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Posts by basawang
Joined: Sep 7, 2011
Last Post: May 18, 2012
Threads: 10
Posts: 76  

From: Taiwan

Displayed posts: 86 / page 2 of 3
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basawang   
Sep 28, 2011
Writing Feedback / Many people believe that it is very important to make large amounts of money [2]

Hi,

There are some grammatical errors. Nevertheless, I want to talk about your structure because it may be a more severe problem.

I think you should clearly mention your central idea rather than describe your experience in the beginning .
Here are two types of structure.

#1

1st paragraph: State your stand (Maintaining a comfortable life is more important than earning lots of money.)

2nd paragraph: Reason 1

3rd paragraph: Reason 2

4th paragraph: Summary

#2

1st paragraph: These two options both have some advantages and disadvantages.

2nd paragraph: The advantages and disadvantages of earning lots of money.

3rd paragraph: The advantages and disadvantages of maintaining a comfortable life.

4th paragraph: State which one do you prefer.

You can put your examples in the second or third paragraph.

Do anyone have any ideas?
basawang   
Sep 27, 2011
Writing Feedback / Toefl----moving to a new place can lose old friends [4]

Soshianet'

I am pretty sure using a formal term is a good idea in the Toefl test.

Please avoid these phrases "can't, don't, its, we'll, they've".

Use "cannot, do not, it is, we will, they have"

Best wishes,
basawang   
Sep 27, 2011
Writing Feedback / Toefl----moving to a new place can lose old friends [4]

By the way,

The sentences I marked in blue highlight seem problematic.

My classmates are also my older friends for a long time.

This sentence does not fit well in the second paragraph.

Did you try to say something like this?

I had only a few friends. Most of them are my classmates who I have known for a long time.

It also can enhance the emotion of old friend and we also learn something novel things we never see before.

As I see, this sentence is redundant. It does not add any new information.

In addition, can anyone tell me the difference between "old friends" and "older friends"?

I am confused.

Good luck
basawang   
Sep 23, 2011
Writing Feedback / TOEFL - Becoming successful is almost an endless endeavor for every individual. [3]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In order to succeed, you should be more like others than be different from everyone else.

Becoming successful is almost an endless endeavor for every individual. Nevertheless, not everyone can succeed. From this standpoint, I disagree with the statement that people who want to succeed should be more like others than be different from everyone else. There are mainly two reasons for this. The first one is the definition of success for everyone is different, and the second one is being the same with others generally lacks innovation, which is fundamental to success.

Although success is the primary goal for everyone, people have different views and aspects of a successful life. Some people may consider having a good carrier with high salary to be a successful life, while others may evaluate their success in other ways such as the level of happiness and spiritual contentment. Since miscellaneous people want different things, it is unfounded to suggest that everyone following the same rule is definitely able to reach success. For example, many high school students decide to go to a college after their graduation, but if a student wants to become a chief, perhaps he or she should find a job in the restaurant instead of study in a university. Not everyone needs to attend classes in a college in order to success.

Furthermore, hardly do people succeed solely by imitating others' ideas or works, because this action lacks creativity. Only those who have the ability to innovate are capable of attaining extremely success. For instance, Apple Computer is one of the most successful companies in the world. If Steve Jobs, one of the founders of this company, did not have any innovative thinking, the product of Apple Computer would have nothing special, and he could not build his business empire.

In a nutshell, for everyone, being like others is not enough to succeed. I suggest people should figure out what is the definition of success for them. Moreover, to become successful, the ability of innovation is of pivotal importance.
basawang   
Sep 23, 2011
Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING: indigenous tribes may have disappeared forever [6]

Hi,

I think your English is better than mine.

However, I believe your first reason is not convincing.

Indigenous people do not lack knowledge; on the contrary, they have extensive knowledge of their land and surroundings.

Although they only have little understanding of other modern civilizations, theoretically this does not affect their persistence.

