Letters / motivation letter for master of science by a data analyst with mechatronic bachelor degree [2]

You developed a personal statement rather than a motivational letter. The content of this paper are only an expanded version of your resume in the sense that you discuss your work position inclusive of duties and responsibilities, while providing an overview of your educational background. What the essay is missing is a clear career path or future career vision that will require you to complete masters studies in data science. You skimmed over that possible aspect in the part of the essay where you stated:


This is actually where the motivational considerations start, but you neglected to develop in the essay. You can actually delete this version of the essay, using the above mentioned section to kick off a better and more relevant motivational letter in the next version.

Writing Feedback / Some people say that it's better to work from home than work in an office. Do you agree or disagree? [2]

The first problem with this task 2 piece is that it is under the word count minimum of 250. There are only 225 words written will cause an automatic failing score due to the word count percentage deductions. The second problem of this paper is that the writer does not follow the correct response writing format which is:

Par. 1 - topic restatement + writer's opinion
Par. 2 - Reasoning 1
Par. 3 - Reasoning 2
Par. 4 - Reverse paraphrase

The lack of proper writing format will result in a failing TA score. Additionally, deductions will also be applied in the LR, GRA, and C+C scores of the essay due to the incorrect vocabulary usage, conflicting word usage, and lack of clarity in the idea presentation. The essay will not receive a passing score because it is not understandable enough to a native English speaker.

Undergraduate / Computer Science - applying for ODYLP: Vietnam [6]

Yoiu should be describing academic subjects related to computer science. Computer Science is a field of study. It is not the academic subject. Subjects related to computer science include, but are not limited to Algebra, Physics, geometry, chemistry, computer coding, LLM, and other similar courses. Your response is not tailored to suit the question being asked. You need to revise your response to indicate the subjects, rather than the field of study since the question is related to courses related to the field rather than the field itself.You do not show a true familiarity with the field of interest that you hope to attend the program for. This is clearly seen through the inappropriate response that you provided for this question.

Letters / The 5th Industrial Revolution - Stipendium Hungaricum Motivation Letter [2]

You appear to be academically qualified for the scholarship but, have failed to include true motivating factors that would help highlight your desire and need to study in Hungary. Where is the reference to your future career path that can only become a reality through an education in Hungary? What drove you to consider primarily Hungary for your studies? The aspirations are not clear, the way the education will be used is not referenced. Why did you commit yourself to the 5th industrial revolution? It is not enough to make vague references. You have to show the reviewer your motivations using persuasive information and practices.Choose a specific university and discuss how you align with the university learning objectives and professional considerations.

Undergraduate / Searching Beyond the Surface- Common App Essay [2]


Grace is not really relevant to the rest of the story so her inclusion at the beginning is not necessary. It is a topic diversion that will just confuse the reviewer. Keep his focus on you and what you want to say. I understand there have been other influences in your life, but they are not relevant to the slant that you want to provide in this essay.


What were you like before? What drove you to join this organization? Why is it important to you that you have learned not to judge others?

Save for a few content presentation adjustments, I can safely say that this has shaped up to be a useful character trait essay. Good job.

Writing Feedback / Focused Study vs. Multidisciplinary Learning-IELTS Writing Task 2 [2]


The prompt clearly states that you should state your opinion on the topic. The requirement for stating your opinion is ownership. Own the point of view that is being presented by using first person pronouns. Remember, the essay cannot write itself nor does it have its own opinion. As the writer, you need to make a strong statement by properly referring to your strong stance in this paragraph presentation.


This is an overused word in this essay that will definitely have a negative effect on your LR score. You need to vary your word usage in terms of synonyms so that you can show a wide vocabulary range. Alternative words for group in reference to the discussion are: cohort, team of students, crop of students, batch of students, body of students, etc.

When discussing the republic opinion in comparison to your personal opinion, make sure to differentiate the points of view through proper first and second person pronoun usage.. The lack of pronoun usage affected the cohesiveness and coherence of your presentation negatively.

