Unanswered [10] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by HanNguyen0510
Name: Han Nguyen
Joined: Jan 11, 2018
Last Post: Jan 6, 2020
Threads: 18
Posts: 40  
Likes: 17
From: Viet Nam

Displayed posts: 58 / page 1 of 2
sort: Oldest first   Latest first  | 
HanNguyen0510   
Jan 13, 2018
Writing Feedback / My own ways to improve the life in my hometown [5]

Hi, I am not native English speaker and I do not think my English is good enough to correct your essay. But here are some of my opinion as a reader to your writing:

1/ I found that you'd used repeated words too much: The major...., Transport... in paragraph one and two.
2/ Would it be able to find a word to replace in a sentence: "a solid and better transportation system" I suggest the word "Infrastructure"
3/ The content of the essay is not connected very well. It makes me confused about what you are discussing. Is that talking about air pollution or traffic or the wastes or the harmful of human's system? And at the end of the inclusion, I barely realized what could you change to your hometown as the topic required.

I general, I think that your grammar is good.
HanNguyen0510   
Jan 21, 2018
Writing Feedback / Should the Government or Family Pay for retirement medical cares. [3]

In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care.

Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.(250 words)


financing long-term care for older people



The elders are believed to live in a residential home where they could have efficiency medical cares. From my point of view, the Government should only pay for this care to help old people who are in urgent need. The other elders in Britain had better live with their family and let them pay for the medical cares.

The old people need to be taken care of by their family rather than nurses in the residential houses. Therefore the family should have been in charge of the payment. It will help reduce the percentage of the lonely old people in Britain. Although the Government's policy on residential homes is quite good, it is increasing the lack of care and concern for their parents or grandparents, from young people. More than five million old people in Britain whose main friend is television which should be their child or grandchild, according to the research from telegraph website.

The investment in the residential care should only for the old who are in urgent needs such as homeless old people or old people without children or relative to take care of them. Being this way, the Government could cut off cost for welfare and build a quantity residential homes rather than create a lot of unqualify ones which increase the low standard and mistreatment in care homes. This research is also indicated on Telegraph website.

In conclusion, it depends on the situation that should the Government or the family pay for the cares. But I strongly recommend that the family should be the main one who gives the care of their old people in the family. That is the indirect way to teach the kids how to take care and respect the old people.

Please help me with the grammar and the words used
HanNguyen0510   
Jan 23, 2018
Writing Feedback / IELTS Taks 1: The construction and number of passengers for different underground systems. [3]

Hi there,
Here are some of my opinion on your writing task.

1/ In the sentence 4th, paragraph 1, there are two verbs which are "have" and "use". It is not supposed to have two verbs in one sentence so I would recommend changing "use" into "using" due to being after the preposition "in".

2/ I think it would have been better if you'd indicated the specific years on the table instead of using the word "modern period" or "early period". It does not point out clearly in which year you are mentioning about. And how the construction relevant to the number of passengers?

3/ I don't see your conclusion for the writing task. Or I can't realize it.
HanNguyen0510   
Feb 1, 2018
Writing Feedback / IELTS 2 People's opinions differ as to whether or not an information should be shared freely. [4]

Hi nanajohn, here are some of my opinion as a reader:

1/ I think that you opening idea is unclear, which should directly answer to the prompt that "should" or "should not". So far what I've read, I guess that your opinion is "information should not be shared freely"?

2/ You have some of the grammar mistakes: The third paragraph, you use "can has chance". I'm not quite sure what did you mean but the 2 verbs: can has could be written as "Can have". The same mistake with "was meant" in the same paragraph.

3/ Your conclusion and the 3rd paragraph conflicts with each other, which conflicts with a whole essay. You do not clearly point out your idea of supporting or not supporting the free information. In my opinion, this is not a neutral idea so it should have a clearly introducing and closing sentence. Or else, you could indicate your neutral idea about the topic. As a reader, I am kinda confused about your opinion on the essay
HanNguyen0510   
Feb 5, 2018
Writing Feedback / What are the main reasons of immigration? To what consequences can it lead? IELTS TASK 2 [3]

Immigration has a major impact on the society. What are the main reasons of immigration? To what consequences can it lead?
(250 words)


Pros and Cons of Immigration



Nowadays, immigration has a magnificent role in some countries and affects the society. The advantages of the immigration are that they have been influent economy development as well as have increased the country's population. In contrast, that has brought some consequences such as discrimination, social maladies, and culture-crossing problem.

The enormous benefits of immigrant are to obtain the high-quality skilled workers, which stimulates the economy. Immigration labor is essential to those whose majority population is the old and retired people. In addition, in some country such as Singapore, where there are no natural resources, immigrants are the main sources of their development. It is believed that immigration could be one of the factors to balance the population of the country such as Canada or Japan due to either of the high percentage of retirement or the inclement weather.

Apart from those advantages, there are some instant obstacles regardless of immigration. Discrimination is supposed to appear between local residences and the immigrants no matter how well is the manipulation of the government. It might cause violation and crime. Besides that, social maladies have apparently increased rapidly because of the cross-culture and religions. Those reasons could lead to terrorism, which is the main concern of some developed countries. Culture diversity would also become a restraint in controlling the society.

In general, in a comparison to the consequences of immigration, its benefit is much higher. That is one of the quickest and most efficient to maintain the population as well as trigger the economy.
HanNguyen0510   
Feb 5, 2018
Writing Feedback / Requirement: The line graph compares China and USA birth rates from 1920 to 2000 [3]

Hello nobeday,
According to the requirement, I think it is better to make some comparison between China and Us in a specific period so that you can indicate clearly the change among these two countries. Here are some opinions:

+ From 1920 - 1930: the rates is almost the same between two countries.
+ From 1930 - 1955: How is the fluctuation of the rates and compares the highest, the lowest, what is the biggest change
+ From 1955 - 2000: the deduction is almost the same.
I think when writing a comparison between two or more objects, we should use the time points and period instead of analyzing each country itself.
HanNguyen0510   
Aug 21, 2018
Writing Feedback / Computer can sometimes give some positive effects on youngsters, but more likely it brings harm [3]

Hi,
Your vocabulary in this essay impressed me but your tone of debating confused me. There is a very little sharp contrast between positive effects and negative effects, at which the end of the essay, I am unable to aware of your opinion. In addition, your conclusion sentence is too short. It should have been more than one. I think your writing is naturally and good in general, though.
HanNguyen0510   
Aug 21, 2018
Writing Feedback / CBEST Writing: The rapidly increasing prices have the biggest impact on low-paid people [3]

Hi there,
In general, I could understand your opinion in this essay. Here are my feedback:

1/ Repeated word in the 1st paragraph. Your opening paragraph does state the prompt and overall, I have no idea what is the prompt in your essay.

2/ The 1st sentence of the 2nd paragraph, you have a grammar mistake: "Would advantage", the Verb is missing

3/ I think, you indicate too many data for increasing the minimum wage instead of analyzing 1 or 2 points clearly, precisely and concisely.
HanNguyen0510   
Aug 21, 2018
Writing Feedback / A complain letter about poor service, problem with ordered food, steps to satisfy your needs [2]

Write an email to the restaurant manager

(150-200 words):
-State what problems you had with the food ordered
-Complain about the service
-Describe how you want the restaurant to solve the problem to your satisfaction.

Dear Ms. /Mr. Manager
I wish to express my dissatisfaction about the food quality and customer service at your restaurant last night.

I had made a reservation before I arrived in order to be served immediately. My order was a smoke BBQ chicken, dark meat with a side of chicken soup. I was impressed by how the fantastic food decoration was. It would have been a perfect dinner if the soup had not been sour and cold. I was unable to eat it and I brought the issue to one of the staff members. He showed up with a drowsy face, pulled my soup off the table without saying a single word. His lack of empathy for my issue made me furious. This was my first experience at the restaurant and it appeared awkwardly to me.

I am unsure that whether you are aware of the problem. I am making a demand on obtaining compensation from the restaurant for the poor service that I encountered. I would like to suggest that I am provided credit equal to the amount that I paid. I enclosed a copy of my bill in this email as a proof of my visit at your restaurant.

I am looking forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
HanNguyen0510   
Aug 21, 2018
Writing Feedback / Students are more likely to be successful in their life if they continue their studies - IETLS topic [5]

Hi there,
In my opinion, your idea discussion id quite good, however, I have some feedback:

1/ Your opening paragraph and closing paragraph are a sharp contrast. One is long and contains a few sentences that are not needed (Paragraph 1), which confuses reader because they hardly catch your view. And your conclusion is just 1 sentence that is not strong enough to convince people.