You wrote this:

indigenous people still live widely in natural environment such as in a small islands, caves, rainforest, and little do they have contact with other society.

,which means most indigenous people do not need modern knowledge because they still live in their original environment.

The food is more and more scarcity and a lot of disease threat them everyday. They can not find enough food and also can not treat serious illness. Hence, the number of distinct people decreases quickly.

This phenomenon is actually due to the negative effects from other modern civilizations, not because the aboriginals lack knowledge.

I suggest you develop a new idea.

Good luck
basawang   
Sep 23, 2011
Writing Feedback / "a holiday overseas" - Letter to your friends - IELTS [2]

iCan

I'm pretty good in spite of working hard.

As I see, people can still be happy when they work hard.

I guess you want to say something like this: Every thing is fine. I just feel a little bit tired because of my job.

I revise your sentence as follows:

I'm pretty good in spite of my arduous works.

Anyway, please come and visit our country, the Philippines.

Is it "my" or "our" country? Are Aris and Jecko also Philippines?

Good luck
basawang   
Sep 22, 2011
Writing Feedback / TOEFL-study history and literature or science and mathematics [4]

Dear Dumi,

I searched on the Internet.

Some references suggest that "cannot" and "can not" are both OK, others claim that "can not" is informal.

Every time when I type "can not" using Microsoft Word, there is a message asking me to correct it.

I guess "cannot" is far more common?
basawang   
Sep 22, 2011
Writing Feedback / TOEFL-The best way to relax is by exercises. [11]

Dear Dumi,

Thanks for your informative suggestion!!

I look up in the dictionary (Longman Dictionary of Contemporary English, 4th edition).

"Ameliorate" is synonymous with "improve".

It would be great if others can provide more information.

: )
basawang   
Sep 21, 2011
Writing Feedback / TOEFL-The best way to relax is by exercises. [11]

Hi, thanks for your help.

I concur with you. "By exercise" is not a good expression.

Also, "make" may be better than "let"

However, I do not think "agree" is a good vocabulary here.

Because the prompt mentions nothing about "agree" or "disagree".

Besides, I think "can benefit everyone" is OK.

Good luck
basawang   
Sep 20, 2011
Writing Feedback / "The Mind Wondering Fields." descriptive essay about a place. [2]

Roe02,

I have no experience in any writing competitions, thus I am not qualified to assess your essay.

However, it seems like your essay have some grammatical errors.

I hope someone can help you amend your essay.

Good luck
basawang   
Sep 20, 2011
Writing Feedback / 'Even video conference won't help' -TOEFL- Face- to- face communication [3]

1. Can a question lack "personality and context"?
Or is it "E-mail lacks personality and context".?

I revise this sentence as follows:

Although e-mail is convenient, it often leaves us with too many questions
because it lacks personality and clear context.

2. What is a "tight response" ?

3.

One example was that medical professionals in Taiwan transplanted organ containing AIDS virus because the consultant misheard DURING phone communication that the inspection report was negative while the true results was reactive. Even videos cannot replace face-to-face communication.

This sentence may be too long.

You may need to divide it into several short sentence.

Here is my revision:

For example, recently in Taiwan, several medical professionals made a grave mistake in a transplanted organ surgery. The organs they transplanted were taken from AIDS carriers, thus let five recipients and numerous doctors be exposed to AIDS virus.

This incident resulted from a consultant's heedless action that she misheard the result of inspection report in a phone call.


Good luck
basawang   
Sep 20, 2011
Writing Feedback / TOEFL-The best way to relax is by exercises. [11]

People have different ways of escaping the stress and difficulties of modern life. Some read; some exercise; others work in their gardens. What do you think are the best ways of reducing stress? Use specific details and examples to support your opinion.

In modern society, people often face many difficulties under great stress. Therefore, it is necessary for many to find ways to relax. Although miscellaneous people may apply diverse strategies, such as reading, watching movies, or working in their gardens, I argue that the most suitable method of reducing stress for modern people is by different kinds of exercise, which can not only improve health conditions but also bring positive emotions.

