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Posts by Jeannie
Joined: Sep 13, 2009
Last Post: Jan 10, 2010
Threads: 10
Posts: 214  

From: USA

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Jeannie   
Sep 13, 2009
Writing Feedback / Reserve Readings - What did I do wrong in this essay? [7]

The syllabus stated, "Post a 200- to 300-word response to the following: After reading this week's Reserve Readings, make a list of at least three pros and three cons of the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act (HIPAA), including a brief explanation about each. Given the pros and cons you listed and the HIPAA information you read, is HIPAA generally a good thing? What might you change in order to improve HIPAA and eliminate some of the negative aspects?"

What is wrong with the following
essay? My facilitator took points off for not listing three pros and because she did not understand the last sentence in the thesis paragraph; she asked whether it was a pro or a con. I am baffled. The last sentence in the thesis was a segue to the body as well as the point to my argument. Furthermore, I listed three pros in the thesis...I highlighted them here. Please let me know what you think!

The Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act (HIPAA) is a well-intentioned plan to mitigate the dilemma of continuation of coverage and the barriers imposed by many insurance agencies to pre-existing conditions in the event of an individual's change in employment status or group insurance coverage. HIPAA also attempts to eliminate privacy breaches especially associated with the current information technology age. As much as the general theory of HIPAA looks good on vast piles of paper, it does not go far enough in the details to be a viable and effective tool for risk management purposes, and the lack of enforcement is testimony to its short-comings.

It is difficult to support the advantages of the pros listed above that are the spirit of HIPAA when considering real-world factors. For instance, the continuation of coverage only applies to those who have a seamless change in employer-sponsored health insurance, but the existence of pre-existing conditions such as diabetes mellitus or hypertension can be excluded for up to 18 months by an insurance company if a patient has gone more than 63 days without health insurance. So, if someone were to begin a new job where the norm is often a 90 day waiting period for insurance benefits, the employee will have been without insurance past the 63 day rule and thereby subject to pre-existing condition clauses. Another consideration is periods of unemployment that frequently last longer than 63 days especially in our present job market. The rules governing pre-existing conditions do not apply in many circumstances so do not offer any real-world protection to the majority of individuals nor do they assist in continuation of coverage for any but the healthiest and most economically secure individuals.

Privacy issues have been a concern for health care providers and other concerned entities (insurance agencies, pharmacy providers, billing services, etcetera) for decades. The practical applications of HIPAA have helped to bolster a re-visiting of how we assure patient confidentiality and address the laxity in protecting sensitive patient data in an information age, but the whole program is cumbersome and no detailed plan was provided in how a company or provider should go about compliance. This lack of support from the federal government in implementing HIPAA at the provider level left most scrambling to figure out how to achieve compliance and spending millions of dollars on a myriad of software programs and consultants. The result is a system run amok and a general burn-out effect. Now, compliance is at an all time low, and HIPAA rules are rarely enforced anyway.

All concerned entities should maintain a common sense approach to protecting patient privacy. Possible mandates associated with across-the-board implementation of Electronic Medical Records will be costly, and other changes that will come from the universal health care package now being argued in the Senate must be considered. HIPPA, though well-intentioned, must take a back seat as our country battles to make our health care system more efficient.
Jeannie   
Sep 13, 2009
Writing Feedback / When a baby comes to this world, the first man they meet are his/her parents... [3]

HI, Jim! I read your essay, and I did get a general understanding of what you are trying to say. Are you learning English? I mean no disrespect; I got the impression of a language usage/syntax anomaly within your sentences and words. That said, allow me to start with the first sentence, and we can go from there:

"When a baby comes to this world, the first man they live with is his/her parents."
You have to make each part of the sentence agree on pleural or singular. The baby comes (singular), "the first man they" (plural...how many babies do we have now?), "is his/her parents" (plural again. How many parents are there now? The first part of the sentence said there was only a man, and now there are "parents."

Singular: When a baby comes to this world, the first person he or she lives with is his or her parent. (awkward, but singular and correct). Now let's try it using plural: When babies come to this world, the first people they live with are their parents (a little less awkward, but I still imagine babies landing on Earth in giant spacecraft, having flown light years, and finally seeing their parents for the first time);)

Best? "When a baby is born, the first person he or she lives with is a parent." That is a very hopeful statement, by the way. Take care! I hope this helps just a little! Jeannie
Jeannie   
Sep 13, 2009
Writing Feedback / Comparison essay with subject on tolerance and power. [11]

Eliminate the contractions. I could pick this essay to shreds, but then I would have to let you see mine and allow you to deliver an equal blow, haha!

I thought this was fabulous! Yes, there were errors (get rid of the contractions...seriously not allowed in academic writing...), but I loved it! Check your noun/pronoun agreements, and take a close look at the ending paragraph...you may have been tired. Have someone read it aloud to you (annoying, but effective), and then fine-tune it.

