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Posts by MisterWandering
Joined: Sep 20, 2011
Last Post: Sep 20, 2016
Threads: 18
Posts: 321  
Likes: 130
From: Viet Nam

Displayed posts: 339 / page 9 of 9
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MisterWandering   
May 25, 2013
Writing Feedback / Happiness of working that one can achieve is the best in this world [3]

the number of people who committed suicide was dramatically raised

-> the number of people who committed suicide dramatically increased/there was a dramatic increase in the number of people...

Two main reasons will be aptly point out

-> pointed out

To begin with, by working not only you feel like you are doing your responsibility to your family also you feel like as a good citizen you are doing your responsibility towards your society.

-> it is confusing and not grammatically correct. You could say that: To begin with, working helps people fulfill their responsibilities for not only their families but also the whole society.

a society web site

-> a social website

an individual that actively works

rather than staying at home and doing nothing.

-> rather than those who spend most of their time staying at home and doing nothing

I wonder if the third paragraph actually support the idea you gave in the introduction. Also, you should avoid using "you" in such academic writing.

I hope my corrections help.
MisterWandering   
May 23, 2013
Writing Feedback / Ielts: What factors contribute to job satisfaction? How realistic are they? [2]

As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual wellbeing. What factors contribute to job satisfaction? How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?

It is true that job satisfaction has become a key factor when evaluating a worker's occupation in today's modern societies, which is the result of combination of several factors. However, to fulfill the expectations of every staff member of a company is such an impractical task.

First and foremost, recognition for an employee's efforts put into work is notably the top element of satisfaction level. In fact, he will be more contended and motivated if he perceives that his work are highly appreciated by supervisors and colleagues and as such, he will definitely continue to contribute his value to his organisation. In addition, the potential benefits deriving from the profession, namely income and promotion, are equally important. That is, compensation is a rewarding means of reflecting one's talents and achievements overall. Moreover, by aiming to move up the ranks will workers be encouraged to strive as hard as possible.

Nevertheless, job satisfaction should solely be analysed from individual perspective instead of communal one. To be more specific, it should be noted that some workers are working under such an uncomfortable environment that totally does not come up to their expectations. For instance, they have to put up with unapproachable bosses and unfriendly co-workers and keep performing their duties only with a view to making ends meet and paying for their daily living costs. Furthermore, in terms of the financial reward for the staff, if a manager simply offers a bonus to all subordinates, he will fail to focus on individuals who work much harder than others.

To sum up, employees' contentment generally comprises appreciation for their feats and rewards that they deserve to receive. Even so, satisfying all of them would undoubtedly be not effortless anyway.
MisterWandering   
May 22, 2013
Writing Feedback / TOEFL: I think that there are still a lot of different types of movies [3]

In my opinion I think that

-> If you use "In my opinion", you can omit "I think that" or vice versa

These films are what we call action movies, and from their names we can see that strong scenes, like car chase, explosions, and more are important parts of the movie's plot, and that it is somewhat necessary.

-> You can split the whole sentence into 2 shorter ones. I feel a little bit confused when reading this.

; as an important factor of the story.

-> which are such important factors

the film industry is making all kinds of movies that have their audience

-> with a view to attracting millions of viewers

hadn't changed one bit in the history of movie making

-> hasn't changed much ...

the explosions that where created in old movies differ greatly that the one created in new ones

-> that were created... differ greatly from those in modern films.

I hope these help.
MisterWandering   
May 22, 2013
Writing Feedback / Living in the countryside better in Vietnam [6]

I think you should add several conjunctions to your essay and use a wide variety of sentence structure because I see that the first two paragraphs contain 3 sentences starting with "There are"
MisterWandering   
May 21, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS: The development of a coastal village [3]

The diagrams below show the development of a small fishing village and its surrounding area into a large European tourist resort.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The given diagrams depicts the transformation of an European coastal village into a huge tourist resort from 1974 to 2004. Overall, there was a dramatic increase in the population, rising from 12000 in 1974 to 130000 with tourists combined.

