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Posts by MisterWandering
Joined: Sep 20, 2011
Last Post: Sep 20, 2016
Threads: 18
Posts: 321  
Likes: 130
From: Viet Nam

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MisterWandering   
Mar 14, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: Subway system in six major countries [5]

The table reveals evidence of the underground railway systems in six major countries in field of opening date, length of route, and the commuters are carried.

The table compares six underground railway systems in terms of opening date, total length of route and passenger numbers per year.

Kyoto subways reckoned for the least route and the least passenger statistic per year

Kyoto's subway has the shortest route and lowest number of passengers

by comparison with Los Angeles subway system

I think this part adds no value to your sentence.

coming the sixth underground railway systems, Los Angeles, being inaugurated in 2001 carried 50 passengers in the route of 28 kilometers.

This sentence has grammatical mistakes.
The latest system of the six is in Los Angeles, which is inaugurated in 2001 and responsible for carrying 50 million passengers annually over the route of 28 kilometers.

A more detailed look at the table shows, the subterranean railways appears in the twentieth century in Tokyo.

Actually, there are four systems established in the twentieth century.
You should pay attention to your grammar!
MisterWandering   
Mar 14, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 : Australian children leisure activity [5]

The given chart reveals information regarding gender in a preference of leisure among Australian children aged 5-14.

The given bar chart compares the participation of Australian boys and girls aged 5 -14 in five leisure activities in percentage terms.

the Australian children, either boys or girls, does watching television or video as the first chosen for their leisure activities

watching television is the most popular activity among boys and girls.

skateboarding or rollerblading coming fifth free-time activities with different proportion of each gender

skateboarding or rollerblading accounts for the lowest proportion of both genders.
MisterWandering   
Mar 14, 2014
Writing Feedback / Analysis of a questionnaire on kids activities - IELTS writing task 1 sample: Pie Graph [8]

The two pie charts provided illustrates an analysis of a questionnaire . They show the activities that girls and boys participate in, in percentage times.

The two pie charts compare the participation of Australian children of both gender in percentage terms.

Overall, it can be seen that equal quantities of both sexes enjoyed listening to music, but a dramatically larger number of girls liked reading, and there were many differences in terms of their preferred sports

This could form a separate overview paragraph.
Overall, the majority of activities girls are involved in are different from those of boys, with the exception of reading and listening to music. Likewise, while dancing is the most popular activity among girls, computer games account for the highest proportion of boys' participation.

Your essay has only 140 words, less than the required total number of words. Also, you should reorganize your ideas by stating the most significant features of the charts first and going into details afterwards.
MisterWandering   
Mar 13, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS - Crime in UK; percentage of criminality of British people in different age/gender [11]

No, I mean you should decide which tense should be used in your essay.
Let's have a look at your paragraphs:

It is clear that the largest percentage of crimes is committed by males aged 20. We can also see that prison inmate was considerably higher in men than in women.

No years are given in both charts but you used simple present tense in the first sentence and the simple past tense in the second one.

Interestingly, just around 2% of offences are committed by males aged 10 and retirement age, compared to 0 % of criminals by females similar with age of males. The percentage of convictions experienced a rapid increase and reached a peak of 16% for men and approximately 5% for women among 20-year-olds. However, from 20 year olds to 80, the percentage of perpetration declines immediately.

Again, you used two different tenses to describe the chart in this paragraph. When it comes to a chart without any years given, you could use either simple past or simple present tense but using both of them is not a good idea.
MisterWandering   
Mar 13, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 - Internet Use in Europe [10]

You should attach the right graph with your essay so we could provide you with more comments :)

mature activities

leisure activities of adults

By contrast, other activities were the smallest one in each year.

