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Posts by Jeannie
Joined: Sep 13, 2009
Last Post: Jan 10, 2010
Threads: 10
Posts: 214  

From: USA

Displayed posts: 224 / page 5 of 6
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Jeannie   
Nov 12, 2009
Undergraduate / This is the world of Autism ; Common App Essay - Person of Significant Influence [13]

EF_Kevin
HI1 I do have word count, but I don't have character count. In the original request there was a mention of the essay having to be no more than 3600 characters including spaces, the original plea has been altered...either that or I am going crazy. Oh, well, no matter. :)

Ah ha! Found it! "Only personal essays submitted via our website will be considered. You may enter a maximum of 3800 characters including spaces."

So how do you count characters?
Jeannie   
Nov 8, 2009
Undergraduate / An experience through which i have gained respect for differences [10]

Ahhh! I thought you were only witnessing the event! Cool! I read some about the Yi people and there beliefs last night. I believe many of the same things, and in fact consider myself a pantheist, so I found Yi culture extremely interesting.

Good luck! It is really a great story and on point for cultural influences that broadened your understanding of other people.

Blue skies!

Jeannie
Jeannie   
Nov 8, 2009
Undergraduate / common app: character in literature! review? [5]

Excellent! Only a couple of things...

Did you mean to say this > "By a brink of faith" in paragraph 5? Or did you mean "by a twist of fate??" The word 'brink' conjures pictures of you standing at the edge of faith...

I was going to mention something about your first sentence and the word 'unclosed' meaning open, but then I thought, "if the weather can be partly cloudy, does that not lend precedence to the use of unclosed?" teehee. By unclosed, I know you mean more closed than open so it works. "With my eyes slightly unclosed..." I like it now that I think about it.

Hmmm, the other things are just so minor that they really don't bare mentioning.

I think it's a go. Perhaps others may see some glaring error I missed, but I don't think so.

Good luck in your future endeavors! Maybe I'll see your name on a book one day :)

Blue skies!

Jeannie
Jeannie   
Nov 8, 2009
Undergraduate / An experience through which i have gained respect for differences [10]

Hi, again! I have a major eye-headache, so I went to Word to do some corrections in bigger font. I will explain in more detail tomorrow when I have rested my old eyeballs, but here is the revision. Compare it to what you wrote sentence by sentence, and see if it seems to make sense. Sorry I can't be more helpful...

Breathtaking. Giant trees kept sunlight away from the heart of the holy forest. Even birds vanished. Arcane song in an unfamiliar language and the glimmering notes from all the women's silver jewelry were the only sounds I heard. I stood in the middle of a crowd formed of 88 female relatives I barely knew. Each wore a suit of exotic dress that would be exchanged for another in 15 minutes; I felt faint. The oldest woman in the tribe came to me with a blue and black dress; solemnity showed on her face...

It is not a movie or a day-dream. It is a ritual called "costume changing," an Adulthood Ceremony for Yi girls, and I witnessed it personally. Half of my blood belongs to Yi, one of the 55 Chinese minorities that inhabit southeast China. I never paid attention to such things so, when I was 17, my mom took me to the tribe to "let you gain some respect to your blood, and after experiencing this holy moment, I did.

My interest and understanding of Yis dramatically increased. The awe inspired by humanity/nature harmony makes Yi people live a naive or even original life, but they are hundreds of times happier than city dwellers. Yis have a strong responsibility to their living environment, because trees are their gods, and birds and dogs are their benefactors.

I hope one day I can bring this part of my cultural diversity to Michigan, and speak of my reverence toward nature and humanity. I feel a strong impulse to share my viewpoint of the simple and joyful lifestyle of the Yis and describe their special singing and dancing...I dunno, maybe I am just really tired, but this last paragraph is awkward somehow...

Blue skies (and moonlight!) :)

Jeannie
Jeannie   
Nov 8, 2009
Undergraduate / An experience through which i have gained respect for differences [10]

Hi, cissylewel,

I loved your story! I have many questions now; you have piqued my curiosity.

There are many grammatical errors, though, how soon do you have to turn it in??

Is this an application essay or...what? It is important for me to know why you are writing it so I can prioritize my feedback. Let me know.

It is a great subject/story, though! I will be googling the Yi while I wait for your response if you are still on here... :)

Blue skies!