Letters / Becoming a doctor - STIPENDIUM HUNGARICUM MOTIVATION LETTER [3]

The first 2 paragraphs of this essay do not really help to move the essay forward. The motivation aspect does not start till the 3rd paragraph. Then, the actual motivation / inspiration, such as your mother's illness, is not fully covered so that the reviewer can actually consider it a proper motivation. The strongest motivational factor is your diagnosis at the age of 3. However, you failed to properly build up the information so that it could serve as a proper motivation for wishing to become a doctor. Basically, you can fix the essay by delving deeper into how your mother's illness affected your eventual decision to become a doctor, aside from your own illness. I do not advise Tha you focus too much on Covid 19 because that will be a topic that a majority of the applicants will be using as their motivation to apply for the scholarship.

Undergraduate / short fuse guy - ubc personal profile. who i am what/im proud of/how would people describe me [3]

You are using the correct pronounce reference in the essay, which is a good start.The problem, is that you are not dividing the essay into the required community memberships as indicated in the prompt requirement. You are also starting the story way too far in your past for it to make any sense to the reviewer. You should be starting from your most recent high school and community organization memberships. I am afraid that you cannot use this specific version for your application. My advice, is that you write a new essay that better considers your recent activities in various settings, then tie those into what you are most proud of. You can use the lifeguard story once you fix the community story.

Undergraduate / Academic and Giving back to the community activities - KAIST undergraduate [3]

The way that you have the response set up is too generic. It is a glossed over version of the expected response to the writing guides. None of the information that you have provided helps your application to stand out. The data you included describes just about any student of the lowest abilities applying for a slot at KAIST. You need to provide more notable information about your preparation, your future goals, and the reasons why you have chosen to apply at KAIST. While you provided expected information, you have not given the reviewers any specific information that could be compared to the other applicants. The information you provide should help propel your application to the top of the application pile.

Undergraduate / Imagination and Design - Supplementary Application Essay - UOFT [2]

There is too much emphasis on the past in your essay. You have solidly established your background in design as it relates to spaces. That is where the problem with your presentation lies. Remember what the prompt is asking you to describe as a response?


Imagine what your future career would be like. How do you imagine shaking up the world of space design? How do you envision a future workspace, residence, or any area you can think of as benefitting from your imagination and expertise as trained by UOFT? Balance the foundation of your skills and know-how with the way you can apply it in the future. Be creative? There are no wrong answers. Not everything has to be based on reality. Try to think out of the box to develop a more imaginative, engaging, and memorable response.

Scholarship / Focused intention and effort - the UWC values / personal challenge [2]

This is an interesting response to the question provided. However, I believe it is too abstract for the reviewer to consider. Self improvement is something that is done on a daily basis and does not require an immediate response to failure. Self improvement is a continuing process that, although admirable in intent, does not offer a clear idea regarding how you deal with failure. Try to use a stronger value such as integrity, honesty, fairness, to name but a few. What sort of situation have you found yourself challenging this and then failing? How did you recover from that failure? That is the sort of presentation you can use as a more appropriate response to the provided guide questions.

Undergraduate / My final match - College Application Question [2]

The response that you have provided is good, but not aligned with the requirements of the prompt. A more appropriate answer would have been to reference how the wrestling match helped you realize your potential as an Engineer. Describe an enlightenment when it comes to using the physical movements of the opponents in relation to building a strong foundation that is not easily swayed nor broken. Discuss how observing your opponent reminded you of the way that engineers observe certain things in relation to building a strong stucture. Something along those lines.Right now, I do not read any reference in relation to how your activity helped to shape your decision to enroll in the Engineering course at U of T.