This sentence is quite confusing. I can see from your fourth paragraph that the proportions of other activities are not quite small.

adults spent their 32% of their spare time on watching TV

a little fell

a slight fall

slide away

decreased rapidly

Enjoying with other attitudes were only 6% of the total in 1985

Other activities accounted for only 6% of the total spare time of European adults in 1985

as a result of computer, which was 27% in 1995, talking with family of adolescents rapidly decreased from just 18% in 1985 to only 7% in 1995

You don't need to give any interpretation from the data. There may be other reasons why adolescents talked less with their family.
MisterWandering   
Mar 13, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS - Crime in UK; percentage of criminality of British people in different age/gender [11]

prison inmate was considerably higher in men than in women.

the proportion of male inmates was considerably higher than that of women.

females similar with age of males.

females of similar age

declines immediately.

declined gradually.

it is predicted that

This is not prediction, so this part could be omitted.
MisterWandering   
Mar 12, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 - Bar and Line Charts! Tourists Of Japan Travelling Abroad! [8]

from 1995 to 1995.

from 1985 to 1995 :)

more than 10 million in the proportion of Japanese tourists by 1990

This is the number, not the proportion.

after travelers saw a bit decline, the number of travelers started to go on and reached a peak of more than 15 million at the end of the period.

after a slight decline, traveler numbers continued to rise and reached a peak of more than 15 million at the end of the period.

Regarding the percentage of people who visited Australia increaseincreased rapidly from just 2% in 1985 to approximately 5% in 1989

during a year

one year later

and it had jumped to 6% by 1995

The figure dropped to 4% one year later before recovering to hit around 6% in 1995.
MisterWandering   
Mar 9, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 1: The continuous movement of water on, above & below the surface of the Earth [7]

How does the process unfold?

I find this question unnecessary.

There are 3 main stages shown on the diagram: evaporation of ocean water, precipitation and dripping water to the sea.

This sentence could be used in the overview paragraph as it shows readers the most remarkable features of the diagram.

The evaporation which contributes 80% of water vapor in the air coming from the oceans is awarded the first stage in the diagram.

At the evaporation stage, 80% of water vapor in the air come from the oceans.

At the second stage, there presently is precipitation, which is the amount of water falling on the ground coming second in this process.

This is followed by the precipitation stage, in which water falls from the ground in the form of rain or snow.

Again, this water forms snow at the top of the mountain.

I think the snow is the result of precipitation rather than the water in mountainous lakes.

produce water from ocean to land

The word "produce" is not appropriate here to me. In my opinion, water just changes its states throughout the cycle.
MisterWandering   
Mar 8, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task I : Flowchart process of academic writing [6]

The flowchart below reveals the stages

six stages occur and should be completed to make an academic essay consecutively.

Overall, writing a formal essay requires six stages to be fulfilled before submitting the final version.

take discussion

have a discussion

Taking note in the library, giving questionnaire, conducting interview, and doing survey emerge as the part of this stage.

Learners could take advantage of materials in the library or do fieldwork like giving questionnaires and conducing surveys at this stage.

As making an essay draft coming third stage,

The result of the first two stages is the first draft of the essay, for which students need organize the content and produce a brief outline in advance.

However

However is not the appropriate preposition here. You could use "Next" or "Following that" instead.

Then, student should be revised the draft with read resource material again

Students should revise the draft by reading the resource material again prior to adding suggestion and checking quotations to form the second draft.

should be stood strictly

should be carried out strictly

rewrite the final draft

rewriting the final draft

carefully check

careful checking

Student has to consider submitted the essay

Students have to submit the essay

I must say you have improved hell of a lot with this task. This is really cool :)

I agree with Pahan :)
MisterWandering   
Mar 8, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS Let students still have some challenges in art-based subjects, but not give mark on their work [4]

However, they are not necessary compulsory or to be graded by exam as long as students can have an opportunity to study through these art-based subjects.

I wish you could include your own opinion in the introduction of your essay.

It is generally thought that there might not be always...

This paragraph is quite off-topic to me. I think you should focus on whether arts-based subjects should be compulsory instead of how teachers evaluate their students' performances.

In my view, let students still have some challenges in art-based subjects, but not give mark on their work.