All in all, I would grade this an 'A' if I were the teacher; it is very well above 11th grade level. Go with yer bad self!

I am now inspired to go see who Forrester and Kenyatta are. Oh, by the way, be aware that when you get into college, profs are picky about what percentage of your assignments are quotes. I felt that you used quotes to effectively and eloquently enhance your argument, but more of your own thoughts will be required. Don't worry, you have great ideas and insight; you'll be brilliant! Good luck, Daniel! Great Job!
Jeannie   
Sep 13, 2009
Writing Feedback / Reserve Readings - What did I do wrong in this essay? [7]

Yes, I see now. Plus, it was a really long sentence! How about this:

...HIPPA is a plan that attempts to mitigate problems associated with continuation of coverage, lesson the barriers imposed by many insurance carriers to pre-existing conditions, and eliminate privacy breaches especially associated with the current information technology age. As much as the general intention of HIPAA looks good on vast piles of paper, it does not go far enough in the details to be a viable and effective tool for risk management purposes, and the lack of enforcement is testimony to its short-comings.

Too late for my grade points, but is it better now? I do tend to make really long sentences, and I think my meaning often gets lost in all those words.

Thanks for your help!
Jeannie   
Sep 13, 2009
Writing Feedback / Comparison essay with subject on tolerance and power. [11]

Hi, again, Daniel! Here is one noun/pronoun problem:

"But when one takes out their anger on someone who did them wrong..."
One can not also be them because "them" is plural. Also, I realize you are using "their" as a possessive, but it is a little awkward when you look at the problem of "them." Does that make sense?

How about this: "But when people take out their anger on someone who did them wrong..." You decide; I only know about as much as you, I suspect, but I always like another eyeball on my writing before I hand it in. I am a little OCD about my own assignments; I drive myself nuts sometimes, haha! Not to mention I have a teacher who took points off an assignment because I checked all the correct answers with "xx" instead of "X" - not kidding. She's going to give me an ulcer!

BTW, you are absolutely right about contractions within quotation marks being acceptable.

Good luck! I bet you will get an A!
Jeannie   
Sep 17, 2009
Undergraduate / "to be a Seminole" - FSU ESSAY [15]

K, I don't know what that was all about, so let's move on, woah amie.

The first paragraph should be re-written, in my opinion. I believe paragraphs should flow with a thesis, body, and conclusion similar to an essay. I really liked your start, i just think you should consider swapping the sentences around a bit.

Consider your main point, "Vires defines my academic achievements and my personal life." This is your thesis statement; your ending sentence (and excellent paragraph tie-in) is, "I have been faced with many academic obstacles, but I kept pushing myself to succeed. The rest is the body. See?

Now...
First of all, did Og Medino say what you quoted, or was he quoting someone else? If, as you phrased it, "he quoted...", then you are using a secondary source (much frowned upon in academic writing - kinda like he said she said...). Next, I'm not feeling the word "intellectuality," it is cumbersome. Another thing that jumps out is in the third sentence when you start talking about us and finish talking about you, "Though many of us have failed, strength and perseverance[s], has molded me into the person I am now.

I hope this little bit helps! I only have time right now to advise on the first paragraph before wrecking an essay of my own, ha ha! You really need another eyeball on this essay, though, before turning it in; how long do you have? I can help later, but I have some homework I have to work on myself.

Cielos Azuls, woah amie, and good luck! Jeannie
Jeannie   
Sep 18, 2009
Writing Feedback / Comparison essay with subject on tolerance and power. [11]

Some level of dominion is required byfor a civilization to strivethrive , but as a global community, tolerance must be practiced to its fullest extent. It has been revealed to humanity time and time again that intolerance will surely lead to war and death. As long as peace is inducedembraced?? by the people and for the people, love will eventually fall into place. "We must be the change we wish to see" -Mahatma Gandhi

I really like this ending; I believe it!
Just my thoughts, Daniel! Good luck!
Jeannie   
Sep 18, 2009
Poetry / What style is this? Is it even poetry? [12]

I write stuff. I have never taken a poetry class in my life, so I have no idea what style it is that I am writing; I just write stuff. Can y'all tell me what this style is called? I just call it prose poetry because I have no idea...is it even poetry?

Thanks for your insight,
Jeannie.

Bird School

Today I watched the birds play. I watched them teach, I watched them dive and flutter just above the waves. I watched the babies learn to swoop the crests and point down toward the school. I heard the chatter and the laughter and the joy. I heard them sing and I held back my tears. I saw the prism of the sun as through a marble caught inside my eye, and I laughed with them, remembering.

Untitled

The cold-white warmth of the Mother
lays its silky breath on me
showing me how to rest for now
I ache as I grow
She heals me
she feeds me
My arms twitch and pitch and fall and rise
in the quakes of Mother
strengthening me
She tells me to rest
I am resting
Her creatures play and romp
they smooth my hair and tickle my skin
they are gentle and kind
I rest

Sounds

Salty water in my ear
I hear the sound of my own heartbeat
the breeze is amplified ~swoosh~
along with the sound of the waves chasing the birds back
The sound of the wind through the parched sea grass
and turtle eggs hatching the peeping of tiny toads
A summer symphony

Untitled

Nighttime in my garden of lusty sound
newborn lizards and frogs peeping
tomatoes with growing pains, four new babies
three almost ready to pick!
The moon is so faded and still through the foggy air up there
a luminous rainbow appears around its fat and happy globe
rain again or just new glasses?
Jeannie   
Sep 18, 2009
Undergraduate / From a public school to a private, small, all-girls, Catholic high school - I need a simile [10]

I disagree with almost everything everyone said about this mainly because I loved the story and I found the over-the-top exaggerations to be fitting and funny! A little more serious meat on the subject is in order, but other than that, I am still giggling. What better way to explain a traumatic event (however slight;) than with humor and a good attitude. I would have you tell this story to my 'tweens.

Keep everything you have already written and expound on the subject with a little more gravity. I liked it. I actually felt my legs itching for a second there...

Sincerely,
me, Jeannie
Jeannie   
Sep 18, 2009
Poetry / What style is this? Is it even poetry? [12]

I never heard of "meter," thanks! See? Now I have somewhere to start! Yay! I have to go a'googlin' now; see you in a bit.

I really appreciate your help. I doubt I will ever be "A Poet," but I like to learn, and "what style..." has been a burning question. I am glad I found this site!

By the way, Sean, I called my writing "prose poetry," and I noticed that you call it non-prose, by which I think you mean it is not written in grammatically correct prose??

What was poetry before the non-prose? Can you give me some examples of old poetry before it was corrupted...so to speak? I would like to see.

The only poetry I knew about before getting old enough to write my thoughts down were more rhyming poems (I do write a mean limerick, haha! and I dabble in basic haiku 5-7-5), but I still felt there was something missing...so I added me to it. Like this one; it rhymes but it is not so annoyingly sing-songy, ya know? (yes, I am aware of the corniness, haha!)Thanks again!

Stars

Tiny, shiny eyes that speak the Truth
That only Angels and God can hear
That whisper to lovers to come near
That call so softly "if you dare"
That rain in lovely sparkles dear
The stars in the night cannot compare
To the love that shines from thee (I absolutely hate this last line...sounds like a Hallmark card for Pete's sake! :) I'll fix it one day...)

Sincerely,

Jeannie
Jeannie   
Sep 18, 2009
Poetry / What style is this? Is it even poetry? [12]

Wow! OK, let's start slowly. There are stressed and unstressed syllables, hmmm, ok. I highlighted what I meant to be stressed syllables in this example of my writing...this is so involved! It will take me years, but do I have the stressed syllable down?

Blue-eyed Sky

I thought it was a blizzard, but I was wrong.
I didn't know then that they were the teardrops of Angels,
frozen prisms of colorful laughter,
the ultimateexpression of joy for she who had joined them.

Crazy complicated, but cool! 'Ever watch a baby being born? Ha! I will try not to trouble you until I have read some more and have a clue. Thanks.
Jeannie   
Sep 18, 2009
Poetry / What style is this? Is it even poetry? [12]

Yes, Sean, thanks for those examples!

Simone, thanks, I will look for that anthology. Does it actually tell you what style the poems are, or is it just a book of differently styled poetry?

Thanks for your help!
Jeannie   
Sep 19, 2009
Undergraduate / "well-rounded person" - FSU entrance essay [8]

Hi, Jodi! You have gotten some excellent advice from the moderators and members here; the fact of the matter is that this essay needs serious revision. I have an idea.

Consider this draft "free-writing." Now you have to read your statements and prove them. What academic and athletic successes have you achieved? How were they achieved? Who do you mentor, what leadership positions do you hold on your teams, and why were you appointed the leader? By the way, if you have already achieved success, why will your life begin at Florida State?

Read your free-writing, and make a list of examples to prove your statements. This will give you the ability to brain-storm a more complex narrative. From there you can work on conciseness.

You also need to eliminate all the contractions.
I hope this helps, Jodi, and I look forward to the rough draft! :)

Jeannie
Jeannie   
Sep 25, 2009
Writing Feedback / Reserve Readings - What did I do wrong in this essay? [7]

Hi, Simone!

True. I have only recently discovered this propensity; I believe it all began with the lengthy word count requirements when I started college, haha! Just before then, I was actually practicing brevity through 100 word essays! Ironic, but true.

