Data Science program at XXX.

Sincerly,
KPW
ROBINPHILIP 5 / 7 2  
Jun 10, 2016   #2
Hi KPW,
Your essay is revating and persuading !!
My comments on your essay..

... along with my unique but( and) - if you use " but" some thing opposite to the previously mentioned is to be expected. Here, you are using the same sense to continue ) relevant work experience, I am ready( prepared) to meet the rigor of this demanding course.

My everfirst biggest ( greatest) - make more sense career decision was choosing ...

my team and II , with my team designed and built a backend device usage diagnosis ...
Hiddengrace 6 / 118 68  
Jun 10, 2016   #3
In my opinion, I don't think you're writing your SOP in a way that is beneficial to you. Right now, it reads almost like an extended resume, and isn't the most interesting (at least to me, a person who knows nothing about this topic). You don't need to describe every job you've had. I'd pick maybe two of the most meaningful ones and really describe them in detail. What about these jobs has prepared you for this graduate degree? What have you learned? What are your accomplishments? Really flesh out those experiences.

I would also talk more about your startup idea. Seems like something they might like to read more about it. What are the meet up groups? Describe them in detail. Showing your proactivity and passion for your field can't hurt.

I'd also include more at the end about what you plan to do with your degree and what your goals are once you graduate.


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