Unlike other nearby regions, the original fishing village remained intact in 2004, with further extension at the back for the local people to reside. Meanwhile, the harbour adjacent to the village was replaced by the sandy beach. Along the coastline that was nearly empty in 1974 located many newly constructed hotels. Besides, the small plot of land which used to grow olives was converted into a larger farmland with the aim of providing fruit and vegetables for the visitors.

On the upper side of the hills, 2 scattered villages developed into densely-populated ones, along with shops built to attract customers. The infrastructure was also enhanced by a long road linked to the coast.




MisterWandering   
May 21, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS; Students from rural areas find difficult to receive higher education [5]

In recent years, the concern for the students who are living in remote areas has aroused the attention of the public because universities seem to be quite difficult for them to entre.

-> That students living in remote areas have limited access to tertiary education has drawn much public attention in recent years.

these youngsters

-> I don't think they should be called "youngsters" as most university students are over 18 years of age.

unpractical

-> impractical?
MisterWandering   
May 21, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS; In our society child's education have never been a simple task [9]

In our society child's education have never been a simple task

-> has never been

While, others claim school should be taken responsibility for this issue

-> school should take the responsibility

At the school, those who have more chance to connect to other people such as peers and their teachers who teach them a number of vital skills for instance: communication skill, and team work.

-> It's not a complete sentence.
-> At school, those who are eager to connect with other people such as their peers and teachers will be more likely to attain a number of vital skills, for instance, communication skill and teamwork.

Besides that, the academic knowledge is obtained from there that will help children to have stable initial steps for their future.

-> You can use "In addition" or "Furthermore" instead of "Besides that" that you did use once on the first body paragraph.

-> In addition, academic knowledge obtained from schools will establish a firm basis for children's future.

school is definitely significant part in children life.

-> a significant part in children's life

In conclusion, I am believed that

-> I believe that
MisterWandering   
May 21, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS; How to reduce traffic in cities? Should it be by reducing the need for travel? [4]

Thanks a lot for your recommendations!

Here is my corrected introduction:
It is generally believed that currently alarming traffic problems are directly linked to the high demand of commuters for daily primary tasks such as working and studying. As a consequence, should this chief culprit be cut down, then the major cities' traffic system will be effectively enhanced.

Is it any better?
MisterWandering   
May 21, 2013
Writing Feedback / How does rapid economic development affect a country? [5]

Thank you for your corrections, Pahan!

I like if you expanded your conclusion at least by one additional line. Also, I feel the latter part tend to confuse the reader

I always try to paraphrase the introduction and make my conclusion as simple as possible because I'm afraid that I don't have enough time to complete the essay :(

But you are right, I think I had better add another sentence.
To sum up, the economic revolution of often moves in tandem with the inequality in development of urban and rural areas within the country, thereby generating several social circumstances. The best solution to this could be the governmental control which both reduces the unwanted negative possibilities and open doors for further growth of the countryside.
MisterWandering   
May 21, 2013
Writing Feedback / How does rapid economic development affect a country? [5]

In recent years some countries have experienced very rapid economic development. This has resulted in much higher standards of living in urban areas but not in the countryside. This situation may bring some problems for the country as a whole. What are these problems? How might they be reduced?

It is evident that major cities and towns derive the most benefits from the achievements of economic revolution, notably in terms of living conditions. However, this has engendered severe social issues associated with the ongoing trend of a massive number of people leaving their rural regions and only by the close management of authorities will this situation be redeemed.

First and foremost, modern societies have seen the increasing flow of people moving to the metropolitan with a view to greater employment opportunities which offer a generally higher salary than that of the countryside. Likewise, they are capable of having access to better education and healthcare systems that are not available at their hometown. As such, this has resulted in overcrowding in the city centre, possibly generating serious traffic congestion and huge demand for accommodation since the provision of houses and apartments fail to keep up with the rise of population. Also, the high density of the inner-city implies higher potential of crimes such as theft and drugs.