Thanks for your comment and instruction; rest assured, I am working on it.

Hi, Sean!

That sentence is perfect! See? But now I have to come up with more info to satisfy the word-count, haha!

Thank you so much for pointing me back to the right path; I think I see my problem now.

I am really good at concise sentence structure, but I am kind of lost when searching for more substantive things to say...so I fill the gaps with meaningless words.

Thanks again,

Jeannie
Jeannie   
Sep 25, 2009
Poetry / What style is this? Is it even poetry? [12]

Skydiver's Prayer

Write my soul in the clouds
Lay it bare for Truth to see
Find me worthy of the light I've gathered
Left by Angels who've flown with me

And on their wings I'll ride
Till dest iny calls me 'round
A time so short and sweet is done
As I flut ter to the ground

This totally baffles me. It seams as though the first part of my poem is free-verse, but the second is iambic. Am I getting close to "hearing" the rhythm?

I know I am being a bit needy (because I am...), but I do appreciate your teaching!
Jeannie   
Sep 25, 2009
Writing Feedback / A paragraph about Dreams [9]

flower dreams as real
wishing, waiting, slumber grows
in time, sun shines hope
Jeannie   
Sep 25, 2009
Writing Feedback / A paragraph about Dreams [9]

HI, Mermaid!

Sorry, I didn't realize you were asking for help with this, but I remember thinking that if you were, I wouldn't know where to begin. That is why I wrote back in haiku form...haiku that only makes sense to me if you get my drift...

You lost me after "Dreams are just like flowers[...]." The rest of the sentence is a real mess, I'm afraid. :\

How about this:

Dreams are like flowers; both need nurturing to thrive.

I think that is what you tried to say...
Jeannie   
Sep 26, 2009
Undergraduate / Elaborate on ONE of your activities (common application) (basketball) [14]

"I have always been fond of such activities because they give me a chance to free myself from the onerous chores at home, and to indulge myself in what I love to do."

Is the comma in this sentence necessary?

I agree with everyone; the first is better. I also agree that the last sentence sounded more like you like the ball's dirt on your sweaty skin (I know what you meant).

"Next, with my left hand, I slowly caress and wipe the sweat off my glossy arm. I smile at these sights, feeling satisfied and accomplished. I savor every moment of touching that ball."
Jeannie   
Sep 26, 2009
Undergraduate / "pushing my legs to run" - Common App - Short Answer [6]

You might be able to get rid of some words (highlighted) and also use a semicolon in a few places top get rid of a couple. This will give you some wiggle room for any additional thoughts.

It was extremely hot and my heart was racing, but I couldn't stop then. The bend was coming and I could see a girl beginning to push ahead {gaining on??} of me through my peripheral view. It was my Junior year and Spring Track had just begun, this practice being my first time ever pushing my legs to run for so long. The marker was up ahead and the girl's feet were suddenly in step with mine. This cannot happen, I thought to myself. Newly inspired, I inhaled deeply and ignored the pain in the arches of my feet. I widened my stride for mere seconds until my foot made contact with the spray-painted line signaling 200 meters. I staggered to a stop and tried to ,circulating as much air as possible into my {through my??} lungs. I loved the feeling of accomplishment;, but next time, I'll stick to the 100 meter sprint.

Now you have a little more room. :) This program won't let me preview, so I have to send "as is". I hope this helps! It's a good essay!
Jeannie   
Oct 10, 2009
Undergraduate / 'Silence in the house' - common app: Topic of choice [19]

jamespotter_z7
As funny as it may seam, we have a saying for what you are trying to express; it is "I have butterflies in my belly." I thought of this as an amusing irony after reading Stephen's reply about the literal meaning of "viscera." He will probably write back and say there is no way butterflies can be in ones belly. Haha! (just kidding, Stephen).

You could also say "I had a strange flip-flop sensation in my belly..."

Stephen is right about the word, viscera, though, and it is so weird, when I read an ESL essay, to discover how complicated and contradictory the English language is!

Your essay was so visceral (look that one up, haha!); I wouldn't change a thing past the normal grammar checks. I cried, and I remembered how lonely it felt when I traveled alone throughout my many adventures. I feel ya, bro, great story! P.S. I really appreciate that you are learning the English language so well because I am afraid I will be a while learning Vietnamese! :D

Blue skies!
Jeannie
Jeannie   
Oct 10, 2009
Undergraduate / 'Silence in the house' - common app: Topic of choice [19]

EF_Sean

Regarding your question about verbs and adverbs and their uses (as Sean pointed out), Yes, it does matter about the adverbs. The suffix ,-ly, describes the action.