Again, this is not aligned with the prompt given to you. Whether teachers should grade the work of students or not is not what the topic asks you to give your opinion about.
MisterWandering   
Mar 8, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 1: International migration in UK [3]

In the first five years, the number of residents immigrated in and emigrated out of Britain were both slightly fluctuated in an almost resemble manner, but the figures for immigration were significantly higher.

Both the number of people came to and left the UK increased gradually in the first five years, though immigration rate was significantly higher.
Also, as far as I'm concerned, "from" and "to" are the prepositions used after "immigrate" and "emigrate", rather than "in" and "out of".

peaked at somewhere in the region of 250,000 in 2004

peaked at approximately 250000 in 2004

As can be seen from the chart, immigration and emigration rates both increased but in slightly different manners.

MisterWandering   
Mar 8, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 1: The total number of minutes (in millions) of telephone calls in Finland [4]

rising from 12000 million minutes in 1995 to just under 17000 million in 2000. After a short peak at 17000 million the following year, these calls had fallen back to the 1995 figure by 2004.

rising from 12000 million minutes in 1995 to a peak of 17000 million in 2000. After that, it fell back to the 1995 figure in 2004.

The other significant changes demonstrated to National and international land-line calls

The total number of minutes of national and international landline calls

in question

What do you mean by "in question" in this sentence?
MisterWandering   
Mar 8, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 1: International students graduating from universities in Canada [2]

The chart provides information regarding a comparison in percentage of overseas graduate students from universities based on several regions in Canada from 2001 to 2006.

The bar chart compares international graduates in percentage terms from universities in seven regions in Canada in two separate years, 2001 and 2006.
I think you should write an overview after the introduction. This is to mention the most significant features of the chart before going to details in following paragraphs.

According to the graph, in 2001 there were just about 3-to-7 percent graduate pupils from abroad per each region in Canada. However, the following years, the percentage of the overseas students were about 3-8 percent higher than those in 2001

These two sentences are not quite clear as readers may not know whether there is any notable difference between two ranges of figures you stated above (as they are quite similar). You could simply write one sentence about the upward trend and this could be used in the overview.

There was a gradual increase in the proportion of international students from 2001 to 2006.

7-to-13 percent

There is still a gap between the figures in 2001 and 2006. If you write like this, it seems that the figures are quite close to each other and the increase is not clearly described.

perhaps decreasing international graduation from its universities, from 2001 to 2006!

which experienced a decrease in the percentage of international graduates
I hope this helps!
MisterWandering   
Mar 5, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS, LIFE WILL BE BETTER IN THE FUTURE OR NOT [5]

Some people imagine the future life as like a scenery of movie named "Travel to Future" in which it shows a flying car in the sky. However, other sees the life in the future as a pessimistic view in which people tries escape from natural disaster and moves to Himalayas mountain.

I think you should present your ideas more clearly and construct simpler sentences that are more relevant to the topic. Don't make your introduction too complicated with vague sentences.

your generation

Don't use "you" and "your" in your academic writing.

Due to a increasing level of various kind of pollution, health concern will arise among them and cost of health will stagger dramatically.

This is not aligned with your first body paragraph, where you didn't mention anything about pollution.
MisterWandering   
Mar 3, 2014
Writing Feedback / Movies and television changing the way that we entertain; big influence [5]

But in this small essay, I just mention to the negative effects of TV or movies on people's behavior according to the three following main reasons.

I think readers may get confused as to whether there are positive effects and why you do not want to include them in the essay. Another thing is that this is contradictory to the rest of the essay, where you only mention the positive effects.

link the Internet

connect to the Internet

The seconds could be mentioned to

The last but not least

more and more better.

much better.

In other words, TV or movies have positive or negative effects on people's behavior is the controversial issue, but those things could make our lives betters in some ways.

This is not aligned with your introduction.
MisterWandering   
Mar 3, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2: What to broadcast on television and what to print in newspapers. [8]

includes news editor who is fully responsible

including news editors who are fully responsible

There are some considerations used by news editor.

There are some factors that news editors should take into account.