In order to tackle these problems, government should pay more attention to improve the existing standards of living in the rural areas, which are the main incentives leading to the movement of peoples seeking to finer options in urban areas. For instance, schools and hospitals need constructing to fulfill the needs of people. In addition, government should invest in some advantageous sectors of the countryside like building business-oriented or industrial zones to create more occupations and also enhance the fundamental infrastructure in an effort to partly contribute to further progress of these areas.

To sum up, the inequality in development between urban and rural areas has generated social circumstances that can be effectively addressed by the control of the regime.
MisterWandering   
May 21, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS; How to reduce traffic in cities? Should it be by reducing the need for travel? [4]

Could you guys help me correct my essay? Thanks in advance
The only way to reduce the amount of traffic in cities today is by reducing the need for people to travel from home for work, education or shopping.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?


Many people believe that traffic problems are directly linked to the high volumes of commuters who travel to work, schools and shopping as a part of their daily routine. While I personally agree with the necessity of reducing the traveling needs, I believe that this is not the solely approach to arrest the issue.

Apparently, the ever-increasing innovation of technological advancements has made it feasible for modern societies to apply this measure. Thanks to the invention of the Internet, today we do not face geographical and time barriers as we used to in previous eras. For example, a businessman can perform his transaction with one of his foreign counterparts without any difficulty though he is in a far away location or a different time zone.Likewise, it is applicable for learners to get access to lectures at the comforts of their houses. Simultaneously, online services have given way to a more convenient buying methods for consumers. In short, without having people travel to fulfill their daily tasks, the application of technology has had a positive impact on the cities' amount of traffic.

Nevertheless, there are other practical methods potentially addressing the traffic-related issues presently. The use of public transport provides a typical example. Cities' authorities can enhance the popularity of buses or trains by upgrading the quality of the service as well as promoting this means on television or radio station as well. If commuters are inclined to use these state-financed types of transport instead of private vehicles, not only will the traffic congestion be dealt with with but also people will still be capable of sustaining their social interactions as usual.

To sum up, I have to reiterate the importance of decreasing the demand for traveling from home to workplace, schools and shops to solve the current traffic situation. Besides, alternative solutions such as public transport systems could also result in satisfactory outcome.
MisterWandering   
Oct 5, 2011
Writing Feedback / 'social perception development' children learn how to be good members of society [4]

Children's education which plays a considerable role nowadayswhich helps our children to develop not only mental abilityabilities but also social perceptionskills . There are some ideas about this , A number of people think parents should take the responsibilities for teaching their childkids , whereas others believe schoolsis more advantage than can support children more advantages than parents. This essay will be analyzing arguments below by several points as follow .

To begin with , the influencinginfluence from parents to their son sons and daughterswhich is stable upbringing is vital role to improve their children's abilities . In fact , withthanks to a large number ofwide variety of experiences that parents arereceivedobtained in society which makes them easier when they provide their son advicethey are more likely to give their kids apparently beneficial advice . For example ,by teaching a son the positive and also negative aspects of playing game , parents will preclude various mistakes that children can make . Thus , it is significant errors , if separate the parent's responsibility for teaching their son to be good person. (I do not understand your point here)

On the other hand , school is a good place for pupils to develop critical skills such as physical abilities and social problem solving. For instance, they can acquireestablish positive relationship with friends and teachers and also a range of academic and non-academic subjects . As a result , with numerous advantages of taking school for pupils learningstudents can acquire from schools , we contribute togive children an array of major factors to grow up .an ideal condition to grow up

In conclusion , after analyzing the benefits of teaching pupils by parents and schools , it is clear that both of them are an essential factors to maketrainchildrensonto become positive members of our society . It is expected that we can present balanced teaching system for our son children in the future .
MisterWandering   
Oct 1, 2011
Writing Feedback / the water cycle - ielts task 1 [5]

hello guys. thank you for your recommendations.

Water vapours are ....

Hello Imran. I think vapour can be used as a both uncountable and countable noun. Could you show me any differences between them?
MisterWandering   
Oct 1, 2011
Writing Feedback / Chorleywood village near London - ielts writing task 1 [5]

Thanks for your comments!