It is not surprised that exercise play a crucial role in ameliorating physical health. Any kinds of sports, such as jogging, swimming, or playing basketball, can effectively facilitate human respiration and circulation system. Moreover, these sports can also strengthen muscles and lessen surplus adipose tissues in human body. The latter one is of particular importance because nowadays more and more people are suffer from obesity. Many studies has points out that numbers of overweight people have increased in developed countries in recent years, which mainly results from insufficient exercises.

Sports activities can improve mental health as well. When people exercise, the neuron cells in the brain release a chemical compound named Dopamine. This hormone can delight one's mind, creating positive feelings. Thus good exercises can often successfully alleviating one's heavy burdens. Moreover, rigorous exercise can also hone one's will, which enable people to be able to tackle stringent problems and arduous tasks.

In a nutshell, many activities can let humans relax. Nevertheless, I assert that the best way of diminishing stress is by exercises, which can benefit everyone not only physically but also mentally.
basawang   
Sep 20, 2011
Writing Feedback / 'evaluate the teachers' performance instead of improving the salary of teachers [3]

Thanks for your reply!

I planned to discuss two aspects in this essay.

The first one is increasing salary cannot guarantee teachers' performance, and the second one is other factors may cause educational problems.

This is why I wrote this in the introduction:


I disagree with this argument because no concrete evidence suggests that teachers with higher salary definitely perform better. Moreover, even if salary can have a positive influence on enhancing the quality of teaching, other factors in the society may also affect the quality of education.

The former sentence shows the first idea in the second paragraph, and the latter shows the second one in the third paragraph.

I know it would be better to give many examples after the term "other factors", like what you suggested:


Moreover, even if salary can have a positive influence on enhancing the quality of teaching, other factors in the society may also affect the quality of education such as ....

But I worry that if I write in this way, I have to discuss many other factors (teacher's attitudes, prejudices, passions) in the third paragraph. I do not have enough time to develop each point clearly. Therefore, I only talked about prejudices.

Can I give many examples in the introduction without further discussions in later paragraphs?


You write very well and you have excellent vocabulary. I think you are preparing for IELTS or TOEFL. If so, you dont worry 'cause you would go for a very good score!

Thanks for your compliment, yet I am not confident of my performance because of the time management.
In TOEFL test, I have to finish an essay in 30 minutes. But so far it usually takes me more than 1 hour to finish my essay.

Anyway, I will do my best.
Thanks for your meticulous corrections and valuable suggestions.
It is so wonderful that you can help me improving my writing skills.

Best wishes

basawang   
Sep 19, 2011
Writing Feedback / 'evaluate the teachers' performance instead of improving the salary of teachers [3]

Do you agree or disagree that there should be an increase of teachers' salary for promoting education quality? Use specific reasons and details to develop your assay.

Teachers play vital roles in the current education system. Some thus argue that the government should increase the teachers' salary in order to improve education quality. Certainly money is a major incentive for workers to work harder. But I disagree with this argument because no concrete evidence suggests that teachers with higher salary definitely perform better. Moreover, even if salary can facilitate teachers to improve their teaching, other factors in education system, such as prejudice on certain subjects, may be a bigger issue compared to teachers' performance.

It is too naive to assume that raising teachers' incomes can induce them to devote more passions in education. If the government gives all teachers higher salary without any differences, for these teachers, they can get additional money without changing or ameliorating anything. In other words, there are no strong motives for them to improve their teaching quality. As a result, I believe the government should establish a rating system to assess teachers' performance, and then decide who should receive higher salary. It is reasonable to increase good teachers' incomes. In contrast, bad teachers should be punished rather than rewarded.

