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Posts by Asphodel
Name: Huang,Tianyi
Joined: Apr 2, 2018
Last Post: Oct 7, 2019
Threads: 4
Posts: 8  
Likes: 3
From: China
School: NKU

Displayed posts: 12
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Asphodel   
Apr 3, 2018
Writing Feedback / TOEFL-it is my friends in college that made up my most important memories of the more grown-up stage [5]

TOEFL Writing task
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:
Students are more influenced by their teachers than by their friends


good teachers and friends as a treasure to cherish



It's true that a good teacher can benefit one's whole life. For instance, I can easily name several of my favorite teachers at middle school, those who drastically influenced my view toward the world and the meaning of life. However, when I asked the question, "What about my college teachers", my mind suddenly went blank. In fact, it is my friends in college that made up my most important memories of the more grown-up stage in life.

Thus I believe that younger students are more likely to be influenced by their teachers than by friends, while senior students, in order words "young adults", tend to be more influenced by their friends.

Teachers are in some way like an authority to young students, and pretty much an admirable one that students may value their approval so much. In the meantime, when disapproval is somehow emphasized, a student may feel deeply hurt. I have a middle school friend who was fat at that time but morbidly thin now, by keeping a diet never eating meat anymore. When we suggested her not to do so in such an extreme way and ask her the reason why, she recalled that our teacher even asked her to dress in boy's clothes because no dress we borrowed could fit her during our annual choir festival back at middle school, which badly hurt her feelings and made her wanted to lose weight desperately. Even though we all know that fat girls generally have pressure from many aspects, the one engraved in her mind was the reaction from our teacher.

After admiration comes rebellion. Senior students at college who pass the adolescent rebellion period and form sort of independent personality will rely less on teacher's opinion, while opinions from the same generation begin to take control. Friends who sing well and encourage you to join in and have a try help you learn to sing and feel empowered, friends who express their understanding in an organized manner makes you want to have a deep discussion with him/her, and friends who have the same passion with you on a specific subject may even become your future business partner! Forget about the teachers!

Though quite dramatic, I believe such change is in accordance with the natural process of individual development in personality. As for me, I personally value good teachers and good friends in my life both as treasures to cherish.
Asphodel   
Apr 10, 2018
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2: production of consumer goods vs environment [3]

Here you proposed overpopulation as the cause, but as I understand it, it is precisely the cause of increasing demand for consumer goods, rather than the cause the essay prompt is asking for. One can argue that even without the trend of overpopulation, increase of consumer goods will not be stopped because people's ever growing desire of a more comfortable, even luxury lifestyle, or other alternative prospects. Given the fact that the increase of consumer goods is a prerequisite, and so as the prompt indicates, you should think of optimizing the production procedures, strengthening regulations on pollution, or educating the public, etc. as ways to solve this problem.

Actually, in the second half of your second paragraph, you did explain in what ways the increase of consumer goods damage the natural environment, thus I suggest you shift your focus to this part.
Asphodel   
Apr 10, 2018
Writing Feedback / TOEFL-it is my friends in college that made up my most important memories of the more grown-up stage [5]

Merged:

(totally rewrite) TOEFL-Students are more influenced by their teachers than by their friends



TOEFL Writing task
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:
Students are more influenced by their teachers than by their friends


It's true that good teachers give us valuable knowledge and lessons for live, however it is our friends who give us each and every bit of advice on almost everything. Typically as a student, having the precious chance of making as many friends as possible, friends surely influence us more than teaches do.

First and foremost, we spend a lot more time with friends than with teachers as a student. As the saying goes, no man is an island. We naturally spend a huge amount of time with our friends out of social demand, either at school or in spare time, even without noticing. For example, not only bad students have the experience of chattering with their voice down during class with a close friend, enjoying the little cleverness not being caught by the teachers, we may all have. Whereas teachers rather focus on delivering knowledge to students, instead of purely sharing interests with joyfulness. As a result, we tend to draw more attention to what leaves us with deep impression, and in most of the cases that refers to friends' words.

