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Posts by naseernasrati
Name: nasser nasrati
Joined: Oct 18, 2017
Last Post: Nov 2, 2018
Threads: 14
Posts: 33  
Likes: 10
From: Afghanistan

Displayed posts: 47 / page 2 of 2
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naseernasrati   
Oct 19, 2017
Scholarship / In my view networking is the best way in socialization process, Chevening networking essay. [3]

STRONG NETWORKING PREPARES ME TO BE READY IN THE FUTUTRE - Networking Question for Chevening [4] ✓

Hi thanks for your best feedback i could understand what exactly networking is and totally changed my essay, here is it i appreciate your final feedback in networking essay as well leadership final feedback as i revised it in another threat before this.

During working as an engineer in recent years, I have tried and worked to strong network of engineers in the urban sector in Afghanistan especially in Ghor province. My current position as monitoring and supervision engineer for Ghor Urban Development and Housing Department (GUDHD) has enabled me to be in contact with engineers in this department, municipality, engineers in Ministry of Urban Development and Housing (MUDH) and those who work for private construction companies as well as many of organizations and departments.

I established my network from contacting construction company's engineers through monitoring and supervision of projects and reporting them to MUDH engineers and by inviting these engineers to join my online group including Internet Site and Facebook page named, "Afghanistan Urban Activists". I also have contact with some of my classmates, professors, and experts in other parts of the country, and make use of these contacts to link all engineers from different parts of the country to myself and each other for advice and sharing information about urban sector's challenges and their solutions in Afghanistan.

Since joining GUDHD, I have extended my network to also include engineers who are jobless, head of some development departments and head of construction companies. I met some of these contacts at online meetings and in person meetings. I have used these contacts to find jobs and internship for these jobless engineers. As well I have assisted them with some training to be more prepared to get a job as an engineer.

This year, I benefited from my network efforts when an engineer from MUDH whom I had contact with at my online group made me aware about a conference in urban sector by MUDH. It was the best opportunity for me to participate in a conference where thousands of professors, experts, government authorities and students in urban sector will gather. Through participating in the conference I will have contacts with a big community in urban sector to enhance my network.

When I return to Afghanistan, I want to assist in the urban sector in the Ghor province where I am from and in my home country Afghanistan. Afghanistan is a country with less development in all sectors especially in urban sector. I want to have contacts with other Chevening scholars including Afghans and other nationalities in order to develop my network and create the best urban network in Afghanistan, as well motivating my hometown friends and classmates to use Chevening program.
naseernasrati   
Oct 19, 2017
Scholarship / In my view networking is the best way in socialization process, Chevening networking essay. [3]

new and different communications



In my view networking is the best way in socialization process, to have contacts with community and influencing others. From studying in university to now and in the future, I have been active in social activities and making networks.

While I as studying civil engineering in Herat city, I was member of a team to create the first Ghor students council in Herat city whose aim was gathering all students who are studying in all Herat city universities by the name of, " Ghor youths and students council in Herat". At the first it was hard but I as key member of the team keep continuing by the way of motivating others which finally we become success. The aim of council was not only collecting thousands of youths and students to protest for our rights, help each other, holding cultural ceremonies and providing professional conferences for students in Herat city but also establishment of council's departments in Ghor, Farah and Badghis provinces which finally we did. Although it was my first experience, it made me stronger in creating communications and influencing others.

Beside all my volunteer activities within my field and community my aim was to work in a national organization. After graduation from university I started working in, "National solidarity program (NSP)" in Ghor province where more than twenty young professional Engineers were gathered to implement a national development program for 365 community development councils (CDCs) in Firozkoh district. Our mission was to first communicate and influence the community and assure them to accept the development projects. During working in NSP communicating with thousands of professional and non-professional people and co-workers I knew how to communicate and influence others and how to make strong networks in the community. In addition, however, it was my first experience of establishing an organization but I understood from my experiences in NSP how to organize and manage others and projects; I could influence young and professional Engineers in NSP to establish, "Shahrara Engineering Services" for the first time in Ghor province. Although the organization's aim was to provide engineering services in private sector, creating an engineering network in the organization was result of my efforts and influences among Engineers who were working in NSP.

Volunteering is another way of enhancing my networking skills. I am voluntarily working as leader of a movement in Ghor province by the name of, "New Ghor Protest Movement". I made a network of youths who were from six different districts of Ghor province to protest for equal development. Building that network as well helped me to experience new communications with different youths from different cultures.