Jeannie
Jeannie   
Nov 8, 2009
Letters / Need help for IOWA MBA Application cover letter [4]

The enclosed resume provides my inclusive and accomplished background including:
- Over four years of experience in Information Technology
- Experience in leading and mentoring
- Extensive experience in Community work and other activities
- Strong Communication and Interpersonal skills
- Strong Technical and analytical Skills


You made a list which was exactly what they said not to do in the instructions :), "NOTE: Do not simply list items that are included in your application materials," so I would make your bullets into a paragraph.

"As you will see from the enclosed application, I have an extensive background in information technology with strong technical and analytical skills. Leadership and mentoring have also been a rewarding part of my career thus far, and have fueled my commitment to perfecting interpersonal communication..."

Something like that, see?

Basically, a cover letter is a formal letter summarizing what the recipient is about to discover in your application, resume or CV. Keep it concise, but sell yourself...it is The First Impression.

Fix that first, put it all within a 'formal letter' format, and go from there. I do think you can work your community service into your cover letter, actually, I encourage it!

Again, though, it needs to read like a business letter. Remember that formal letters must have a thesis, body, and conclusion just like an essay...

I hope this helps a little bit.

Blue skies,

Jeannie
Jeannie   
Nov 8, 2009
Undergraduate / common app: character in literature! review? [5]

That was lovely.

I'll comment more after I blow my nose... :)

Blue skies!

Jeannie

OK...sniff

abstrusely < is this really necessary? Your writing is beyond good enough without the use of long-buried (for a reason) words like abstrusely that the average reader has never seen. Besides, it sounds like a dessert with baked apples inside...distracting.

I also wonder if "demurely" is the right word here..."my sister demurely hides out in our room..." It seems like she was more likely hiding out of fear than any polite shyness.

I know you aren't done with editing, and there is very little left to tweak, so I will look forward to the finished product! Do post it; this story is excellent, and you told it so well!

I really did need to blow my nose (don't tell anybody), that says a lot! :)

Blue skies, Daniela,

Jeannie
Jeannie   
Nov 7, 2009
Undergraduate / This is the world of Autism ; Common App Essay - Person of Significant Influence [13]

HI, Kevin!

This is the question you have to answer in your essay, "How would you benefit from and contribute to such an environment?" As I see it, you already have all of the 'considerations' mentioned in the prompt covered in your essay as far as what you would contribute to them. All you need to answer now is what you can glean from an education at Rutgers - what do you think they can provide for you?

After you answer that, you have to whittle your essay down to 3500 characters (including spaces??Is there a way to count that besides physically counting it?). That will be the hardest part because your essay is so comprehensive and topic-focused.

I would go with it being one of many talents and experiences that have shaped the person you are but also perhaps the most significant reason why you have so much to bring to the Rutgers' table. Maturity, work ethic, and dedication are the stock that makes for a very successful academic career.

I look forward to reading the finished product!

PS> I am still trying to imagine what 3500 characters would be in word count...let me count my characters here..hang on...

OK, I got cross-eyed after counting 200 characters (27 words...) Good luck with that! Let me know if you know of a way for the computer to do that; I've never had to...Thanks:)

Blue skies!
Jeannie
Jeannie   
Nov 7, 2009
Poetry / Am I getting the metrics?? [24]

"Dis-rhythmic words are people too."

I like that.

Thanks, Kevin!

************************************************************ *******

Bilal,

Your writing is good and will get better each time you write. I like the metaphors you use and the way you drive the message with irony and passion. Keep writing, keep reading. Soon, it will come easily. Blue skies!
Jeannie   
Nov 2, 2009
Poetry / Am I getting the metrics?? [24]

Yep, a 64.1 on my math test...in case ya'll were wondering about my sudden burst of fun-writing...ahhhh, poetry is so soothing to me even if it isn't correct.

Riverbank

echoing my soul
glistening water
waving to burnished treetops
struck chilled by autumn's warmth
and the memory of the promise of cold
like minds in that canoe
gliding through with no care for tomorrow
just the cold warmth of now.
Jeannie   
Nov 2, 2009
Poetry / Any topic related to: Whitman, Dickinson, Yeats, Frost, Stevens, or Eliot [4]

Hi, SB!

I have one word...google.

What you need is info, and the info is right at your fingertips. Do I sound like a commercial? OK, it gets worse. Wikipedia, though the absolute worst site to use for references, has a lot of info on any of your authors. The main thing to do is to scroll down to the "references" section and glean primary source links. You gotta do the research for a six page paper - no getting around it, but start with the work that others have already done to make your life easier.