Research Papers / The Dual Crisis of Gun Violence and Rights: A Mutual Understanding [2]

The first edit you have to make to this research paper is in the introduction + thesis statement. You need to remove the in-text citation in that section because the introduction is used to establish your idea of the importance of the topic and the research paper. It does not require the use of other sourced information yet. The introduction and the later part of the essay is really good. It was just the inclusion of unnecessary information that made the presentation incorrect. You could actually take the cited information, using it in other sections of the essay instead. It will not be difficult to integrate that information into the other sections.

Do your best to not use successive citations in one paragraph. You have to either spread it out or paraphrase the presentation. Teachers often have a citation threshold for a percentage of the paper. If you go over it, you could get an automatic failing score for your presentation.

Letters / A Chinese language teacher - Motivation Latter- Stipendium Hungaricum 2025 [2]

Your motivation to study Languages as a masters course needs to be better focused on the study of languages, rather than a full focus on Hungarian. While your motivation to learn and become more proficient in Hungarian is admirable, you are not going to be studying just Hungarian under this masters course. So your motivation should be related to learning about languages instead. Your application is not aligned with the offerings and expectations of a Stipendium Hungaricum scholar. You could actually gain fluency in Hungarian without needing the scholarship, nor moving to Hungary for studies. So the motivation you are presenting does not work in this instance. It is too narrow in focus.

Undergraduate / "Impact of sports on my life as an asthmatic" - CMU Prompt [2]

The opening scenario is quite dramatic but is not followed through on by the rest of the essay. A less dramatic opening would suffice to help you achieve a clearer presentation of your being an Asthmatic. You may consider using an actual sports event scenario triggering an Asthma attack and leading you to your diagnosis. The essay seems to get lost in focus though. Are you wanting to inform the reviewer about your being an asthmatic? Or is it about the effects of Asthma on your sports participation? You are trying to cover too much in a simple response. Try to use a more focused, singular presentation instead.

Writing Feedback / Afghanistan's challenges - My Career Plan for Chevening [2]

While your career plans clearly state the motivation for your desire to help Afghan women, it is not properly aligned with the Chevening career plan requirements. you need to write a totally new essay at this point that will better discuss your career path after you complete your studies under the scholarship. That means you should have a career plan presentation that mentions your plans over the next 1 year, 3 years, and 5 years. That represents your short, medium, and long term career plan. Exactly how do you plan to achieve your ultimate goal? Where do you plan to work as you climb the career ladder? How will you achieve that? What role does the DFID or Chevenening alumni network play in the scenarios you will be developing? Your understanding of how the DFID or Chevening projects in your home country will be of the utmost importance and consideration for the reviewers. It is clear from this career presentation that you do not have a proper understanding of how Chevening works and the benefits that the DFID, specifically, can bring to your career. There are more than several examples that you can base your revised career plan on in this forum. I advise you to read the previous submissions and the advice given for their improvement. Those should help you improve your own presentation.

Writing Feedback / Should punishments be fixed or based on circumstances and motivation? - IELTS WRITING TASK 2 [3]

The writer did not respond to the given topic in the instructed writing manner. When the instruction indicates that the author is to discuss both sides and provide an opinion, the following writing format is expected to be found in his reasoning paragraphs:

1. State the public opinion.
2. Explain the basis of the public opinion in 2 sentences.
3. Oppose or support the given public opinion in the remaining 2 sentences.

A variation of the sentence information representation may be used at the writer's discretion. This is actually a compare and contrast essay so the writer needs to fully validate his opinions using personal knowledge or public knowledge while providing examples to support his opinion whenever necessary or possible. The current version of this essay is written solely from a personal point of view, which will hinder its ability to gain a higher and more appropriate final score during an actual test.