In your example of the sentence, "So pleasantly, yet so chillingly.," you are describing nothing because you did not make a complete sentence...there is no verb (action) to describe. It was pleasantly and chillingly...what? Furthermore, chillingly is an adverb that roots in the word "chilling." I believe you were trying to describe how chilly it was in the room - meaning it was cold - and "chilly" is its own description as Sean related in his post. You could use adverbs like "amazingly" or "really" or "very" to further describe chilly, but it is already a perfect adverb. Why spoil it?

Instead, you could make a sentence with just the words "chilly" and "pleasant." A little twist of punctuation helps. Note the semi-colon.

A gentle breeze flows by, swaying the photo of my family on the shelf (was your family on the shelf??). It wafts the scent of pine over my face; pleasant but chilly.

Does that make sense?
Blue skies!
Jeannie
Jeannie   
Oct 10, 2009
Undergraduate / Drugs Are Cool (University of Pittsburgh Undergraduate Application) [8]

Work on the first one. It was much better (plus, I hate the word "cliche"...mostly because it is cliche, but also because I have never learned how to put that syllable emphasis thingy on the word...).

The first one you submitted is nearly perfect!
How do you put that thingy there?

:D
blue skies, jeannie
Jeannie   
Oct 10, 2009
Grammar, Usage / whats the difference between somones and someone's ? [17]

Hi, neuromancer!

"Someone's" needs the "e" in the middle to assist the reader with pronunciation. I don't know why, but if it were not there, it would be pronounced differently (even in our head).

"So" is pronounced differently than "sow", and because of the many antonyms and synonyms in the English language (words that sound alike but mean something different or words that are spelled the same but mean something entirely different), we have to put an "e" at the end of some words to differentiate the sound and clarify the meaning.

Yes, I am even confused by this! Does (see...if the "e" were not there, the pronunciation would be a hard "o" as in...groan..."doe" and the plural of "doe" is "does.") anyone have a better answer?

Really good question! Consider me baffled! Teehee!

Jeannie
Jeannie   
Oct 10, 2009
Undergraduate / "Benny? Benny?! Where are you?" (Rutgers essay appl.) [18]

how could somebody take credit for that kind of experience to make it pertain to the essay jeanine?

Hi, metrostar25!

Thanks, I see where I didn't make that clear.

In the last part of the essay where Daniel is talking about his volunteer work with mentally challenged children, it seems as though he/she is standing back and watching everything unfold. I suggested a more active voice here in order to let the reader know that he/she had an active role in changing the lives of these kids. "I volunteered to work with them; I taught them; I supervised them; I showed them; I loved them."

This is a great essay, and I got the impression that the writer is a very selfless individual with an empathy that many of us lack. This outstanding quality should be the shining example of why he or she should be chosen ahead of others, and in order for this quality to stand out, an active voice is needed.

Does that make more sense?

PS. Sorry to talk around you, Daniel. I hope I made myself clearer for you! :D

Blue skies!
Jeannie
Jeannie   
Oct 13, 2009
Undergraduate / "Benny? Benny?! Where are you?" (Rutgers essay appl.) [18]

Good point, metrostar, but I disagree somewhat. There are many ways in which to use a more active voice without the constant, obnoxious, and literal use of "I," but I see no wrong in the judicious use of "I" when one is attempting to sell oneself in a well-written application essay, do you?

Blue skies!

Jeannie
Jeannie   
Oct 13, 2009
Undergraduate / Elaborate on ONE of your activities (common application) (basketball) [14]

EF_Stephen
Excellent! Yes, that is so true! I could not put my finger on what the matter was, but it was because my thoughts and feelings surrounding the last statement lent an entirely different emotional response to the words (sweaty, shiny, dirty...you get the drift). That is a brilliant epiphany for me as a >wannabeneverevergonnagetpaidtobe< writer, and I will remember that! Best thing I have learned in a while! Thanks!

Blue skies!

Jeannie
Jeannie   
Oct 14, 2009
Undergraduate / 'Silence in the house' - common app: Topic of choice [19]

Oh, hush! It's practically perfect...except for one thing, haha! Every time I read my own writing, I find something else. That's why it is so much better to have someone else read it; it saves me the headache...

I wondered how it was when my parents saw me off like this back in Vietnam. Were they sad because their baby son had left, or were (missed a word there, ANh:) they happy to know that I was about to take a journey full of knowledge and experiences? I didn't know. But I hoped it was the second one. Because I knew I was. < you were what?

By the way, ANh, since you are already proficient, here is another thing you can say:

When we speak of one thing following another, we often say the 'former' and the 'latter' to express what came before (formerly) or after (lately). The former girlfriend came before the latest, or 'latter'.

"Were they sad because their baby son had left, or were they happy to know that I was about to take a journey full of knowledge and experiences? I didn't know. But I like to think it was the latter.

COOL, HUH?
Blue skies!
Jeannie I still love this story!