Hello, Doysn.. In my essay, I used "North-South routeway" to describe the way that links the North and the South of the village.

1922 to 1970 . Eastwards and Southwards.
There is no concluding paragraph.

Hello, Imran. I put my overall sentence on the first paragraph.

In 1909, the infrastructure was strengthened by the new additional railway which was built across the small town<< so far I get that.
what does the ensuing "as well as" refer to??

Hi, I meant both the railway and the station contributed to the infrastructure enhancements of Chorleywood.
MisterWandering   
Sep 26, 2011
Writing Feedback / Chorleywood village near London - ielts writing task 1 [5]

Chorleywood is a village near London whose population has increased steadily since the middle of the nineteenth century. The map below shows the development of the village.

Write a report for a university lecturer describing the development of the village.
I hope you will help me correct my essay! I appreciate all your feedback!

The map provides information about the growth of Chorleywood, a village located near London, from the late 1860s to the mid 1990s. Overall, there was a close connection between the rise in the population of the village and the traffic networks, both of which underwent noticeable enhancements throughout the period.

From 1868 to 1883, Chorleywood originally consisted of a small community to the west of the Chorleywood Park and Golf Course. Besides, it was sited next to a North - South routeway, which was one of the two main roads available at that time.

Over the next four decades, the village commenced its expansion to the south, which nearly tripled its initial size. In 1909, the infrastructure was strengthened by the new additional railway that was built across the small town as well as the establishment of Chorleywood Station.

Furthermore, the third period, from 1922 to 170, saw a continuos enlargement both eastwards and southwards of the village along the rail road.
Following that, there was a marked improvement of the transportation networks when a motorway was built in 1970. By 1994, the villagers had extended their area around the junctions between the newly completed motorway and the two East - West traffic lines.




MisterWandering   
Sep 25, 2011
Writing Feedback / [graph] 'the number of international students in the USA' [2]

The first graphicgraph gives (information about) the quantities of abroad students in the USA between 2000 and 2004 yearswhile the second chart shows the number of studentsdiving them by according to their chosen subjects .

In 2000 the most studentsthe majority of the students came from China but in 2004 China gave this position to India the number of Indian students outweighed that of Chinese ones. In 2000the number of students came from India was 40 000 line jump to 79000 rose from 40000 in 2000 to nearly 80000 in 2004. Negative position between these years show Japan, Taiwan, Indonesia Meanwhile, both Japan, Taiwan and Indonesia experienced a decrease in their students. (Besides) Student (numbers) from Turkey, Mexico and Canada increase a little (more than their starting point).

On the line chart we can noticeablenoticeably see that the most of the international students study in "business and management " .There is was a little different changes from 2000 to 2004 in athe number of students who chose that subject. In Engineering lineshows saw a decrease from ... to 2004. There is growingalso a growth in the number of students who studying majored in social science. The least chosen popular subject was life center and this position stays ed the same for 4 years. Mathematic and computing in 2002 year shows represented a rising trend but to 2004 declines underwent an opposite trend.
MisterWandering   
Sep 23, 2011
Writing Feedback / the water cycle - ielts task 1 [5]

This is my first post on this forum. I'm glad to receive your feedback!

The diagram demonstrates the natural cycle of water. Overall, the process consists of a series of stages in a regularly repeated order.
The sun directly causes the evaporation, in which water from the sea, lakes and rivers in the world is warmed by the solar heat. Simultaneously, water vapour is also created by the continous transpiration process of living plants. Once evaporated, this amount of water ascends into the Earth's atmosphere, where it cools down and then condenses into masses of clouds. Subsequently, these clouds are blown by the winds to mountainous areas, whose temperature is always higher than that of the lower grounds. As a result, that accounts for the fact that clouds are cooled down further, which leads to precipitation in the form of rain or snow on the land below. After water has dropped on the ground, it either can be absorbed by soil through layers of porous rocks into underground water or flow into rivers, after which it eventually reaches the oceans.

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