freezard7734
Aug 25, 2010
Undergraduate / Stanford Supplements-Guinea Pig & Thought process essays. [6]
I also agree. I think rewording it would be better:
"At first I was slightly annoyed, but I began to enjoy the challenge."
I find that this conclusion is a little lacking in that you so suddenly introduce these specific research topics. I think you should try to add a sentence explaining why you chose these specific topics.
I see that you've also revised you're conclusion:
"On that day I learned a new way to think. Rather than seeking out an answer, I began investigating the many corridors and staircases infiltrating my mind. As a result, I unearthed small fossils of knowledge overlooked by my peers. After much thought I began to grasp that these overlooked clues can guide me to infinite discoveries. With this gift, I will to enter the laboratories of Stanford University on the mission to make great strides in stem cell research by examining the voyage from undifferentiated cell to specialized cell. During this inspection I'll be on the hunt for trace amounts of new data. Someday I will reveal the answer to this mystery, as long as I endlessly scour the passages of my brain, and always, always ask questions."
In my opinion, I like the original better. You just have to improve the transition into the research topics. This conclusion makes it sound like you are kind of straining to deliver your message. For example, I'm not sure what you are saying by "investigating the many corridors and staircases infiltrating my mind" and "fossils of knowledge overlooked by my peers."
I totally agree! :) I sometimes hate it too - how all my brothers reap the benefits from me.
Relish doesn't seem flow very well in this context for some reason, but it may just be me
I also agree. I think rewording it would be better:
"At first I was slightly annoyed, but I began to enjoy the challenge."
With this new perspective of learning, I am certain that my mind can explore possibilities never imagined. I could conduct ground-breaking research on the transformation of undifferentiated stem cells or unearth why multiple sclerosis is more predominant in the Northwest. There is promise toin any endeavor to which I commit toBy doing this, it sounds smoother... to me at least :] at Stanford University, as long as I keep asking questions.
I find that this conclusion is a little lacking in that you so suddenly introduce these specific research topics. I think you should try to add a sentence explaining why you chose these specific topics.
I see that you've also revised you're conclusion:
"On that day I learned a new way to think. Rather than seeking out an answer, I began investigating the many corridors and staircases infiltrating my mind. As a result, I unearthed small fossils of knowledge overlooked by my peers. After much thought I began to grasp that these overlooked clues can guide me to infinite discoveries. With this gift, I will to enter the laboratories of Stanford University on the mission to make great strides in stem cell research by examining the voyage from undifferentiated cell to specialized cell. During this inspection I'll be on the hunt for trace amounts of new data. Someday I will reveal the answer to this mystery, as long as I endlessly scour the passages of my brain, and always, always ask questions."
In my opinion, I like the original better. You just have to improve the transition into the research topics. This conclusion makes it sound like you are kind of straining to deliver your message. For example, I'm not sure what you are saying by "investigating the many corridors and staircases infiltrating my mind" and "fossils of knowledge overlooked by my peers."
You may not know this, but being the oldest child in a family is somewhat like being a guinea pig. On May 17, 1993, by whichever mystic force selects birth order, I became that guinea pig. I'm always the first to try a new experience, and once complete, to offer my brothers advice. I've been the one to ease their transition into high school, a first date, and the act of shaving. I've always cherished this position in the family, but as my move-out day quickly approaches, I now look for the counsel I have so often supplied.
I totally agree! :) I sometimes hate it too - how all my brothers reap the benefits from me.