2/ Regardless of the prompt, you have to discuss both view and state your opinion. Your argument is just for one point of view and debate for it.
HanNguyen0510   
Aug 24, 2018
Writing Feedback / Choosing an option between A and B - Task 2 writing - CELPIP test [4]

Shopping Complex vs Recreation Park option



Option A: Shopping Complex: This shopping mall would include restaurants, a larger supermarket and a movie theater.
Option B: Recreation Park: this park would include a sports complex, a large green area, and a small petting zoo.
What option that you prefer. Why do you prefer your choice? Explain the reason for your choice. Write about 150-200 words.


I prefer to spend my spare time at Shopping Complex rather than go to Recreation Park in this weather. It is too scorching hot to enjoy at Recreation Park.

A preferred form of entertainment is watching movies. There is a movie theater in Shopping Complex. It is located at the 5th floor and next to it are restaurants, which allows people to access to their meal in a convenient way. People will have more options at Shopping Complex such as eating, watching a movie, or shopping for various goods. There are lots of new movies in which present at various show time. Resting at a restaurant nearby and looking at people that pour out of the movie theater once the film has ended, sounds like a twisted mind but fun. For those who love cooking, there is a supermarket two floors below the movie theater. They can spend time in the supermarket as well with its fresh food and produce. This provides them to tackle all of their daily chores while also having time on entertainment since everything is in one area as opposed to having to travel to different locations to get everything done.

In general, spending a good time at a Shopping Complex with a good and fresh air conditioner beats out long lines and heat normally found in a recreational park in the summer
HanNguyen0510   
Aug 24, 2018
Writing Feedback / The honesty is the most crucial thing in a good relationship [5]

Hi Jam,
Your prompt does not indicate whether support or against the idea but I will understand that your choice is against the idea of telling the truth. I think your essay is quite good. It is concise. However, it should not have contained an individual experience unless the prompt required you to use your own experience as an example supporting your opinion. Although the idea flows smoothly, your clues are so specifics that goes against your debate. Should it be more convinced if you ultimate a general information such as news or scientific research as an evidence to your essay
HanNguyen0510   
Aug 24, 2018
Writing Feedback / In order to attract good students, many universities spend a lot of money in society activities. [5]

Hello Vateye,
Your essay is good with the academic vocabulary. Here are my some feedback:

1/ "Society activities" that you mentioned in your essay, is not clear and particular. You pointed out by "different activities" but what are those activities? In my opinion, it will be more convinced if you can list some specific activities that are impractical for a school to spend on.

2/ In the paragraph 3, the 3rd sentence, "they interest in" = > should be "they are interested in"

3/ A lot of words that are repeated frequently in just 1 paragraph such as "attract good students" in paragraph 1 or "social activities", "Activities" in the 2nd paragraph.

4/ You are good in grammar I guess. But I think you are over ultimate the usage of it. Your 1 sentence is too long that causes reader confused about what you demonstrate.
HanNguyen0510   
Aug 24, 2018
Writing Feedback / Writing task 1 in IELTS (the employment patterns in the USA between 1930 and 2010) [5]

Hi @bovalenca
Here are some notices according to my opinion.
1/ There is missing of closing paragraph or as a reader, I barely recognize your closing paragraph
2/ I think you should have chosen some point of time to make the comparison in order to illustrate the changes of the employment patterns. For example, in 1930, farming, fishing and foresting hold the highest percentage and technical is the lowest one. At the point 1980, farming, fishing and foresting drops dramatically and technical starts increasing steadily. And in the year 2010, farming, fishing and foresting has the lowest percentage. Here are just some example so it does not include other employment patterns.
HanNguyen0510   
Aug 25, 2018
Writing Feedback / Choosing an option between A and B - Task 2 writing - CELPIP test [4]

Thanks Holt. I know that that 3 problems have followed me for years but I don't really know how to improve it. I'm study English on my own and even I am living in an English speaking country but my English has not improved (writing). Anyway, thank you for your feedback. I will try harder.
HanNguyen0510   
Sep 7, 2018
Writing Feedback / Unknown charge - CELPIP TEST - email to the credit card company [3]

Read the following information.
You have been using the same credit card for the past 10 years with no issues. On your last bill, you noticed an unfamiliar $50 charge. You did not recognize this transaction and are certain that this is a mistake.