It's hard to distinguish your introduction from your body paragraph. You don't need to go into details in the introduction and the examples are not quite necessary here. Instead, you should state the main topic of the essay and express your opinion or answer the given question clearly.
MisterWandering   
Mar 2, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 : The IELTS Score In Four Different Countries [3]

It seems that you just use the same sentence structure in your two body paragraphs. Also, your ideas need reorganizing by starting with the most salient features. For example, German has the highest overall score of the four countries. Then you could move into further details and make comparisons among countries and modules.

so it was an evident that English language has learnt by all people in the Europe and Asia.

This kind of task doesn't require you to give any interpretation from the chart. In my opinion, it can't be concluded that every person in two continents has learnt English from the IELTS score of just four countries.
MisterWandering   
Mar 2, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Elderly Population in three different countries: Japan, Sweden and USA [5]

You should attach the graph with your essay.

a period 100 years

a period of 100 years

The countries who included in this survey are Japan, Sweden, and USA.

This sentence could be merged with the previous one:
The given graph shows the proportion of elderly population during a period of 100 years in three different countries, namely Japan, Sweden, and the USA.

increasingly resemble

follow a similar upward trend

the number of elderly people

the proportion/the percentage of

in 60 years appeared

This is not clear. Do you mean "the first 60 years of the period"?

the trend will developing sharply until gain the highest percentage than others in 2040.

It continues to rise until reaching an estimation of ... in 2040, which is significantly higher than the other two countries.

other trends reveal that the elderly population either Sweden or USA were quite similar

The elderly population in Sweden and the USA experienced an increase during the course.

Both of trends

Both figures

Therefore

This world should be omitted.

.
MisterWandering   
Feb 25, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task II: who should decide the subjects that children are taught in schools [4]

they would know more about what students are interested in and want to learn in schools

This could form a separate sentence.

they are likely to have a passion

What do you mean by "they" in this sentence? Are they students or teachers?
Overall, you write very well. You follow a good structure for the task and your ideas are well-organized.
MisterWandering   
Feb 25, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2: Capital punishment (the death penalty) in society [12]

Some people believe that this kind of punishment is essential to apply because they believe criminals tend to repeat their crime as they live for it.

Some people believe that applying this kind of punishment will lead to a crime-free society.

imprison criminals

imprisoning criminals.
The prompt does not mention anything as to whether other people are in favor of imprisonment so I'm not sure if it is necessary to single out this kind of punishment here.

quit long time

quite a long time
Also, you could state your opinion right in the introduction.
MisterWandering   
Feb 15, 2014
Writing Feedback / Renewable sources of energy (sun, water, wind) will soon replace fossil fuels [4]

You should include the full prompt to receive more meaningful comments on your essay.

one of the most important problems is an environment-related problem, due to fossil fuels polluting air, water and for causing global warming.

One of the most serious problems in the world is environmental pollution, of which fossil fuels are one of the leading causes.

These lead to many countries like America, trying to develop sustainable energy resources.

This has led many countries to develop sustainable energy resources.

But, would these fossil fuels can be replaced by energy which can be used again? In my view, I hold with the notion that renewable sources would replace the energy used these days.

I feel that the question here is not necessary.
In my opinion, shifting to renewable sources of energy is an effective solution to environmental issues.

So,

Therefore,

global warming which occurred by charcoal, petroleum, and gas destroying the ozone layer.

Emissions from burning charcoal or petroleum are known to have a devastating effect on the ozone layer

according to the research done by three colleges in America says

MisterWandering   
Feb 15, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2: kindly check my introductory paragraph (hook, etc) [6]

but not as the competitive ones defined in terms of both team and individual.

This part of your sentence is quite confusing. Do you mean that schools are teaching non-competitive sports?

school aims

schools aim

In my personal view, I agree that competitive sports would not give any merits for students' academic performance, but I believe that school is mindful of its responsibility to train students in a direct competition with each other for examination, bearing comparison with the best of competitive sports.

