Undergraduate / Moving Boxes 18-inch by 24-inch - Common App essay [10]

your essay is awesome. your emotion is apparent, which will keep the AOs interested. i like it :D

Undergraduate / NYU SUPPLEMENT- In n Out, Socratic Seminars, Sewing (badly) [21]

i agree with the posters above, your topics are eye-catching and interesting! i really enjoyed them all!

Undergraduate / 'Split South Africa' - CommonApp (Diversity Encounter/Experience) [3]

Hey Xander,

Here's a few suggestions:

- My first day at thereWheeler(if you don't want to say wheeler then say "my first day at my new school..." because my first day at there doesn't seem dramatically correct was something I'll never forget.

- I like that you talk about your time with your mother's family but it seems a bit random, so maybe bring it up earlier or something?

Overall, I really like your essay. It shows a clear transformation which I think college admissions boards really like.

-Sarah

Undergraduate / Movies- "Tell us something you do for pleasure" MIT [19]

i like your revised version. i think it conveys how much you enjoy your movie time and how it takes you to another world. i like it.

if you have time, can you check out my essays again? i revised them!

thanks,
Sarah

Undergraduate / 'Student's freedom to own curriculum' - Duke Supplement: Why Trinity College? [6]

It's very good. my only suggestion would be not to use abbreviations ( e.g. U Penn --> University of Pennsylvania )

Undergraduate / 'being a American' - Common APP Achievement Essay [8]

i agree with the statements above. try not to stress that you wanted to conform. maybe you can bring how you have become american, but still how you kept some of your culture with you. like everyone said before, colleges like to see uniqueness not conformity. good luck!

please return the favor!

Undergraduate / "The Captain" - Harvard Supplement- The prompt is write about anything [32]

The story is great. I have a few suggestions.

- Maybe you should elaborate more on your connection between your soccer experience and the internship
- also you should elaborate more the "one plus one" metaphor or bring it up earlier in your essay so it doesn't seem so random

you've got the raw material for an amazing essay!

please return the favor :D

Undergraduate / My name is Jason - Common App Essay [9]

This is a really strong essay! It really takes the reader through your conflict and your emotion really showed through. I really don't see anything wrong with it. GREAT JOB!!!!

please return the favor and read mine! i really need some feedback!!!

Undergraduate / Common APP Essay: Luxury VS. Struggle [20]

I really enjoyed your essay. I only have one suggestion, and that is to break up the sentence below. Its a little hard to follow, especially if you are reading it quickly (like most admissions counselors are). Other than that I thought your essay was great.

There were a lot of stigmas attached to my high school; and if one believed them, we were all rich, athletically disinclined nerds -which as goalkeeper of the Water Polo team and someone who worked hard to get good grades, I felt terribly insulted by.

please return the favor!

Undergraduate / 'curious as to why people do certain things and act certain ways' - NYU [9]

hey,

i think that overall the content of your essay is pretty good, but i feel like you should try and transition from why you want to major in psych and the activity that "cultivated your intellectual interests" a bit better. It seems kind of choppy. Also, elaborate a little more on just how great NYU's psych program is. You skim the surface, so if you go a little deeper then your response should be great!

hope i helped!!

please check my short answers out! i really need help and ASAP please!