Write an email to the credit card company in about 150 - 200 words.



Dear credit card customer service,

I am writing to draw your attention towards an unknown charge of $50 on my last bill, which was issued on September 2nd. The unexpected payment was at Pet Smart store three weeks ago that drove me bewildered. The transaction accumulated to the total I'd used so as a result, I was over limit for what I could pay. What occurred caused a wrong amount on my bill.

I assured that it is a mistake because neither I nor my husband raises any pet at our apartment. Occasionally, I stop at Pet Smart store with one of my friend although I usually end up my visit without purchasing any food or accessories for pet. Therefore, there should have not had any charge at the store.

Being your loyal customer for the last 10 years, I'd made an effort to call your customer service but the line was busy, so I decided to write this email. It would be so nice of you to send me a new bill with an extension of due date and discharge the $50 on it. In addition, I refuse to pay for the credit I'd owed until I receive new information from your company.

Sincerely,
Han Nguyen
HanNguyen0510   
Sep 7, 2018
Writing Feedback / IELTS Taks 1: Some college has agreed to check your house and pet while you are on vacations [5]

Hi Aimal,
I have a few feedback regardless of your writing:

1/ I think your letter looks like an order letter more than a letter of seeking help from your friend. Most of the words that are using in your letter is a bare Verb, which related to order people to do something like a boss.

2/ In the 1st sentence, I think you need some conjunction in between sentences because they are too long and It causes me confused of reading.

3/ Your prompt is not clear enough to know how many words should you write in this email
HanNguyen0510   
Sep 7, 2018
Writing Feedback / Task 2 - Some individuals believe that studying at university or college is the best route [4]

Hi Hoa
Your content is good; however, there are grammar mistakes in your essay.

1/ You say "many people attends" , I believe that it should be "attend" instead. And there are so many repeated words in your essay.
2/ The 1st paragraph, we use V-ing after "when". And It should be a (.) instead of (,) when you indicated your first point of view. You did well with the 2nd, the 3rd view points.

3/ Your discussion ideas (pros and cons) are unclear and there are no opening sentence as well as closing sentence for each paragraph.
4/ Your conclusion paragraph is too short.
HanNguyen0510   
Sep 10, 2018
Writing Feedback / You left a bag of equipment at the gym last night. Write a letter to the manager - task 1 [4]

trying to get back stuff left in a gym



You left a bag of equipment at the gym last night. The gym has closed down for a week, and you can't get in. Your bag contains some notes you need urgently, your driving license and some important letters.

Dear Sir/Madam,

I usually visit your fitness center every Friday and Saturday by accessing my membership account. It has come to my attention that your gym is about to close down for a week starting today. Unfortunately, my bag of equipment was left behind in the gymnasium last night. Therefore, I am writing to make inquire about my belongings which currently remain in the building at this time.

Some of my important documents such as customer's phone list, business cards and meeting notes, are in the bag. Those are essential and important for the business lecture that I am going to participate in next week. Besides, there are a pair of sneakers, ski cap and pink mittens, which are birthday gifts to my niece on Tuesday. The most important is that my driving license presently stays inside the bag. I would not manage to drive until it is returned to me.

It would be so nice of you to providing me on how to obtain my belongings as soon as possible. I apologize for making such an inconvenient task and I appreciate that you take your time to notice my email.

I am looking forward to hearing from you at your convenient.
Sincerely,
HanNguyen0510   
Sep 10, 2018
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 : the table below shows the figures for imprisonment in five countries 1930-1980 [4]

Hi Asih,
I'm unsure about the prompt but I think, there should be a comparison in those countries that base on the figures provided.
+ What is the year that has the lowest and highest number? And in that year, which country presents the lowest number and which one shows the highest

+ In the year 1970, the figures of imprisonment are almost the same in 3 countries => the fluctuation numbers of these 3 countries before 1970
+ Which countries that remains unchange
+ which countries that rapidly increase
+etc
In my opinion, the paragraphs in your writing need to be connected together
HanNguyen0510   
Sep 15, 2018
Writing Feedback / Building a large gym facility on the company's premises, or to pay employees to sign up elsewhere? [5]

Physical Activity Survey



Your company blames some work-related accidents on employee's low level of physical fitness. The Human Resources Department of your company is surveying your opinion on how to promote a healthier lifestyle amongst its employees. The major question is whether the company should build a large gym facility on the company's premises, or pay employees to sign up for physical activities whether they choose.