In addition, the main problem in education may not result from teachers, but from other factors. For example, in Taiwan, the whole education system places too much emphasis on some academic subjects such as Mathematics and Chemistry. Other subjects such as Arts and Physical Education sometimes are largely ignored. Increasing teachers' earnings cannot solve this problem because this prejudice is rooted deeply in the society. An effective solution should instigate public awareness that subjects form different fields are all of great importance for students.

In a nutshell, I disapprove of the idea that raising teachers' salary can ameliorate the education system. The government should not only meticulously evaluate the teachers' performance, but also analyze education problems in order to provide effective amendments.
basawang   
Sep 16, 2011
Writing Feedback / Space travel is important or not -----IELTS [4]

Hi,

It is a good essay.

I have one question.

That does mean that in the future human beings are able to have much more choices to produce lots of opportunities for the development of mankind.

I think this sentence is a little bit redundant.

If you delete the phrase "have much more choices to" or "much more choices to produce".

in either ways, is the meaning of this sentence changed?

Perhaps, you may also consider this modified version:
...in the future human beings are able to have more choices and opportunities for development.

By the way, since it is clear that the development you mention here is mankind's development, could the phrase "of mankind"
be removed?

Good luck
basawang   
Sep 15, 2011
Writing Feedback / "Friendly and helping others" - the qualities of a good neighbor? [3]

Hi Tank,

if neighbors can provide assistance, people definitely feel relieved and comfortable because those who can help are not far away

Thanks for your comment.

Would you please be more specific to this?

Is this sentence has grammatical error?
Are the meaning and logic fallacious?

Thanks again.
basawang   
Sep 15, 2011
Writing Feedback / "Friendly and helping others" - the qualities of a good neighbor? [3]

Neighbors are the people who live near us. In your opinion, what are the qualities of a good neighbor? Use specific details and examples in your answer.

In my opinion, the quality of a good neighbor is very similar to that of a good friend. I assert that a good neighbor may possess two essential characters, showing kindness and willing to help others.

Kindness can create a delightful atmosphere in the neighborhood, which makes people live with contentment. With the advent of urbanization, more and more people now live in an apartment located in a metropolis, which means the actual distance between two individuals become closer, yet the mental distance of that seems to become more remote than before. Nowadays, neighbors living in the same apartment rarely talk to each other, and even they do, these conversations are often short and superficial. Thus people barely know each other or know very little. No wonder more and more people feel lonely and saturnine these days. Kindness can break this alienation and warm others' heart. By showing consideration and generosity to others, a good neighbor can greatly benefit the neighborhood.

Another aspect of a good neighbor is assisting others when they are in needs. Everyone may encounter some problems or emergencies sometimes. Obviously, if neighbors can provide assistance, people definitely feel relieved and comfortable because those who can help are not far away. Neighbors can support each other in miscellaneous ways, such as paying attention to the security when others are not home, or taking care of the neighbors' children when occasionally their parents have to work late.

In a nutshell, as I see, a good neighbor should have two fundamental facets. The first one is showing benevolence, and the second one is helping others. In other words, a good neighbor is like a good friend who live nearby. I suggest people can obtain good neighbors by showing the above-mentioned characters to their neighbors, then they may acting the same in return, considering others to be friends.
basawang   
Sep 13, 2011
Writing Feedback / TOEFL- The importance of learning process - Do students need to attend classes? [NEW]

Some people believe that university students should be required to attend classes. Others believe that going to classes should be optional for students. Which point of view do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

The main purpose of educational system is to educate students in order to enable them to obtain professional skills. Consequently, common wisdom says that a college student should attend classes, which function as specific passages between professors and students. This is because teaching in classes is how most professors deliver and spread their knowledge and ideas to students. However, some people do not believe that it is necessary for students to attend every class. As I see, absenteeism is inappropriate for students most of the time unless under certain unusual circumstances.