PS. I don't know how tough your teacher is, but I believe that this paper is very close to being complete. Don't sweat it too much or you will end up wrecking the best parts in your frantic pursuit of perfection. Just my old-age talking...but experience counts sometimes. I have a file called "beautiful stories by someone else" I hope you will allow me to copy your essay there. Thanks.
Jeannie   
Oct 14, 2009
Poetry / I just wanted to share my latest extension of 100 word prose [4]

The wanton breeze, blowing fickle. Flickering candle flames and tendrils of loose hair. Making me long to fly once again. Da Vinci had it right. I lift my arms, showing a graceful pose to the city lights far below and lean far over the cement barrier between me and my love. With only a bit of pain, wings push through and form solid on my back. Beautiful orange, yellow, and purple feathers meld into a soothing golden glow. I gently brush tears from my face with their tips then hold them out proudly for the wind to catch. I fly.

beneath fragile wings
shoulders slumped
as daylight thinned
into the end rancid
days

iridescence floated
downward into slick seas
as feathers clung
to dampen spirit's
evening

gentle hands grasped
her knees as she sat
on cliffside horizons
wings spread to stellar
night

folded about her
bleak last moments
of quills dipt in inks
and dotted with life
mornings

and then will she rise
above blackened weeds
what charred remains
choked her breath
expired

her sacrificed nest
wings oiled with soot
as she spits foul blood
molten reminders
afloat

~jeannie
Jeannie   
Oct 14, 2009
Poetry / I just wanted to share my latest extension of 100 word prose [4]

and here is another...I have Finals this week and need some relief from the endless analytical words. Those cold words that bring no comfort! 100 words on comfort.

Warmth and rain for my flowers mixed in a hurried need to lesson the pollution that is sure to taint, and only I care that my new kitten is suckling his momma's breast regardless of her status as top dog; the feetsy slippers of my newly acquired change of life. Comfort is had in squishy noises that hold no breadth or sustenance; only the shivery, soulless joy of need. Jumping joy, and the calm comfort of normalcy brings my freedom back, and my sense of honesty, for who in the world would ever want a cat? Shhh, here he comes.
Jeannie   
Oct 14, 2009
Poetry / I just wanted to share my latest extension of 100 word prose [4]

Thanks, Kevin! I have a lot of need for advise! This time, however, I was just sharing my babblings. I always know I will like the finished product when I make myself cry (or laugh hysterically) through the entire telling, haha, weird, I know! Some of the other moderators have pointed me toward learning meter because I requested some instruction; I have never taken a poetry class...

I am working on a decent poem with the very basic rules of meter and iambic pentameter, and I will need some advice then, you can be sure! It is all very complicated when you have spent so many years just writing however you want. The above is pretty typical of my "style," if you can call it that.

Thanks again for your kind words!
Blue skies!
Jeannie
Jeannie   
Oct 15, 2009
Writing Feedback / Toefl iBT, integrated task: Invasive plants are a growing problem. [3]

Tuan, What is your assignment? It appears that you are writing a book report...or something like it. Please always include the instructions so that we know what you are attempting to write about.

Let me know :)
Blue skies!

Jeannie
Jeannie   
Oct 15, 2009
Undergraduate / "every single sport and after school activity" - college application essay. [3]

Fair rough draft!:) Now you need to include how this all ties in to your future endeavors at (institution name), and why you should be chosen for admission at said institution. I like the topic, you just need to organize it as a selling point. The whole bit about trying different things 'till you find your niche kind of says you lack focus, so be careful with that, it is an app essay, after all.

You are doing fine. Send the new version tomorrow (with an ending that supports your wish to be accepted at University), and I will help you tighten it up a bit.

Blue skies, Alexandra!
Jeannie
Jeannie   
Oct 15, 2009
Writing Feedback / "The most delicious meal I have ever eaten..." - Descriptive Essay [3]

Coming home from a long shift from at work...hmmm...what strikes me is the back and forth of tenses throughout the essay. Be sure to read through this and match the tenses; had, was, has, is. I'll get back to you if you come back to the site. Otherwise, I'll be busy roasting a fat chicken while gathering rosemary and thyme from the garden, rolling the herbs gently between my fingers to test their ripeness, and sniffing the aroma of each one to be sure it will meet with the chicken's approval. I am starving!

Teehee! Blue skies!
Jeannie
Jeannie   
Oct 15, 2009
Undergraduate / "Benny? Benny?! Where are you?" (Rutgers essay appl.) [18]

Haha! No, metrostar! That is not what I am saying at all, but if you would like me to explain further, you can reach me at my e-mail address. It seems you and I are the only ones discussing this topic at this juncture, and I feel the discussion should be moved to another venue, agreed?