Like I said, do not use the wiki article as truth! Research the references and discern whether they are credible sources or not...it is just a place to start in a pinch.

Good luck and blue skies!
Jeannie
Jeannie   
Nov 2, 2009
Poetry / The United Nations... They go there whenever they want to go... [9]

Ha! I just noticed the "chair" again too! Funny. Do you have a thing about chairs? Hmmm.(just kidding)
Anyway, you do need to tighten this one up a bit. I get your meaning perfectly, and I am certainly no expert on poetry, but it reads long.

The cadence doesn't match with the rhymes, and the rhymes, in my opinion, take something away from the rhythm of the visualization and distract from the substance of your message.

It is either a poem or prose; together, it just doesn't work for me.
I like the message, though, and agree wholeheartedly!
Blue skies, Bilal!
Jeannie
Jeannie   
Nov 2, 2009
Poetry / The chair..... [6]

I think the chair represents a place of high honor that has been sorely abused.
People who sit in the chair are revered; no one dares to molest the high status that sitting in that chair represents, so the person holding that seat must be above reproach. Oftentimes, though, it is the seat that makes a person above reproach, and people forget that it is not the chair but the person who must nurture the honor.

I like this poem. It is fraught with irony and visually stunning. I can see the bloated Mayor coveting his "chair" lest someone discover he doesn't deserve it!

Really good, Bilal! Now what did you really mean? haha!
Blue skies,
Jeannie
Jeannie   
Nov 2, 2009
Poetry / Am I getting the metrics?? [24]

I am trying to understand meter poetry...I think I get it, but when my poem is finished it seems like the same 'ol same 'ol I always write. Detailed feedback will be much appreciated!

Heather
Little blue flower,
alone in a sea of struggling green.
Brown winds blow over,
throttling your last breath.
Breathe, and show me sweetness
while the choking gramineae protests,
and the sun smiles,
and you sing your silly songs.

A Good Life
blown in the wind
like the seeds of a dandelion;
merry unto the last hillside,
floating o'er the pond's
sprinkling sunlight
whispered memories blackened
by precious time
thoughts turn to living
weightless.
Jeannie   
Oct 31, 2009
Writing Feedback / Should Euthanasia be legalized? [16]

johnnylin_24
The URL is not verifiable. It only shows a Catholic website, not the article from which you quoted. This is important, Johnny, because the whole point to citing sources is to allow your audience to verify that what you say is true research. Religious websites are really only good when you are speaking directly about that topic withing that religion, otherwise they are biased sources.

As far as your sentence goes...

"The drugs being used in euthanasia cost only about $40, but it could take up $40,000 just to treat a patient without knowing whether it works or not" (Wesley J. Smith, n.d.)

With APA (if that is the style you are supposed to be using), it is never necessary to write the entire first name, and it is only necessary to write the last name and date (or n.d. as the case may be) when citing within the paper. But it is better to do it wrong than not at all. Good job on that front.

I will try to get some time to forward some bits, but I don't know how to send everything you need here. I would ask the teacher.

Oh, I meant to tell you how to cite from a source who is citing from some other source. This is called a "secondary source," and it is frowned upon in higher learning. What Sean said is true, though. You probably don't have to worry about it at this juncture.

Sean also pointed out that you can go to the original source (this is the best way), and to do that, you can scroll to the bottom of the article you are reading to find the author's references - this will be offered in all credible writing, and if it is missing, it is a good indication that the source is not credible. From there, you can further research your topic and find the right person to credit.

I hope this helps!
Jeannie   
Oct 29, 2009
Writing Feedback / Should Euthanasia be legalized? [16]

johnnylin_24
There is a whole section on internet sources in the APA guidelines, but you can use the URL (copy and paste from your browser) on your reference page. Do not use the URL when citing the source within the paper - only use the author's last name and date, (turley, 2009). There are other rules too, but to start, here is an example:

References: (a separate page...the last page of your paper should have your references).

Smith, J. (May, 2009).Journal of whatever. How to Mangle APA Formatting. Retrieved October, 27, 2009

Citing the reference within the paper:

It is clear that APA format is difficult; even those who use it every day must be sure to read the rules (Smith, 2009). Bla bla yadda yadda...

Your instructor should have the guidelines. Ask for a copy if you are required to use APA formatting. Regardless, quoting your sources is imperative. That can be accomplished by simply working the quote into your paragraph and saying who said it...

