Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by srandhawa
Joined: Oct 28, 2009
Last Post: Jun 7, 2010
Threads: 10
Posts: 157  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 167 / page 5 of 5
sort: Latest first   Oldest first  | 
srandhawa   
Oct 28, 2009
Undergraduate / 'From blank page to meaningful work' - event accomplishment or experience [4]

i usually dont give out praise easily, but this really was a very good essay. Your introduction is excellent, the whole first half is nice. I think you start to lose a little talking too much about details of your work, remember, its about talking about how this changed you and i think you got to caught up in this and as a result wrote a rather medicore conclusion which didn't reveal too much about you. Still, this is fixable, if you go about writing the conclusion with the same kind of passion you did with the intro and put a little more analysis in your body of the essay, you should be in very good shape.
srandhawa   
Oct 28, 2009
Undergraduate / 150 word essay about playing DOUBLE BASS [6]

I really like the second half of this essay after a relatively slow start, except for the last line. The lines "Whenever I become frustrated, I relieve my tension and stress by synchronizing myself with the deep resonating sound that accompanies me to my most composed state. I sit on my stool, relax my tightened muscles, calm my fatigued mind, and gently close my weary eyes eventually to be consumed by my only cure. Before long, I am completely immersed in the melody, reaching the blank state that I have so longed" is very good. However, you should work on the intro and conclusion, because these both leave a lot to be desired. The conclusion is not a strong way to finish off the essay and the intro does not grab the readers attention, in such a short essay, that's a must. Still, you have something good to build off, remember you don't need to use the whole 150 word limit.
srandhawa   
Oct 28, 2009
Undergraduate / "trip to the Gurdwara" - University of Michigan Diversity Essay [10]

Thanks alot in advance, any comments are welcome, constructive criticism especially appreciated. I know this is a rough draft, I'll still be working on it, my question is do you understand the message I'm trying to convey and does it seem too extreme? Most importantly, do I answer the question?

Share an experience through which you have gained respect for intellectual, social, or cultural differences. Comment
on how your personal experiences and achievements would contribute to the diversity of the University of Michigan.

I gaze with awe; it's crisp yet imperious nature before me. I take note of the state of the flag on this day: the state of tranquility achieved through the vigor of it blowing in the air is surreal.

My weekly Sunday trip to the Gurdwara, god's home where the flag lies, always emphasizes a guiding theme of unity. Everybody takes part in Sewa, which is as rudimentary as doing community work, but it's the indomitable power of faith that guides us in these telling moments. The culture created in this congregation is profound; I am immersed in populations of the same form of superficiality six days a week but it is this trip to the gurdwara that adds diversity to my life. When I am here, I aspire to go beyond rudimentary depths to strengthen its existence bounded by our faith.

Such an opportunity lies in the Sikh Youth Symposium in which I relay the virtues of our founding fathers to Sangat. It is my one opportunity to convey a certain rhythm to them, the one opportunity where we are at the same base.

When I speak, I am in a state of harmony where I feel the power of two relationships: between me and Sikh divinity and between me and the power of connecting with the Sangat. The combination of these two is my way of unifying me and Sangat. For those seven minutes, I ultimately realize how compatible faith in Sikhism is with everything I do and the immeasurable awe of the flag's vigor. The path to comprehending this awe derived from faith in a world so culturally different is something I feel I can share with the vibrant Michigan community. It is a community united under the same goal of prosperity in which everybody is united under the divine intervention of the great Michigan tradition. Hopefully, my faith is compatible with the tradition and culture of Michigan.

College of Literature, Science, and the Arts (LSA) What led you to
choose the area(s) of academic interest that you have listed in your
application to the University of Michigan? If you are undecided, what
areas are you most interested in, and why?

The message behind curiosity had been an enigma to me for so long. Where was it leading me? Why was it so undefined? How could I use its power? I was hapless by the depth of this thought.

Two and a half years ago, I did work looking at kidneys from the deceased but was too overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of what I was encountering; it was a situation I had created in my mind. I was too intimidated to progress any further.