Option A: Company Gym: Large located in the company building. Employees will have 24-hour access to a large variety of fitness equipment and personal trainers

Option B: Neighborhood Gym or Activity: Monthly cash allowance for any physical activity of their choice.
What option that you prefer? Why do you prefer your choice? Explain the reasons for your choice. Write about 150-200 words.


I believe that doing exercise will enhance our physical and sanity health. However, building a large gymnasium in the company appears to be a non-profitable investment. Therefore, I think the recommendation of being a neighborhood with the fitness center is the better idea.

The advantage of a monthly cash allowance, first of all, encourages individuals who wish to go to the gym without making any payments. They could have thought to participate in some physical activities, but the fee could be one of the elements that they avoided facing with. Also, providing cash in advanced is a useful method to boost the desire for those who want to achieve a healthier lifestyle. They could try to rearrange between work and physical exercise to attempt good health. Regarding the reports documented by The Human Resources Department, there were several accidents associated with physical fitness, this solution in some way could reduce the situation mentioned.

To the contrary, building a large gymnasium require enormous expenses and does not guarantee that the entire employee will access the facilities. Therefore, option B contributes to the purpose of safety health and maintains the financial equilibrium.

Eventually, I strongly agree with the allowance plan due to its benefits and its outcome toward our employee well-being.
HanNguyen0510   
Sep 15, 2018
Writing Feedback / Contribution to societies through taxes or by there should be other responsibilities [2]

Hi there,
I think your essay is quite good with an organized structure. However, It seems that there are a lot of repeated words in your essay such as "Society" "rather than just paying taxes" You might consider finding words with the same meaning to express your opinion.

The last sentence of the 1st paragraph, I suggest changing to "an efficient productivity" because the word "productivity" is an uncountable noun.
HanNguyen0510   
Sep 15, 2018
Writing Feedback / Taking a gap year before entering university is the choice of many high school graduates [3]

Hi Khanh,
I think your essay is good when you presented a full structure of a paragraph. However, I have some opinion about your writing.

1/ You have a lot of repeated words such as "gapper" "gap" "lack" etc
2/ It appears to me like spoken English than written English. I could understand what you are discussing, but it less formal which is required in writing task.

3/ You stated your idea clearly; however, it did not show a deep controversial in your essay, lack of detail and supportive opinion.
HanNguyen0510   
Sep 18, 2018
Writing Feedback / Write an email to community picnic organizer [3]

EMAIL TO ORGANIZER ABOUT THE POTLUCK EVENT

Last weekend you attended the Canada Day community picnic. The event was a potluck, so everyone brought a dish of food to share. Some people, including you, have allergies or can't eat some types of food, such as nuts and seafood, so you included a list of ingredients with your dish. No one else did this.

Write an email to the community picnic organizer in about 150-200 words. Your email should do the following things:
-Express your overall enjoyment of last week's event.
-Explain why each potluck dish needs a list of ingredients.
-Describe how the potluck could be differently organized next year.



Dear organizer,

I would like to form my appreciation toward the success of the event last week in which I encountered a friendly community, enjoyed various dishes and enlarged my casual acquaintances. However, as far as I am concerned, people should have been aware of the ingredients in the potluck due to their allergies statement. What mentioned above is my purpose of writing this letter today to reach your noticed.

It is necessary to indicate the list of ingredients in food to avoid an indirect incident. Few people, who participated in the picnic, including me, have sensitive reactions to nuts and seafood. It could lead to some symptoms such as itchy, red, watering eyes; swollen lips tongue, etc. that are possible elements to severe sicknesses. Those consequences could cause the dissatisfaction with the event.

To lay an active picnic next year, I recommend stating a list of possible allergy components on the potluck to make an advisory for those who are potential to be sick before trying the food. The note should be written on a small piece of paper, connect with a stick like a decoration. That will not only make an alert but also bring attention to the people in the event.

I am looking forward to hearing your feedback on my recommendation.

Sincerely,
Han Nguyen
HanNguyen0510   
Sep 18, 2018
Writing Feedback / Some think that students should study mainly science and math in order to prepare them to job market [6]

Hi Rana,
Here are my opinions regarding your essay:

1/ The conjunction in paragraph 2 and 3, it is incorrect when you put a comma after that => It should be "the first reason is that...". But I think, if possible, you might want to change to a shortly firm like First; Firstly, First of all.

