Undergraduate / "House Fire" - Common APP ESSAY [2]

I think it's a great topic, but there are some minor adjustments you should make. It helps to start your personal statement with a "hook," or sentence that catches the reader's attention, instead of a generic one that states the date of the event. Even the second sentence would be a fine way to start your narrative.

Also, you effectively describe the event, but give little insight to your reaction and how you felt. The reader wants to get to know you better as a person, and so the more you can describe your immediate/initial reactions, the better.

While it's great that you grew from this experience, it's a bit confusing how the fire caused you " to be more ambitious and driven by being more studious with my schoolwork, responsible with my chores and deadlines, and involved in my school and community." If you can clarify this, and the last paragraph, that would be excellent.

Good luck!

Undergraduate / 'my grandmother' - The Power of Nature vs Nurture/Common App [5]

I like what you're going with, but the ideas felt disjointed while I was reading, and more like a list of accomplishments and characteristics than insight into who you are. You don't cover your ideas and beliefs on Nature vs. Nurture very extensively, and I think that would be a great topic to expand on. It seems like you are trying to convey your naturally individualistic spirit, which would come across better if you didn't explain that you took your extracurricular activities in hand because your parents were too busy. Perhaps emphasize your desire to participate in certain activities, and your ability to follow through and make it happen.

Good luck!