mariatateno
Oct 26, 2010
Undergraduate / "care & compassion for people" -CommonApp: Significant experience/ Topic of my choice [7]
Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you. or Topic of your choice
I'm still unsure which it would fit in.
CommonApp Significant Event: THAI ORPHANAGE [updated]
Rewritten common app answer.
I still think I need a better 'hook' at the beginning.
All thoughts/comments are greatly appreciated!
I could not sleep. I blamed the humidity as I lay sweating on a worn out itchy mattress with a holey mosquito net framing my body. The other twenty or so children were still, their snores echoing in the unventilated stuffy room. That was my first glimpse of the lifestyle of so many other people in the world. The small bowl of rice and mushy salted cabbage that I shared with another girl did not fill me up, my growling stomach agreeing with me. The attitude of the children at the orphanage in rural Thailand where I spent two nights at opened my eyes to so many things that went unnoticed. It was not surprising that I had become complacent after growing up in my comfortable flat in central Tokyo, going to the same international school my whole life. I had heard of, and seen pictures of people living in derelict conditions but not for more than a second did I give thought to life outside my enclosed bubble until I actually experienced it myself. Yes, my two hour commute to school each way was tiring- so was the daily routine of making five packed lunches each morning for my family, cooking dinner every other day, grocery shopping, and walking the dog- these chores made up my constant complaining, yet this was all trivial and insignificant compared to the domestic chores the children at the orphanage were responsible for. I heard it all before, but the fact that I was a privileged child with so many opportunities before me did not register in my mind. Some did not have the opportunity to go to school, and the food was the same everyday, except for when the hen lay an egg and they would take turns getting the treat. I did not think of small daily details such as taking cold baths in rain water collected in a deep tin barrel, or using a candle to light the way when it got dark. My lack of knowledge and awareness has made me realise that I still have yet so many things to learn outside of the classroom.
With a renewed view, I want to make the best out of my opportunities. Growing up in a diverse culture has broadened my perspective on the way different people treat different situations. I do not need to be reminded of how lucky I am. I know of the basic human rights that everyone should be, but is not, entitled to. The lack of health care, especially, was something that stood out to me. Experiencing the decapitated living conditions, and exposed to the reality of what people do not have, yet their positive willpower getting them through each difficulty has made me believe in mankind. Inside of me, a strong sense of compassion and hope for people blossomed. With the determination and strong sense of will that dwells inside me, I know I can create a change for others. The importance of providing hope, along with my compassion and care for others has fueled my aspiration to work to improve the lifestyle of those less fortunate.
The experience has shaped me to be a more interested individual; my desire to learn more about social work and health care fueled by seeing first hand for myself the lives of others that shocked me into reality.
The compassion I have for people and fulfillment of seeing someone's lifestyle improve has led to me to consider a career in physical therapy. Although this is a long road, I believe my compassion for people will see me through, and my interest in biology- especially human physiology will get me a long way in this field. I aspire to open a clinic in a developing country that will lend facilities to Non Profit health care Organisations like medicine sans frontiers. Like Jackie Robinson said: "A life is not important except in the impact it has on other lives." I believe we are here to help others with the unique mixture of skills and abilities we are privileged enough to posses and gain over the course of our education and experiences. I hope to use my skills/expertise and gift of caring for people to impact someone else's life because "only a life lived for others is worth living." - Albert Einstein.
...
-->And i'm still unsure of how I should end it.
Somewhere in my essay, should I emphasis that I want to study health sciences and social work?Would this be necessary?
Also, I would like to incorporate one of these quotes into my essay, do you think it would make it more powerful?
"A life is not important except in the impact it has on other lives."-Jackie Robinson
"Only a life lived for others is worth living"-Albert Einstein
Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you. or Topic of your choice
I'm still unsure which it would fit in.
CommonApp Significant Event: THAI ORPHANAGE [updated]
Rewritten common app answer.
I still think I need a better 'hook' at the beginning.
All thoughts/comments are greatly appreciated!
I could not sleep. I blamed the humidity as I lay sweating on a worn out itchy mattress with a holey mosquito net framing my body. The other twenty or so children were still, their snores echoing in the unventilated stuffy room. That was my first glimpse of the lifestyle of so many other people in the world. The small bowl of rice and mushy salted cabbage that I shared with another girl did not fill me up, my growling stomach agreeing with me. The attitude of the children at the orphanage in rural Thailand where I spent two nights at opened my eyes to so many things that went unnoticed. It was not surprising that I had become complacent after growing up in my comfortable flat in central Tokyo, going to the same international school my whole life. I had heard of, and seen pictures of people living in derelict conditions but not for more than a second did I give thought to life outside my enclosed bubble until I actually experienced it myself. Yes, my two hour commute to school each way was tiring- so was the daily routine of making five packed lunches each morning for my family, cooking dinner every other day, grocery shopping, and walking the dog- these chores made up my constant complaining, yet this was all trivial and insignificant compared to the domestic chores the children at the orphanage were responsible for. I heard it all before, but the fact that I was a privileged child with so many opportunities before me did not register in my mind. Some did not have the opportunity to go to school, and the food was the same everyday, except for when the hen lay an egg and they would take turns getting the treat. I did not think of small daily details such as taking cold baths in rain water collected in a deep tin barrel, or using a candle to light the way when it got dark. My lack of knowledge and awareness has made me realise that I still have yet so many things to learn outside of the classroom.
With a renewed view, I want to make the best out of my opportunities. Growing up in a diverse culture has broadened my perspective on the way different people treat different situations. I do not need to be reminded of how lucky I am. I know of the basic human rights that everyone should be, but is not, entitled to. The lack of health care, especially, was something that stood out to me. Experiencing the decapitated living conditions, and exposed to the reality of what people do not have, yet their positive willpower getting them through each difficulty has made me believe in mankind. Inside of me, a strong sense of compassion and hope for people blossomed. With the determination and strong sense of will that dwells inside me, I know I can create a change for others. The importance of providing hope, along with my compassion and care for others has fueled my aspiration to work to improve the lifestyle of those less fortunate.
The experience has shaped me to be a more interested individual; my desire to learn more about social work and health care fueled by seeing first hand for myself the lives of others that shocked me into reality.
The compassion I have for people and fulfillment of seeing someone's lifestyle improve has led to me to consider a career in physical therapy. Although this is a long road, I believe my compassion for people will see me through, and my interest in biology- especially human physiology will get me a long way in this field. I aspire to open a clinic in a developing country that will lend facilities to Non Profit health care Organisations like medicine sans frontiers. Like Jackie Robinson said: "A life is not important except in the impact it has on other lives." I believe we are here to help others with the unique mixture of skills and abilities we are privileged enough to posses and gain over the course of our education and experiences. I hope to use my skills/expertise and gift of caring for people to impact someone else's life because "only a life lived for others is worth living." - Albert Einstein.
...
-->And i'm still unsure of how I should end it.
Somewhere in my essay, should I emphasis that I want to study health sciences and social work?Would this be necessary?
Also, I would like to incorporate one of these quotes into my essay, do you think it would make it more powerful?
"A life is not important except in the impact it has on other lives."-Jackie Robinson
"Only a life lived for others is worth living"-Albert Einstein