According to Jeannie (2009), "...quoting your sources is imperative."
Jeannie   
Oct 23, 2009
Writing Feedback / Should Euthanasia be legalized? [16]

I realize it is too late now if you had to hand it in today, Johnnie, but Sean is right about plagiarism. In fact, I submitted your essay to the Plagiarism checker at my school, and it came back 45% identical to other authors' words. That is a major problem when there are no citations or quotations. Even if you did cite the authors, 45% of your work is directly quoted from other people. That is way too much. Remember in the future to learn the subject matter so well that you can say it in your own words (still citing the sources from whom you extracted this knowledge, of course), and keep your quotes below 10% of your paper. You should be ok then.

Good luck!

Jeannie
Jeannie   
Oct 20, 2009
Research Papers / Research paper using participant observation [3]

Research the history of gender roles within a narrower group (where is your family from?? What culture did your ancestors come from? When did they come to the US? "Gender roles" is a vast subject; you need to narrow it down. The roles of men and women are different in Iran today, for instance, than they have ever been in Great Britain. The roles between genders has changes dramatically in the US since the 18th century. Pick a time, pick a culture! I have some great sites I can point you to for your research...ya just gotta narrow it down and gain back your focus..You can do this!

Samantha, don't forget to make note of the names and times you speak to people. This can be used as a reference on your reference page as a "personal communication" if you are working w/ APA formatting...

Also, send your instructions per your syllabus so we can better help you.

Blue skies!
Jeannie
Jeannie   
Oct 20, 2009
Research Papers / The Conflict of Coastal Urbanization and Water Management [7]

TeeHee! See, I told you it was long. My teacher has me so paranoid that I was using every single word I know to make a simple sentence! She is not nearly as good at telling me what's wrong as you are, though. Thanks, Sean! I had to re-work it last night after reading your suggestions, and then I had to submit it for grading before time ran out. I think it is much better; I will let you know how it goes...

Blue skies!
Jeannie (ps, I didn't mean to sound whiny, I was being sincere...it is too much to ask!) Thanks again!

"This sentence got so long that you forgot to finish it."

I am putting this truism above my desk not only because it makes me giggle, but because I need reminding!

Two thumbs up!!
Jeannie   
Oct 20, 2009
Research Papers / Stuck on ideas for Research Paper (argumentative research topic) 100 class [6]

Or homelessness...there are two distinct sides to that argument, all you have to do is choose one side and research, research, research. I have some sites I can point you to for this particular topic (it is a soapbox of mine), but if you choose another topic, let me know because I have some tools that might help.

...I like to argue. teehee! I can even argue against myself!
Jeannie   
Oct 19, 2009
Research Papers / Stuck on ideas for Research Paper (argumentative research topic) 100 class [6]

EF_Sean
I about spit out my coffee! I was going to say the same thing to start!
Exactly what Sean suggested!
What you need to do, Julia, is become very contrary for a second. Pick any topic and then be the devil's advocate; argue why it is not right! It is so easy!

Toilet paper is a miracle of modern invention. <NO IT IS NOT
Toilet paper is directly responsible for polluting the air we breath and desalinating tidal estuaries.
I am a girl...and I came up with that counter argument out of sheer audacity. So can you. Rush Limbaugh does it every single day and gets away with no facts, surely you can make a compelling and factual argument about something.
Jeannie   
Oct 19, 2009
Research Papers / The Conflict of Coastal Urbanization and Water Management [7]

I know, it was lengthy. Then again, I haven't read a research paper that wasn't lengthy. Oh, well, thanks anyway. I know I don't deserve this much help; to read 2800 words is really too much to ask of anyone. I understand.

Blue skies,
Jeannie
Jeannie   
Oct 18, 2009
Undergraduate / "Benny? Benny?! Where are you?" (Rutgers essay appl.) [18]

"But if Daniel were to keep writing "I", then he would seem less selfless and that quality would be nullified"

"so do you think that he should flat out write that he is self less after giving examples. for instance " i believe i am an extraordinarily selfless individual that could bring a new selfless perspective to rutgers because of the experiences i have encountered at an early age" ?"

lolz i couldnt get on to vlatski, so i made metro.. anyway jeanie plz help me curve the essay to fit the rutgers essay question

Busted...

