Undergraduate / UC #1 - My parents are my example [4]

I don't think you need to focus more on science. You make it clear that science has become your passion.
Do you have a specific incidence that emphasized your parents' drive for you to do well in school. Do you remember them ever saying "Get off the couch and hit the books!"

Hope you find this helpful.

Undergraduate / "Challenges that have shaped me into an indvidual" NYU, Common App [3]

responsibilities than average students
Having a mother a mother who is mentally and physically sick is definitely a challenge.

Maybe you can talk about a specific incidence that happened that was an example of your mother pushing you to do well in school. Was your mother able to get an education because of her mental disability?

*These are some other aspects you can include in your essay.

Hope you find this helpful. I'm also applying to NYU :)