This sentence is too lengthy and your opinion is not quite clear. I think the use of many big words also reduces the clarity of this sentence.
MisterWandering   
Feb 13, 2014
Writing Feedback / Traffic jams in big cities - headache question for the government to solve [5]

When it comes to traffic jams, we can see that it is a big problem for big cities.

Traffic congestion has become a serious problem in many big cities in the world.

Since the damage of traffic jam come to our life too much that is the air pollution.

This has grammatical mistakes and you didn't mention anything related to air pollution in the rest of the essay. If it is irrelevant to the topic, then you could omit this sentence.

Yet it is a headache question for the government to solve.

I don't think "Yet" should be used here.

these heavy struck make the road become old and downgraded

This part could form a separate sentence.

The big cities have the creation the population increased with a great speed.

The bold part is not clear.
MisterWandering   
Feb 13, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS, nowadays it is more difficult to concentrate or pay attention in school. [7]

You should include the full prompt whenever posting an essay because without it, it's hard for us to know whether some sentences are relevant or not to the topic.

it would be surprising that how much it is different from our time?

The question mark is inappropriate here and "how much it is different" should be replaced by "how different it is".

time children should spend on coursework is decreasing as time for playing increasing

Children would sacrifice their studying time for playing computer games.

that lead to poor grading at school

which led to some academic problems at school.
Don't use "that" after commas.

make children pay less a attention to their lessons

draw more attention from students than their lessons do.

directly dependence from parents

This part is confusing. Do you mean the solution to this problem depends of parents?

should be highly encouraged

MisterWandering   
Feb 12, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS;More & more people are relying on private cars as their major means of transport [4]

Well, you should include the full prompt with your essay so that we can provide you with more meaningful comments.

some people are blaming a car

blaming cars

the number of issue

a number of serious issues

death

traffic accidents

To begin with, inventions we created are in return on the way to destroy us, even car is not exemption. Everyone want to possess cars because of its privacy and comfort. To compared with public transport vehicles, drivers can create own private atmosphere and can arrange the timetable and schedule on their own.

It's better to open your body paragraph with problems that are caused by cars. I feel that these sentences do not add more value to your essay.

If we count number amount of time spent in our life

Do you mean the amount of time we use cars?

Moreover, smoke car emits

car engine emissions

the main reason of

the main reason for

For example, In Delhi,

Delhi is not a country. You had better link your example with your previous sentence.

was reached to

reached

choose to not drive

choose not to drive

in the not long distance

in a short distance
MisterWandering   
Feb 12, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task II : Equal number of gender in the universities entrance [12]

Firstly, sex ratio in our population is not equal. However the number of male and female who entrancing university also has differences. This difference for several people is a violation of emancipation.

As far as I'm concerned, "emancipation" means liberation or being freed which, I think, is not related to the issue of unequal numbers of male and female students.

They tend to make same number for each gender such as 500 chairs for male an also for female.

This is one of your reason but you didn't give a clear explanation for this.

It is important to select the candidates from their ability based instead proportionate them quantitatively but lack.

The quality of students will be guaranteed if they are selected to enter universities from ability-based tests.
You should pay attention to your grammar!
MisterWandering   
Feb 12, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task I : Housing owned and rented in UK [11]

As far as my observation there are only two charts 1985 and 2005

I see. However, you don't need to use "the pie chart shows" again here. Instead, you could write direct sentences to describe the charts.

this not exactly 50 per cent so I use "more than"

Actually, I wanted to say that the preposition "by" is not appropriate in this case.
MisterWandering   
Feb 11, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task I : Housing owned and rented in UK [11]

The given chart below

However, the overall growth numbers of housing in UK increased dramatically in over 20 years with fascinating number by 22 per cent increasing.

"However" is used when you want to state an opposite opinion. This is not appropriate in your overview paragraph here. Also, there's no need to give data in your overview.

In 1985, the pie chart also showed shows

There are two pie charts, so you should clarify which chart you are mentioning.

the top most percentage

the most popular type

became the least

was the least

by more than 50 per cent

at 50 per cent

In 1985, the pie chart also showed private owned housing as the top most percentage by more than 50 per cent while social housing became the least by 10 per cent resident prefer lived there.