2/ It seems like you are introducing one opinion in 2 paragraphs by reading the two topic sentences. Removing stress or forgetting worries sounds similar to each other.

3/ You have a lot of grammar issues. For example, childrens' attitude => Children's attitude; the another => another, and so on.
HanNguyen0510   
Nov 24, 2018
Writing Feedback / Giving an advice to a friend about working or studying [3]

You recently received a letter from a friend for advice about whether to go to college or to try to get a job. You think he/she should get a job.

Write a letter to this friend. In your letter:
- Say why he/she would not enjoy going to college
- Explain why getting a job is a good idea for him/her
- Suggest types of jobs that would be suitable for him/her


follow your instinct



Dear Athen,
I hope you're doing well. I'm writing to express my thought toward the letter you wrote to me a couple of days ago.

In my opinion, going to college doesn't ensure you to have the best time cause you don't like studying. I still remember you got suspended when you were at the high school for a few years.

It is vital that you should follow your gut and instinct. As far as I've known, you started working since you were sixteen in order to accomplish and achieve your goal, which you aim to be a businessman. Getting a job not only secures you an independent life but also lessens your misconception in doing business, and enrich your business skills.

There are a few jobs I consider it would be suitable for you such as sales administrator at a real estate company, or working at a customer service department that you had experience in.

I would love to hear your choice in the next letter.
Best wishes.
(168 words)
HanNguyen0510   
Nov 24, 2018
Writing Feedback / Writing task 2 ielts. Teenage crime issue. 'Why an how' essay. [5]

Hi sillyman2000
Here are my opinions about your essay

1/ There are a lot of spelling mistake in your essay. For example adolescents; vandalism; operating. and so on.

2/ You have repeated words often. I think it is necessary to avoid repeating words in an essay so make it sound smoothy.

3/ Your ideas are not clear to me when I read it. For example, the 1st sentence of the 2nd paragraph, there is not supportive idea for that sentence and from the 2nd one, you started a new idea which is not related to the 1st one and till the end of that paragraph. Besides, so many ideas in one paragraph confuse readers as we need to figure out the connection between sentences.

3/ I highly recommend stating the issues and the solutions in one paragraph to make it easier to follow the flow of the essay. For example, if you have two points and two solutions, it should be written in 2 paragraph and so on.
HanNguyen0510   
Nov 24, 2018
Writing Feedback / Is current academic grading helpful in performance? Do you agree or disagree with the statement? [3]

Hi Julia
I have some opinions for your essay. I hope it would help you

1/ There are some grammar mistakes like missing an article (a/the teacher); I think after "Lead to" should be an Object or phrase but not a clause as you wrote in the 3rd paragraph, the 3rd sentence

2/ In the introduction paragraph, I thought that you have to indicate both views: harmful or helpful before showing your opinion?

3/ The word "comprehend" is overused in the test.

Overall, I think your essay is quite good and the connection between paragraphs is good as well.
HanNguyen0510   
Dec 2, 2018
Writing Feedback / Should or should not provide personal information in job application [5]

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.


presenting personal data for a potential employer



Employers occasionally inquire about candidates' hobbies, interests or marital statuses. Some applicants believe that this personal information is related to and helpful for a job, whilst others disagree and consider it to be discrimination. I agree that providing certain information could be a key element for a selected application. It is going to discuss both points of view in this essay.

According to some research, the company aims to utilize individual information to anticipate their availabilities as well as abilities. That determines how a selected person contributes to the job or distributes her or his time, and it is sometimes a primary factor to employ people in some specific positions. Therefore, it is agreed that what people do after office hours or their marital status holds a significant role. For instance, employers might not consider those whose interest is to participate in parties for a management job or a person who is married for a position that requires traveling frequently.

On the contrary, some people think that it is unnecessary to indicate particular information because it would lead to discrimination. The application form could be reclined due to relationship statuses, which pertains to travel or inconsistent shifts. However, providing personal interests could enhance the possibility to be chosen for a suitable position. Indeed is an example at which candidate has to fill in their extra information.

In conclusion, the benefits of presenting personal data are to bring one towards extensive opportunities, while others disagree with it and believe that they should keep their data private in order to prevent unfairness. Nevertheless, an applicant ought to cooperate in allowing to let the employers know their life interests for both benefits.

