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Posts by Elizabeth934
Joined: Dec 14, 2012
Last Post: Dec 14, 2012
Threads: 1
Posts: 1  
From: United States

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Elizabeth934   
Dec 14, 2012
Undergraduate / My Volunteer Experience ; feeding the hungry at a church /Common App [3]

Hey, this is the essay I am considering using for my Common App. I am supposed to "briefly elaborate on one of my extracurricular activities or work experiences." My response can be no longer than 1000 characters. The activity I chose was my volunteer service feeding the hungry at a church. Here it is:

For as long as I can remember, I have been passionate about helping people. Any opportunity to perform an act of kindness, be it large or small, thrilled me. From lending pencils to classmates in need to babysitting for my sister to doing community service, I enjoyed it all. Needless to say, of the many goals I have for my life, among the most important is my desire to provide help to those in need through my commitment to service. As a high school student, I was able to gain experience for this by volunteering at the Emanuel Baptist Church Feed the Hungry Program. I participated in this program every Wednesday for three summers. During this time I assisted in preparing meels, setting tables, and greeting people at the door. Each Wednesday, there would come a time when everyone was sitting down eating and all the volunteers knew that no one else would come in for a while. Looking back, this part of our meal resembled a communion between us during which I was humbled. I realized that we are all humans who are reflections of the human condition regardless of our socioeconomic backgrounds. In essence, I realized something I already knew subconsciously: every individual is equally deserving of help in his or her time of need and that it could easily be me in dire need. It is this realization based on my experience feeding the hungry that has confirmed my plan to one day become a volunteer on a larger scale.

What do you think? Does it seem like an honest reflection of me (if that makes sense seeing that you don't know me)? I guess what I'm asking is: Is it genuine enough? Does it seem too... superficial? Thanks for reading!
Elizabeth934   
Dec 14, 2012
Scholarship / HSF:Describe a recent academic challenge you have faced. Explain how you overcame it. [6]

I think you are a great writer and that your essay effectively describes your passion for academic success. I'm finding it difficult to find constructive criticism to offer... Perhaps you could elaborate on your daycare job and explain how it made the pursuit of your education more difficult. I would just be careful not to make it sound like your getting off topic, you know? I'm not sure if this advice is helpful... Let me know if it is. If you have any specific questions, I would be happy to try to answer them.
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