Undergraduate / Yale: Catholic Church [7]

This has shaped my dreams and aspirations because I no longer settle for something that I am comfortable with. Throughout the past two years, I have watched myself grow more independent and mature. I've realized that it is okay to challenge the ideas around me and that I should continually do that

I think it would be awesome if you could state an example. I think religion essay can be a bit risky but your format is good! Lol... maybe its because I like imagery and metaphor but a bit more of that might help. I understand that cutting it down might be a larger concern.

Prob can delete:
and I felt something very different in my heart. = assumed that you felt a switch

I actually think the second and third paragraph can be combined. I think finding the purpose of each paragraph would be a great thing to outline. I think both the second and third speak of your "Catholicism" and the switch. You could porbably skim some words.

I hope I helped. Lol but I'm just the guy with the strange U of Chicago essaay

Undergraduate / Describe the world you come from--MIT Prompt. "Cascade as I Become More Curious" [3]

I think asking more interesting questions in the beginning would improve your essay a lot. A more effective hooks as you say.

I caution the prison-like orb. I mean college understand the need to expand beyond Earth, but making Earth sound too negative contradicts your beginning. First curiosity and then disdain.

Perhaps I am reading too much into this, but just words of caution I guess.

I would really appreciate your help on my essay:

Undergraduate / 1. Would you tell us about a few of your favorite books - University of Chicago [6]

Would you please tell us about a few of your favorite - U of Chicago Optional

Would you please tell us about a few of your favorite books, poems, authors, films, plays, pieces of music, musicians, performers, paintings, artists, magazines, or newspapers? Feel free to touch on one, some, or all of the categories listed, or add a category of your own.(Favorite Experience)

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated

"Should I interrupt them and say goodbye? Nah... they're playing and I don't want to bother them."
As I glided to the door, Jordan's hug enveloped me with a sense of warmth and sincerity. Jordan was a non-verbal seven year old, yet had the greatest ability to display affection than that of anyone I knew.

An annual conference called "I Love Families" hosted by a non-profit organization, Knowledge, Support, and Action, offered me the privilege in meeting Jordan. Leaving Jordan in my care, his parents were off to learn more about their son's condition, an extra chromosome. Balls, dinosaurs, and even "Etch-A-Sketches" were strung across the table as my inner child sprang out due to this rare opportunity of childhood ease. The two day conference flew by as Jordan and I decided that play was the only acceptable use of time. Although always smiling and brimming with happiness, my time with Jordan stirred my curiosity on the nature of happiness.

Questions arose whether this happiness was artificial due to the lack of knowledge or understanding of his condition. And even if this happiness was artificial who was I to question it? Jordan had certainly seemed happy while we were playing, jumping, and laughing, but curiosity constantly arose: Does true happiness include a minimum sense of consciousness/awareness?

Jordan had been born with an extra chromosome leading to mental retardation and birth defects, often leaving him incapable of basic human functions such as speech. Jordan would never be offered the place marks of a so-called "normal life," yet radiated joy like sunshine. As I sit here and contemplate about Jordan, I often remember the memories and the questions that he has left me with.

Essays / Question on "additional infomation" on essay application [12]

Just a different circumstance that many individuals may not know. Such as raising a younger sibling or working all the time. There are many thing the application cannot reveal about yourself that maybe substantial. Hoped that helped!

If you possibly have the time to look over my essay that would be greatly appreciated. Have a good one!

Undergraduate / Claremont McKenna: , who has helped shape culture and thought [5]

Merged:

Claremont McKenna: Sonnet to Niccolo Machiavelli

Topic: Leadership is a constant theme and emphasis at CMC. In fact, one of the ways we describe CMC students is "Leaders in the Making." Identify and discuss a person, fictional or nonfictional, who has helped shape culture and thought. You may select someone from any field: literature, the arts, science, politics, history, athletics, business, education, etc.

Hoping to paste this in word for word any critique would be great!!! Thanks in advance for reading.

Niccolo Machiavelli, the writer of The Prince
In honor of Niccolo Machiavelli's infamous The Prince, I have written a Petrarchan (Italian) Sonnet as an ode.

1.) The mob will turn for inward joy or glee, [A]
2.) Naméd virtue, freedom, vigor, power, [B]
3.) Thy troops yielded: anon nobles cower. [B]
4.) Reduced by its own roots; a broken tree. [A]
5.) Thy chamber breached: to flee and/or to plea [A]
6.) The hour hath come, the ring of the tower, [B]
7.) Authority slighted, elite devoured: [B]
8.) Thy crown shattered and death of thee: [A]
9.) Discord, disorder, distress define kingship. [C]
10.) Thus how to rule or sway or lead thy herd [D]
11.) Mercy or fear remains power's puzzle. [E]
12.) Consult The Prince and thus its text equip [C]
13.) Whether moral or wrong its lines are heard: [D]
14.) Let fear of death be thy subject's muzzle [E]

Scholarship / SMU Hunt Scholarship Essay-- How should I start???? [7]

I am not sure where SMU is but always good to be creative. I mean there are probably a thousand or so essays that are coming in.

Perhaps talking like your already there or I guess if you want to be a bit more bizarre would be talking about the college community like a family. Each college representing a younger brother or... etc.

If you have the time I would be eternally grateful if you can look over my essay:

Undergraduate / Tennis has been a part of my life ;extracurricular activity [3]

The drills were tiresome and made me exhaustedexhausting a bit more parallel I think. . However I did not quit, but persevered.

As I grew older, I became more passionate about tennis and I joinjoined the school's tennis team

I became so obsessed with playing tennis that I would be playing under the scorching sun of Thailand for more than two hours every dayAre you from Thailand???? I am not sure where Thailand comes from

Tennis also made me more mentally enduring, keeping me strong during the difficult times of my lifeI think an example might help but I know your constrictions.

Otherwise good essay!!!

If you have the time I would be eternally grateful if you can look over my essay:

Undergraduate / College Rap on "Perseverance " for UVA, Lemme know what you think? [7]

Lol I absolutely loved the second paragraph. I really did find it unique and I think it will catch the Admission officers' eyes

Hope you get in and if you have the time I would be eternally grateful if you can look over my essay:

Undergraduate / Columbia short answers - books, shows, and why Columbia [6]

None of the books are particularly cliche over here. I think all of them were a great choice. Though when I did my Stanford app they asked the same thing and I included one thing for humor to show that I am not just academics and brains and blah blah...

I loved your why columbia essay very poetic I guess. One suggestion would be breaking the pattern at the end..maybe. Not sure but I think it would be more majestic if something different was at the end to solidify your commitment to Columbia

I hope you get in and If you have the time I would be eternally grateful if you can look over my essay: