Writing Feedback / the water cycle - ielts task 1 [5]

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The diagram demonstrates the natural cycle of water. Overall, the process consists of a series of stages in a regularly repeated order.
The sun directly causes the evaporation, in which water from the sea, lakes and rivers in the world is warmed by the solar heat. Simultaneously, water vapour is also created by the continous transpiration process of living plants. Once evaporated, this amount of water ascends into the Earth's atmosphere, where it cools down and then condenses into masses of clouds. Subsequently, these clouds are blown by the winds to mountainous areas, whose temperature is always higher than that of the lower grounds. As a result, that accounts for the fact that clouds are cooled down further, which leads to precipitation in the form of rain or snow on the land below. After water has dropped on the ground, it either can be absorbed by soil through layers of porous rocks into underground water or flow into rivers, after which it eventually reaches the oceans.

Writing Feedback / Chorleywood village near London - ielts writing task 1 [5]

Chorleywood is a village near London whose population has increased steadily since the middle of the nineteenth century. The map below shows the development of the village.

Write a report for a university lecturer describing the development of the village.
I hope you will help me correct my essay! I appreciate all your feedback!

The map provides information about the growth of Chorleywood, a village located near London, from the late 1860s to the mid 1990s. Overall, there was a close connection between the rise in the population of the village and the traffic networks, both of which underwent noticeable enhancements throughout the period.

From 1868 to 1883, Chorleywood originally consisted of a small community to the west of the Chorleywood Park and Golf Course. Besides, it was sited next to a North - South routeway, which was one of the two main roads available at that time.

Over the next four decades, the village commenced its expansion to the south, which nearly tripled its initial size. In 1909, the infrastructure was strengthened by the new additional railway that was built across the small town as well as the establishment of Chorleywood Station.

Furthermore, the third period, from 1922 to 170, saw a continuos enlargement both eastwards and southwards of the village along the rail road.
Following that, there was a marked improvement of the transportation networks when a motorway was built in 1970. By 1994, the villagers had extended their area around the junctions between the newly completed motorway and the two East - West traffic lines.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS; How to reduce traffic in cities? Should it be by reducing the need for travel? [4]

Could you guys help me correct my essay? Thanks in advance
The only way to reduce the amount of traffic in cities today is by reducing the need for people to travel from home for work, education or shopping.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people believe that traffic problems are directly linked to the high volumes of commuters who travel to work, schools and shopping as a part of their daily routine. While I personally agree with the necessity of reducing the traveling needs, I believe that this is not the solely approach to arrest the issue.

Apparently, the ever-increasing innovation of technological advancements has made it feasible for modern societies to apply this measure. Thanks to the invention of the Internet, today we do not face geographical and time barriers as we used to in previous eras. For example, a businessman can perform his transaction with one of his foreign counterparts without any difficulty though he is in a far away location or a different time zone.Likewise, it is applicable for learners to get access to lectures at the comforts of their houses. Simultaneously, online services have given way to a more convenient buying methods for consumers. In short, without having people travel to fulfill their daily tasks, the application of technology has had a positive impact on the cities' amount of traffic.

Nevertheless, there are other practical methods potentially addressing the traffic-related issues presently. The use of public transport provides a typical example. Cities' authorities can enhance the popularity of buses or trains by upgrading the quality of the service as well as promoting this means on television or radio station as well. If commuters are inclined to use these state-financed types of transport instead of private vehicles, not only will the traffic congestion be dealt with with but also people will still be capable of sustaining their social interactions as usual.

To sum up, I have to reiterate the importance of decreasing the demand for traveling from home to workplace, schools and shops to solve the current traffic situation. Besides, alternative solutions such as public transport systems could also result in satisfactory outcome.

Writing Feedback / How does rapid economic development affect a country? [5]

In recent years some countries have experienced very rapid economic development. This has resulted in much higher standards of living in urban areas but not in the countryside. This situation may bring some problems for the country as a whole. What are these problems? How might they be reduced?

It is evident that major cities and towns derive the most benefits from the achievements of economic revolution, notably in terms of living conditions. However, this has engendered severe social issues associated with the ongoing trend of a massive number of people leaving their rural regions and only by the close management of authorities will this situation be redeemed.

First and foremost, modern societies have seen the increasing flow of people moving to the metropolitan with a view to greater employment opportunities which offer a generally higher salary than that of the countryside. Likewise, they are capable of having access to better education and healthcare systems that are not available at their hometown. As such, this has resulted in overcrowding in the city centre, possibly generating serious traffic congestion and huge demand for accommodation since the provision of houses and apartments fail to keep up with the rise of population. Also, the high density of the inner-city implies higher potential of crimes such as theft and drugs.