(279 words)
HanNguyen0510   
Dec 2, 2018
Writing Feedback / I don't agree with this statement, that success in life depends more on luck [3]

Hi there, I have some suggestions for your essay. I hope it helps.

1/ You might want to have a look again on spelling and grammar. There are a lot of words that have an incorrect spelling such as "lack," "ammunitions" etc.; or wrong/confuse sentences and structures.

2/ I think the paragraphs in the essay are not well-connected. It appears to me that the 1st sentence, 1st paragraph is the topic sentence of the 2nd paragraph. Then the 2nd sentence is the topic sentence of the 3rd paragraph and so on. I suggest that your essay should contain an introduction paragraph, which state your idea and what you are going to discuss; supporting paragraph, which explains your idea and conclusion paragraph to close the topic. That will be more comfortable to read.

3/ I figure out that the tone in your essay is quite informal, while this one had to be written in a formal style.
HanNguyen0510   
Dec 2, 2018
Writing Feedback / Some people say that TV advertisements have benefits, while others believe the opposite. [3]

Sorry, I accidentally posted the comment when it had not been done yet.

Hi @awahidt3, I have some opinion about your essay:

1/ I've recognized that you have some major unnecessary grammar mistakes:

1/ You have some grammar mistakes:
breakthroughs. The word "major breakthrough" is a tautology.
the enough. I don't think there is an article before the word "enough"
different date. An adjective should be before a Noun.
And so on. You might want to have a look at the grammar.

2/ You are so far away from the topic. It requires you to discuss "TV advertisement benefits" from both points of view. You divided the topic to Tv, Advertisement and benefits, which extremely confused readers. They do not know what are you discussing.

3/ You might want to consider your essay structure because it doesn't look connected together. We don't need 3 paragraphs for an introduction.

4/ You are over limited words (around 100 words)
HanNguyen0510   
Dec 4, 2018
Letters / Writing to a hotel to ask for support in getting a forgotten papers [2]

letter to a hotel manager



You recently attended a meeting at a hotel. When you returned home, you found you had left some important papers at the hotel. Write a letter to the manager of the hotel. In your letter:

- Say where you think you left the papers.
- Explain why they are so important.
- Tell the manager what you want him/her to do


Dear Sir/ Madam,

I am writing to seek your assistance to have my forgotten documents returned. There are some significant papers that I left in the meeting room at your hotel at which I participated in last week.

The table where I sat was close to the entrance. It was on the left side from the door, the second row and the third table. I do not remember whether I put the papers on the table or under the tablecloth. It is possible that my documents fell underneath the table or chair

I had selected and recorded those essential data during the conference. It is vital information that I wish to have in my business plan. The figures in the notes are necessary for my annual financial report.

If you manage to find the texts, I am willing to come back to the hotel and collect it; and please inform me if the papers could not be found.

I am looking forward to your replying.
Sincerely,
HanNguyen0510   
Dec 4, 2018
Writing Feedback / People are more likely to go fast food restaurants instead of the ones offering tradition food. [4]

Hi @forielts, I think your essay is quite good at presentation although there are some minor grammar mistakes that you might want to have a look at.

However, in my opinion, you don't answer the question of the topic. The question asked if you agreed or disagree with the statement that international fast food had negative effects on families and societies when it replaced traditional food. That is a single opinion, not a discussion about positive or negative impacts. Your entire essay is talking about benefits and adverse, which is not the answer needed for this prompt. So far I think your body structure is well-connected, but you need to analyze the prompt more careful.
HanNguyen0510   
Dec 4, 2018
Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 2: This is an essay about reports of media - almost all bad news and emergencies [4]

Hi @nthatrang16, I have some opinion about your essay. I hope it helps.

1/ You have some grammar issues such as:
- "a similar accident" = > We need an article to modify for the noun "accident". There are few more words like this needs to be considered as well.

- " those ones" = > we don't need ones in this case I think, it is a tautology.
- "a kid is/was regularly hearing...." => It is missing a verb in this sentence.
and so on.

2/ I feel like you are discussing two topics in one essay, you talked about positive and negative; causes and results, but I think the question is just a single opinion. The prompt requires you to answer if you agree with the statement and your answer is "negative and positive" consequences. Do we have something like "positive consequences"? I'm not sure, and I'm confused. Besides, you inserted a lot of information in your text but don't discuss in details.
HanNguyen0510   
Dec 19, 2018
Writing Feedback / Should pictures replace words on TV news and in newspapers? [3]

more images instead of words in media?



