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Posts by rens113
Joined: Nov 27, 2010
Last Post: Nov 27, 2010
Threads: 1
Posts: 2  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 3
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rens113   
Nov 27, 2010
Undergraduate / (I am a Korean, born in America) - MY short essay, clearly with an koreanized feeling [5]

Your sentence leveling is great. Maybe earlier in your introduction and early body paragraphs you could potentially go a little deeper in your levels but don't do that if you begin to get redundant or it inflates your word count too high.

The only revision i would advise is to flow your levels together a little more. The content is there and you wrote concise, which is excellent. You never want words for words sake. But here and there if you can make some connections between your levels or sentences i think it would really propel your paper just to that extra degree.
rens113   
Nov 27, 2010
Undergraduate / "are you even a Taiwanese?" - The World I Come From, UC prompt#1: [6]

The content of the work is solid.

Your sentences are very long. Possibly try writing shorter, more concise sentences. Break up the content and level your sentences so that the paper has depth and flow.

Other than that solid work.
rens113   
Nov 27, 2010
Undergraduate / "Airport security, TSA" - Issue Of Importance. [3]

Choose an issue of importance to you-the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope-and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.

Airport security has become routine. Arrive hours in advance, take off your shoes, get your carry-ons scanned, and walk through the metal detector. It's standard for all airports. But recently there has been an addition of a full body scan into the process. In an effort to increase homeland security the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) aims to implement 600 body scanners into airports across the United States by the end of next year. Naturally, a nationwide debate has erupted clouding the realities of the body scanners and their effects. Dispute over the personal privacy issues interfering with the method and questionable health risks involved have overshadowed the security benefits presented by the scanners and the speed and convenience of the process itself. Does the relative convenience and quality of the security measure outweigh the potential health risks and invasion of personal privacy?

The intentions surrounding the addition of the body scanners are simple: to make security processes convenient and effective. Essentially an x-ray like scan is performed in order to examine underneath a passengers clothes for weapons, bombs, or other forms of explosives. The process is quick, simple, and requires no disputable personal contact. It is no secret that the images scanned are revealing, but the TSA finds this an adequate exchange for maximum airline security. In order to compensate for the potentially uncomfortable procedure the scanned body images are displayed anonymously in a secure room, with the face and genital areas blurred, across the airport campus, then discarded immediately following examination. If passengers still are uncomfortable with the procedure they may opt out of the body scanning, and rather participate in the alternative, yet traditional, pat down. The body scanning process achieves its purpose, of simplicity and efficiency, and additionally accomplishes identity protection for the passenger, a win-win arrangement for airport security.

Opponents of the new security measures claim it is an intrusion of personal privacy and are dangerous, due to the potential health risks involved. The image captured through the body scan itself exposes an outline of genitalia and bodily contours; this causes controversy with several religious sensitivities as well as a shady gray area when discussing the scanning of minors in regard to child pornography laws. The uncertainties of the privacy protection worry many passengers; there is no certain confidentiality of the scanned image. In the process of the body scan itself, a low amount of radiation is emitted, but enough to trigger concern. Parallels can be drawn from the radiation to the development of cancer, creating an extremely high price for each passenger exposed during the body scan. It is argued such a hazard is never necessary, and more harm is being done than good. Those who choose to opt out of the body scan undergo an extremely personal pat down

It is unanimous the support for airline defense in general, but to what extent is personal intrusion necessary for security to be obtained? With every step homeland security takes forward, terrorist tactics advance as well. To find the balance of effective procedures without personal intrusion is key, but such technologies are not available yet. The TSA has made clear that if passengers want to continue flying, to get used to the body scanning process. In order to continue assuring maximum security amongst airlines, such measures must be taken.

Do i stray from the prompt too much? or is the significance explained effectively?
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