Undergraduate / Experiences and circumstances as an international student - Temple University [3]

Please print or type an essay of 250 to 400 words that tells us more about you. Some suggestions include personal experiences or circumstances that have been important to your personal or academic development; issues that you feel strongly about; personal, educational, and career goals; or any other information that you would like the Admissions Committee to know as we review your application

A roller coaster can work without an engine because the potential energy is converted into kinetic energy after the coaster first climbs the steep slope. Other factors, like gravity, keep the coaster on track. Along the path are intimidating loops, but the centripetal force keeps people safely in the seat.

Since I was a little girl, my mother was the gravity that kept my life on track. She told me what was right and wrong in every situation. My father, the potential energy, showed me a promising future by leading our family to America. He always encouraged me to find my interests to improve myself in a new country. They are the most influenced people that I could stay in a good way. I believe that my parents are the best advisors and supporters in my life.

As an international student, I had to learn English at an incredibly fast rate to approach and communicate with my peers. Initially, I was dejected and exhausted because I could not express my words and emotions in a novel language. For the first time, I felt as if I was going around the same loop over and over again. However, I realized that if I don't try to get out of loop, I will stay with my problems in there forever.

The language barrier was my greatest weakness but I had to defeat this enormous obstacle. As centripetal force makes people stay safely in the seat, my friends in church taught me to use English correctly in a different place and made me to step up. I am really thankful for them to help and teach me new language and culture.

Now, I am going to study in college and achieve my personal and professional goals for my future. There will be many difficult situations while I am moving further. By overcoming the loops, as a growing person, I am ready to rise above hardships.

hi, guys
is this an off-topic essay? i tried to write this as descriptive as i can
don't want my essay to be cliche... so i used metaphors (roller coaster and my life)
i hope this makes sence to you.. (grammar errors...)
will appreciate that if you guys give me any suggestions and advices ;)

Undergraduate / "Work of roller coaster" - Supplement essay for UVA [2]

What work of art, music, science, mathematics, or literature has surprised, unsettled, or challenged you, and in what way? (no more than 250 words)

There is usually a scream machine at the amusement park. Most riders were screaming, exciting, enjoying, and thrilling by roller coaster ride. One day, my physics teacher explained about work of roller coaster to my class, and I was really surprised by his explanation. According to his what his saying, the car is pulled to the top at the beginning, and after that the coaster complete the ride its own. As the potential energy converts to the built-up kinetic energy makes drive the coaster, all of the kinetic energy appears when the coaster descends to the first hill, and gravity can pull it down a greater distance. Basically, the course of the track is constantly changing energy from kinetic to potential all the time. Also, the Newton's first law of motion presents for maintaining of coaster to move. This fluctuation in acceleration is what makes cars so much fun. Additionally, the hills decrease in height as riders move along the track. This is necessary because the total energy reservoir built up in the life hill is steadily lost to friction between the train and the track. At its most basic level, a machine that uses gravity and inertia to send a train along a winding track. Since I heard this illustration, I think it will be more fun to ride on because I know how it works now. I just did not realize that even though I enjoy riding it, I did not even wonder about work of roller coaster.

Hi everyone!
i wrote work of roller coaster, that is really surprised to me
but i am not sure i wrote too much of work of roller coaster
should i write more my surprised emotion for roller coaster?
becuase the topic says blablabla... and in what way?
so i am really worried about this essay (i have to submit this by 30th)
i really really really really need help from you guys
i would love if you guys give me any suggestions and advices for this essay
also i am not fluent english, so need help for grammar errors and sentence structures!
thank you so much~

Undergraduate / "elaborate on one of your activities" - UVA short answer [12]

Please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience) (150 words or fewer)

Imagine a 3 year old girl plays Twinkle Twinkle Little Star on the piano. She was just pressing the keys rather than playing the song. Only recently she had started to play the piano, and her parents were proud of her. They expected her to have interests in some sort of activity and that her skills would improve overtime through practice. As her passion for making music on the piano grew, she wanted to perform in front of an audience and play beautiful songs for them. From playing the piano, she was able to play other instruments easily. However, she decided to focus on only one instrument and chose the piano because it seemed to fit her best. Now, she has been playing the piano for fifteen years and wants the students, she now teaches, to experience the joy that comes from playing the piano.

hi,
i really need help for this essay..
i wrote this as 3rd person and i am not sure that i am allowed to do it
i know i have to put italic size for the title of the song
and tell me any grammar errors or awkward sentences!
thank you very much~

Writing Feedback / Essay about the best advise and given - feedback [6]

What's the best advice you've ever received? What's the best you've ever given?

