During Master's studies, I want to delve deeper into L2/L3 dynamic protocols, optimal redundancy in resilient network design, load balancing and traffic managing. I am also interested in extending my knowledge and experience in high-end enterprise systems to server clustering. I would like to study how virtualization can be utilized to pool and provision a group of systems such that all resources can be aggregated with a simple yet manageable and portable virtual environment.
You seem to want to do a lot here but how specifically will knowing these things help you? You need to show a clear idea of what you want to do after you graduate and how these specific courses will help you get there. In this SOP, it seems all you do is drop computer science terminology all over the place without really ever following through. -Admissions Advice Online
Side note----It is funny that I wrote on one of your previous post, that the story that you told did not sound true and that most admissions officers would doubt it. Then I see here you wrote deadline tomorrow when you know that that is not the case. So it seems like you have a genuine problem with honestly. Admissions officers will smell this a mile away and will not hesitate to reject you. As a former admissions officer myself, I spotted this fairly quickly. Utilizing underhanded tactics to get ahead is not something that these schools look for in a candidate. However, with that being said. I did read your Why Brown essay and it is fairly unique. You touched on several aspects of the Brown experience that make the school unique. So for that essay, you did a good job. -Admissions Advice Online
You said it here yourself. This essay will not impress Princeton. For most people, it is a given that your parent(s) will be very influential to you. This is like saying you need air to breathe. For these essays, you have to step outside of your comfort zone to really come up with creative stories that will set you apart from the 5,000 other applicants that will also write this very cliche story. - Admissions Advice Online
NYU is trying to build a true global university. They ask this question to force students to research this fact. They want responses from students that will study in Manhattan one semester and maybe in Abu Dhabi another. Show that you will take full advantage of this global university concept for maximum points on this essay. -Admissions Advice Online
So exactly what here is so central to your identity that you feel your application would be incomplete if you did not tell the admissions board about it? Please read my past posts on this prompt. This is not the correct way to utilize this prompt. -Admissions Advice Online
Again, you are only focusing on one thing here ------the initial stereotype and your thoughts about it----However, the question is asking you to discuss several(deeper) things here---- how the belief in stereotypes allows you to be more prone to fulfill them OR, how in an attempt to overcome one type of stereotype, you inadvertently fall into another stereotype. Amherst is a top liberal arts college. These prompts are not going to be as easy as you initially think they are. They take these essays very seriously--more than most Ivy League schools do. The funny thing here is that your essay is one giant stereotype that has been written about a zillion times before. Let's start thinking outside the box to make these essays more creative. - Admissions Advice Online
There are tons of grammatical errors in this essay(principle vs principal....), but others will help you with that. I will focus more on the content. Your content is ok, but you should talk more about your transformation process. How did you feel when you started to learn simple math again? How did you open yourself up to learning math in a way that made it exciting...What strategies did you use? Once you add these elements, and fix the grammar, this essay should be much better. -Admissions Advice Online
Once again, this is not intellectual vitality. Please take a look at my past posts on this topic. What you are essentially saying here is that your intellectual vitality is tied to those in your class and around you. If they are not aiming higher neither would you. Your intellectual vitality should not depend on anyone else - This is the complete opposite of what you should say to Stanford. -Admissions Advice Online
So, you say that you are a great researcher. You need to talk more about the research that you have done so far. Also, you need to talk about the stock market simulation projects that you have conducted. This will show the adcom at this school that you are really interested in economics. Stating that you love the writings of a few people is generally not sufficient enough. Furthermore, you need to talk more about how this program is a needed step in your goals of obtaining your doctorate one day. Talk about the resources available at this program and specific courses you want to take and professors you want to study under.-Admissions Advice Online
This is not really what Gtech is looking for. What they want to see here are attributes that will make completing this degree something that is manageable for you. You need to talk about your quantitative ability, how do you handle numbers and analysis? Things more along these lines will show Gtech that you have what it takes to succeed in this program. -Admissions Advice Online
A few things missing from this SOP. You do not talk about your future goals in this industry, what do you want to do with this degree once you graduate? This leads directly into the other aspect of your application that is lacking, you do not talk about how this particular program will help you. Other than this one professor, how will the resources available at this school help you achieve your future goals?-Admissions Advice Online
While this is a well written SOP, you do not offer a compelling reason for wanting to study Finance at the PhD. level. The most you say on this matter is "I am interested to research in the areas of 'investment analysis', 'corporate finance' and 'information analysis and financial decision making'." But the question remains----Why do you want to study these aspects of finance other than the fact that you felt attracted to them? You need to fully flush out this idea if you are serious about studying finance at the PhD level. -Admissions Advice Online