Either you have a split personality disorder or you are lying. You presented yourself as a commentator named Mark/metrostar25 on Vlatski's post, and now you are saying that you are in fact the original writer, Daniel/Vlatski. But you are signed in as Mark. I tried to help you with this essay, but "Mark" decided to engage in argumentative playtime activities instead of bettering his work. I am no longer interested in helping you. Come up with a different name and submit another essay, perhaps we will be fooled again for your amusement.

Meanwhile, Blue skies!
Jeannie
Jeannie   
Oct 18, 2009
Research Papers / The Conflict of Coastal Urbanization and Water Management [7]

This is my final draft for my final project for environmental science class, it is in APA format, but I can't figure out how to make it come out that way here (and I could really use some help with APA!). Oh well, can ya'll eyeball it for me, my dog still hasn't learned to read. Thanks for your help, I know it's kinda long (boy do I...):

The Conflict of Coastal Urbanization and Water Management:
The Effects of Storm Water Run-off on Estuaries in Tampa Bay, Florida


Though attempts are being made to reduce the impact of human habitation on other species' habitats and water resources, there is still much to consider, first of which is how to allow for the replenishment of surface waterways and aquifers while still providing potable water to more than 4 million people, most of which is used for non-potable activities such as lawn watering, car washing, swimming pools, and even flushing toilets.

Fresh surface waters such as lakes, rivers, and wetlands have been depleted at an unsustainable rate to the point that we are seeing once vibrant rivers running at a trickle or lakes with a shoreline 70 feet from the boat ramps and docks. The only reservoir that serves the Tampa Bay Region, C.W. Bill Young Regional Reservoir (Young Reservoir), ran dry this year after only four short years in operation.

The Young Reservoir began filling in the rainy season of 2005 to siphon water from the three largest waterways in the area, the Hillsboro River, the Alafia River, and the Tampa Bypass Canal (TBC). It is an above-ground reservoir with a 15 million gallon capacity at a depth of 136.5 feet. It was designed to collect and save water for the Tampa Bay region, and is capable of sustaining the population through periods of extreme drought for up to six months (Tampa Bay Water, 2007). The purpose of this reservoir was sorely tested by a drought that began just months after its first fill, since then the water levels slowly but surely declined to the point where this 15 million gallon pool became a 130 gallon drop in a big bucket. With the river sources and the canal dry, and the aquifer below viable levels, the pumps shut down, and the toughest watering restrictions in history were placed on Tampa Bay's residents. Meanwhile, millions of gallons of treated sewer water and storm water run-off was making its way into the mouth of the bay.

Many offers for studies have been presented over the years, and there is still ongoing debate as well as resistance to diverting storm water run-off to replenish aquifers in out-lying, rural or suburban areas. In 2008, the Mayor of Tampa, Pam Iorio, refused to consider a proposal by the Southwest Florida Water Management District (Swiftmud) to use the water currently being dumped in the bay to recharge the aquifers along the Hillsborough and Alafia River basin. Mayor Iorio believed, then, that it was right to keep the reclaimed water as an alternate source for Tampa residents. The problem is, there are not enough pipelines to get that water to the prospective consumer and even at $3 for 2000 gallons, it is impractical if not impossible for residents to retrieve it from the treatment plant and transport it back to their homes or businesses (J. Zink, 2008).

When you consider the fact that many of our bay waters are off-limits to shellfish harvesting, and many bay beaches are closed weekly due to high bacteria levels, and the sea life is washing ashore, dead; indeed, with the increasing algae blooms off the coast of Florida (Schrope, 2008) and the decimation of sea grasses and tidal vegetation, it is baffling that any resistance to a sustainable plan for storm water run-off such as that proposed by Swiftmud is an actuality. The argument is ongoing, but reason will surely win the day with enough public support.

There have been many success stories in the pursuit of sustainable water management and habitat restoration in the Tampa Bay region, and the Tampa Bypass Canal (TBC) is one of them. The TBC was originally constructed to stem the flood waters of the Hillsborough River, but major in-stream habitats as well as surrounding habitats were destroyed in the process. What was once a 50 feet wide, 3.5 feet deep, stream with thick vegetation and wetlands became a canal 14 miles long, 500-630 feet wide and 20 feet deep that not only takes on high water from the Hillsborough River, but is also capable of stopping tidal intrusions from storm surge that passes more than 4.7 miles upstream (Powell, Montagna, & Walton, 2005)

Constructed between 1966 to 1982, the TBC turned out to be a prophetic undertaking when growth and urban sprawl is pondered. The ruination of the habitats that formerly resided along the 14 miles where the TBC was built would long ago have been wiped out by human habitation, and the humans would have found themselves underwater. Today, the TBC hosts a rich waterway for wildlife, fish, birds, vegetation, and recreation cohabiting the same area. Unfortunately, what goes in must come out, and the mouth of the canal opens into McKay Bay, a small inlet of Tampa Bay where the salinity levels are not conducive to many aquatic creatures.