News stories on TV and in newspapers are very often accompanied by pictures. Some people say that these pictures are more effective than words. What is your opinion about this?

Readers tend to exaggerate the role of pictures, which has occupied in most news on TV and newspapers. I do not agree that pictorial news can expose and determine the information better than words. To illustrate, I will first describe the prominent aspect of the pictures, and second, discuss its function as an illustration.

It will be vast and unorganized information if all the news arises without distinction, and notable news could not be found even though it carries exclusive information that is worth reading. Therefore, photos or pictures have been becoming an interpretation, which intentionally bloats and distinguishes a story from the news surrounded, so readers manage to discover and read it first. For instance, in the Fox News or the New York Times, the stories contain pictures that always capture reader's consideration prededence the rest of the news.

Besides, photos that included in the report are an adequate implication and explanation toward audiences. They might be able to infer and extrapolate data through illustration in a picture, so the content of the article could be understood prior to the entire story. Some editors or authors prefer to illustrate the content of the report by summarizing, and insert it into the picture as a short brief and introduction, which help them consolidate the prominent of the article.

In conclusion, the images, not only do it expose the news but also encapsulates its content. However, its role is unable to replace words, which are the most inherent part of one story
HanNguyen0510   
Dec 19, 2018
Writing Feedback / In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under pressure to work hard. [7]

Hi there, I have some opinion for your essay, I hope it helps.

1/ You are under words limited, only 209. If this essay had been written under the IELTS test, it would not have met the minimum requirement of 250 words.

2/ You might need to consider and double check your grammar, spelling, and punctuate.

3/ Use the capital letters when needed. For example, Secondly, ; ...to violate. This makes them.... , and so on.

4/ When you wrote : It acquires student, did you mean that "requires students"? I think the word "acquire" does not sound suitable in this sentence because it means that to get something.

5/ In my opinion, the tone of this essay, and the words you used are quite informal. It sounds like telling an everyday story but not an essay.
HanNguyen0510   
Dec 19, 2018
Writing Feedback / Parents have a responsibility to both care for and prepare their children as they approach adulthood [6]

Hi THI

I think you are quite good at grammar and sentence structures. However, you are not answering the prompt, the discussion in your essay is a different topic compare to the question. Let's have a look.

The prompt asked you: Should parents intervene in the lives of their 14-15-year-old children? => It means that should they care for and prepare for children before they reach the age of 16, their importance stage in life.

In your essay: You discussed citizen right and young people right and did not mention the role of parents.
Since you don't answer the prompt properly, I think it is hard to follow the flow of your essay and it confused readers.
HanNguyen0510   
Dec 27, 2018
Writing Feedback / PROTECTION WILDLIFE POPULATION - What can we do to help? [3]

Recently published figures show that the wildlife population around the world has decreased by around fifty percent over the last fifty years.
What can we do to help protect the wildlife around the world?


faunae and florae population have been decreasing



Wildlife population has been diminishing around fifty percent, according to recent public research, in comparison to the last fifty years. In order to secure animal species, plants, fungi or other organisms in an enormous scales, the municipal government ought to publish hunting and fishing law as well as encourage people to plant more trees and forests to prevent the wildlife from being detrimental.

Illegal hunting and fishing should have been strictly monitoring, by issuing the law to which it pertains. It might thwart smugglers from smuggling products abroad lawlessly because this must have lead to fatalistic consequences, the wildlife population diminishing. Currently, some countries are conducting this law such as Canada, the US, or many Europe countries. Individuals who violate the law, are withdrew hunting or fishing license and banned from those activities for a few years.

Besides, environment recreation is believed to have been an immediate solution so that plenty of wildlife's homes could be saved sufficiently because forests and trees are the home base for most animals and plants. Nature disasters such as volcano eruption, flooding, fire, or human activities including farming, demolish the home of fauna and flora ubiquitously. These species lost their homes and were unable to survive which triggers the declining of population scales, as an inevitable result. Hence, planning to grow forests, trees, and plants, at which it was devastated, are a contemporary paramount method.

In conclusion, wild faunae and florae population have been decreasing every year, so humans should protect it strictly by monitoring a law to prevent hunting and fishing illegally and build many forests and plants.

(265 words)

Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