In order to tackle these problems, government should pay more attention to improve the existing standards of living in the rural areas, which are the main incentives leading to the movement of peoples seeking to finer options in urban areas. For instance, schools and hospitals need constructing to fulfill the needs of people. In addition, government should invest in some advantageous sectors of the countryside like building business-oriented or industrial zones to create more occupations and also enhance the fundamental infrastructure in an effort to partly contribute to further progress of these areas.

To sum up, the inequality in development between urban and rural areas has generated social circumstances that can be effectively addressed by the control of the regime.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: The development of a coastal village [3]

The diagrams below show the development of a small fishing village and its surrounding area into a large European tourist resort.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The given diagrams depicts the transformation of an European coastal village into a huge tourist resort from 1974 to 2004. Overall, there was a dramatic increase in the population, rising from 12000 in 1974 to 130000 with tourists combined.

Unlike other nearby regions, the original fishing village remained intact in 2004, with further extension at the back for the local people to reside. Meanwhile, the harbour adjacent to the village was replaced by the sandy beach. Along the coastline that was nearly empty in 1974 located many newly constructed hotels. Besides, the small plot of land which used to grow olives was converted into a larger farmland with the aim of providing fruit and vegetables for the visitors.

On the upper side of the hills, 2 scattered villages developed into densely-populated ones, along with shops built to attract customers. The infrastructure was also enhanced by a long road linked to the coast.

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Writing Feedback / Ielts: What factors contribute to job satisfaction? How realistic are they? [2]

As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual wellbeing. What factors contribute to job satisfaction? How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?

It is true that job satisfaction has become a key factor when evaluating a worker's occupation in today's modern societies, which is the result of combination of several factors. However, to fulfill the expectations of every staff member of a company is such an impractical task.

First and foremost, recognition for an employee's efforts put into work is notably the top element of satisfaction level. In fact, he will be more contended and motivated if he perceives that his work are highly appreciated by supervisors and colleagues and as such, he will definitely continue to contribute his value to his organisation. In addition, the potential benefits deriving from the profession, namely income and promotion, are equally important. That is, compensation is a rewarding means of reflecting one's talents and achievements overall. Moreover, by aiming to move up the ranks will workers be encouraged to strive as hard as possible.

Nevertheless, job satisfaction should solely be analysed from individual perspective instead of communal one. To be more specific, it should be noted that some workers are working under such an uncomfortable environment that totally does not come up to their expectations. For instance, they have to put up with unapproachable bosses and unfriendly co-workers and keep performing their duties only with a view to making ends meet and paying for their daily living costs. Furthermore, in terms of the financial reward for the staff, if a manager simply offers a bonus to all subordinates, he will fail to focus on individuals who work much harder than others.

To sum up, employees' contentment generally comprises appreciation for their feats and rewards that they deserve to receive. Even so, satisfying all of them would undoubtedly be not effortless anyway.

Writing Feedback / Ielts: % of Australian men and women with 5-levels of post-school qualifications [2]

The chart below shows the different levels of post-school qualifications in Australia and the proportion of men and women who held them in 1999. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart compares the percentage of Australian men and women holding five levels of post-school qualifications in 1999. Overall, males were generally inclined to outnumber female counterparts in the majority of the sectors, with the exception of bachelor's degree and undergraduate diploma.

One of the most striking features of the given chart is the apparent gender inequality in skilled vocational diploma with around 90% of male holders, nine times higher than data for females. Likewise, postgraduate diploma and master's degree statistics followed a consistent pattern. The former comprised 30% of female holders, less than a half of men who also achieved the same academic level. Simultaneously, more men secured a master's degree than women with a gap of 20%.

On the contrary, 70% of undergraduate diplomas were occupied by women, doubling corresponding figure for male learners. Additionally, the proportion of female students adopting a bachelor's degree was also higher than that of the opposite gender, with approximately 55% and 45% respectively.

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Writing Feedback / Ielts: The cement and concrete making process [11]

The given diagrams provide an overview of the production of cement from available devices as well as how cement is used to manufacture concrete for construction purpose.

Overall, the cement production involves various stages from the beginning to ultimate product. Likewise, there are a number of prerequisites needed in the making of concrete.