The reason that storm water run-off into coastal estuaries must be limited is because it gathers with it every pollutant along its course to the sea. From pesticides to animal feces, all of these harmful additions add to the decline in marine species as well as the vegetation that support the habitat of animals who make their living by the salt water. Many areas, such as McKay Bay have been written off as viable estuarial restoration projects because of the decreased dissolved oxygen that resulted from the increase in nutrients from storm water run-off from the TBC. In fact, scientist from the Aquatic Science Associates involved in a peer review of South Florida Water Management's (Swiftmud) plan to establish minimum flows into McKay Bay were incapable of giving scientific feedback on the point because Swiftmud stated, "In the end, the District's net conclusion is that the TBC flood control system is so highly altered that resource protection will be difficult if not impossible to achieve by water flow management alone [...]." (Powell, Montagna, & Walton, 2005).

Harvesting shellfish such as stone crab, oysters, and clams is strictly forbidden in McKay Bay and upstream areas due to the public health risk, but it is not really a worry because finding a live shellfish in that area is almost impossible; eating the fish you catch is "at your own risk" mainly because fish have a greater ability to come and go. How puzzling is it, then, that the residents of Greater Tampa Bay would rather spend $300 million to desalinate only 25 million gallons per day of water when we are allowing 55-100 million gallons per day of treated or reclaimed fresh water to flow into the Bay?

It is clear that more studies into making storm water into drinkable water need to be and are being done. More water treatment plants along the canals should be considered in the "30 year plan," and the planting of swales along the paths of storm water flows before it reaches the streets and driveways of our populace should be in the "this week" plan. Instead of planting unsustainable, water-hungry trees and plants in 13-foot-wide medians, use the money to plant a rain garden along the roadside so the water has a chance to go into the soil, and can at least be filtered prior to running off into the Bay.

Another way to combat the conflict between the need for fresh water and the lack of time to replenish it would be to adopt rules for new construction to include grey water plumbing systems, and federal, state, and local incentives to modifying existing homes for use of grey water systems. The argument that all the grey water will end up in the ground instead of being treated for reclamation is unsound in that reclaiming the aquifers is the first process to a viable sustainment plan. Surface water replenishment can only benefit by the use of grey water systems as well because the need for it will diminish.

More education needs to be done for the public to really understand the enormity of the problem. It is like going to a trail-riding ranch and hopping on a horse that provides you with hours of entertainment for $30. One might feel that he got his money's worth when he ran it the whole way, but he failed to understand the hours or care it will take to heal its injury and the costs involved in sustaining a living, breathing creature. The man will go again next weekend, and they will trot out a different horse.

Education from the Top Government official on down to the lowliest child needs to take place, media campaigns and signs on garbage cans need to drive the message home, alternative

sources of pest eradication, as well as biological eradication methods, need to be taught on every local nightly news segment, and people should pay a lot more for their water.

According to the City of Tampa, the average per capita use of drinking water is 106 gallons per day. Considering that some are using thousands more per day, while others are doing their part to keep their usage under 100 gallons per day, some even using as little as 29 gallons per day, it is safe to say that the idea of "average" needs some consideration, and the use of "per capita" should be curtailed until it reflects the reality of the disparity in consumption. Let us say that the average person needs only 106 gallons of water a day. If a tax is levied at 10% for usage from 106 gallons to 200 gallons, and 20% tax for usage between 200-300 gallons per day, and so on, the mega-users will soon pay for the cost of larger desalinization plants, grey water plumbing system installation, reclamation projects and disbursement and transport costs as well as all the energy needed to sustain them.

It would be nice to squeal from inadvertently shuffling under a live horseshoe crab on its way to shore for breeding rather than finding them barely alive in the mangroves with the sticky sound of luck running out.