My future plans are to experience and influence new and different communications including Chevening community. In addition, I would like to fasten all my skills and use them for society especially in making an strong engineering network.
naseernasrati   
Oct 19, 2017
Writing Feedback / Television, newspapers, magazines, and other media pay too much attention to VIP's personal lives [4]

Hi first of all some corrections
1- in the 3rd paragraph the last sentence, it has to close itself , this is not good or does not sound good if you say it in another way it will be more interesting. magazine has to close itself does not mean good.

2- your conclusion is so short,because its a paragraph you have to write more and make a good sum up.
while writing an essay for toefl, in each paragraph try to keep one structure that at the first write a opening statement them reasons and examples and at the end of each paragraph one cause-affect sentence.

if you write just 272 in 33 min, its not good to get a high score
you have to write over 300 to get a good and high score,
it does not mean that writing more is good to get high score
write more than 300 with coherence.
naseernasrati   
Oct 18, 2017
Scholarship / Seeking to connect with mind-like leaders through Chevening [3]

Hi
at the first some corrections:
1- third paragraph:
... questions on how does it feels to work as ...
2- last paragraph:
aspiring educators so, they can so is a little confusing for me i could not understand
3- Chevening Awardee ???
overall start of first paragraph is not interesting because you started it with start of an example of your past experience without any opening
if you start with an opening or hook it will be more interesting.
i could not understand more about your profession, if you state it more clearly your essay will be stronger.
naseernasrati   
Oct 18, 2017
Writing Feedback / Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research [3]

Hi I read your essay completely and carefully, my feedback is as fallow:
there are some corrections:
1- last sentence of first paragraph
also share my own ideas as well
2- the last paragraph:
(sharing ) its a little bit confusing, sharing what?
overall the transitional words that you used are not so good.
try to use transitional words fit to the content and context of the sentence and paragraph
in some points some transitional words are good but not interesting if you use another one it will be more interesting and finally your essay will be coherent and

attractive for reader.
naseernasrati   
Oct 18, 2017
Scholarship / Chevening leadership and influence essay. My journey to become a leader in the future. [4]

familiar with challenges



Challenge is not the unfamiliar work for me; I understand that in life I have to always find solutions to overcome the challenges. Moreover, I believe the challenge is the important factor to lead others. In my opinion a real leader have to face challenges and solve them to be called a leader. Being an engineer in Ghor province, where I would like to be the first engineer who will get master's degree. From many examples of leading in my life I would like to write two of them related to my profession.

My first leadership experience came from selecting as supervisor of a team of technicians and workers for a construction project. During my first job at, "Janan Construction Company" I was responsible for leading and management of the team to conduct the site activities and monitor the team performance and activities progress during construction of a six story building. Whereas it was my first job, it was the best opportunity for me to show and use my leadership and influencing skills. During construction phase I face a lot of challenges, for example sometimes according to transportation problems we cannot deliver the construction materials on time in site, I had to influence and manage the team to do another activity until reaching the materials. As I could manage the team and solve every challenge during construction phase, the project was progressing as its timetable. As a result success of my team helped me to change the mindset of all members of the team and my boss. At the middle of project progress I was selected as project manager of the project to manage a team of supervisors, workers and technicians. It was another opportunity for me to show my leadership and influence skill and get new experiences from managing a team of different employees.

My second leadership experience came from working as leader of an engineering professional services office which named, "Shahrara Engineering Services" the company was established by three partners including me in private sector. Even though it was my first experience of establishing a business, I was sure that I can do it because of successful mission that I had worked. Among three members I selected as leader of the services. Our core activities were to make different types of engineering plans for customers. At the first I assigned the responsibilities of each member of services. As the next step toward continuing our business I influenced other professional engineers to join our services. At the first it was difficult because the business was new and not popular among people, but I could gather engineers by motivating them in business and mead the best team. As leader of a professional team of engineers I could experience one of my best leadership and influence skills the life.

I have always been trying to do different and new things in my life and become a different leader in Afghanistan by using Chevening program's opportunities and enhance my leadership skills to achieve my future goals.
naseernasrati   
Oct 18, 2017
Writing Feedback / When proffesors give project on which students must work together, the students learn more effective [5]

This is a agree-disagree prompt and the way that you started the introduction of your essay is not a good way to start agree disagree prompt.

at the first of your essay you should state that you agree or disagree, then go through completion of your introduction.
as well at the end of your essay in conclusion you should state it again but not the same words as in the introduction, by paraphrasing.

for example:
I disagree the statement that teachers should practice different methods to teach their students, because it causes many problems which i will discuss as follow.....

and about your paragraphs:
your two last paragraphs are not long enough.
just one sentence as a paragraph is not interesting.
try to have at least five paragraphs including introduction, 3 body paragraph and conclusion.

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