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Posts by jefftwomey
Joined: Nov 22, 2009
Last Post: Nov 25, 2009
Threads: 2
Posts: 2  

From: United States of America

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jefftwomey   
Nov 22, 2009
Undergraduate / UC#2 : "You're either getting better, or getting worse, nothing else." [5]

UC prompt #2 Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

I'm just about to submit this and would appreciate any and all feedback. Thank you!

One of the most important lessons I've learned this far in my life is that nothing is static; therefore, you're either getting better or you're getting worse, nothing else. Early on in my life, I was convinced that life is solely to be enjoyed; so having fun is paramount to everything else. As I've matured I've come to realize that enjoying life is not a goal to aim for, but rather a by-product of continuous hard work. Through my experience as an undersized high school football player I have discovered that only when I sincerely and consistently invest all of my time, talent, and effort towards a specific aspiration can I reach my true potential.

Football was the first teacher in my life to clearly demonstrate how much better I can make myself when I fully commit to something, whether it's athletics, academics, or community service. I was always just below-average height, weight, and speed for my age, a disadvantage that was exaggerated by the fact that most kids who play football are the tallest, strongest, and fastest of their peers. I always loved competition, but I knew that sheer athleticism was not going to get me where I wanted to be, starting linebacker. Instead, I had to focus on a different part of the game, the technical and mental aspects. I had to understand all the intricate details of our coverages better than anybody else. Each week the coaches offered sessions to watch film of our upcoming opponents and dissect their tendencies. I was one of the few to attend these religiously; however, I knew this would not be enough to set myself apart. I had to do more, so along with a few other players who were as determined as me to improve, I began organizing informal practices. We would stay late after practice and go over the same plays or drills that our coaches had worked on that day. I also began spending my lunch breaks in the coaches' office being drilled on which coverage works best in which situation, or watching film of our practices and listening to their advice on how I could improve my technique. The time spent with them was invaluable because not only did I master our entire playbook, but also I was able to demonstrate to my coaches how hard I am willing to work to get what I want. I didn't see immediate results, as I was still on the sideline for most of our first few games. That didn't deter me though; in fact, it motivated me to work harder because I knew I had the potential to play. It wasn't until the fourth game of our season that our starting middle linebacker broke his fibula; and although I wish it were under better circumstances, I knew that this was my opportunity to prove how hard I had worked and that I deserved to play. The offense lined up and I quickly recognized their ace formation from that week's film session and suspected they would select their favorite G-power running play. My suspicions were confirmed as I saw their line open a gaping hole for their ballcarrier with nobody but myself standing between him and the end zone. We charged full speed at one another and then suddenly, without any resistance, my helmet was driving his chest backwards and down onto the ground. All of the tackling drills had paid off; I was able to easily bring down a much stronger athlete by using perfect technique and getting my helmet lower than his. Six years later, and I can still visualize it perfectly because this one play taught me one of the most important lessons of my life. This one play illustrated that only though a genuine and persistent investment of time, talent, and effort can I reach my full potential, and reaching that potential is the one aspiration that is truly paramount for me.
jefftwomey   
Nov 25, 2009
Undergraduate / UC Prompt 2: Music [3]

It's good to show your development and how you came to learn this lesson, but you might want to spend more time showing your good qualities. The majority of this essay seems to be putting yourself down and pointing out flaws, try to condense the first couple paragraphs and expand on how you will never give up. Maybe give a brief example of when you put this lesson into action.

When I opened my eyes, I was stunned...

...when air was blown into it, but for those sounds...

When I was in third grade, I remember...

From that point on I thought music was just out my mind that it was not for me.
that is a little bit confusing, try something more like this
From that point on, I put music out of my mind because i thought it was not for me

evitableinevitable

My problem, I figured out, was that...
jefftwomey   
Nov 25, 2009
Undergraduate / UC Prompt #1: Family First [5]

I think you have a very good start. I didn't see any grammar errors. I think it would help if you show the other great qualities your father gave you, such as his ambition and determination. Then after that last paragraph about your early infatuation with playing school, you should show how that has carried over into your actual school career.

...as well as other negative circumstances that came my way following that difficult...
Perhaps you could expand on the negative circumstances without using too much space, if that's alright with you. It's just that colleges like to see details more then vague references to know exactly where you are coming from.
jefftwomey   
Nov 25, 2009
Undergraduate / UC 1) My passion for the english language [3]

1) What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had in the field - such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities - and what you have gained from your involvement

My passion for English has been the most consistent asepct of my personality. I've gone through many phases, from a punkrocker that despised the pervasive greed of this country, to nearly enlisting in the Marine Corps to defend it. Through all of my teenage angst and philosophical searching, there has been one constant in my life, my love to read and write.

It began as a hobby,my earliest experience occured when I was seven and got my first short story published in the newspaper after winning a contest. From then on, it became an addiction. During my teenage years , I rediscovered my love as a means of catharsis. This was instrumental in my development as a person and really cemented my appreciation for writing, but for some reason I never connected my lifelong enjoyment with the academic side of English. That's why I didn't immediately choose to major in English and wasted my time contemplating becoming an astrophysicist or psychologist. I came to realize these were not realistic choices because I was focusing on the destination rather than the journey. After two of my friends who attend UCLA and Cal told me how much they looked forward to going to their classes with Prof. Lowell Gallagher and Prof. Elizabeth Abel, respectively, I realized that I want to major in a subject I love at the most academically rigiorous University I can attend. English is the one subject that seems to come naturally to me; I truly love it and am willing to do whatever it takes to succeed at a UC and reach my full potential as a writer.

My only regret is that I didn't realize this sooner, as I was confused my second semester and put too much pressure on myself to plan the rest of my life instead of just studying something I enjoy. My frustration over my lack of a major caused me to focus more on my job (where I was working forty hours a week) than my school work. When I saw my grades for that semester I was devasted to receive a B in English. I believe there is always a lesson to be learned, and I have definitely learned my lesson. That is why a copy of my grades from that semester is hanging up in my room, as a promise to never disapoint myself again by not putting forth my best effort.