More importantly, we share a lot in common with our friends because we are from the same generation. Leaving in a rapidly advancing world as it is nowadays, the more excitement we have to share with our peers, the more difficult for our teachers to keep up with us students. Take an extreme case, the way of learning is drastically changed compared with a decade ago - we can almost search for anything we want to learn on the internet now, and interact with our peers even living in a faraway country! Can our teachers understand that we may not even need for them? Whereas a friend who also study say, programming, on his own through the internet, can help you speed up with your learning just by offering you a code sharing website! That way friends give us really constructive influences.

In a word, friends possess more characteristics to influence us than teachers. They are available, closely related to our delights and problems, thus easier to communicate emotions with or earn practical suggestions from.
Asphodel   
Apr 15, 2018
Writing Feedback / Group members as well as the tour guide both add restrictions to the travel [3]

Do you agree or disagree:
The best way to travel is in a group led by a tour guide.


the best pleasure from traveling



It's true that the easiest way to go traveling is to leave all the planning work to a travel agency, and just sign in to a group tour led by a tour guide. However, I do have certain concerns, and personal experience as well, which support my belief that traveling in a group led by a tour guide is not the best way.

First, it's much harder to get along very well with a group of people, because you may come from different age groups, and therefore have different interests in many aspects. Take myself for example, I once traveled in a group trip to Taiwan, and we had one schedule for buying some local specialties made of stones. I remember the five old ladies in my group was found of that arrangement, but my friend and I spent the whole afternoon playing games on our phones. Further, this difference of interests would lead to unpleasant situations. Think about it when you were admiring some beautiful art crafts in a museum, while some people in your group are busy taking pictures with their funny postures and talking aloud. How annoying would it be?

On the other hand, the tour guide is another great concern about group trip. Aside from providing comprehensive background knowledge of the sites you are visiting, tour guide in reality often put many stress on their group members. In some extreme cases, tour guides even force their group members to buy things from some specified shops, in order to make much money! But if you think about it in another way that we are living in such a world where information is overwhelming, so we can conveniently get any description we want if we are really curious about the sites on our way. For example, many museums offer audio tour guides on a reasonable price, and you will be free to explore your journey follow your own pace.

To put it in one word, I think group members as well as the tour guide both add restrictions which I want most to get rid of. That's why I don't think it's the best way to travel in a group led by a tour guide.

Please help me with specific suggestions, like grammar mistakes or inappropriate use of words etc., and do I address this topic from an appropriate point of view. Thank you very much!
Asphodel   
Apr 18, 2018
Writing Feedback / IELTS Academic Discussion Essay - Spending money on improving existing public trasport [3]

Your second paragraph didn't express your reason against spending money on very fast trains clearly because you didn't give your reason until the last sentence, which didn't specify what the "complains" and "later improvement", either. So I suggest you pose your reasons in the first place and unfold it, instead of providing useless examples supporting the opposite side of your point of view.

Hope my comment is in a way helpful.
Asphodel   
Apr 18, 2018
Writing Feedback / Movies and television have more positive impact on young people than the negative - TOEFL [2]

TOEFL writing task 2:
Do you agree or disagree: movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave.


It's true that movies and television shows are largely commercialized nowadays thereby leave an impression of overemphasizing entertainment and are lack of deeper meanings. However, despite the fact that some commercialized elements could have misleading effect on young people, the overall impact of movies and TV shows is more positive in the way that they either deliver positive themes of stories or bring controversial topics to discussion, both of which are important inspirations especially for young audience.

First, the theme of a movie or TV show is positive at most of the time. One could argue that commercialized movies, for example the superhero type or the 007 type, are always filled with fights and killings and visually striking explosions, and even bloody scenes, all of which present a violent picture to young people and should be considered as bad influence. However, the simplest theme of the movies mentioned above is justice, where the good triumph over the evil. Similarly, TV shows could be talking about made up crimes and have hosts and guests playing detectives, but what it tries to convey in the end is the awareness of both the strength and weakness of human beings. Such themes will definitely contribute to a positive impact and help to eliminate the potential misunderstanding, if any, caused by violent elements.