Writing Feedback / Balancing Urban Growth: Should Parks Make Way for Housing? - WRITING IELTS TASK 2 [2]

The writer shows an understanding of the topic that was provided through his accurate restatement of the problem and its underlying basis. However, there is an incorrect representation of the writing opinion that was given at the end of the original statement. Since this is a single opinion essay, and the essay cannot write itself, the writer is expected to take ownership of the opinion being presented using the first person pronoun "I". Additionally, the instruction clearly indicated that there is a degree of response expected, which the author did not provide in the representative response. Therefore, the paragraph cannot be given a full preliminary scoring basis. The writer should have used a calculated response by indicating a measurement of his disagreement with the given opinion. The indication of the 2 reasoning subjects will be noted as the complete thesis statement for the essay and will be considered for additional points in the TA section.

The problem with the reasoning paragraphs is that it fails to take into account the point of view of the opposition that it should be disproving. Fir instiance, residential developments now have community living spaces that have parks and shopping centers which are open to the public. So the reasoning of the writer becomes weak as it shows a lack of understanding of the evolving community structure across communities.

There is a lack of formatting compliance into he concluding summary. That should be divided into at least 2 sentence representations, which discuss the different reasons provided. it is supposed to be a reverse paraphrase of the first paragraph.

Undergraduate / A driven and dedicated person - UBC Personal Profile [2]

Try to present a well rounded personality in the essay. You can do that by separating the descriptions that each of the references make about you. Your parents can discuss your character as a child to them and sibling to your brothers and sisters (if any). Your friends, can describe who you are in 2 instances. The first, is as a peer and the second, is as a classmate. That way you can reference your personal and academic communities in the presentation. The way that you integrated your community membership into the discussion of what you are most proud of is an effective use of the character trait reference point. It is something that helps to further solidify your character as a person in the eyes of the reviewers. It is best to stick to one example as required by the presentation. Choose which situation you are most proud of and keep it in the essay. Remember that this is also a word limited response so you should not go beyond the word maximum since the online editor will cut the text off at the maximum word count.

Research Papers / The Severity of Climate Change and is it Opinion or Fact [2]


The title is not grammatically correct nor properly formatted as a title. You could probably try to say it instead as "The Severity of Cimate Change: Fact or Opinion?" Yes, I think that has a clearer topic presentation for the reader.

The thesis paragraph is a bit confusing to read. I am guessing that English is not your native language? Your writing comes across as being written by a beginner ESL, which is why your thought presentation in that section is difficult to follow. I think you need to hire a professional editor for your paper to help you create a more cohesive and coherent presentation.

The information you have presented in the research paper comes from valid sources, but are not well presented to the reader. Your thoughts and ideas are very compressed and lacking in proper discussion development. You need to edit the paper for thought clarity for the most part.

Graduate / my motivation for the European Master in Public Health Europubhealth + [2]



You are making over assumptions in this case. It would be better not to make such references because the reviewers will have a different idea for qualifiers than what you think they will be looking for. It is best to keep a low profile. Do not assume anything with regards to qualities and skills that are related to the masters course you are interested in.


Remove this paragraph. Allow the motivation foundation to be a solid and continuing presentation in the essay instead. It creates a more understandable and easy to follow career path and motivation connections.

My opinion is that you have a pretty solid motivation letter here. It carries all of the important information for consideration, but needs to be taken down a few pegs to remove the over confidence on your part. The reviewers prefer that the applicants do not make assumptions about their skills and other considerations regarding admission to the program.

Undergraduate / Tufts Engineering - community essay [2]

It is important that you focus on the value of teamwork in this case. I assume that the team was already in place when you arrived and you had to find your place in it right? You can discuss how you found your place with the help of the team. That way you can address reciprocity as the center of your importance to the community. As they helped you become a member, you also helped them become better, eventually, this reciprocal relationship led to the team successes, wherein no single member of the team outshone the other. Everyone had equal contributions to the team and in the process, it resulted in a well developed community during competitions.

Undergraduate / Engineering and robotics club - KAIST undergrad [3]

The first paragraph is not really necessary in this essay and occupies the word count that could be used to offer more insightful information regarding your application along the lines actually required by the university. Start the essay at the 2nd paragraph instead. Since this is a word limited essay, you have to focus on smart and quick information delivery, eliminating word fillers and unnecessary transition references.


