Hi everyone, I really need your help, I would really appreciate some feedback, criticism or general comments of my personal statement to study MSc Finance and Banking in order to improve it. Thank you in advance for any comments. <3
Calculation and Money involved
Ever since I was a litte kid, I was attracted by anything related to Calculation and Money. Everytime my mother asked someone to buy something for her, I was always the first volunteer just because I would to be able to handle the money myself and use it in order to exchange for goods of equal value. I always want to know what the prices of items were? Why the same product was sold for different prices in different stores? Why I prefer to shop in this store rather than the other stores? From these stories I mentioned above, at the beginning of the middle schools, I always felt fascinated when it came to numbers. I persuaded my mother to lend me a small amount of money in order to start my small own business during that time. This idea first came to my mind when I saw the potential of making handmade gifts of my sister by using origami and kirigami, I personality believe that she have a gift for some kind of Art related things. Later on, I made a plan to survey the stores and find out which one sold the best materials for my products according to price and quality. When the products came out, I introduced those to my friends and got some comments from them and as I had expected, they all enjoyed it. I totally could not believe that I actually paid the loan back for my mother and made certain profits after only a month. When I was in high school, a lot of teenage girls were attracted by knitting wools and then I planned to sell a various colorful wool rolls for them that suited for each taste because I suppose that everyone has a distinctive taste, right? However, I stopped selling later because it was coming to the end of high school period and I needed to focus on the university entrance examinations for next months. Because of an endless passion for Business so that I chose the University of Economics Ho Chi Minh city as my dream school.
Nevertheless, the path to lead my choice was not a straight line when my father is a doctor and he totally wanted me to follow his career. I had to convince my parents very much through many discussions that I was the person being questioned and my parents were the questioners, and I came up with a lot of arguments involved in my passion for Business and my future plans after graduating from university. After all, my efforts paid off by pursuading my parents and passing the Univeristy entrance exams and so I succeeded in getting into the first door of my life.
After attending a first year at University, beside basic knowledges that I accumulated such as macro economics, microeconomics, basic accounting etc I also got average scores in the top 5% of students had the highest GPA. As a result, I had the priority to register any major that I desired. At the same time, I searched the contents and potential of each major carefully and finally I decided to choose Finance major as a landing on my study journey. I was very excited for every lessions of teachers, thanks to it that I understood the behaviors of buyers and sellers and they helped me to answer the questions that I always wondered myself when I was a child. In addition to that, I broaded my mind with a various knowledges such as The primary factors that influence a company's capital-structure decision, answering the questions such as how administrators choose the best investment opportunities for their financial situations, which kinds of funds the Join-Stock companies using to support for their capital requirements, theories of dividend policy and numerous other interesting knowledges. Moreover, through papers published in the Economic journals that were given by teachers as group exercises for each subject such as Corporate Finance, Multinational Corporate Finance, Financial Risk management, Financial analyst etc that I practised my reading skills for Economic theories and Econometric models. In addition, due to work as a team leader that I know how to allocate the task for every member that suits their strength in order to achieve the highest results.
During a period of university time, I participated in a various organizational activities such as social activities, charitable activities and team building activities. They help me to understand for the better about the enthusiasm of youth, the tolerance among people and solidarity among communities. I still remember the period of time that I felt under a lot of presssure for passing the final term examinations and also group discussions at each morning in some corner of my school to find the best solutions for many difficult exercises. Remembering the white nights together to create the perfect presentations and I believe that these experiences have been a pedestal for my future.