This past summer, I did lab work attempting to inhibit growth of BK virus through various drugs. I was immersed in my subject; every drug provided a powerful opportunity, a voice that I refused to ignore. I would spend hours scrutinizing potential effects of every drug and even more time bombarding my lab assistant with ideas and questions. I had no other motive than to indulge my curiosity. I had every scenario played out in my mind before I even started and gave each considerable importance. My determination was bounded by a suppression to not just learn, but to want.

The result of this scrutinizing process: abject failure. Once again, I was simply dominated by the subject. I was paralyzed, I had no answers. The power of these drugs and the nature of the BK virus replication seemed implausible. It was this challenge to my sense of plausibility that left me powerless.

It was the dominant nature of this subject that allowed me to realize just how dynamic it was, but all this did was strengthen my compulsion to find answers. The challenge presented to my curiosity ignited an interest unlike any I have ever had. As it turns out, curiosity need not lead me anywhere, curiosity is the one thing compatible with science and will lead to mediums where I can find answers; however undefined they may first appear to be.
srandhawa   
Oct 28, 2009
Undergraduate / Biology, "mock trial" - University of Michigan Essay [15]

any comments appreciated, does this really reveal something to you, are there any badly used words? Does it seem off topic, do you have a sense of understanding what I'm saying in the last para? just some fodder for thought, but any impressions and comments you have are welcome. Thanks alot.
srandhawa   
Oct 28, 2009
Undergraduate / UC Prompt 1 - "Only Child" [4]

its not a bad essay, but not a great one, you do what you have to, but there is nothing lasting about this, alot of these are just generalizations that could be implied for alot of different essays. Also, while I like the idea of trying to incoroprate another term/phrase in your essay, I don't think "surival of the fittest" really works, sounds artificial and doesn't really enhnace the essay the way you would like. Nothing really jumps out, not the story or what you try to convey to the reader with this essay, this is the type of essay that could use a stronger intro and I think your analysis in the last two paragraphs is also to general. Don't talk about so much as what you want in the future, focus more on you now and how the experiences in the past have shaped you. Finally, be a little more creative in describing your dreams. Don't mean to go on and on tearing this essay apart, as I said its not bad, but you want something more lasting.
srandhawa   
Oct 28, 2009
Undergraduate / Common App Activity- Lack of team spirit in college Science Team [4]

i agree with the above opinion, you have to make this relate to you, why you are passionate, why you want to continue, most importantly, how this has changed you. Your focus should be more on what you ended your essay with and the effect the science team has had on you, not the details about it in such a short essay
srandhawa   
Oct 28, 2009
Undergraduate / Biology, "mock trial" - University of Michigan Essay [15]

College of Literature, Science, and the Arts (LSA) What led you to choose the area(s) of academic interest that you have listed in your application to the University of Michigan? If you are undecided, what areas are you most interested in, and why?

The message behind curiosity had been an enigma to me for so long. Where was it leading me? Why was it so undefined? How could I use its power? I was hapless by the depth of this thought.

Two and a half years ago, I did work looking at kidneys from the deceased but was too overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of what I was encountering; it was a situation I had created in my mind. I was too intimidated to progress any further.

This past summer, I did lab work attempting to inhibit growth of BK virus through various drugs. I was immersed in my subject; every drug provided a powerful opportunity, a voice that I refused to ignore. I would spend hours scrutinizing potential effects of every drug and even more time bombarding my lab assistant with ideas and questions. I had no other motive than to indulge my curiosity. I had every scenario played out in my mind before I even started and gave each considerable importance. My determination was bounded by a suppression to not just learn, but to want.

The result of this scrutinizing process: abject failure. Once again, I was simply dominated by the subject. I was paralyzed, I had no answers. The power of these drugs and the nature of the BK virus replication seemed implausible. It was this challenge to my sense of plausibility that left me powerless.

It was the dominant nature of this subject that allowed me to realize just how dynamic it was, but all this did was strengthen my compulsion to find answers. The challenge presented to my curiosity ignited an interest unlike any I have ever had. As it turns out, curiosity need not lead me anywhere, curiosity is the one thing compatible with science and will lead to mediums where I can find answers; however undefined they may first appear to be.

Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