More importantly, movies and TV shows provide topics that can lead to heated discussion in reality, bringing up diverse opinions of one topic for young people to think for themselves. In such cases, whether the movie or TV show itself provide a "correct" interpretation is not important, compared to the opportunity it offers to involve young people into independent thinking. For instance, TV shows related to the daily activities of kids are always controversial. Some people argue that kids should be protected in an environment not affected by overwhelming public attention, while others enjoy the show and appreciate the cleverness or loveliness of the kids stating that it's nothing wrong to be famous in an early age. For young people, they can choose to stand on either side and some of them do take their position and defend themselves with their own reasons. Surely they can learn a lot from that.

In conclusion, not only do movies and TV shows possess themes that are largely positive, but also they provide real issues worth discussing about among young people, both of which create more positive impact than the negative.

Please help me with specific comments, for example pointing out grammar mistakes or inappropiate use of words etc, or evaluate my overall organization of discussion. Thank you very much!
Asphodel   
Oct 7, 2019
Writing Feedback / Televisions and movies can affect us either in a bad way or in a good way [5]

"...channels displaying some thing things ..."
And I believe you should give a summarized opinion in the last sentence of your opening paragraph. Since you talk about both bad and good influences in your main body, it's not appropriate to just point to the "bad ways" here.

"Moreover, the main idea purposeof watching TV of for a majority of ... information to get that gives a broader ..."

Too many "of" and "to"s in this sentence. You can try different prepositions or small clauses to make your sentences more diversified.
Asphodel   
Oct 7, 2019
Writing Feedback / Should schools be entertaining or educating? [4]

First, there's no need for sentences like:
"This essay will analyse both ...".

Secondly, some of your word choices cannot precisely express your meaning, like:
"... children's development skills by ..."
- I'm not sure "skills" can be "encouraged", and it should be "entertaining methodology".
"For example, my son becomes ..."
- It's too general to make a sound example.
Asphodel   
Oct 7, 2019
Writing Feedback / "media have a greater influence over people's lives than politician" What is greater influence [3]

Hi~
I think your opinion is quite clear from your first and last paragraph, but I just feel it's not a strong statement that politicians leave a minor influence just because they innervate late.

Also, the linking words you use are pretty misleading:
"On the one hand" refers to a part of an issue that is of equal importance, but actually you want to emphasis this paragraph comparing to the next paragraph.

"However" gives a strong emphasis on the things following, but actually you are not in favor of the politicians' influence.

In addition, I suggest you find another way to introduce the topic through your first sentence. Even though you used different words, you still repeated the task description in a very specific way.
Asphodel   
Oct 7, 2019
Graduate / Statement of Purpose for Ms materials science and tech [3]

Hi~
I'm impressed by the story of your change of perspective, but would it be more "hit the point" to place your internship experience at the beginning, and reduce the emphasis a little bit on your previous mentality? Please just take it as an alternative suggestion because I'm new to personal-statement writings.

Good luck with your application :-)
Asphodel   
Oct 7, 2019
Graduate / My intention to take a graduate level computer science programme in the UK - application statement [2]

Please note that I use "UXXX" in replacement of the university's name, and welcome to include hints tailor to UK universities if there's any. Thank you!

Personal Statement for MSc Computer Science



My intention to take a graduate level computer science programme mainly comes from my shift of interest from laboratory research to an application-oriented industrial career path, and so is the reason why I'm leaving my previous PhD programme in biology with a master's degree.

