Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by Bharu
Name: Bhargavi.G
Joined: Jan 8, 2014
Last Post: Jan 9, 2014
Threads: 1
Posts: 1  
From: India
School: S.V.U

Displayed posts: 2
sort: Oldest first   Latest first  | 
Bharu   
Jan 8, 2014
Writing Feedback / Toefl: The truth issue - Relationships are boon to humans in this world [7]

Hi everyone, this is my debut to this forum. Could any one correct my toefl essay and please suggest me about my mistakes because I;m going to write my exam soon.

"Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Always telling the truth is most important consideration in any relationship."
Relationships are boon to humans in this world. There are different factors that contribute for maintaining healthy relations such as honesty, trust, loyalty and faithfulness etc. People believe that truthfulness is the foundation stone to build strong relationships. On the other hand some believe that telling lies is responsible for long lasting relations. As far as I am concerned, both truth and white lies contributes to good relations but it depends on the situation or type of relationship. I could bolster my point by illustrating following reasons and examples.

Firstly, in relations where money plays a major role such as business should involve truth. For instance, my friend and I as partners started a business last year. But it lasts for only six months. The main reason for its failure was he lied with me regarding the profits. This not only demolishes our partnership but friendship too. So in such case telling lies is inappropriate.

Secondly, the relationships involving trust lasts for a life only when there is no room for lies. For example consider married life. Marriage is a bond between two lives formed by only trust. But trust in turn depends on how much truthful these two to each other. If any one of the life partners cheats the other by having extra marital relations with others, it destroys the trust between them, leads to divorce.

Finally, white lies strengthen the relationships in certain occasions. For instance, a relation involving love such as mother and child relations are strengthened by telling white lies, because it never hurts others. When I was a child my mother used to say that I was more beautiful than my siblings. With these types of lies I have got more and more love on my mother. In cases like cancer patients, telling lie about their health condition will corroborate their hope on life.

So, finally in the culmination I want to reiterate that to be truthful to others is considerable to maintain relations for a life at the same time telling white lies is as much important as truth to strengthen the relationships.

Thanking you in advance.
Bharu   
Jan 9, 2014
Writing Feedback / Corrupt Hope: An argument for fighting corruption [3]

Thanks for your feedback. I'll try to improve my writing skills.
I'm attempting to correct your essay as much as I can. I hope it's somehow useful to you.
Junkies-is very informal just use directly ' drug addict'. I think it is good to avoid informal usage.
Don't use so many rhetorical questions as you did in second paragraph.
I think your essay on "fighting against corruption" seems to be not included much information on topic except in third paragraph.

These are my suggestion. If looks worthy, follow them otherwise just ignore.
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