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Posts by hvthoteen
Joined: May 31, 2011
Last Post: Nov 4, 2012
Threads: 16
Posts: 44  
Likes: 4
From: Viet Nam

Displayed posts: 60 / page 2 of 2
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hvthoteen   
Jul 24, 2011
Writing Feedback / IELTS> 'strict policies' - urbanisation - benefits and drawbacks [16]

"The advantages of urbanization could be better economy and education and also less land to be used for agricultural purposes"
I think this sentence should be fixed:
The advantages of urbanization could be better economy,education, and environment.
It is parallel and clear

"This can be argued a good impact on the environment"
I add "as" before "a good impact"

"Often they have to work the jobs that they have to exert themselves so hard, such as the works in construction sites, and are often in dangers which can cause death to them"

I think this sentence is a little too long and it can be confusing with some people.

The way you start a sentence by using "often" varies in two sentences in a row

"Often, people from poor villages when they move to an urban area they have no choice but to live in the places which have no electricity and clean drink water"

It is missing something :d
also, drinking water, not " drink water"

"Moreover, the expansion of city often leads to trees have to be cut off for buildings to rise"
leads to tree cutting would be right

"The reduced amount of trees can be easily linked to a rapid fall in the quality of air which can severely damage the health of many people"

...of air, which can ...

"more bad is felt to be resulted from this phenomenon than good"
good and bad are adj so adding impacts or effects

rapidly increasing trend and the number of cities

My opinion :d
hvthoteen   
Jul 23, 2011
Writing Feedback / Toefl essay: Eating out or Eating at home? Home food is the best! [8]

But and nevertheless should not be put closely. Instead you can use although or though.
I think the first sentence is not very good because different people can have different ideas for this. You cannot assess who are right. using in my opinion or similar phrases will be better

Also, use foods instead of food
Do not use etc in an academic writing.
Good luck :d
hvthoteen   
Jul 23, 2011
Writing Feedback / Ielts: (career / life experience) - Why do people go to university or college? [5]

Why do people go to university or college?

Why people go to college is a hotly debated topic. From my perspective, career preparation and life experience are the two main reasons. Academic knowledge and skills development contribute to people's future success. Furthermore, an independent life as a student is a memorable experience.

Above all, career preparation is the major goal of almost every student. The fact is that specialized knowledge is essential for people' future jobs. Supposing a person has desire to word in information technology field, he should go to college to acquire specific knowledge on computer, internet, or gadget because passion only is not enough. Moreover, skills improvement is crucially important to job promotion. It is common that students have the opportunity to discuss and work in group so they are likely to ameliorate their teamwork skill. They are often required to demonstrate their ideas before the whole class as well. As a result, students can develop the presenting ability. Without doubt, at college, people are certain to prepare well for their intended jobs.

In addition, a life as a student is possibly one of the most memorable experiences to many people. For someone, studying at college means an independent life in another city starts, through which they know how to take care of themselves and meliorate living skills. This makes them a great deal more mature. Furthermore, being a student is interesting. People have more chances to make new friends from various places when they attend college. People have more chances to do what they eager to do when they attend college. It is doubtless that attending college is wonderful.

In conclusion, people go to college for two primary reasons, including career preparation and life experience. Knowledge accumulation and skills improvement offer people more opportunities to get a good job while becoming a student with an independent life brings people unforgettable experiences. I think attending college plays an important part in the life of many people
hvthoteen   
Jul 18, 2011
Writing Feedback / Ielts topic: why do some students study abroad [5]

Topic: Why do some students study abroad? Explain.



Today, students tend to choose to continue their study after high school at a university in a foreign country. The purpose of my writing is to critically discuss the main reasons for this tendency. From my perspective, study efficiency, skills improvement and life experience are the most important reasons why some students want to study abroad.

Above all, study efficiency is crucially important. Some students are inclined to attend universities that provide them with good facilities and top professors on their majors so that they can realize their dreams. It will be easier for them to gain outstanding results in such professional environments. Moreover, foreign students are always motivated by their nation pride. That is why it is common to see that students studying abroad usually achieve great respect from native students.

In addition, skills improvement is necessary and useful. Being in a new country, you have to adapt yourself ti a new environment with a different way of living, new language, strange foods and so forth. You also have to start an independent life because you temporarily do not live together with your family. All of these will develop your living skills and make you a great deal more mature.

Finally, being a foreigner is interesting. The tradition and culture in the country you study certainly have some things different from your homeland's. Therefore, it is a good chance for you to discover. Also, if you have ample time, travelling in a new country is really attractive. This will increase your knowledge and experience as well.

In conclusion, I think studying effectively, developing skills and experiencing a new life are the main reasons why some students decide to study abroad. Personally, if I have a chance to go to another country for studying, I will take it without hesitation.
hvthoteen   
Jul 18, 2011
Writing Feedback / what would we do to live longer? [3]

i think your should pronouce better before trying to write
i even don't know what you are writing
hvthoteen   
Jul 17, 2011
Writing Feedback / Ielts writing: taking a gap year or entering university as soon as possible ? [5]

What do you prefer: taking a gap year or entering university as soon as possible ?
My essay:
After finishing high school, many students choose to take a gap year while others decide to continue their study as soon as possible. Personally, I find taking a gap year more preferable. I can spend the time preparing for my future study, developing skills and enjoying myself. Therefore, i will spend a year before university experiencing the life instead of studying straight away.

