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Posts by vanessa000
Joined: Aug 2, 2011
Last Post: Aug 17, 2011
Threads: 4
Posts: 9  

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Aug 2, 2011
Writing Feedback / IELTS "adult life at work" - What factors contribute to job satisfaction? [6]

It is true that while people spend the large amount of time on their job- change "the" to "a"
If the payment was lower than they expect, no one will be satisfied with their job-change "payment" to " salary"
gain their goal,-change goal to "goals"
content their job-change job to "jobs"
it still has many functions to improve people to satisfy their job.-what do you mean by "it"
consider providing more well-payment, improving working place and fulfilling the high achievement.-providing more competitive salary, improving working condition.

If the workers have more satisfaction of their job, they will bring more beneficial production----

I personally think that your last sentence sounds awkward, so I would change it to "IF the workers are more satisfied with their jobs, they will become more productive at work, which is beneficial for the company."

Good luck
Aug 2, 2011
Writing Feedback / Concealed Carry- do you agree or disagree. [5]

With the increase of crime rate, more and more people are realizing the importance of public and personal safety. Some people hold the idea of "concealed carry" (CC), which refers to "the practice of carrying a concealed weapon in public", while other is against the CC. Although, "the practice is controversial, particularly with respect to handguns", but can it really solve the problem of the high crime rate?

To increase the public safety by supporting CC is very childish. The comment of "criminals are less likely to attack a person if they assume the person is armed" is not always true. Some criminals are born to committee crimes without caring for the targets are armed or not. They are aggressively obsessed with more challengeble crime just for personal satisfaction and for fun. They may even think more interesting and feel more enjoyable to fight with a person who is armed. Even though some criminals may become more worried to attack a person who may have a handgun, they can always find a way around to committee crime anyhow. For example, they may switch to attack minors who probably are not mature enough to fire a gun, especially young children. We read the news of missing children almost every day, and I don't think applying CC will actually bring the missing- children news down. The society should rather teach those parents how to guard and protect their children and how to be more responsible, instead of supporting CC. If parents are more responsible and take good care of their own children, I believe that it will actually help reduce the criminal rates. "Having a gun allows one to protect oneself when actually attacked" is not always the case when those victims don't even know how to properly use a gun. People are not machinery designed and people do make mistakes. What about the victims accidently misfire and hurt other innocent people nearby? Should they also be blamed for creating the public fear and called criminals?

Furthermore, I am anti-CC. Having a CC will increase the criminal rate, because it will make more convenience for the criminals who want to use handguns when they are doing crime. Imagine what could have happened if the criminals pretend to be good citizens and concealed carry to public area. It would probably cause a chaos where people are getting injured both physically and emotionally. However, the damage could be avoided if CC is not allowed and everyone's bags and personal belongs are checked by security guide in advance.

If CC is allowed at public, let us say in schools, students may worry about whether the guy sit next to them carry a gun, instead of concentrating in a class. They may also loss the interests or scare to common on their classmates' work, since the trigger can be pulled out anytime without advance notices. Some students may become less sociable and are afraid of making friends, because they are not sure whether other students are sensitive to use guns. Not to mention, some unwanted shooting may occur because of lack of training of how to fire a handgun. Not anyone is a nature shooter and shooting a gun is not as easy as sharpening a pencil. It requires lots of training and practices. Therefore, I believe that CC can actually cause more problems than it has already had. It can not only push people to take action during an unpleasant argument, but also increase their self-control problems which may lead to unplanned shooting.

In conclusion, my position of whether people should have CC is negative. There are other alternatives rather than supporting CC to help promote public safety: offering free self-defense classes; handing out public safety awareness booklets; having advanced security camera installed and hiring more security guide in public area. The alternatives are not going to caused extra problems and can be beneficial for the community overall, while CC can cause public fear, increase the criminal rate and the frequency of unwanted injuries, as well as damage the trust between people and harm the society.
Aug 2, 2011
Writing Feedback / Do you think distance learning is more beneficial for students? [2]

Many universities have distance learning programs, which allow students to take classes at home via TV or the Internet rather than attend classes at some capital location. Do you think distance learning is more beneficial for students? Discuss providing examples.