Blue skies!
Jeannie   
Oct 18, 2009
Research Papers / The Conflict of Coastal Urbanization and Water Management [7]

This is my final draft for my final project for environmental science class, it is in APA format, but I can't figure out how to make it come out that way here (and I could really use some help with APA!). Oh well, can ya'll eyeball it for me, my dog still hasn't learned to read. Thanks for your help, I know it's kinda long (boy do I...):

The Conflict of Coastal Urbanization and Water Management:
The Effects of Storm Water Run-off on Estuaries in Tampa Bay, Florida


Though attempts are being made to reduce the impact of human habitation on other species' habitats and water resources, there is still much to consider, first of which is how to allow for the replenishment of surface waterways and aquifers while still providing potable water to more than 4 million people, most of which is used for non-potable activities such as lawn watering, car washing, swimming pools, and even flushing toilets.

Fresh surface waters such as lakes, rivers, and wetlands have been depleted at an unsustainable rate to the point that we are seeing once vibrant rivers running at a trickle or lakes with a shoreline 70 feet from the boat ramps and docks. The only reservoir that serves the Tampa Bay Region, C.W. Bill Young Regional Reservoir (Young Reservoir), ran dry this year after only four short years in operation.

The Young Reservoir began filling in the rainy season of 2005 to siphon water from the three largest waterways in the area, the Hillsboro River, the Alafia River, and the Tampa Bypass Canal (TBC). It is an above-ground reservoir with a 15 million gallon capacity at a depth of 136.5 feet. It was designed to collect and save water for the Tampa Bay region, and is capable of sustaining the population through periods of extreme drought for up to six months (Tampa Bay Water, 2007). The purpose of this reservoir was sorely tested by a drought that began just months after its first fill, since then the water levels slowly but surely declined to the point where this 15 million gallon pool became a 130 gallon drop in a big bucket. With the river sources and the canal dry, and the aquifer below viable levels, the pumps shut down, and the toughest watering restrictions in history were placed on Tampa Bay's residents. Meanwhile, millions of gallons of treated sewer water and storm water run-off was making its way into the mouth of the bay.

Many offers for studies have been presented over the years, and there is still ongoing debate as well as resistance to diverting storm water run-off to replenish aquifers in out-lying, rural or suburban areas. In 2008, the Mayor of Tampa, Pam Iorio, refused to consider a proposal by the Southwest Florida Water Management District (Swiftmud) to use the water currently being dumped in the bay to recharge the aquifers along the Hillsborough and Alafia River basin. Mayor Iorio believed, then, that it was right to keep the reclaimed water as an alternate source for Tampa residents. The problem is, there are not enough pipelines to get that water to the prospective consumer and even at $3 for 2000 gallons, it is impractical if not impossible for residents to retrieve it from the treatment plant and transport it back to their homes or businesses (J. Zink, 2008).

When you consider the fact that many of our bay waters are off-limits to shellfish harvesting, and many bay beaches are closed weekly due to high bacteria levels, and the sea life is washing ashore, dead; indeed, with the increasing algae blooms off the coast of Florida (Schrope, 2008) and the decimation of sea grasses and tidal vegetation, it is baffling that any resistance to a sustainable plan for storm water run-off such as that proposed by Swiftmud is an actuality. The argument is ongoing, but reason will surely win the day with enough public support.

There have been many success stories in the pursuit of sustainable water management and habitat restoration in the Tampa Bay region, and the Tampa Bypass Canal (TBC) is one of them. The TBC was originally constructed to stem the flood waters of the Hillsborough River, but major in-stream habitats as well as surrounding habitats were destroyed in the process. What was once a 50 feet wide, 3.5 feet deep, stream with thick vegetation and wetlands became a canal 14 miles long, 500-630 feet wide and 20 feet deep that not only takes on high water from the Hillsborough River, but is also capable of stopping tidal intrusions from storm surge that passes more than 4.7 miles upstream (Powell, Montagna, & Walton, 2005)

Constructed between 1966 to 1982, the TBC turned out to be a prophetic undertaking when growth and urban sprawl is pondered. The ruination of the habitats that formerly resided along the 14 miles where the TBC was built would long ago have been wiped out by human habitation, and the humans would have found themselves underwater. Today, the TBC hosts a rich waterway for wildlife, fish, birds, vegetation, and recreation cohabiting the same area. Unfortunately, what goes in must come out, and the mouth of the canal opens into McKay Bay, a small inlet of Tampa Bay where the salinity levels are not conducive to many aquatic creatures.