This sentence has several grammatical mistakes.
In 1985, private owned houses took up over 50 per cent of the total number of houses, while the proportion of social housing was the lowest, at 10 per cent.

On the other hand , people who chose for stay in the council rented were 45 percent, and in the private house lived was 25 percent.

The charts are not about the people but the percentage of four kinds of houses.

yet there were rising number among trends

This sentence is really confusing. What do you mean by "rising number among trends"?
Hope this helps!
MisterWandering   
Feb 11, 2014
Writing Feedback / The chart below display skill levels of male and female employees in a British company in [5]

The pie chart illustates the levels of skillfullness of male and female staff members at a company in British in 2001.

The pie charts compare the proportion of four different levels of skills of staff members of both genders in a British company in 2001.
If you want to talk about the country, use "Britain" instead of "British".

It is clearlyclear that

It is clearly that the percentage of male with highly skilled is nearly as twice as the category in female, 31% male with highly skilled is much higher than 16% famale's.

This is your overview. In this paragraph, you should mention the most remarkable features of the chart but you don't need to present any data here.
MisterWandering   
Feb 10, 2014
Writing Feedback / Ielts writing test 1. Cement and concrete production diagrams. Ielts8 [11]

The two diagrams illustrate in an elementary form, from start to finish, how both cement and concrete are produced using varies raw materials, their percentages required, and specific machinery and mixing techniques.

Keep your introduction short and direct.
The two diagrams illustrate the process of how cement is produced from raw materials and the production of concrete for building purpose.

The first diagram, cement production, is set in motion by adding Limestone and clay to the crusher with the result then being transferred to the mixer.

In the first stage of cement making, limestone and clay are added to the crusher and then transferred to the mixer in the form of powder.

After this process stage, the mixture is then sent through the rotating heater, resulting in a product which is then grinded to produce the desired outcome of cement.

After that, the mixture is sent to the rotating heater and heated, the result of which is then grounded to produce cement.

The cement is ready to be bagged.

Packaging cement in bags is the final step of the process.

The second diagram,although easier in it's process, uses many more materials in it's making

To produce concrete, four materials are initially required.
MisterWandering   
Feb 9, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1: BAR CHARTS- Married and Divorced in the USA [8]

do i need to write an overview about second one as well

Yes, I think you should describe the main trends of both two charts in the overview paragraph.
Overall, the number of marriages was significantly higher than the number of divorces over the period. Also, the majority of American people were married in both given years, 1970 and 2000.

The charts below compare data about the number of people who were married and divorced in the USA over a period of 30 years, and the marital status of American adults in the year 1970 and year 2000.

I don't think you should use the word "below" in the introduction. This is because when you write on the exam paper, there is no chart/graph below your essay.
MisterWandering   
Feb 8, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task I : Housing owned and rented in UK [11]

percentage British owned housing and rented

the proportion of housing owned and rented in the UK

Then, this measure involves four groups including privately owned, council rented, privately rented and social housing.

It's not necessary to have a separate sentence to talk about the four sorts of houses involved. Instead, you could merge this sentence with your previous one.

numbers of housing in UK have dramatically increased in over 20 years

Overall, the house numbers in the UK increased dramatically over 20 years.

This succeeds marked the developing in UK economical growth.

This sentence is irrelevant to the chart.

From the data, UK dweller was capable enough in their shelter primary needs

,

However, not every UK inhabitant can afford housing for themselves. As effective effort, government initiate the social housing thus the indigent can rent with low price.

Again, these two sentences are not related to what the task requires you to do. You should focus on

describing the main features of the charts

and

making comparisons where appropriate

to summarize the information. There's no need to have interpretations or deductions from the given data. Also, pay attention to your grammar.
MisterWandering   
Feb 7, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: The percentage of housing owned and rented in the UK in 1985 and 2005. [3]

The first chart shows the proportion of housing owned and rented in 1985 while the second chart gives information about the percentage of private and rent accommodation in 2005.