With technology advanced, more and more colleges are offering distance learning programs, which can help students attain knowledge through online courses, and make education more accessible and flexible. Although, distance learning programs bring a new era of education, I maintain that it is not as beneficial as regular classroom courses.

Education is more than just teaching knowledge, it should also be viewed as a tool to help student develop an ability of socializing and cooperating with others. Studies show that students who take regular courses in classroom tend to be more sociable and outgoing than those who take online courses. In classroom, students can meet and discuss questions face to face with their classmates, which is beneficial for them, as it can improve their teamwork skills as well as communication skills. In addition, they will have many opportunities to get involved with campus activities, school organizations, and even future employers in a career fair. These are the features that distance learning programs are lack of.

Since distance learning programs allow students to take classes at home via Television or the Internet, they promotes a lack of enforcements on student who can't complete assignments on time, and produce a better chance for students who like to cheat for a better grade. Studying at home can become too comfortable to learn anything. Students may turn on Television and watch a football game instead of doing their homework; they can also pretend to study while surfing online and chatting with their friends through Facebook; at worse, they may bride someone to get their tests done, since professors are not present to watch them while they are taking the test. These disadvantages of distance learning programs really distort the purpose of education.

Students from distance learning programs sometime can get frustrated and depressed if they couldn't understand the course material. Although, they can always send an email to ask questions, it takes time to get a response from teachers. Not to mention, some problems are hard to understand through emails. If students were taking courses in a regular classroom, they could have the chance to ask questions during class and get a prompt answer in order to continue to learn. Face to face conversion is always beneficial for both parties if they need to solve the problems more efficiently. Therefore, I believe that distance learning programs cannot satisfy those students who are struggling with problems that need an immediate explanation.

Although, distance learning programs provide an alternative way to attain education for students who need flexibilities and conveniences, we have to recognize the disadvantages of it. Distance learning programs are not beneficial for everyone, and only one with greater socializing skills, higher self-discipline, and a better understanding of subjects can benefit from it.
Aug 2, 2011
Writing Feedback / IELTS - the arguments for and against keeping pets [4]

also they have been part of our life as a friend or family member- as friends or family members.
While on the other side going poverty and poor life, caring animals or giving more attention to animals leads some people to think that attention to human lower than animals. ------you must revise this sentence, it just doesn't make sense in here. I don't really understand what you are tying to say for the first part, so I couldn't give any comments. But, I think you need to put "is" after human to make a complete sentence. Also, change "lower" to "less"; add " to " after than.

for instance, by keeping animals and raising them farming was learned; - you need to put a"," after " by keeping animals and raising them",

by experiencing animal organism medicine has been developing-you need to put a "," after "organism"

caring animals doesn't have a negative effect on people who are suffered with starving. Conversely, raising household animals, such as hens and cows actually help provide with food.

Consequently, knowing to treat animals in a right way reduces the danger of animal species extinction.---add " how" after "knowing to "

My obvious answer is breeding animals has no relationship with starvation of people- add" that" after "is"

Would it be better if you revise it like this" I maintain that breeding animals is not the cause of world poverty.

Money spent on animals is nothing, compare with expenditure on other factors. Therefor, it will not make a significant change if cutting the spent on animals.

To be honest, you really need to work on your grammar and know how to write complete sentences. Good luck.
Aug 14, 2011
Writing Feedback / The production and sale of cigarettes should be made illegal. [3]

With the increased health problems that caused by smoking, more and more people think that the production and sale of cigarettes should be made illegal. However, these people tend to ignore that the positive outcome of cigarettes business brings to the society. They also falsely believe that prohibition of producing and selling cigarettes will lead people to adopt a healthier living environment.

Cigarettes business is one of the most profitable industries in the world. The government receive huge amount of taxes from cigarettes companies and it actually uses the money to help fund the welfare program, in which a lot of people can benefit from. Making production and sale of cigarettes illegal will definitely hurt the income of the government, and add pressures on many people who are in need of welfare programs.

Some producers of cigarettes will probably keep the business running under the table, as they are still attracted by the humongous profit. This will create more problems that it actually has. It may cause chaos to the community, since smokers can go depressed and do harmful things without having cigarettes. It may also increase crime rate, since people have to trade cigarettes illegally; it can burden the government, since the government needs to spend more money on hiring people to stop the illegal sale and purchase of cigarettes. The potential negative effects on the illegalization of cigarettes are clearly telling us that it is not a desirable approach.

