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Posts by cherrysaurus
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Jan 12, 2012
Writing Feedback / Nelson Mandela's rise to fame essay [2]

Hello, all! This is an essay that I wrote on Nelson Mandela, and his rise to fame.
I am trying to aim for a 100, so this is the rubric to follow:

Student showed extraordinary command of requirements outline and taught in class:
Excellent/original Thesis or controlling idea
Verb tense is completely consistent throughout the essay
Pronouns and Antecedents completely agree throughout the essay
The introduction and conclusion is effective and well written.
Multiple paragraphs are effectively used throughout the essay
The essay effectively/originally answers the writing prompt and key points
The Transitional words and phrases are used effectively throughout the essay
2 Predicate Nominatives are used correctly throughout the essay and create imagery.
The paper has some direct quotations but mostly paraphrases that are articulated well.
The paper contains citations in MLA format, and the citations are constructed correctly throughout the essay.
Works Cited page is constructed completely correctly.
Final draft is well- developed.
NO errors in sentence structure, grammar, spelling, capitalization, and punctuation.

The three questions I had to answer were:

How did they gain political prestige?

What were their signature policies?

Did they succeed or fail in their mission?

The essay is a little lengthy, but here it is:

Just about everyone has heard the name Nelson Mandela once in their lifetime before, but who exactly is he? Why is he so important? What has he done for me? Well, Nelson Mandela is a very important man. His contributions to the world have fought against segregation in his home country, Africa, and has affected the entire world today and tomorrow, too. His heroic journey has made him a true hero of his day, and to generations following. Everything that Mandela has done, everything that he's been through, and everything that he's said has made an impact on the world. It is amazing how Mandela has accomplished his mission to change the world, and his struggles through prisons, segregation, and life have rewarded him with fame all across the world. He has and will be known as a hero in the war of segregation and racism throughout the ages, and his story will most definitely be told time and time again.

Born on 1918 in a small village in eastern Africa, he had many influences of politics in his household. His father was a counselor to the Thembu royal family, and Mandela joined the African National Congress, South Africa's African political party, at the young age of 25. About ten years later, he opened a law practice in Johannesburg with fellow lawyer Oliver Tambo. This law practice set up by the duo became South Africa's first black law firm. Together, the two fought against important things such as segregation in South Africa's all-white National Party that opposed the other races. But, in 1956, Mandela and Tambo were arrested with at least 155 other protestors with charges of treason. But, after a long and excruciating four years in trial, all charges were dropped. The movement against segregation and apartheid grew stronger and stronger when new laws limiting the freedom of black people in South Africa even more were passed. In 1960, South African officials shut down the African National Congress. Enraged, Mandela proposed a plan to form a small army to chastise the government with violent maneuvers. This small force became known as "Umkhonto we Sizwe", or "Spear of the Nation". In 1962, Mandela was convicted with sabotage and was sent to prison for five years. The next year, many fellow leaders of the African National Congress and the Umkhonto we Sizwe were arrested and put on trial. The year after, Mandela was sentenced to life in prison with eight other leaders that were on trial. But, despite the fact that he might never see a view other then from his jail cell again, Mandela didn't let that "small" setback bring him down on his mission to stop apartheid.

Although Mandela was broken off from the rest of the world in prison, he gained more and more fame during this time. Lots of the youth in South Africa joined in on the fight against segregation, and Mandela "was widely accepted as the most significant black leader in South Africa and became a potent symbol of resistance as the anti-apartheid movement gathered strength" (nobelprize.org). Many people began to support Mandela's policies to stop apartheid in South Africa, and his former business partner Oliver Tambo organized a campaign to release Mandela from prison. Many people supported this effort to release Mandela, and the pressure was on. Eventually, in 1990, the president of South Africa released Mandela from prison to the joy of many others. Not only that, but the African National Congress was up and running again as a bonus. There was also rumors going around that a diverse democracy was going to be set up. Mandela had brought himself back up out of the darkness and was giving new light and hope to the tired people of South Africa. Three years later, Mandela was awarded a Nobel Peace Prize for his heroic fight in the war of segregation. The year after, in 1994, Mandela was unanimously voted as president in the new democracy of South Africa. This was the first time in the history of South Africa where all races were allowed to vote together in a diverse election together, in harmony. He retired from his works soon after, but still made public appearances and changes in the world despite his old age. But, Mandela had finally accomplished his long and treacherous mission. He had finally accomplished his goal of getting rid of apartheid in South Africa, and left his footprint while doing so. His mission was finally accomplished.

Many things have changed in south Africa and around the world in Nelson Mandela's long lifetime, and still will. Despite his old age, Mandela will still work on making the world a better place, and will stop at nothing. He has had quite a ride in his life; being jailed for almost thirty years and then becoming one of the most popular presidents in South Africa. But, despite all that, Mandela's changing actions have led the world a step closer into the light, and away from the darkness of hostility and racism. He has drawn many different people into new light, and even entire countries. It it astounding how one man could pull of so much in one lifetime, but he somehow made his dreams of defeating apartheid once and for all into a reality. He gained fame, had great sadness, but also great joy. He is a true hero, and fought against many "villains" in his life to bring justice to everyone. He accomplished his mission to get rid of segregation in South Africa with flying colors, and made an impact on everyone, everywhere. His journey that took him down to the depths of darkness and brought him to the highest peaks of honor has inspired people for decades and years to come. He will continue to make contributions to the world and all of the Earth's inhabitants until his final breath, and still make an impact for years later. He has fought in one of the most important wars of our times, and is a survivor of hard times. Mandela took an entire lifetime to complete his mission to end aparthied, and can finally live to say, "Mission accomplished."

It is in the rough draft stage, and I would be extremely grateful If someone would assist in editing it. :)