Statement of Purpose for the Data Science Graduate program.

Hi all, here I have written a statement of purpose for Monash University's data science program. I would really appreciate comments for improvement and modification on the same. Note: Please ignore the word limit.

Monash University SOP

In ancient Babylon, the Babylonians would climb the top of the local temple in the night to observe the sky. They believed that stars could predict the future. Thus, by watching the stars they made the decisions about marriage, plowing the field and waging a war. In the modern world, data have replaced the stars, it is through continuous study of information that Data analysts and scientists are able to predict the next storm, the genetic code of a species and recommend hotels for the next holiday. I hope that one day I can join the league of wizards of data and I believe that a master in Data Science from Monash would help me achieve my goal.

An aptitude for scientific inquiry and perseverance helped me get admitted into India's top Engineering College. During my sophomore, I took an introductory course in Probability and Statistics and was instantly intrigued by its practical implications and understood how statistics plays an ever-increasing role in the evolution of society: in creating effective campaigns, making social policies and conducting medical tests. Furthermore, Engineering in Metallurgical and Material Science allowed me to witness how scientific principles are put to practical design. For Instance, during a lab on testing Iron's tensile strength using Regression model, I learned how to establish Correlation between several factors and more importantly, use a statistical model to predict future using past data. Overall, my Bachelors inculcated in me traits such as analytical thinking, problem-solving and rational reasoning. Thus, pursuing a master in Data Science seems a natural choice.

Making a transition from my Bachelor's degree, I chose to work as a Software Engineer. During the training period at XXX Software Services, I had to immerse myself aggressively, learning to code in Java, designing websites using tools such as HTML and JavaScript and perfecting the script by testing and debugging. Thereafter, I led a team of 20 members to design an automated recruiting application in a period of 4 months. My Team garnered praise for the beautiful design of the application, and as a result I was able to secure a permanent position at XXX Software Services. At the job, My first assignment was to maintain the website of Africa's largest Airline as a front-end developer. Although the project taught me a lot about designing and maintaining web pages, Internet booking, and Loyalty program, I was unable to code significantly. So, I changed my track to Software Testing. As a tester, I was fortunate to work for the world's largest Tourism company. By developing Test scenarios, writing Test scripts and publishing reports on 4 different Crew management and Flight Scheduling applications simultaneously, I became adroit in perfecting an application based on Customer requirements. I enjoyed improving the applications by finding relevant defects in the code. Moreover, I worked diligently to automate pre-existing manual functional Test cases and, thereby, saved 24 person days of effort per year. Also, I self-taught myself tools such as Selenium and JMeter for purpose of Load testing. Lastly, I worked on a project for Europe's largest Airlines. There, I acquired leadership and soft skills as I was frequently training the new employees, assisting the Clients and communicating effectively with Team members spread across the globe. In essence, from the job, I developed a strong desire for quality, leadership skills, ability to effectively communicate my ideas and Work ethics.

My source of motivation is my grandmother, who suffers from Dementia. After witnessing her ordeal, I made a decision to fight chronic mental diseases by using available tools and technology. My motives were bolstered when I read a paper in Nature magazine which described a multifactorial Data driven analysis to study the onset of mental disease. I wish to earn a master in Data Science because I believe that this degree would prepare me to pursue my dream of becoming a Data Scientist with a just cause. I want to follow my Master's degree with a PhD., and later a career in Health Science. From my studies, I wish to develop automated learning methods and real-time recognition systems based on Cellphone usage and brain-activity analysis that will be able to reveal the early onset of dementia. In addition, I want to create a large repository of brain images, so that with the amalgam of Computer Science and Neuroscience the images can be used to predict any variability in the brain that is detrimental in the long run. The boom in the number of smartphones and availability of social media platform further accentuates possibility of the study of the sentiment of people - a direct scale of mental state. In order to do research, I wish to enroll in a University that not only offers great curriculum to establish a strong foundation but also world class research facilities. I am also fascinated by the research works of Dr. XYZ on Breast cancer detection and on 'Analysis of group decision making in healthcare'. A strong emphasis on Health informatics, dynamic study program, and emphasis on the practical side of study are the forte of the program. Therefore, I have set my heart into Monash University.

I bring along with me a string of cultural diversity, ability to adapt and mentality to accept the change. I have a strong technical foundation and a work experience that has prepared me to face challenges of life and find the solution for the same. Like the Babylonians, who to see the future would travel the top of the temple, I am prepared to make the journey offered by this masters' course to make a Career in Data Science.

I honestly liked the start, but i am no expert as i am also applying for a program.


Other programs also need analytical thinking, problem-solving and rational reasoning. Why Data Science, you need to justify. This is not convincing.


You need to explain why did you make the change?


As a fresher in an organization, you lead a team of 20 people. This is not believable. May be it true in some case but even your education was not in this field.


You were not perfecting the application, you were testing it. Developer was testing it. Try to emphasise more important work you did as a tester. for example, you automated testing to reduce the cycle time and it resulted in direct saving for the company.


I agree with Holt here. This is very abrupt. You need make smooth transitions in your story. I will suggest a complete rewrite and try to speak a story in your mind with meaningful timelines and transitions. Good Luck.