Brinajada
Jan 23, 2009
Writing Feedback / Narrative Essay (what to be when you grow up) - I need critique [4]
We are supposed to get peer feedback, but I've had it posted all week in class and no one has responded. I appreciate any comments. It is a narrative essay for english comp. We had to choose from three subjects write about an experience with bias, write about an experience with or in nature, or write about an experience where you accomplished something or felt proud of yourself. We are also supposed to use first person. My essay is below please let me know what you think. Thank you!
Narrative Essay
As a child when asked what it is you want to be when you grow up, most children do not respond with "a career in financial services". Like most children I responded with jobs that seemed fun at the time. My first choice was a choreographer, second naturally rock star, but the third and most important choice was a doctor. This choice wasn't made because my family coached me into it thinking that I would be better off financially for it, no this decision came from my keen interest in how the human body works. Although this was my dream, I ended up going the opposite way as an adult.
As an adult, who also happened to be a teenage parent, financial services was hiring with a salary I could not say no to. At first, it seemed to be a pretty decent career. A large cubicle, reminiscent of Office Space, large sums of cash directly deposited into my bank account on the first and the fifteenth of every month, and the kind of benefits that the average worker can only dream of. The key word was "seemed".
I started in this industry at the ripe old age of nineteen. Happy to be a trainee at one of Forbes top companies, learning how borrowing money really worked, driving a brand new car, and ( something no one else I knew at the time could claim) living on my own. Being young had me believing this was the kind of opportunity that most people hoped for.
Unfortunately, after two years and two small promotions, I began to realize that I was looking for more than this company had to offer me.
I decided to make a change, and seek a management opportunity at another Forbes favorite. Another big name in corporate America where I definitely found a lot more of what I was looking for. More time off, more money, and a more relaxed environment. This was it my dream job! It lasted for five wonderful years, until our ever growing company decided to buy out another. I should have been pretty safe my company owned the newly merged company right? I was wrong. The powers that be decided to adopt the new companies policies, even take on their departments because they were more efficiently run ( their words not mine). Much to my chagrin, soon entire departments were being laid off. Everyday you went to work questioning whether or not today would be the last day. Until that day came, and I became one of the laid off.
A huge shock to me since I felt so irreplaceable, I decided now was the time to take a step back, evaluate, look at my life, and decide what I really wanted to do. This is where my childhood career goal popped back into my life. No, not the silly ones of being choreographer or rock star! The dream of being a doctor. While I'm sure many people dream of being a doctor, but when you think about undertaking something like this you have to determine whether or not it is really plausible to your life. I am twenty-nine now how long do I really want to be in school? Time passes whether your doing something with it or not. I thought to myself how often do you actually see your doctor? It's always a physician's assistant or a nurse practitioner. Less time in school, same opportunity to help people. This is how I arrived at my current career goal of physician's assistant.
Medical school is still some years away for me, but I realized that although I had financial security before I wasn't really happy. This decision doesn't make me nervous or unhappy, for the first time in my adult life it's not just about paying the bills. The money you make from being in this field is really just a side benefit. The true satisfaction, and pride I will feel while doing it, that's my new motivation.
We are supposed to get peer feedback, but I've had it posted all week in class and no one has responded. I appreciate any comments. It is a narrative essay for english comp. We had to choose from three subjects write about an experience with bias, write about an experience with or in nature, or write about an experience where you accomplished something or felt proud of yourself. We are also supposed to use first person. My essay is below please let me know what you think. Thank you!
Narrative Essay
As a child when asked what it is you want to be when you grow up, most children do not respond with "a career in financial services". Like most children I responded with jobs that seemed fun at the time. My first choice was a choreographer, second naturally rock star, but the third and most important choice was a doctor. This choice wasn't made because my family coached me into it thinking that I would be better off financially for it, no this decision came from my keen interest in how the human body works. Although this was my dream, I ended up going the opposite way as an adult.
As an adult, who also happened to be a teenage parent, financial services was hiring with a salary I could not say no to. At first, it seemed to be a pretty decent career. A large cubicle, reminiscent of Office Space, large sums of cash directly deposited into my bank account on the first and the fifteenth of every month, and the kind of benefits that the average worker can only dream of. The key word was "seemed".
I started in this industry at the ripe old age of nineteen. Happy to be a trainee at one of Forbes top companies, learning how borrowing money really worked, driving a brand new car, and ( something no one else I knew at the time could claim) living on my own. Being young had me believing this was the kind of opportunity that most people hoped for.
Unfortunately, after two years and two small promotions, I began to realize that I was looking for more than this company had to offer me.
I decided to make a change, and seek a management opportunity at another Forbes favorite. Another big name in corporate America where I definitely found a lot more of what I was looking for. More time off, more money, and a more relaxed environment. This was it my dream job! It lasted for five wonderful years, until our ever growing company decided to buy out another. I should have been pretty safe my company owned the newly merged company right? I was wrong. The powers that be decided to adopt the new companies policies, even take on their departments because they were more efficiently run ( their words not mine). Much to my chagrin, soon entire departments were being laid off. Everyday you went to work questioning whether or not today would be the last day. Until that day came, and I became one of the laid off.
A huge shock to me since I felt so irreplaceable, I decided now was the time to take a step back, evaluate, look at my life, and decide what I really wanted to do. This is where my childhood career goal popped back into my life. No, not the silly ones of being choreographer or rock star! The dream of being a doctor. While I'm sure many people dream of being a doctor, but when you think about undertaking something like this you have to determine whether or not it is really plausible to your life. I am twenty-nine now how long do I really want to be in school? Time passes whether your doing something with it or not. I thought to myself how often do you actually see your doctor? It's always a physician's assistant or a nurse practitioner. Less time in school, same opportunity to help people. This is how I arrived at my current career goal of physician's assistant.
Medical school is still some years away for me, but I realized that although I had financial security before I wasn't really happy. This decision doesn't make me nervous or unhappy, for the first time in my adult life it's not just about paying the bills. The money you make from being in this field is really just a side benefit. The true satisfaction, and pride I will feel while doing it, that's my new motivation.