Above all, study preparation is important. Attending university after high school really makes me confused with the choice which major to study. Meanwhile, taking a gap year helps me find out my most interest and, therefore, I can make the right choice. Also, I can accumilate necessary knowledge to support my future study. Consequently, my study efficiency will be raised. That is why I think a gap year is useful.

In addition, skills development is necessary. Taking a gap year brings me a chance to interact with various people, through which I can find the best way to communicate with every kind of people. As a result, my communication skill will be improved. Also, doing a part-time job in the gap year will develop my presentation and teamwork skills a lot. These skills will certainly support my study at university. From my perspective, skills development is one of the most advantages of taking a gap year.

Furthermore, the gap year is the best time to enjoy myself. If I attend university straight away, I can have more new friends and start a student life. However, I will experience these later. If I take a gap year, I can have more free time and do what I cannot do when I am at high school. Because I love travelling to new places, this time is really precious to me. I will also have time to do voluntary work to play a small part in helping ease some social problems. This benefit strongly convinces me of spending a year for experiences rather than attending university as soon as possible.

In conclusion, I agree that starting higher education right after high school has its own advantages. However, I prefer to take a gap year because it brings me not only future study preparation, necessary skills development but also valuable life enjoyment. I think this choice is best for me.

Can you comment based on ielts standard? i am trying to improve my ielts writing
hvthoteen   
Jul 15, 2011
Writing Feedback / Ielts topic: choosing studying at home or at school [4]

Ielts topic: In the future, students may have the choice of studying at home by using technology such as computers or televisions or of studying at traditional schools. Which would you prefer? Use reasons and specific details to explain your choice

My essay:
Studying at school or at home is a hotly debated topic. From my own viewpoint, I am in favor of being at school because there are typical things I cannot experience by just studying at home. Studying with many classmates in an educational environment not only brings me useful information, offers a chance for interaction with various people but also creates motivation for me to learn better. Therefore, I believe that I will learn a great deal more at school.

Information comes from both technology and people around. At home, by using a computer or by watching television, I can accumulate a variety of information. But I can even learn more. At school, by discussing ideas with my friends or by asking teachers for help in my exercises, my knowledge is enriched a lot. Hence, I think I learn better at school.

Interaction with other people increases my experiences and skills. When I study at home, there is no partner to exchange ideas with me. Gradually, I will become passive. That is why I hate studying alone at home. Meanwhile, when I study at school, there are many friends to discuss exercises or heated topics with me. Consequently, my results in studying will be better. Also, I can improve my team work ability and communicating skills. It is easy to see that I really benefit when studying at school.

In addition, motivation from competition with other students encourages me to study harder. At school, I tend to learn more when my grade is lower than other students'. At home, I seem to study lazily because I do not know how others perform. Personally, I think the average results of students will be raised when they are at school.

In conclusion, I would concede that studying at home has its own advantages. However, plentiful information, necessary interaction and strong motivation at school greatly convince me that school is the best place for me to study.
hvthoteen   
Jul 15, 2011
Writing Feedback / Ambitious dreams encourage people to endlessly try for their success [3]

i think
" a thorough consideration" is right
" to support my argument: "
" Also, people are discouraged and think that they cannot accomplish anything whenever they go through the failures ": i think this sentence is not weird
hvthoteen   
Jul 13, 2011
Writing Feedback / Academic writing Ielts: Effects of globalization [5]

Ielts Topic: Even though globalization affects the world's economies in a positive way, its negative side shouldn't be forgotten. Discuss.
Please help me with my first post:

There has appeared endless controversy over globalization. Governments of many countries are trying to figure out the major effects of this phenomenon to adapt to a changing world. The purpose of my writing is to critically analyse the typical impacts of globalization on our world.

Globalization has a massive impact on the global economy. Nowadays, commercial trading between countries all around the world has become easier than ever before. Two countries can become solid partners of one another, regardless of their geographic distances or cultural differences. Customers benefit from this progress because high-quality goods and services that appear in a country will be almost immediately promoted in others. Hence, it is easy to see a Vietnamese student using a new Iphone which has been just released into the market by Apple.

Cultural exchange is also one of the most striking impacts of globalization on our lives. As I have mentioned above, the relationships between countries are being strengthened tighter and tighter, which results in a deeper exchange in culture between different communities. Consequently, for instance, there are big Chines communities in various contries, which helps show the world an insight of the country's beautiful traditions and customs.

However, everything has it bad side and globalization is no exception. Developing countries are likely to suffer the most disadvantages of the changes of the world, including competition in commodity market with big nations, pressure on natural resources, environmental problems, especially working conditions for the native workers in foreign company's factories based on their countries. There is a bitter fact that more and more young workers are paid low wages to work in a very bad working environment. in factories invested by multinational coporations of big economies.

In conclusion, from my perspective, in spite of some detrimental effects on developing countries, globalization are changing the world as a whole in a positive way. I strongly recommend that governments of countries all around the world should carefully consider my anlysis on globalizaiton to make appropriate policies in this new era.

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