College professors are the experts, who are far more experienced and proficient in the academic fields compared to students. Thus, attending classes is the most effective and efficient way for students to learn. In other words, nonappearance to classes usually hinders students from learning. Clearly, most professors reveal or demonstrate their expertise in the classroom rather than other places. Students who do not come to classes will lose their opportunities to interact with professors. Of course it is possible that a student figure out some knowledge without others' assistance, but this process must be more arduous than learning directly from specialists, who already know the critical concepts and crucial theories in this subject.

Nonetheless, for some special situations, I believe students can be absent from classes only if they can guarantee that they can maintain their progress. For instance, if there is an emergency, or a speech addressed by a renowned scholar, students can decide whether they want to go to class. However, when they make their own choice, they have to understand it is their responsibility to put more efforts in their homework and academic performance.

In a nutshell, I argue that attending classes is of paramount importance for students' education. Even though sometimes, for certain reasons, absenteeism is unavoidable, students should not eschew their learning progress.
basawang   
Sep 13, 2011
Writing Feedback / [Toefl] One change that should be remembered about 20th century... [4]

1. You have to put "the" in front of "twentieth century".

2. Internet, World Wide Web, and Jamaica are proper nouns. Therefore, the initial letter should be capitalized.

3. The past participle of "take" is "taken".

4. "Newspaper", not "news paper"

5. You repeat some words too many times, such as make, advancement, access. Try to use some synonyms.

Good luck

basawang   
Sep 13, 2011
Writing Feedback / Is money the most important aspect of a job? I THINK SO! [3]

Dear karremflores,

An essay should comprise three parts: an introduction with topic sentence and central ideas, two or three paragraphs elaborating these ideas, and a conclusion or summary. Your article did not follow this structure, therefore readers cannot understand your points clearly.

In addition, you should examine your sentence structure.

Best wishes
basawang   
Sep 13, 2011
Writing Feedback / TOEFL - Universities should give money to sport activities or libraries [2]

Dear abc1400,

I revised your introduction as follows:

Libraries and sport activities both play important roles in a university's success. This is why most university ranking systems place emphasis on the quality of these two activities. However , in my opinion, universities should invest more in libraries than in sport activities because of several reasons .

The phrases highlighted with blue color link ideas from two related sentences, making your article more fluent.

Good luck
basawang   
Sep 11, 2011
Writing Feedback / Ielts test: compare three of these communicating tools and choose the best effective [7]

Dear Mai Chu,

Your reasoning is unfounded. In the forth paragraph, you mentioned two advantages of films. The first one is the film topics are diverse. The second one is it is convenient to carry films. However, books also possess these two advantages. There are miscellaneous book categories, perhaps the number is much more than the one of film categories. Moreover, books are also easy to be carried, as you mentioned in the second paragraph.

So, can you develop another point to buttress your ideas?
basawang   
Sep 11, 2011
Writing Feedback / IELTS: arranged marriage or not? Which system is better? [6]

mrscatoni

In the contemporary era, most of the countries' ancient traditions have facefacing a significant revolution, whichbeing replaced these traditions withby modern rules and habits. However, the arranged marriage, one of those old practises, is still in use in some part of the world, whereas the choice of the life partner is the spouse's priority in others. As everything, those options have pro and cons.

Did my alteration change your original meanings? Especially the sentence highlighted with blue color.
basawang   
Sep 11, 2011
Writing Feedback / TOEFL-Is Money the most important aspect of a job? [9]

Thanks for your help.

I revise the following sentence:

It seems like nothing can be substituted for her fondness of chimpanzees.

And this is an inverted sentence. Nothing is missing.

Only by working hard can human beings succeed.

Best wishes,
basawang   
Sep 11, 2011
Writing Feedback / TOEFL-To eat at a restaurant or at home? What do you prefer? [5]

Dear isabellaclaudia,

I can develop another paragraph about the advantage,

but I am afraid that I will not have enough time in the Toefl writing exam.

If I have to write an essay of this topic, I will substitute another reasoning for the original one talking about expense.

