hvthoteen
Jul 24, 2011
Writing Feedback / IELTS> 'strict policies' - urbanisation - benefits and drawbacks [16]
"The advantages of urbanization could be better economy and education and also less land to be used for agricultural purposes"
I think this sentence should be fixed:
The advantages of urbanization could be better economy,education, and environment.
It is parallel and clear
"This can be argued a good impact on the environment"
I add "as" before "a good impact"
"Often they have to work the jobs that they have to exert themselves so hard, such as the works in construction sites, and are often in dangers which can cause death to them"
I think this sentence is a little too long and it can be confusing with some people.
The way you start a sentence by using "often" varies in two sentences in a row
"Often, people from poor villages when they move to an urban area they have no choice but to live in the places which have no electricity and clean drink water"
It is missing something :d
also, drinking water, not " drink water"
"Moreover, the expansion of city often leads to trees have to be cut off for buildings to rise"
leads to tree cutting would be right
"The reduced amount of trees can be easily linked to a rapid fall in the quality of air which can severely damage the health of many people"
...of air, which can ...
"more bad is felt to be resulted from this phenomenon than good"
good and bad are adj so adding impacts or effects
rapidly increasing trend and the number of cities
My opinion :d
"The advantages of urbanization could be better economy and education and also less land to be used for agricultural purposes"
I think this sentence should be fixed:
The advantages of urbanization could be better economy,education, and environment.
It is parallel and clear
"This can be argued a good impact on the environment"
I add "as" before "a good impact"
"Often they have to work the jobs that they have to exert themselves so hard, such as the works in construction sites, and are often in dangers which can cause death to them"
I think this sentence is a little too long and it can be confusing with some people.
The way you start a sentence by using "often" varies in two sentences in a row
"Often, people from poor villages when they move to an urban area they have no choice but to live in the places which have no electricity and clean drink water"
It is missing something :d
also, drinking water, not " drink water"
"Moreover, the expansion of city often leads to trees have to be cut off for buildings to rise"
leads to tree cutting would be right
"The reduced amount of trees can be easily linked to a rapid fall in the quality of air which can severely damage the health of many people"
...of air, which can ...
"more bad is felt to be resulted from this phenomenon than good"
good and bad are adj so adding impacts or effects
rapidly increasing trend and the number of cities
My opinion :d