With regard to the first diagram, limestone and clay are initially crushed by a crusher to form powder. Subsequently powder is then mixed prior to being carried into a rotating heater. In this step, a fire is required with the aim of guaranteeing heating. After that, the materials are then grounded to be converted into cement prior to packaging in bags.

Once produced, cement is one of the five inputs of producing concrete, accounting for 15% of the total mixture. Gravel, simultaneously, takes up the highest proportion with 50%. Besides, water and sand constitute the remaining 10% and 25%, respectively. Then a concrete mixer running clockwise is responsible for manufacturing final concrete from five aforementioned elements.

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Writing Feedback / Ielts: Changes in women's position in society cause juvenile deliquency [4]

Topic: The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people claim that women's social status has undergone remarkable changes over the last two decades, the consequent of which is the rise in misbehavior of their children. Personally, I concede that working women are partially responsible for the wrongdoings of the youth.

To commence with, the ground of the breakthrough for women in modern society lies within the significance of education and social perceptions. In the past, gender inequality occurred in the majority of countries combined with the shortage of academic access would restrict female employment opportunities. On the contrary, thanks to the alteration in general notions of the society with the passing of time, women are capable of obtaining well-rounded education. As such, seldom are essential domains of the socio-economy dominated by men but more senior positions in politics or business are occupied by female counterparts. Accordingly, women have assured their increasing independence in the present community.

Simultaneously, it is undeniable that the more hours investing in workplace, the less time mothers are able to contact normally with their descendants. Indeed, owing to being engrossed in myriad volume of workload, women struggle to secure adequate time to either share emotional stories or inculcate moral guidance to their sons and daughters. In turn, the young turn to the Internet or their peers to compensate for the lack of maternal attention. Nonetheless, these external factors possibly have a negative impact on their thoughts and manners, begetting engagement in crimes such as thefts. Briefly, women should have certain control over the lives of their children.

To sum up, women undoubtedly have an apparently distinct role in the society but this potentially bring about the transgression of children. As such, working mothers are advised to be more involved with their kids' growth.

Writing Feedback / Ielts Task 1: Imprisonment levels in 5 countries [6]

The given table presents data concerning incarceration levels in five major nations around the world over a 50-year period.

Overall, imprisonment numbers varied considerably from one country to another. Likewise, the USA outperformed the figures for the remaining four countries.

In 1930, 100 thousand American citizens were sentenced to prison and subsequently rose by 30% the following ten years. Afterwards, statistics for the USA saw a steady decline prior to reaching a peak of 140 thousand in 1980. Australia and New Zealand also underwent a period of fluctuations with a gradual drop in the first half whereas there was an obviously upward trend in the second half.

Simultaneously, Great Britain had the lowest figure for confined people, occupying merely 20 thousand at the beginning of the period. Nonetheless, it had increased substantially by the end of the course, nearly tripling the 1930 mark. On the contrary, Canada experienced the most positive pattern with data falling by 20% from 1930 to 1980.

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Writing Feedback / Ielts: Libraries should not waste their money on hi-tech media. Agree or disagree? [6]

Topic: Many people think that public libraries should only provide books and should not waste their money on expensive hi-tech media, such as software, DVDs or videos. Do you agree or disagree?

access to the various kinds of media

It is true that nowadays people are able to have access to various kinds of media in public libraries apart from conventional printed materials. Personally, I believe that this modernization in learning devices is an inevitable trend and should be enhanced.

To begin with, I would argue that digital tools such as computer software contributes greatly to the valuable sources of information and skills that library users potentially acquire. Indeed, there is no denying that books have played a major role in providing knowledge for library visitors. However, the update features of books' contents are not always guaranteed on the grounds that it often takes several months for a book to be published and released to the public. Meanwhile, thanks to the assistance of such modern computers or audio-visual equipment, it is applicable for users to obtain recent essential details in myriad aspects of life. Briefly, the utilization of hi-tech media supplements the traditional access to library information.

Equally important is that, librarians and other related staff possible take substantial advantage of the installation of state-of-the-art devices. In the past, the management of huge collection of printed materials in a library used to be difficult and time-consuming due to the fact that the majority of work was manually carried out. Nonetheless, with the presence of electronic system, such regular work seems to be no more a hindrance. For instance, librarians are able to seek out the exact location of a book in the library. Additionally, visitors are also capable of figure out whether one book is still available or has already been borrowed. In short, by the aid of these helpful media is working efficiency obviously improved.

All things considered, it is vital that libraries provide both physical and digital resources. By doing so, not only learners but also library employees can derive benefits from this.

Could you give me feedback on this essay? Thanks in advance!