Thank you.
basawang   
Sep 11, 2011
Writing Feedback / TOEFL-Is Money the most important aspect of a job? [9]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The most important aspect of a job is the money a person earns. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

In modern society, almost everyone needs to find a job in order to obtain economic supports. No doubt that salary is one crucial consideration for every job seeker. However, I disagree with the statement that money is the most important aspect of a job. Apart from incomes, workers can acquire more from their occupations. As I see, passion is another vital facet of a job. In fact, for many, these may be much more important than money.

People should consider an occupation that they are passionate with in order to avoid an insipid life. Assuming that the average working hours for most workers is eight hours per day, which means that, before retiring, these workers may spend one-third of their time on working, and if they get nothing except money during their entire careers, they must feel dissatisfied and disembodied because one-third of their lives is bland during this period. In contrast, if they have a strong interest for their jobs during their careers, their long working durations become meaningful to them. For example, many professors can attain a higher salary jobs compared to their current income outside a university, but they choose to work in a university because they enjoy studying and teaching. Jane Goodall, a famous primatologist, had spent 45 years on studying chimpanzees in Tanzanina. I believe she could find other jobs with higher salary if she want, but it seems like nothing be can substituted for her fondness of chimpanzees.

In addition to job satisfaction, passion for work can also lead to better performance, and then result in great success. Interestingly, although salary is not the initial target in this case, this process driven by passion usually makes a good fortune. Conventional wisdom says that only by working hard can human beings succeed. However, it is not easy for workers to maintain energetic for every minutes during the entire career unless they are really passionate with their jobs. The yearning for work is the most powerful driving force to compel people toward their goals. For instance, Steve Jobs, the former chief executive officer of Apple Company, is one of the most legendary entrepreneurs in the world. The secret of his success may be recondite, but obviously, his love for technology advances is the key component contributing to his accomplishment.

In a nutshell, although salary is one essential consideration for a job, passion is more crucial, which can bring not only personal fulfillment but also success to workers.
basawang   
Sep 10, 2011
Writing Feedback / TOEFL-To eat at a restaurant or at home? What do you prefer? [5]

Some people prefer to eat at food stands or restaurants. Other people prefer to prepare and eat food at home. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Mankind cannot live without food, which not only provide nutrients and energy for human body, but also satisfy one's appetite. Today people, especially those who live in urban areas, have a large variety of choices of dining. Customers can select a restaurant based on food styles, prices or some personal preferences. No wonder in recent years, a growing number of people enjoy having their meals at a restaurant rather than cooking by themselves at home. Nevertheless, I prefer to prepare my own food in my kitchen because I want to pursue a healthier lifestyle. Besides, cooking by myself can save some expenses compared to eating at a restaurant.

One of the drawbacks of not eating at home is that processed food in modern food industry and market are common, which means dining at a restaurant poses a higher risk for people to absorb some chemical additives, such as artificial colors and flavors. Moreover, in many restaurants, such as McDonald, their food is often too greasy, cloying or salty. Also, vegetables rich in vitamins and celluloses are often scarce or even lacking in modern diets. Although I am only capable of preparing simple meals and snacks, I can not only reduce the usage of additives and flavorings, but also increase the quantity of vegetables in my diet.

In addition, due to the growth of economy, the food prices gradually become higher nowadays. For example, around two decades ago in Taiwan, a bowl of noodles usually took about 20 NT dollars, but now it costs about 50 dollars or more. In spite of the fact that dining in a restaurant exhibits certain advantages, such as tasty food and delightful atmosphere, the higher charges are indeed a problem for me. When I cook for myself, I can save some expenditure cost for the services, and purchase those materials and ingredients that the price is within a reasonable range.

In a nutshell, I prefer to cook in my kitchen rather than have a meal in a restaurant because the food, which I prepare, is more salubrious, and I can reduce my expenses.
basawang   
Sep 9, 2011
Writing Feedback / TOEFL-Work with a group of people on a team or to work independently [6]

Dear Winchesters,

Thanks for your kind assistance.

I concur with your first two suggestions.

