basawang
Sep 8, 2011
Writing Feedback / Happiness-is it difficult to define? ielts task2 [5]
Dear beepro21,
I can understand your ideas. The main idea in the third paragraph is miscellaneous people have different demands. The comparison between rich and poor people can perfectly match your point if you can illustrate that money is not the only requirement for everyone to be happy. For example, rich people feels happy because they have a lot of money and wealth is probably what they care the most. Nevertheless, poor people can also feel joyful only if wealth is not the thing they want most! Suppose a man is poor but happy, he must possess something which rich man do not have, such as friendship or spiritual satisfaction. It seems exactly to be the main topic in this paragraph. The comparison between a businessman and a fisherman does not reveal this kind of contrast.
Of course, it is just my personal opinion. I may be totally wrong. You can develop your own reasoning and structure.
One of the key abilities in TOEFL writing task is to use many synonyms.
So I look up in the dictionary and list several words, which have the same meanings to happiness.
We can use these when writing related topics next time.
happiness:
beatitude
bliss
content
contentment
delectation
enjoyment
felicity
gladness
gratification
joy
joyfulness
satisfaction
Dear beepro21,
I can understand your ideas. The main idea in the third paragraph is miscellaneous people have different demands. The comparison between rich and poor people can perfectly match your point if you can illustrate that money is not the only requirement for everyone to be happy. For example, rich people feels happy because they have a lot of money and wealth is probably what they care the most. Nevertheless, poor people can also feel joyful only if wealth is not the thing they want most! Suppose a man is poor but happy, he must possess something which rich man do not have, such as friendship or spiritual satisfaction. It seems exactly to be the main topic in this paragraph. The comparison between a businessman and a fisherman does not reveal this kind of contrast.
Of course, it is just my personal opinion. I may be totally wrong. You can develop your own reasoning and structure.
One of the key abilities in TOEFL writing task is to use many synonyms.
So I look up in the dictionary and list several words, which have the same meanings to happiness.
We can use these when writing related topics next time.
happiness:
beatitude
bliss
content
contentment
delectation
enjoyment
felicity
gladness
gratification
joy
joyfulness
satisfaction