basawang
Sep 28, 2011
Writing Feedback / Many people believe that it is very important to make large amounts of money [2]
Hi,
There are some grammatical errors. Nevertheless, I want to talk about your structure because it may be a more severe problem.
I think you should clearly mention your central idea rather than describe your experience in the beginning .
Here are two types of structure.
#1
1st paragraph: State your stand (Maintaining a comfortable life is more important than earning lots of money.)
2nd paragraph: Reason 1
3rd paragraph: Reason 2
4th paragraph: Summary
#2
1st paragraph: These two options both have some advantages and disadvantages.
2nd paragraph: The advantages and disadvantages of earning lots of money.
3rd paragraph: The advantages and disadvantages of maintaining a comfortable life.
4th paragraph: State which one do you prefer.
You can put your examples in the second or third paragraph.
Do anyone have any ideas?
Hi,
There are some grammatical errors. Nevertheless, I want to talk about your structure because it may be a more severe problem.
I think you should clearly mention your central idea rather than describe your experience in the beginning .
Here are two types of structure.
#1
1st paragraph: State your stand (Maintaining a comfortable life is more important than earning lots of money.)
2nd paragraph: Reason 1
3rd paragraph: Reason 2
4th paragraph: Summary
#2
1st paragraph: These two options both have some advantages and disadvantages.
2nd paragraph: The advantages and disadvantages of earning lots of money.
3rd paragraph: The advantages and disadvantages of maintaining a comfortable life.
4th paragraph: State which one do you prefer.
You can put your examples in the second or third paragraph.
Do anyone have any ideas?