However, it is important to note that "although" and "but" cannot coexist in the same sentence.

For instance,

Although he was tired, he still completed his task. (O)

He was tired, but he still completed his task. (O)

Although he was tired, but he still completed his task. (X)
basawang   
Sep 9, 2011
Writing Feedback / Authority, professionalism, and preplanning -an important skill a person should learn [4]

Dear Winchesters,

I look up in the dictionary and some Internet resources.

I believe the correct spelling is "adroit".

Here are some synonyms and antonyms of adroit.

Synonyms of adroit:
accomplished/adept/consummate/deft/dexterous/expert/handy/masterly/pra cticed/proficient/skillful

Antonyms of adroit:
awkward/bungling/clumsy/ham-handed/handless/inept/maladroit/ungainly/u nhandy
basawang   
Sep 9, 2011
Writing Feedback / IELTS TOPIC:crime is a global problem .we can do nothing to prevent it . [3]

thoseThe number of people who lose faith toin reality due to the crime showing a upward trendcyincreased dramatically . theyThey argue that crime is not aan objective practice. itItoccuresoccurswhen someone who decidesto do it by themselves . soSo , if we make a barrier to these practices which includes stealing, robbery, and murder happen , we should alter their mind. inIn fact, it is not easy to cope with this problem.

In your original article, the first sentence in this paragraph did not have a verb, which cannot be neglected.
Be careful!

basawang   
Sep 8, 2011
Writing Feedback / TOEFL-Work with a group of people on a team or to work independently [6]

Is it more important to be able to work with a group of people on a team or to work independently? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.

In modern society, people need to work in order to achieve their goals. An individual, who possess a higher level of working abilities, has a greater chance to success. The working abilities can be classified into two types. The first type consists of the skills to work independently, and second one involves the abilities to work with a group of people on a team. I reckon that the latter type is more crucial than the former type because of two reasons. First, cooperation is common in the world. Second, cooperation is more likely to accomplish great achievements compared to working along.

With the advent of technological advances, globalization is the major trend in contemporary society, which indicates that collaboration is widespread and inevitable. Therefore, it is much more critical for everyone to be able to work with others than to work as one person. Many modern citizens now work in a company or an organization. Clearly, they must cooperate with others for some degrees. Although others, such as some farmers and writers, may work along, they still need to purchase their products or ask for assistance sometimes. In other words, they still need to collaborate with others.

Moreover, for some difficult tasks, collaboration is the only way to tackle them. This phenomenon further increases the significance of cooperation. For example, it is impossible for one worker can construct a magnificent skyscraper along. To build a skyscraper, it is necessary to gather a group of workers. Similarly, it is impossible to protect a country only by one solider. To maintain the security of one country, it is necessary to assemble an army. It seems that only a few astronauts, such as Armstrong, are capable of walking on the moon. No doubt that Armstrong has strong personal abilities. Nevertheless, no one can deny the fact that he could walk on the moon because of the collaboration of many people, such as scientists, engineers and astronomers.

In a nutshell, since collaboration is not rare, and is the only way to overcome some challenges. The abilities of working as a team are of great importance.
basawang   
Sep 8, 2011
Writing Feedback / Authority, professionalism, and preplanning -an important skill a person should learn [4]

1. You mentioned "obligations" in the first paragraph; however, I think your essay is about how to deal with dilemmas or challenges. Perhaps "difficulties" is a more appropriate choice.

2. "whether...or..." not "whether...and..."

3. In the third paragraph, the word "win" may be inappropriate. This is because in the following passage you mentioned how to overcome difficulties, not how to win a game.

4. In the third paragraph, "avoiding hallucinations" is not a method to endure the stress. I am not sure whether this is the right expression. Maybe you need to delete it.

5. What is "android manner"?

6. In the last paragraph, you did not mention preplanning in this article. Perhaps you need to add a new passage to demonstrate the causal relationship between preplanning and success.


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