Overall a decent essay but not as strong as it could be...why???-- because you paint yourself as someone very afraid and nervous in an essay that is suppose to tout you as fiercely "unafraid." -Admissions Advice Online
Amherst is going to have a really easy time selecting their class this year as it seems these prompts are baffling most applicants. Since you are picking the stereotype prompt here, you should read the prompt again and again. It is not only talking about stereotypes, but more importantly, how -- in an effort to escape those-- we just create new ones. We can help you with this. -Admissions Advice Online
This is where the meat of your essay should lie. Overall, this is not a bad essay, just not as strong as it should be. You focus too much of this essay on building up to how you are a great writer, but the real prompt here is how will you contribute to the Swarthmore community. Develop this story further by showing how you will utilize your experiences to give back to the community at Swarthmore both inside the classroom and around campus. -Admissions Advice Online
This story would be far better suited for another prompt. This does not, in any way, speak of anything central to your identity. What you talk about here is an experience that has allowed you to maybe see your hypocrisy. So unless being a hypocrite is central to your identity, this essay should be revised - Admissions Advice Online
Your first two responses are great. No changes needed there. However, your response to the "what interests you" question is lack-luster. Essentially all you say is that you like chemical reactions....ok. You need to talk about something, some general plan that will make the adcom say...ok, let's take a chance on this kid. -Admissions Advice Online
Seems here that you are really struggling with written English. If you are to have any chance of getting into Dartmouth, you will need to have these heavily edited. Try focusing on just one aspect that you found appalling and how you launched a writing campaign to bring attention to the issue. As you have it presented here, you do not have a well developed story. You talk about school violence and then throw in environmental aspects out of nowhere. Focus on the violence in schools and why this was of major concern to you. Talk about your feelings and how this compelled you to write. -Admissions Advice Online
And so the question asked in the prompt still remains...What is it about Caltech's opportunities and resources that will best fuel your intellectual curiosity and develop your passion for science, technology, math or engineering? The only thing of any relevance that you have said so far is that you will be around like-minded people, but this is a given(maybe). -Admissions Advice Online
Are you applying to Stanford or Palo Alto Community College? I mean seriously. Can you get any more cliche? Do yourself a favor and pick another topic. Something personal. They really want to know more about you, what makes you unique...what will you bring to campus, how will you contribute to the Stanford community??? Saying that you love books in these essays is the same thing as saying you love "air. -Admissions Advice Online
The UC application period is closed. You already submitted these essays. No need to worry about it now. Absolutely nothing you can do about it. The only thing I can say from reading these essays is that you talk a lot about music. I sure hope you selected music or a music related major to study. -Admissions Advice Online
I have no idea how you managed to write all this and still did not answer the prompt at all. This is the most important essay that NYU requires. I think you need to re-read the prompt at least 5 more times. Then step away for a few minutes, come back and then read what you have written here. Even with perfect scores, NYU can and will reject you for such a major slip up like this. -Admissions Advice Online.
This is called a "writing crutch." Do not do it. Put your response in a complete essay like everyone else. If they wanted three separate responses, they would have asked you three separate questions. Finally, you are all over the place. Liver Cells to stem cells, to plant genes, to human diseases. This just reads like verbal diarrhea. Try putting together a clear, focused argument in one essay that flows naturally if you really want to impress the AO at Cornell. -Admissions Advice Online
This is not a good response to the Why Yale prompt. You can find the same learning environment at tons of universities not just Yale. In fact there are many schools that are well known for having far higher percentages of international students. This essay needs a complete make-over if you want it to impress the adcom at Yale. -Admissions Advice Online
My only issue with this short essay is why use any space at all to talk about failing an exam? Especially the exit exam for the career which you want to go into. This space is better used talking about actual ways you will help the community once you become fully qualified. -Admissions Advice Online
Overall a good essay. You talked about how you felt at various stages of the process which is really important in short essays like these.- Admissions Advice Online
At first glance this story just does not ring as true. Things just moved way too fast. Not to say that it did not happen, it is quite possible especially if you live in a very small town. However, to remove all doubts, be sure to include pictures of this project. If I were an admissions officer reading this application, I would actually take the time to research this. If after researching, I cannot find any proof of this event, I would flat out reject your entire application. At the very least include a link to a local [paper] write up of this project. -Admissions Advice Online
I think what you are trying to do here is show how through playing Chess, your father was able to instill in you the values of determination and overcoming challenges. However, this essay really does not answer the prompt. Central to your identity means just that. If you want this to be something that is central to your identity, you need to show that this is a recurring theme throughout your life. Good story, just not a strong response for this prompt. -Admissions Advice Online