After graduating my university, overcoming other candidates and passing all rounds of interviews, I was recruited to Finance department as an accountant in the service company. The reason why I chose this job is that I want to learn more knowledges about the Accounting field. I would like to acquire a deeper understanding about balance sheet, Financial statements. After working in this position for more a year, I learned a lot of valuable knowledge and real experiences. Because of the ability to absorb that I was quickly assigned the task of preparing some reports such as Monthly Revenue report, Monthly Expense report, the quarterly Tax reports such as Company Income Tax report and Licence Tax report. I was the one who gave the idea to change a long time Cash collection Audit Procedure to be more suitable with the current situation and to eliminate the risk of cash losing. This company does a lot of businesses such as fitness and yoga services, beauty services, model management and retailing etc, therefore the rotation of accounting staffs among the subsidiaries is inevitable. So that I experienced different shapes of the financial sector in each specific business segments. In the process of studying and working in this company, I accumulated valuable softskills, for example, how to deal with partners, how to solve problems quickly, how to balance between sense of sensibility in work and life. The open working environment also helped me to express myself better among colleagues at the same level. I am a passionate person, what I like that I will never give up. Futhermore, I am still young and I want to learn as much as I can and it motivates me to decide to pursue my further study in your school.
Your curriculum really appealed to me at the first time I found out. After having done a research on the internet and discussing with my tutors, my leader and classmates about my choice of Finance and Banking program in your university, I have no doubt that your school is the place that I most desire to pursuit my further study. since it attracted me by not only providing me an opportunity to attend classes and laboratories that are taught by well qualified professors and professionally qualified instructions with rich industrial research and consultancy experience, but also the soft - skill that will be needed to become an outstanding individual in this field. Furthermore, your course entirely taught in English, my second language after Vietnamese, helps me overcome the language barriers in the first step into learning environment that are characterized of the West of Europe completely different in comparison the East of Asia. Moreover, Italia is considered to have a developed economy in the world and also is the cradle of European - especially was the earliest manifestation of the general European Renaissance and had a great influent throughout vast Europe. Finally, a number of huge enterprises in Italia that gives me more valuable opportunity to use delivered theory to practical stages before I come back my country for further career.
After earing my master's degree, I hope to work for financial institutions such as Standard Charter bank or BIG 4 (PwC, KPMG, Deloitte, EY). Equipped with the technical expertise and professional skills learned in your university, I believe that I will be more confident to overcome different challenges in the future. Innovation drives growth, that right, human is born to learn, to be creative and especially human beings create by nature who are the lord of the world just because they have the power to learn more than other species. In my career path, I hope that I will not stop gaining new knowledges and then I will apply it to my work thoroughly. I also suppose that in the period of two years studying in your post graduated course, I will be able to take advantage of opportunities through a diverse and multicultural academic environment in order to show my hidden capabilities. Apart from attending all lectures, I would like to explore other materials by myself, participating in internship programs and experiencing cultural tourism to accummulate a variety of information that are valuable for my thesis and also expanding the horizon of my knowledge. The learning environment with international students from many countries around the world will not only give me unique experiences but also give me great opportunities to exchange knowledges and cultures. I always want to introduce to you about the beautiful XXX - where I was born and grew up. Finally, I hope that, in my passion and eagerness, become a deserving and creditable candidate of your course and devote my ambition to your developments. I am confident that I am well-prepared to meet the demands of your program and I greatly appreciate your considerat.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,797 
4780 Vu, there are two points for major correction in your essay. The first, has to do with the first half that deals with the reasons why you chose to pursue this particular masters degree. The fact that you are applying for a masters degree indicates a higher level of experience in this field on your part. That also stands to reason, that your motives for applying for admission go far beyond the childhood fantasies that you had. A sense of maturity and professional responsibility must be reflected in your personal statement at this point. You are not a college student seeking admission to a degree course. That is why these childhood stories do not belong in this personal statement. Keep it professional. Relate the chosen major instead, to your current career situation as that is the expected line of reasoning that will show a relevance of the degree to our future professional growth. The discussion about the university is acceptable. However, the last part, where you discuss your future plans, that is something best reserved for your long term career plan presentation either as part of your statement of purpose or, as a totally separate prompt topic, depending upon the kind of essay prompts you got from the university.
