Undergraduate / 'playing with Hot Wheels cars' - Essay for Common App: Most influential person [4]

Hello,

I think the story is very cute. The instructions have two parts, "a person who has had a significant influence on you" and "describe that influence". This essay includes both parts. However, I personally find that the essay emphasizes more on who your sister is. Although that is important too, in this short essay for you application, I think it's also very important to explain and describe why and how this person is influential. This is just my advice. I hope it helps.