My attention to computer science was unsurprisingly brought up by the thrilling achievements artificial intelligence made within the past few years. Originated from the eager for understanding what's the difference between artificial intelligence and biological intelligence, I gradually discovered that my interest in their common ground at the 'algorithm level' overweighed their difference at the 'implementation level'. More importantly, modern AI technology introduces me to a wide range of real-world problems this powerful tool can solve, and raises my desire in working from an engineering perspective. In the meantime, I found myself not that comfortable working with wet-lab experiments all day long, so I switched to a project focusing on neuroanatomy, practically dealing with more dry-lab image-processing and analysis, and tried to utilize some CNN networks in my own project. Fortunately, I got my supervisor's kind support on this change of path, and he aided me in building up the image processing and neuron morphology reconstruction pipeline for our customized imaging system. Finding my passion lies more in application-oriented questions, I started to think about pursuing my future career in IT-related industries instead of academia in Biology.

UXXX impressed me with its {a particular institution's name} when I first got into the field of Neuroscience, and it was {a leading researcher's name}'s review on {topic name} that opened the door for me to this interdisciplinary field. Although I'm presently not proficient enough on both sides to combine the two, it is naturally the first place that comes across my mind to dig my potentials. In a more practical sense, I'm really excited about the {a specific section} UXXX's Computer Science Department offers because it's exactly what I need to get firsthand experience in the industry. Above all, I really respect UXXX's global vision and its emphasis on innovation, which makes it my dreamland of study.

Getting into details about this programme, I find it suitable for me mainly because it covers the whole picture in Computer Science for non-CS background students. Apart from what I learnt through my lab work on image processing, I also got to know the importance of the parts I don't really understand. For example, I knew very little about how software is built and executed at an architectural level, which I found vital when I tried to incorporate existing pieces of software from different sources. And database knowledge was also needed to manage the large amount of data we generated in our lab. I'm glad these content are all included in the compulsory modules. As for the optional and elective modules, I'm particularly interested in the AI-related and management-related ones, which just fit my intended career path.

I'm also confident in handling this course with my previous experience. I learnt C++ programming as part of my undergraduate curriculum, and completed online courses in Deep Learning on Coursera in addition to my lab research. As part of my master's research project, I worked on developing the post-acquisition processing pipeline that synthesizes 3D image blocks back to a big volume of a whole mouse brain, and reconstructs single neuron morphology. One of my major contributions is correcting distortion caused by mechanical sectioning of the brain sample during imaging, using the Elastix toolbox. I learnt about types of image transformation and how intensity-based registration algorithms work and successfully tuned the parameter sets to fit our extremely 'sparse' signal distribution, which is different from typical biomedical images that Elastix was designed to work with. At the same time, I got experienced with writing Matlab scripts to implement functions like integrating different command-line software tools and detecting signal missing cases for optimizing the image-acquisition procedure. I also collaborated with a graduate student working on CNN network design to train a segmentation using our manually labeled images, based on her network developed using public neuron reconstruction dataset. Although I didn't craft the network myself, I reviewed the python implementation I practiced in the Coursera Course, and learnt about the basic elements of a typical U-net and its advantage in pixel-wise semantic segmentation problems. Related work was summarized into a modest paper and is currently under review.

For mathematical skills, I checked A-level syllabus and find it's equivalent to the level required for the Chinese College Entrance Exam, which I performed well. During college, I had Advanced Mathematics courses that covered advanced differential and integral calculus, linear algebra, and probability theory, and Biostatistics course teaching statistical analysis in biological context. Moving into the field of Neuroscience and image processing during my master's, I picked up key concepts in information theory, decision models, Fourier transformation, and mathematical basis for deep learning through classroom courses and online self-learning. So I'll be quite comfortable with self-educating if I come across challenging parts in theoretical aspects of the course.

Should I complete this MSc degree, my first consideration is to become a software engineer in machine learning applications relating to biomedical context, as it could make the most of my background. A second choice is going into consultancies since I learnt from my collaboration experience that sometimes algorithm engineers don't really get the point of what kind of output best represents biological issues. I feel it's important to bridge the gap between different stakeholders and I really enjoy promoting communications that bring out reasonable solutions. I think both of my intentions will benefit a lot from this computer science master's programme, and I'd be happy to share my biological background to the community that welcomes interdisciplinary innovations.

I sincerely wish that my application will be considered with approval.