StillLifeWitHam
Oct 14, 2010
Undergraduate / Determination and Success - Havard essay [7]
When reading the essay, I found myself skimming over the description of the book because it wasn't very compelling. But then when the focus returned to you, I just wanted more.
What prompt are you answering? I suggest you focus on your own determination and eliminate most or all references to the book. Your last 1.5 paragraphs create many questions in my mind and I would love to hear the answers and more details about how YOU have shown determination besides just applying to college.
Why is applying to college a dangerous personal goal?
What challenges are you facing? That would be extremely important for admissions officers to know.
Why did your father tell you not to apply this year?
Your mom sounds very special and has increased your determination. Why?
Your first reflection paragraph is nice and maybe would work better after you pull your readers into your own personal story.
I think you have a very interesting story to tell. Please tell it so the college can learn more about you. Good luck!
When reading the essay, I found myself skimming over the description of the book because it wasn't very compelling. But then when the focus returned to you, I just wanted more.
What prompt are you answering? I suggest you focus on your own determination and eliminate most or all references to the book. Your last 1.5 paragraphs create many questions in my mind and I would love to hear the answers and more details about how YOU have shown determination besides just applying to college.
Why is applying to college a dangerous personal goal?
What challenges are you facing? That would be extremely important for admissions officers to know.
Why did your father tell you not to apply this year?
Your mom sounds very special and has increased your determination. Why?
Your first reflection paragraph is nice and maybe would work better after you pull your readers into your own personal story.
I think you have a very interesting story to tell. Please tell it so the college can learn more about you. Good luck!