This does not tell the reviewer anything about your and your motivations for applying to the program. You need to be more specific. What ideas? What collaborations could you propose?


Are you sure you want to mention this as a reference? They may require you to present evidence of your Hangul proficiency. A TOPIK result would be most acceptable while a language school certification will be given proper consideration.

Graduate / Copenhagen Business School MSC Digital Business / Business Administration Motivational Essay [2]

Hi, the focus of each essay is different so you cannot combine the information for each essay into 1. In this case, you should be writing a motivational letter for your application. Let me get down to reviewing that now.

The first half of the essay is irrelevant to the application. The reviewers will not be interested in your academic biography and your adventures as a college student. They will however, be interested in your Psychology information as it forms a part of your motivation for higher studies under this course. Keep the focus of the discussion on motivational factors. Avoid mixing in personal insights. As a masters student, your application should go beyond that.


Such as? This is a reference that makes the reviewer expect a detailed reference to your trailblazing ideas or give an impression of someone who is looking towards shaking up the field of Business with an impressive business theory or something.

Writing Feedback / The role of househusbands in the modern world - IELTS 2 [2]


This is an incorrect statement that has no basis in the original topic presentation. This created a prompt deviation that alters the basis of the overall discussion in relation to the original topic. This alteration will cause massive task accuracy point deductions because the essay has veered away from the original discussion foundation. If this is a personal opinion of the writer, then it should have been used to open the writer's opinion section of the first paragraph instead.


Part of the TA scoring consideration is the writer's ability to respond in a quick format to the provided questions. A summary of the salient discussion points that the writer's body of reasons paragraphs will be based upon. Simply reiterating the discussion requirements will not gain points for the paragraph since it does not provide the clear supporting points the writer will use to emphasize his opinion as the correct one.


This is a confusing statement that does not have any point. What is the actual result of this thought? There is none. So it does not make sense to the reader and will result in a failing GRA and C+C score.

Undergraduate / My Karate dojo - my response to a problem and/or an unfamiliar situation (UBC) [2]


What is the relevance of this parenthesis covered phrase?


The reader may not be familiar with this acronym, spell it out please. Use the full reference term.

The essay needs to tell your back story in order to become more effective for the purpose that you are aiming to use it for. What was your position at the dojo? Why were you the one chosen to lead the class? How did the class respond to you first? Why were you driven to improve your skills even as you already held the blackbelt at the time and had experience teaching martial arts? For the latter part of this essay to have more meaning, it needs to sell your previous or foundational information to the reader first.

Undergraduate / Volunteer experience in the highlands - PERSONAL STATEMENT FOR COLLEGE [2]

I am not sure which of the common app topics you are writing this essay for so I cannot comment with specificity regarding your target subject or topic. The essay is interesting but forgettable in nature. It does not have any highlight or pivotal point that could have clued me into the type of presentation you are aiming for and why this information is relevant to your application. It is interesting in the sense that it shows an aspect of Vietnamese education and student body, but nothing more beyond that. I did not really learn much about you from this essay, both as a person and as a volunteer during this activity. I believe better work can be provided but you will have to let me know what the topic of your common app essay actually is.

Graduate / Green finance and economy - ERASMUS PERSONAL STATEMENT [2]

It appears that you have written a second version of the same essay topic. This one is supposed to have taken a more personal tone with the inclusion of your mother in the discussion at the start. I would have to say that although it is good to add a personal touch to the discussion, your previous essay was far more professional sounding and relevant in discussion. The previous essay was more in-depths that this current version, which has some additional information, but does not really catch the attention of the reviewer. Your previous version was more interesting to read and memorable in presentation style. What you can do is combine some aspects of each essay into a 3rd version, which should be both interesting and informative in its new incarnation.

Research Papers / Final Essay: Anti-LGBTQ Laws being instated (Research paper) [2]

I feel like the essay is too broad in terms of field of discussion. It has to be narrowed down to either a specific law or just 2 laws that you feel negatively affect the LGBTQ+ community the most. That would remove the vastness of the topic and allow you veer away from the vague and generalized discussion that is currently seen in the research paper. Basically, the paper lacks in terms of being an informative source due to the lack of proper discussion focus. That can only be fixed by reducing the discussion field to one that actually highlights the effect of the specific law/s that you feel are most anti LGBTQ+ rights. You are also confusing Healthcare rights with Gender Affirmative Surgery, which is a elective procedure. You could argue that Gender Affirmative Surgery is a Healthcare issue that directly affects the community since there are problems arising from its implementation. You should not automatically refer to it as a Healthcare issue since that is up for debate at this point.

Letters / Motivation Letter - MSc In Quantitive Finance ETH UZH [2]


The rest of this paragraph is too vague to gain the interest of the reviewers. You are not saying anything in this section that would drive them to show interest in your application. It would help if you provided the summarized form of your interests, paths, and goals for their consideration. It should help to drum up some interest in the rest of your essay, depending upon how well you frame your responses to the required information in short form.


Do not provide such amateur response considerations. You are applying for a masters course, therefore, your interests and reference points should be based on professional exposure and work related goals or needs already. You are weakening your application with this reference.

Scholarship / Bachelor of Science in Nursing - Scholarship: educational and career goals/objective [2]


Scholarship organizations tend to prefer high achieving students for their scholar programs. At this point in your essay, you should discuss your GPA and academic achievements that you can use to show that you are achieving an academic goal that would be of interest to them. Additionally, you can look into the objectives of the scholarship and actually relate both your academic and professional goals to those visions that they have indicated as the platform of their program.


Why do you want to work in this area? Does it relate to your father's illness? Is there a personal reason for this choice? Your professional decision is good but lacks a strong motivational driver.

Undergraduate / NUS - MEDICINE UNDERGRADUATE APPLICATION [2]

ONE QUESTION PER THREAD

Your response to the first question is not convincing. Perhaps it is because of the brevity of your response. I do not sense a true development of your interest in Medicine as a profession based upon your narration. I am guessing that you are only throwing possible response ideas out there, trying to figure out what will stick or if it will work as a response at all. Well, you can use this as a possible development topic for an expanded response essay. Try to discuss more about your exposure to the actual medical field through this program. What were you exposed to? How did it make you feel? Why was this experience enough to make you consider medical career?

Scholarship / Techwomen - how you have demonstrated leadership, specifically in your chosen track. [3]


You are not representing your country in a beauty contest. In fact, you are actually representing yourself with this application. So this type of bombastic introduction is not really needed, required, nor useful to your application.



These are discussion deviation points that do not relate to the leadership qualifications as required by the prompt. You can save these discussions for a later essay, if it will be a required discussion topic. For now, you can start off the essay at the portion that states:


Build your current leadership discussion from there. You should not be discussing what you hope Techwoman can develop in you, That is not what is being asked. You are not really representing your leadership skills and abilities as is expected by the reviewer, based on the prompt requirements. You actual response is way out oin left field. It is not applicable to the prompt as indicated.

Graduate / A Story of Rebellious Child - GLOCAL Erasmus Mundus Personal Statement [2]


Rather than telling this one dimensional story that does not really help to inform the reviewer regarding the pivotal points that drew you back to the world of business, try to provide a summarized anecdote or summarized story that led you away, then back to the business career path. That way the reviewer will immediately be informed of your evolution in interests and influences that led you to believe that the business world is where you want to exist career-wise.


From this point, you should prove that you are going to be continuing your research in this area as a part of your continued learning intentions, which will help explain your return to the academic world. The basis of your return is not really clear in the essay even though this is something you are asked to discuss in-depths for the reviewers sake.

