Undergraduate / Personal Essay/Personal Statement, "connection between me and science" [10]

(This is my 1st draft so it's pretty rough)

Personal Statement:

Since I've been ten years old or so, I have always felt some kind of connection between me and science. At that time, it is like I knew I wanted to become a doctor in order to make a better life for myself and to help others in the process. It has always been apparent to me especially after the death of my late grandmother. At that time, I wish I could have done something to help her medically, so in a way you could say that my grandmother is my inspiration for becoming a doctor, specifically a surgeon one day. I take pride in helping others which is why I offered my services in high school and during my spare time away from college at a lovely facility known as Heaven's Heights. Volunteering for the elderly and mentally disabled is an enriching experience for me and I love spending time with the wise people in this establishment because I feel like I am learning from me and I learn from them even when we're playing a rousing game of bingo. One aspect of these experiences is learning to be patient with them.

A few things I like to do during my past time includes reading some novels, playing computer games, playing video games, participating in out-door sports such as tennis and a little soccer on the side, and going out for walks with my mom. Besides volunteering, I enjoy spending quality time with my family and friends. My family is very important to me and I respect and admire my parents dearly. They are my role models since they traveled to this country over twenty years ago from Nigeria and made a life for themselves here in America by getting an education. I hope to one day accomplish all my goals and I think Rice University will help me fulfill my destiny and make my parents proud.

It is obvious that I was not as strong back in high school academically as I am in college right now. Consequently, my first semester in college was not too great either. Moreover, I feel as though I have improved substantially since then however there is still a void. In order for me to reach my full potential would involve Rice University giving me a valuable opportunity to learn and grow with the help of exceptional professors to guide me. I know that if I am fortunate enough to be offered admission to Rice University would mean the world to me because I will know that I will flourish in that institution. Being at Georgia Southwestern State University for a little over a year now has been enlightening but I feel like there are more opportunities at the accredited Rice University that will better me and prepare me for my future career goals in biology.

*** I would just like to say that I really appreciate this program and also I'd really like to have specific feedback on what I should add to this in order to make it more presentable and what not. So pretty much any form of criticism would be nice. Thank you very much for your time.

Undergraduate / short answer on extracurricular activities (need to reduce the word count) [3]

*** I need help shortening this to like 150 words or under and right now it is at 202 words so far.

Directions: Short Answer Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below or on an attached sheet (150 words or fewer).

The only work experiences that I have really had is volunteering at Heaven's Heights Personal Care Center. I worked there for volunteer hours, but as I kept working there, it felt less and less like volunteer work. I go there to help the people there as much as they want. I wanted to do whatever I could with a big smile on my face and try to brighten up the patient's days. Helping them write letters, playing games with them, going with them on walks filled me with fulfillment.

I had the pleasure of being under the leadership of Priscilla Obi, an owner of a nursing assistant school. She showed me how to connect with the patients. I learned leadership skills in having to take care of patients and look after them. I had serious responsibility that I learned to handle in my time working there. I was responsible for a portion of their well-being. I can handle such pressure. I adapted to the job; I know I can adapt to any situation. I proved it to myself when I started my volunteer work there. Helping the mentally challenged is fulfilling and I am happy I had the opportunity to do it.

Undergraduate / Supplement Essay Emory Univ. knowledge and expertise [5]

1. Many students decide to apply to Emory College based on our size, location, reputation, and yes the weather. Besides these valid reasons for making Emory College a possible college choice, why is Emory College a particularly good match for you? (250 words or less)

Emory University is one of the nation's leading research universities. Emory works extremely hard to create a lucid transformation in the entire world through its research projects, scholarships, leadership, health care, and society. Augmenting to that, Emory University has wonderful graduate schools. Obviously if I attended Emory University, it is inevitable for me not to succeed there. Emory posses all the tools I need to get me through my undergraduate and to get me into graduate school with ease. People who have gone to Emory University are successful. A few famous alumni of Emory University include one former vice president of the United States, and a Supreme Court justice.

It is obvious that because of Emory's high calabur of knowledge and expertise I will be thriving in its atmosphere. I will learn and harness skills that will encourage me to succeed because of Emory with the help of its biology department. Since Emory's biology department is so extensive with its research and undergraduate advising, I would feel comfortable with whomever my mentor will be in the biology department. They do their best to provide biology majors with as much insight as possible due to the blatant fact that a Bachelor's in Science is difficult to receive. Not only would I like to get involved in Emory's biology department, I would like to get involved with a student organization at Emory too. Volunteer Emory appeals to me because I have been and still am involved in community service activities in my community such as volunteering at the Heaven's Heights clinic. I enjoy playing bingo with the mentally handicapped. We would go for walks frequently and color at times. So once I go to Emory, I would most gladly continue to stay involved in benefitting my community doing what I can to help others.

I feel like my essay is lacking something. I would appreciate any comments and advise for my short essay. You can tear it to shreads. I don't mind. In fact i would prefer that a lot haha. Thanks guys