Don't make your introduction too complicated.
The pie charts compare house ownership and renting in the UK in 1985 and 2005 in percentage terms.

In general, most of people prefer to stay at the privately owned housing than live in social housing. Perhaps social housing has limited facilities which make people uncomfortable meanwhile private house is the appropriate place for inhabitants.

You don't need to give a reason for the main features of the given graphs.
Overall, there was in increase in the total number of homes in the UK over the two-decade period. Likewise, privately owned houses were the most popular type of housing.

As seen , in the 1985, more than 50 percent was occupied by private housing and came to second council rented over than quarter.

In 1985, private houses accounted for over half of the total number of homes (22 million), which was about 20% higher than the second most common type, council rented houses.
MisterWandering   
Feb 7, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 1- water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries [3]

The line graph below illustrates the amount of water was used by 3 sectors Agriculture, Industrial and Domestic.

Capitalize the first letter of your sentence.

The table shows the disparity in the population and irrigated land between 2 countries: Brazil and D.R.C.

These two sentences can form an introduction:
The line graph illustrates the changes in the amount of water used for agricultural, industrial and domestic purposes while the table compares water consumption in 2 different countries, Brazil and Democratic Republic of Congo.

Based on the graph can be seen that the quantity of water was used for A increased considerably while global water was used by I and D rose more slightly.

It is obvious that a larger quantity of water was used in agriculture than the other two sectors.

To sum up, the line graph and the table below show that how high of consumption water can be used in A in some different countries on the world.

Does the table mention anything about water use in agriculture?
MisterWandering   
Feb 5, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: the sleep patterns of people in five different occupations [13]

So, I think the question maker tries to switch the focus away from the chart/graph/table to this phrase, and here is the result.

You had better keep focusing on the given chart/graph as it reflects the result of the study. Also, if you have already given an overview in your essay, the conclusion is not necessary.
MisterWandering   
Feb 5, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK I: Earnings in London City [6]

Don't make your introduction too complicated and then difficult for readers to understand.
The two pie charts illustrates the changes in total earnings in four sectors, namely commodity trading, banking, insurance and currency dealing in London in 1985 and 1995. Meanwhile, the table compares average annual salaries of executives of both gender in aforementioned sectors over the same period.

After the introduction, you should have a overview paragraph to clarify the main trends of the graphs and table:
Overall, there was a sharp rise in the total revenue in the city of London from 1985 to 1995, with commodity trading taking over the largest proportion of banking over the given course. Likewise, annual salaries of female executives were generally lower than those of male counterparts in all sectors.
MisterWandering   
Feb 5, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: The chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billions) of telephon [5]

Furthermore, the local fixed line calls were rising steadily popular from approximately 72 billion minutes in 1995 to the peak of 90 billion minutes in 1995.

There was a steady rise in the number of local fixed line calls in the first half of the period, eventually reaching a peak of 90 billion in 1999.

Then suddenly from 2000 the numbers began to fall and in 2002 the number was back to the 1995 figure

.
Then it began to fall gradually to approximately 70 billion in 2002, which was the same as the 1995 figure.

On the other hand, the popularity of both national and international calls on fixed line were raising through all of the period, starting with 38 billion minutes in 1995 and ending with 60 billion minutes in 2002.

On the other hand, the total number of minutes of national and international fixed line calls and mobile calls enjoyed an clearly upward trend throughout the period. The former started off steady at 38 billion in 1995 and subsequently reached a high of around 60 billion at the end of the period.

However, the most significant rising was noticed in mobile calls. Beginning with approximately 3 billion minutes in 1995, it raised to 45 billion minutes in 2002.

Meanwhile, the latter saw the most significant increase in the number of minutes of telephone calls. Its figure was lower than 10 billion in the first four years. However, it ended up the period at 45 billion, which was nine times higher than the 1995 level.

You should pay attention to the difference between "Rise" and "Raise". They are used to depict upward trend but not interchangeable.

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