References
Tampa Bay Water. (2007). C.W. Young Regional Reservoir. Retrieved May 23, 2009 from:
tampabaywater.org/watersupply/tbreservoir.aspx
J. Zink. (2008). St. Petersburg Times. Officials Weigh Waste Water Solutions in Hillsborough.
Retrieved May 26, 2009 from: tampabay.com/news/localgovernment/article735892.ece?comments =legacy
M. Schrope. (May, 2008). Nature. Vol.452, p24-26. Oceanography: Red Tide Rising. Retrieved
May 27, 2009 from Ebscohost
G. Powell, P. Montagna, R. Walton. (2005). Aquatic Science Associates. Minimum Flows
For the Tampa Bypass Canal. p6. Retrieved May 29, 2009 from swfwmd.state.fl.us/projects/mfl/reports/mflreport [/url] -tbc_peerreview.pdf
W. Yongshan, J. Labadie, K. Konyha, & T. Conboy. Journal of Water Resources
Planning and Management. Vol. 132, p320-329. Optimization of Frequency Distribution of Storm-Water Discharges for Coastal Ecosystem Restoration. Retrieved May 30, 2009 from Ebscohost.
Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission. (2009). Algal Blooms. Red Tide in Florida.
Retrieved May 30, 2009 from: research.myfwc.com/features/view_article.asp?id=24936
Jeannie   
Oct 15, 2009
Undergraduate / "Benny? Benny?! Where are you?" (Rutgers essay appl.) [18]

Haha! No, metrostar! That is not what I am saying at all, but if you would like me to explain further, you can reach me at my e-mail address. It seems you and I are the only ones discussing this topic at this juncture, and I feel the discussion should be moved to another venue, agreed?

Blue skies!
Jeannie   
Oct 15, 2009
Writing Feedback / "The most delicious meal I have ever eaten..." - Descriptive Essay [3]

Coming home from a long shift from at work...hmmm...what strikes me is the back and forth of tenses throughout the essay. Be sure to read through this and match the tenses; had, was, has, is. I'll get back to you if you come back to the site. Otherwise, I'll be busy roasting a fat chicken while gathering rosemary and thyme from the garden, rolling the herbs gently between my fingers to test their ripeness, and sniffing the aroma of each one to be sure it will meet with the chicken's approval. I am starving!

Teehee! Blue skies!
Jeannie
Jeannie   
Oct 15, 2009
Undergraduate / "every single sport and after school activity" - college application essay. [3]

Fair rough draft!:) Now you need to include how this all ties in to your future endeavors at (institution name), and why you should be chosen for admission at said institution. I like the topic, you just need to organize it as a selling point. The whole bit about trying different things 'till you find your niche kind of says you lack focus, so be careful with that, it is an app essay, after all.

You are doing fine. Send the new version tomorrow (with an ending that supports your wish to be accepted at University), and I will help you tighten it up a bit.

Blue skies, Alexandra!
Jeannie
Jeannie   
Oct 15, 2009
Writing Feedback / Toefl iBT, integrated task: Invasive plants are a growing problem. [3]

Tuan, What is your assignment? It appears that you are writing a book report...or something like it. Please always include the instructions so that we know what you are attempting to write about.

Let me know :)
Blue skies!

Jeannie
Jeannie   
Oct 14, 2009
Poetry / I just wanted to share my latest extension of 100 word prose [4]

Thanks, Kevin! I have a lot of need for advise! This time, however, I was just sharing my babblings. I always know I will like the finished product when I make myself cry (or laugh hysterically) through the entire telling, haha, weird, I know! Some of the other moderators have pointed me toward learning meter because I requested some instruction; I have never taken a poetry class...

I am working on a decent poem with the very basic rules of meter and iambic pentameter, and I will need some advice then, you can be sure! It is all very complicated when you have spent so many years just writing however you want. The above is pretty typical of my "style," if you can call it that.

Thanks again for your kind words!
Blue skies!
Jeannie
Jeannie   
Oct 14, 2009
Poetry / I just wanted to share my latest extension of 100 word prose [4]

and here is another...I have Finals this week and need some relief from the endless analytical words. Those cold words that bring no comfort! 100 words on comfort.

