SyntactiX
May 28, 2011
Undergraduate / "the source to take my dream to the next level: Computer Software Engineer" - NJIT [4]
Dear Waquarali,
The key to academic writing is to be clear and concise. In addition, you should generally avoid overly emotive words like "dream", "truly grateful" etc.
I have rephrased what you have written below.
Best wishes,
Dr A.E Wilson
How did you learn about NJIT and why are you applying for admission?
I first heard about the New Jersey Institute of Technology (NJIT) from my uncle, who is a former student. My uncle graduated with a master's degree in computer engineering and has, on a number of occasions, told me about the excellent education he received and his many fond experiences. As a result, my interest in the field of computer engineering has been increasing, so much so that I was recently inspired to visit the campus and talk to a number of academics about the possibilities of future studies. Consequently, I now wish to formally apply for admission.
Like my uncle, my ambition is to become a computer software engineer and to work in this field. I already have a foundational understanding of a number of key areas in engineering; these include physics, mathematics and programming. I wish to further develop these skills and the Institute seems the right place to do this.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
Waquarali
Dear Waquarali,
The key to academic writing is to be clear and concise. In addition, you should generally avoid overly emotive words like "dream", "truly grateful" etc.
I have rephrased what you have written below.
Best wishes,
Dr A.E Wilson
How did you learn about NJIT and why are you applying for admission?
I first heard about the New Jersey Institute of Technology (NJIT) from my uncle, who is a former student. My uncle graduated with a master's degree in computer engineering and has, on a number of occasions, told me about the excellent education he received and his many fond experiences. As a result, my interest in the field of computer engineering has been increasing, so much so that I was recently inspired to visit the campus and talk to a number of academics about the possibilities of future studies. Consequently, I now wish to formally apply for admission.
Like my uncle, my ambition is to become a computer software engineer and to work in this field. I already have a foundational understanding of a number of key areas in engineering; these include physics, mathematics and programming. I wish to further develop these skills and the Institute seems the right place to do this.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
Waquarali