You WILL receive a low essay score if you submit this, which--depending on the rest of your application-- may knock you out of the running. I have seen some of your competition this admissions cycle and the essays they are submitting are really creative. This essay doesn't even begin to hold a candle to some those. So, yes, there can be great essays about in-classroom experiences, but sadly this is not one of them. Take a realistic look at what you are trying to do. You are trying to gain admissions to one of the most hyper-competitive colleges in the nation. Look at the early action results from Stanford. 76% of those accepted just a few days ago, had g.p.a's above a 4.0. When this happens it no longer becomes a question of academics, but rather what value you bring to the table. Utilize these essays carefully. For most applicants, these are the only chances you will have to differentiate yourself from others. Talking further about in-classroom academics is of absolutely no additional value. Alas, you are free to submit what you want. Good Luck!- Admissions Advice Online
Again, If possible, you should NOT write about in classroom situations in your Stanford essays. Especially about a topic as popular as math. This is the fastest way to get your application rejected or wait-listed. These types of applications simply do not stand out. For example, if you have a 4.0 g.p.a and another applicant also has a 4.0 g.p.a (very common at Stanford), writing about more purely academic issues is of no value. They can already see that you are smart and academically driven. However the student with a 3.8 gpa, that shows he or she has really taken risks via non-traditional activities will more than likely gain admissions with the lower g.p.a because that person has a unique presentation and has shown they have true intellectual vitality by pushing the boundaries of what's possible. This is what Stanford is looking for. Also, you should try to pick an experience that happened while you were enrolled in high school to make it more relevant. -Admissions Advice Online
There are so many examples of good personal statements available on this website. I cannot think of any program where this would be an appropriate personal statement. It is hard to direct you without knowing what program you are applying for. -Admissions Advice Online
Haha - Absolutely perfect. First you made me laugh at the beginning of your essay - which is always a good thing - and then you followed up with a compelling argument. Well done! -Admissions Advice Online
This essay has potential but it reads very cluttered and unstructured. Try to keep these essays clean, clear and concise. You have painted a lot of imagery here in this essay, but for it to be as powerful as it can be, you need to clearly state milestones. This essay read more like someone who has overcome a fear rather than a transition from childhood into adulthood. You need to add stronger elements of three separate stages. 1)Childhood, 2)Actual transition event 3)Post transition Adulthood. There needs to be a CLEAR juxtaposition between stage 1 & 3 to effectively answer this prompt.- Admissions Advice Online
This essay is pretty weak and you do not have a compelling reason here to study at ILR. You seem to have decent experience especially with the Summer Institute. You need to exploit this experience more. Show how it really compelled you to study this at Cornell. Talk more about leadership and and your leadership roles in actual projects and how you utilized any skills learned to overcome challenges. Once you add these elements, this essay will become stronger. -Admissions Advice Online
Ok....So back to the actual prompt...What matters to you and why? You talk about several things here...unpredictability, challenges, and the path less taken....Which one is it? -Admissions Advice Online
This will not work. Just not what they are really looking for. Also, no more maid stories. This exact story has been told at least 3.75 million times before you. Intellectual vitality is how your "curiosity to learn" was heightened by something, anything. Just show how something has prompted you to explore on your own to learn more about it and then you will be on the right track to answering this prompt correctly. - Admissions Advice Online.
At the end of the day it is your essay and you are free to submit whatever you want. I am telling you that writing this is not a good idea. You are applying to Stanford. How many other applicants do you think are into robotics....at least 5,000...the same can be said about calc and languages. While these are unique to you, they are just not unique when compared against the greater applicant pool. I can safely say this as someone who literally reads thousands of admissions essays each year. This essay is really for the adcom to learn something new about you. Something that is not conveyed elsewhere in the application. Talking about academically related activities is not what this essay should focus on. Yes, you can talk about them in just one sentence, but the meat of this essay should be about you, what are your quirks, what are your motivations, what do you like to do for fun, to relax, when you are upset???? This is what you need to talk about in this essay. - Admissions Advice Online
Read what you wrote. I mean seriously. Take some time to read what you wrote. If someone else wrote this, would you want to be their roommate? Do you come off as fun, jovial, adventurous, smart, young, hip, cool, responsible or any of the characteristics that most people look for in a roommate? You are writing what you think they want to see. In this essay they want to see who you truly are. Writing a dull essay like this will not win you any admissions points. Trust me. - Admissions Advice Online
You do not want to do this. Just write it the way SOP's are suppose to be written. There are tons of good format instructions on this website. I have outlines the format several times as well. Writing this way is looked down upon. It is a writing crutch that should only be used to help you formulate your SOP. - Admissions Advice Online
I am confused. Are you replying to a series of short answer questions or is this a full SOP that you have broken down into short answer questions? - Admissions Advice Online
Writing Editing Help?
✖
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:
