Posts by EstellePhillips

EstellePhillips

Jul 9, 2019

Writing Feedback / Two different attitudes towards old people [4]

... the government should offer financial support to retirees
The reader might have already know the prompt already so you don't need to repeat it.
... people, as soon as ... Remove the comma.
As a result of industrialization ~~which has ... values~~, more ... neglected by their children. The sentence in red already says the effect is negative.

You can add in the third paragraph why you disagree with the opinion of the other party. Or preferably, how the problem can be fixed.

Overall, your content is great but the third paragraph might convince the reader to side against your opinion.

EstellePhillips

Jul 9, 2019

Writing Feedback / (exchange program application) Successful youth ambassadors and their characteristics [2]

w/n: i am applying for an AFS exchange program and this is one of the five essays required. Any constructive criticism or suggestions are appreciated! Thank you :D

Prompt: what are the characteristics of a youth ambassador need to be successful and how you demonstrated these characteristics.

To be a successful youth ambassador requires a set of qualities they possess: the ability to communicate, flexibility, open-mindedness, compassion, and goal-orientedness.

Considering that youth ambassadors aim to interact with young people in an inspiring and engaging way, the ability to communicate is vital. Gladly, I have learned and demonstrated effective communication through speaking clearly, listening actively, and paying attention to nonverbal cues.

Flexibility and open-mindedness are also essential because it helps us adapt to new cultural norms and collaborate with all kinds of people. I demonstrate these two qualities by reacting positively to foreign concepts even if it challenges my values and beliefs because not all people think or see things the same way as I do.

Another needed characteristic is compassion towards others and one's self. Practicing this virtue motivates us to take action for community development and fix global issues. My example of compassion is helping others and volunteering in community activities. You may know more in the fifth essay.

Last is being goal-oriented. Apparently, major goals such as "creating a just and peaceful world" can't be achieved overnight. How I work towards my goals is not a race. Rather, it's a marathon. I wouldn't be discouraged if the goal seemed to be far-reaching and difficult. I would just constantly achieve smaller tasks that up my progress even if it's slow.

(no conclusion yet because my brain is tired)