The reason that storm water run-off into coastal estuaries must be limited is because it gathers with it every pollutant along its course to the sea. From pesticides to animal feces, all of these harmful additions add to the decline in marine species as well as the vegetation that support the habitat of animals who make their living by the salt water. Many areas, such as McKay Bay have been written off as viable estuarial restoration projects because of the decreased dissolved oxygen that resulted from the increase in nutrients from storm water run-off from the TBC. In fact, scientist from the Aquatic Science Associates involved in a peer review of South Florida Water Management's (Swiftmud) plan to establish minimum flows into McKay Bay were incapable of giving scientific feedback on the point because Swiftmud stated, "In the end, the District's net conclusion is that the TBC flood control system is so highly altered that resource protection will be difficult if not impossible to achieve by water flow management alone [...]." (Powell, Montagna, & Walton, 2005).

Harvesting shellfish such as stone crab, oysters, and clams is strictly forbidden in McKay Bay and upstream areas due to the public health risk, but it is not really a worry because finding a live shellfish in that area is almost impossible; eating the fish you catch is "at your own risk" mainly because fish have a greater ability to come and go. How puzzling is it, then, that the residents of Greater Tampa Bay would rather spend $300 million to desalinate only 25 million gallons per day of water when we are allowing 55-100 million gallons per day of treated or reclaimed fresh water to flow into the Bay?

It is clear that more studies into making storm water into drinkable water need to be and are being done. More water treatment plants along the canals should be considered in the "30 year plan," and the planting of swales along the paths of storm water flows before it reaches the streets and driveways of our populace should be in the "this week" plan. Instead of planting unsustainable, water-hungry trees and plants in 13-foot-wide medians, use the money to plant a rain garden along the roadside so the water has a chance to go into the soil, and can at least be filtered prior to running off into the Bay.

Another way to combat the conflict between the need for fresh water and the lack of time to replenish it would be to adopt rules for new construction to include grey water plumbing systems, and federal, state, and local incentives to modifying existing homes for use of grey water systems. The argument that all the grey water will end up in the ground instead of being treated for reclamation is unsound in that reclaiming the aquifers is the first process to a viable sustainment plan. Surface water replenishment can only benefit by the use of grey water systems as well because the need for it will diminish.

More education needs to be done for the public to really understand the enormity of the problem. It is like going to a trail-riding ranch and hopping on a horse that provides you with hours of entertainment for $30. One might feel that he got his money's worth when he ran it the whole way, but he failed to understand the hours or care it will take to heal its injury and the costs involved in sustaining a living, breathing creature. The man will go again next weekend, and they will trot out a different horse.

Education from the Top Government official on down to the lowliest child needs to take place, media campaigns and signs on garbage cans need to drive the message home, alternative

sources of pest eradication, as well as biological eradication methods, need to be taught on every local nightly news segment, and people should pay a lot more for their water.

According to the City of Tampa, the average per capita use of drinking water is 106 gallons per day. Considering that some are using thousands more per day, while others are doing their part to keep their usage under 100 gallons per day, some even using as little as 29 gallons per day, it is safe to say that the idea of "average" needs some consideration, and the use of "per capita" should be curtailed until it reflects the reality of the disparity in consumption. Let us say that the average person needs only 106 gallons of water a day. If a tax is levied at 10% for usage from 106 gallons to 200 gallons, and 20% tax for usage between 200-300 gallons per day, and so on, the mega-users will soon pay for the cost of larger desalinization plants, grey water plumbing system installation, reclamation projects and disbursement and transport costs as well as all the energy needed to sustain them.

It would be nice to squeal from inadvertently shuffling under a live horseshoe crab on its way to shore for breeding rather than finding them barely alive in the mangroves with the sticky sound of luck running out.

References
Tampa Bay Water. (2007). C.W. Young Regional Reservoir. Retrieved May 23, 2009 from:
tampabaywater.org/watersupply/tbreservoir.aspx
J. Zink. (2008). St. Petersburg Times. Officials Weigh Waste Water Solutions in Hillsborough.
Retrieved May 26, 2009 from: tampabay.com/news/localgovernment/article735892.ece?comments =legacy
M. Schrope. (May, 2008). Nature. Vol.452, p24-26. Oceanography: Red Tide Rising. Retrieved
May 27, 2009 from Ebscohost
G. Powell, P. Montagna, R. Walton. (2005). Aquatic Science Associates. Minimum Flows
For the Tampa Bypass Canal. p6. Retrieved May 29, 2009 from swfwmd.state.fl.us/projects/mfl/reports/mflreport [/url] -tbc_peerreview.pdf
W. Yongshan, J. Labadie, K. Konyha, & T. Conboy. Journal of Water Resources
Planning and Management. Vol. 132, p320-329. Optimization of Frequency Distribution of Storm-Water Discharges for Coastal Ecosystem Restoration. Retrieved May 30, 2009 from Ebscohost.
Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission. (2009). Algal Blooms. Red Tide in Florida.
Retrieved May 30, 2009 from: research.myfwc.com/features/view_article.asp?id=24936