Hi everyone, I really need your help with my essay. I would really appreciate any of your feedback or comments for my statement of purpose to study Msc International Trade in Korea.
Thank you in advance for your help.
This is the instruction for the essay.
Essay (about 2 pages) that enunciates the reason why the applicant is interested in GSIS (Graduate School of International Studies) program, the applicant's life experience and future career plan.
why gsis, life experience and plan for a future career
Every morning I woke up to an empty house. Every night I went to bed without someone to tuck me in. Ever since my father passed away, my mother had to take up different jobs in order to put my sister and me through school. Now, as I graduated with a distinctive Bachelor degree, then got a planning job at one of the most reputable multi-national corporations, I'm proud that my success is a direct result of her hard work.
Having been brought up in a small town, I received a relatively low-standard education in the elementary and middle school. Fortunately, my mother realized that the key for my future was education. In order to render me a better education and accordingly more opportunities, in the last year of my middle school, she made the painful decision of giving up her established career and moved to Hanoi, the country's educational capital. Motivated by my mother' self-sacrifice, I acquired the kind of determination, drive, and sense of responsibility to always try my best during high school years. I still remember vividly that bitter summer when I was preparing for university entrance examinations. While my peers were enjoying themselves outside, I would stay in a sweltering room, studying the materials and textbooks. My hard work was finally paid off when I was admitted to the High Quality Class at XXX University, which is well known for its selectivity and competition.
I started my expedition in this field with my undergraduate studies in one of the leading business schools in Vietnam. Through my major in International Business Economics, I acquired a good master of rationales in trade, commerce and economics, which was evidenced by my outstanding academic performance with the highest rank in core courses, namely Business Economics, International Business and International Trade Policy. More importantly, this program presented me to the fundamental role of business within a socioeconomic body, especially during Vietnam's transformation from a planned economy to a market economy. Inside my mind gradually grew up the dream of becoming a future leader in Vietnam's economic development.
"Vietnamese companies, especially small- and medium-sized, lack the knowledge to take advantage of the country's international integration. A series of free trade agreements the country has signed or plans to sign would provide Vietnamese businesses with the opportunity to expand their markets, but grasping it is a big challenge", Vu Kim Hanh, Chairwoman of the Business Association of High-Quality Vietnamese Goods, has said. According to many surveys, businesses are found to be unclear about the provisions of FTAs, which is in turn likely to prevent them from capitalizing on opportunities and preparing to cope with upcoming challenges. In this context, Vietnam is truly in need of professionally qualified human resources, who are involved in the global environment and thoroughly understand international trade, in order to provide Vietnamese companies with necessary information regarding global trade, investment and export development. Bearing that in mind, I am determined to become such a person who can help to contribute to the development of Vietnamese local firms with the advanced knowledge of international trade and management.
My choice to study in Korea in general and XXX GSIS in particular for my master degree is due to a number of reasons. Korea has a well-deserved reputation for excellence in terms of advanced academic programs, especially in international studies, and Korea is one of the most important leaders in the global economy. Although the education I have received thus far has been top notch in my country, I realized that the knowledge I acquired at school was limited and insufficient when it came to a real situation. However, my previous experience in XXX Vietnam gave me great exposure to international professional context, through which I gained great opportunities to learn important skills, such as how to cooperate and communicate with other sections to deal with incurred problems or to plan effectively, I am still lacking in understanding about international markets, law and trade policy and its culture and customs as well as research skills in order to bring much-needed help for Vietnamese firms in joining global trade.
Studying Master Program in International Trade by XXX GSIS will surely enable me to broaden my mind and continue progressing to reach my full potential in this field. What greatly impresses me is that the program offers students the exceptional interdisciplinary curriculum, the cutting-edge research along with hands-on exposure. I am particularly interested in the offered courses: Statistics for Business and Economics, International Economic Analysis, and International Trade Policy and Theory. Not only will these courses equip me with advanced methods of statistics and quantitative analysis, but also provide me with deep insights into the areas of international trade, finance and management through lectures, discussions and research projects. This program is also a great opportunity for me to broaden my perspective as I will be able to work with the instruction from distinguished professors and experts in XXX GSIS, who are dedicated to excellence in teaching, research, and mentoring, and stand ready to put my ideals into practice.
From a future career perspective, I would treasure an opportunity to gain professional experiences in promoting international trade and investment in Vietnam upon returning from Korea. I believe that after rigorous training in your program, along with those experiences, I will be well-equipped to probe the unknown realm of Vietnam's economic development towards globalization and assist in opening and reforming Vietnam's trade market and promoting its international economic cooperation with other countries, especially with Korea. In recent years, South Korea has been one of the largest partners of Vietnam in the field of trade and investment cooperation. Currently, both countries are boosting their cooperation in those topics, which was remarkably marked by the event in which Vietnam-Korea free trade agreement (VKFTA) came into effect on 20 December 2015. I am motivated to work and assist enterprises of both sides to take full advantage of streamlined policies to bring into full play their potentials for development, thus greatly enhancing both countries' mutual cooperation and strategic partnership.
Along with my love towards Korea, I would like to put forth all of my effort to not only receive the best education possible but also contribute to your dynamic and diverse academic environment. In light of my solid academic background and strong aspiration for a career in international economic affairs, I hereby, in full conviction of my decision, submit my application for your consideration.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,801 
4780 Pham, this essay is more of a personal statement than a statement of purpose. In fact, it will be extremely difficult for you to edit this current work into a form that will even begin to pass as a statement of purpose. That is because the essay contains too much personal backstory, an extensive academic litany, irrelevant research references, and more. In other words, your approach to the whole writing process is wrong. At this stage, it would be better if you just delete this essay and start to write a new one. This time, base the information you will be writing upon the following guidelines for writing an SOP:
1. Talk to the reviewer about what your current profession is.
2. Explain to the reviewer how your work experience has led you to believe that you require advanced study in the field. This is your purpose paragraph.
3. Give a summary of how your college degree relates to your profession and what previous training or on the job seminars you have attended in accordance with your work requirements.
4. Explain how you hope to improve upon your current skills as an MS student as this university.
5. Refer to your 5 year career plan towards the end of the essay. Don't forget to highlight how the university training will help you achieve this goal.
Based upon these 5 directions, you should be able to create a more relevant and appropriate SOP. Please consider submitting your revised essay as an "Urgent" thread so that I can continue to review and advise you regarding the best way to finalize your response essay.