Warmth and rain for my flowers mixed in a hurried need to lesson the pollution that is sure to taint, and only I care that my new kitten is suckling his momma's breast regardless of her status as top dog; the feetsy slippers of my newly acquired change of life. Comfort is had in squishy noises that hold no breadth or sustenance; only the shivery, soulless joy of need. Jumping joy, and the calm comfort of normalcy brings my freedom back, and my sense of honesty, for who in the world would ever want a cat? Shhh, here he comes.
Jeannie   
Oct 14, 2009
Poetry / I just wanted to share my latest extension of 100 word prose [4]

The wanton breeze, blowing fickle. Flickering candle flames and tendrils of loose hair. Making me long to fly once again. Da Vinci had it right. I lift my arms, showing a graceful pose to the city lights far below and lean far over the cement barrier between me and my love. With only a bit of pain, wings push through and form solid on my back. Beautiful orange, yellow, and purple feathers meld into a soothing golden glow. I gently brush tears from my face with their tips then hold them out proudly for the wind to catch. I fly.

beneath fragile wings
shoulders slumped
as daylight thinned
into the end rancid
days

iridescence floated
downward into slick seas
as feathers clung
to dampen spirit's
evening

gentle hands grasped
her knees as she sat
on cliffside horizons
wings spread to stellar
night

folded about her
bleak last moments
of quills dipt in inks
and dotted with life
mornings

and then will she rise
above blackened weeds
what charred remains
choked her breath
expired

her sacrificed nest
wings oiled with soot
as she spits foul blood
molten reminders
afloat

~jeannie
Jeannie   
Oct 14, 2009
Undergraduate / 'Silence in the house' - common app: Topic of choice [19]

Oh, hush! It's practically perfect...except for one thing, haha! Every time I read my own writing, I find something else. That's why it is so much better to have someone else read it; it saves me the headache...

I wondered how it was when my parents saw me off like this back in Vietnam. Were they sad because their baby son had left, or were (missed a word there, ANh:) they happy to know that I was about to take a journey full of knowledge and experiences? I didn't know. But I hoped it was the second one. Because I knew I was. < you were what?

By the way, ANh, since you are already proficient, here is another thing you can say:

When we speak of one thing following another, we often say the 'former' and the 'latter' to express what came before (formerly) or after (lately). The former girlfriend came before the latest, or 'latter'.

"Were they sad because their baby son had left, or were they happy to know that I was about to take a journey full of knowledge and experiences? I didn't know. But I like to think it was the latter.

COOL, HUH?
Blue skies!
Jeannie I still love this story!

PS. I don't know how tough your teacher is, but I believe that this paper is very close to being complete. Don't sweat it too much or you will end up wrecking the best parts in your frantic pursuit of perfection. Just my old-age talking...but experience counts sometimes. I have a file called "beautiful stories by someone else" I hope you will allow me to copy your essay there. Thanks.
Jeannie   
Oct 13, 2009
Undergraduate / Elaborate on ONE of your activities (common application) (basketball) [14]

EF_Stephen
Excellent! Yes, that is so true! I could not put my finger on what the matter was, but it was because my thoughts and feelings surrounding the last statement lent an entirely different emotional response to the words (sweaty, shiny, dirty...you get the drift). That is a brilliant epiphany for me as a >wannabeneverevergonnagetpaidtobe< writer, and I will remember that! Best thing I have learned in a while! Thanks!

Blue skies!

Jeannie
Jeannie   
Oct 13, 2009
Undergraduate / "Benny? Benny?! Where are you?" (Rutgers essay appl.) [18]

Good point, metrostar, but I disagree somewhat. There are many ways in which to use a more active voice without the constant, obnoxious, and literal use of "I," but I see no wrong in the judicious use of "I" when one is attempting to sell oneself in a well-written application essay, do you?

Blue skies!

Jeannie
Jeannie   
Oct 10, 2009
Undergraduate / "Benny? Benny?! Where are you?" (Rutgers essay appl.) [18]

how could somebody take credit for that kind of experience to make it pertain to the essay jeanine?

Hi, metrostar25!

Thanks, I see where I didn't make that clear.

In the last part of the essay where Daniel is talking about his volunteer work with mentally challenged children, it seems as though he/she is standing back and watching everything unfold. I suggested a more active voice here in order to let the reader know that he/she had an active role in changing the lives of these kids. "I volunteered to work with them; I taught them; I supervised them; I showed them; I loved them."

This is a great essay, and I got the impression that the writer is a very selfless individual with an empathy that many of us lack. This outstanding quality should be the shining example of why he or she should be chosen ahead of others, and in order for this quality to stand out, an active voice is needed.

Does that make more sense?

PS. Sorry to talk around you, Daniel. I hope I made myself clearer for you! :D

Blue skies!
Jeannie