In addition, many smokers know that if they consume too many cigarettes, their life will be thread with various health problems; however, they still choose to smoke without worrying about their future health. If they have already cared less of their health, they could find way around to purchase cigarettes and smoke anyway even knowing that is illegal. Thus, it cannot provide people with a healthier living environment.

In conclusion, the government should not make the production and sale of cigarettes illegal because it will harm the society economically as well as create more problems that it actually has. The cost of illegalization of cigarettes outweighs the advantage of it, thus they should not make producing and selling cigarettes illegal.
Aug 15, 2011
Writing Feedback / The production and sale of cigarettes should be made illegal. [3]

Hi, Susan
Thanks for the correctings.
I know the arugment is kind of week, but what I want to explain is that the cigarette business pay a lot of taxes to the government , and the government then use that amount of money to benefit society, for example, providing more fund available to welfare programs, social secrutiy, ect.

I am not a smoker and either is my husband, but I just think it is people's right to smoke as long as they don't smoke it in some publice area. Thanks again.


Do you think it make more sense if I change "Making the production and sale of cigarettes illegal will definitely hurt the income of the government, and add pressures on many people who are in need of welfare programs" to "Thus, making production and sale of cigarettes illegal will definitely bring down government income, which may lead to fewer funds available to support welfare programs."?

Aug 15, 2011
Undergraduate / "being a part of Event Horizon" - University of Florida [3]

I would signal to him with my foot the correct time while playing-change "the" to "to"
but I looked beyond myself and told myself it as for the good of Event Horizon-change "as" to "was"

That is the only problem that I see from this essay.

Thank you.
Aug 15, 2011
Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] pieces of advice that you would give visitors coming to your country. [3]

You almost need a communication with someone- delect "almost", then take Susan's correction.
You might have problems, or you need someone`s help.- this sentence is kind of awkward. I don't see it is related to any other sencenses in the essay. So I would add something at the beginning of this sentences, to make it clear . something like" for example, when you are visiting to an forgein country, you probably are faced with confusions and difficulties. And with the ability of speaking the local language, it will certainly help you understand things better.
Aug 15, 2011
Writing Feedback / College should not require Freshmen to purchase meal plans [3]

Most colleges required freshmen to purchase a meal plan and believe it will be beneficial for students because it can ensure students to spend money on food not on other things. However, I am inclined that students should be given the freedom and choices of what to want to eat and how they want to spend their money.

Many of my friends are freshmen and I couldn't hear them enough complaining about that colleges are offering very limited variety of food. There are few alternatives available for them to choose and they can easily get sick of eating on campus. Not to mention, most of food that colleges do provide are junk food with high fat and calorie. However, they still decide to eat on campus because of the meal plan. Thus, having meal plan definitely is attributable to students' unhealthy eating habit, which may cause they suffer health problems in the future.

College food is relatively expensive compare to the food off campus. I remember that I bought a box of ice cream for $5.99 from campus grocery store, however, it actually costs me only $2.99 in Wal-Mart. It really promotes a negative effect on students who don't know how to spend money irrationally. In addition, if students don't use out of the meal plan by the end of semester, the money left out on the plan go wasted. Therefore, meal plan couldn't really help student spend money wisely; rather provide a image of that wasting is appropriate.

Furthermore, freshmen can learn how to become responsible and manage to spend money if they are provided the chance. They would probably feel more appreciated for their parent's hard working when they see how money can be easily gone. They can also make budget for the weakly food expense, and if it goes beyond the budget, they can use the extra dollars to treat themselves while it is over budget, they can rearrange the budget plan and spend more cautiously with next purchase. With meal plan, there is no way that freshmen can learn and grow to a better person with accountabilities and smart budgeting skills.

In conclusion, I maintain that colleges should not require freshmen to use meal plan. Meal plan only can restrict students' ability to develop various skills. It also promotes a negative attribute of spending money. Therefore, colleges should encourage student to spend money in their own ways because it will help student build up their conception of how money can be spend in a more economical and reasonable way.