Everyone lives a life for themselves; they don't live for anyone else. My father has always said that I should not study for anyone else. He said, "I know you don't like to study, but unless if you live in Korea and have no exceptional talent, there is only one way you can construct a great future and it is through studying well." This advice touches me deeply. He realized that the teenager life was most important time after he graduated college. He told me that he knows most students do not want to study, but that will ultimately affect their future. From his advice, I feel I have to study or think about my future as soon as I can. Now I am trying to listen to what my father said because he knows more about how the life is going to be. I have my own dream to live a valuable life. I will do my best every moment.

I have played the piano since I was three years old. My parents didn't pressure to me play the piano. Instead, I had great time with my tutor and friends in the learning center. Those are the best reasons I continued playing the piano. I like playing the piano in front of people, and enjoy playing many different kinds of songs. I have participated in competitions and performances since I was in elementary school. I know I have a talent for playing piano, and I am very thankful that my parents helped me discover my talent and encouraged me to continue playing. I was fortunate enough to find my passion in young age, and I have excelled advice to my own peers is to find their own passion and enjoy it.

i think i have some grammar errors
also some sentences don't make sense..
could someone revise my essay please?

Undergraduate / "Being an international student" - RC Prompt [2]

i want you guys to give me suggestions and advices
i need to apply this essay before next week..
thank you very much!

Write an optional personal statement. We are interested in learning more about you as a person beyond your grades and test scores.

Being an international student has been a very precious experience in my life. There are many hardships if you are not familiar with that country you live in. I still have many problems and conflicts even though I have been living in the United States for three years. However, there are always people who help me and take care of me when I have a difficult time. Having relationship with great and helpful people has been lucky. I especially appreciate my parents, and am most thankful to them. They are valuable advisors because they supported me to study aboard so I can see the world with open eyes. They always respect my opinion and future. I certainly can believe they are always my supporters in my entire life.

When I moved to Virginia from Korea, I felt I had come to a new world. This area has many differences from my home country. Since my homeland is not a multicultural country, it is rare to have relationship with foreigners. At first, I was afraid to communicate with people in English, even though I had visited the United States before. My friends in school and church helped me to improve my English skills and understand the American culture. Eventually, I realized it is really interesting to meet a diversity of people in a new place. From that time on, my future was planned, and I was sure that I wanted to be a part of a vibrant community.

I have learned several foreign languages since I was three years old. My mom taught me the English alphabet before I was able to talk, and I had an English tutor from kindergarten on. However, I realized the best way to learn a language is to live in that language's country. At the beginning of pre-school, I started to learn Chinese, and I took Japanese classes in middle school. I began having an interest in foreign cultures. After I took Spanish, I started to develop a curiosity about the culture of South America. Also, Spanish helped me to understand the English language and learn more vocabulary. I have a talent for learning in languages, and I am thankful to the people who helped me to discover this talent. I want to use my talent while traveling through the world. I plan to major in pre-med, but I will continue in languages to improve my language skills.

Sometimes, I imagine myself to be a pharmacist making medicines for patients. I see their smiling faces after they get better through my medicine. I want to live in the world where there are no diseases and illnesses. I am ready to learn about medicine in my future and help people around the world. I hope people can achieve happiness through my help.

Undergraduate / 'Big colleges' - benefits of a diverse educational community [4]

What do you consider the greatest benefit(s) of a diverse educational community?

Since I was young, I have had dreams of going to college. To be a college student means to have more freedom, live independently, gain responsibility, and meet many different types of people. It is also the final step before entering society.

The United States gives me many chances to acquaint with people from different cultures. Since my homeland is not a multicultural country, I did not really conceive to have relationships with people who were born in another country. I remember what my dad said to me, "You should think you are blessed, you can see the world with open eyes and you will have international experiences while preparing your honorable future."

I believe big colleges can give me more opportunity to meet variety people. Since college is a small country for student, and I discovered that a big college is perfect for me because I want to join a larger one so that I can find a larger pool of friends. I want to continue interacting with a diverse group of people, and it would be better prepare for my future after college. I am having great time with people in my high school and I think a big university can give me even more learning experiences in my life. I absolutely believe that Virginia Tech will give me a better opportunity to further my education, meet new people, and thoroughly enjoy becoming an adult.

i had to write less than 250 words.. this essay is exactly 250 words
should i delete some sentences?? i trimmed it for several times..
is this essay right for the topic?? do i have any grammar errors?