Writing Feedback / rural people are moving to cities,positive or negative development-WRITING TASK 2 [2]

Kindly remember that you have a total of 1 hour to write both the task 1 and task 2 essays. That means, you have to exercise limited word count in each for you meet the writing time allowance. In this case, you have written almost 500 words which, even if impressive during the practice runs, is not a realistic word count that you can achieve during the actual test. 40 minutes is all the time you will have to complete this writing task, at the highest quality of information and opinion presentation that you can muster. The way that you have written this essay only works if you are writing an academic research paper in a classroom setting. As such, I believe that you will receive a failing score for this paper not only because of the lack of quality and editing in your writing presentation, but also because you will not be able to properly conclude the presentation. If you have a missing summary conclusion during the actual test, you will receive an automatic failing score. Try to stick to the 300 word maximum limit to help you gain passing score consideration next time.

Undergraduate / Physics and Basketball -KAIST entrance - what you learned from extracurricular/curricular activities [2]

You have to edit this essay in relation to the 200 maximum word count. Unfortunately, I cannot edit the word count for you as that is not part of the free editing and review services that we offer. You may contact me privately should we wish to have a professional edit this paper for you. It appears to me that you have written several unnecessary sentences in this essay which pushed you to write over the word count. Your opening and closing presentations are not necessary in this type of word count limited essay. Removing those portions should help to bring down the word count to the maximum. The overall discussion is quick and informative so I would not expect you to revise those paragraphs. They are useful in the current form.

Undergraduate / stipendium hungaricum undergraduate essay for applying to BsC in biology [3]

You cannot reuse the same essay for your new application. This essay is still based on the reasons why you did not win the scholarship last year. I do not see any new information in the essay that would refer to how you have improved your skills, learning, and other factors, over the past year. You have to showed remarkable growth and improvement over time for the essay to work in your favor during this application cycle. You should be outlining your improvements and working your way towards a new presentation that would help the reviewer consider your application based upon new information and skills developed.Once you present an essay that contains a rehash of last year's information, you cannot expect to have a different result this time around.

Writing Feedback / Money was allocated to cell phones - writing task 1 (line chart) [2]

The report is over written at over 200 words. Bear in mind that you are going to be sharing the time allowance for this essay with your task 2 essay development. If you write too many words, over 200, in the task 1 essay, you could run out of time to properly develop your task 2 discussion. A long essay does not translate into a high quality essay. You are prone to making more mistakes in your writing that way. This can be clearly seen in the way that you did not accurately restate the essay image focus in the summary overview section. That is a paragraph that should have 2-3 sentences, representing a quick reference to the key points in the presentation. The paragraph is not properly summarized and therefore, will receive a lower than passing score and affect the possibility of you receiving a final passing score in the process.

Letters / Psychology Motivation Letter for Behavior Change Master Program [2]


Since you already know that sustainability is not the main focus of the program, it stands to reason that your focus should only be minor in that field as well. Making it the main focus of your application will not help you gain admission. That is because the university is not keen on developing that aspect of their masters degree students theoretical and practical learning. Your letter should be aligned to the major focus instead. You may mention sustainability as your minor interest, mirroring their own level of interest in the program.

Your future plan could be more definite in terms of discussion. Try to make it more cohesive in the presentation while keeping in mind that this is not set in stone. You can still change your future plan later on. Just make it more united in this presentation for the purpose of your admission for now.

Writing Feedback / Traditions of their society - WRITING IELTS TASK 2 [4]

The essay will have a problem receiving a passing score for the TA section because the prompt restatement does not accurately reword the given topic based on suggested indicators. The writer chose to begin a discussion of his personal opinion in this paragraph while trying to restate the topic. This altered the topic focus and discussion points, leading to an inaccurate representation of the original. As such, the paragraph will receive a non passing preliminary score due to inaccuracies in the presentation. Failing to properly restate the prompt assures that the essay will not achieve a passing score, regardless of the discussion paragraph presentation.