ah_zafari [Contributor]
Apr 7, 2012
Undergraduate / 'He always encouraged me to be a computer scientist' - influential person for me [16]
Hi, here is some suggestions.
Line one: "...which was a computer science teacher..." :change "which" by "who"
Line two" he was able to...": Start sentence with a capital letter. It would be helpful to support your idea, how the teacher could make the subject fun?Furthermore, in order to make you essay shorter, you can use a sentence like this: His ability for expressing intricate subjects and the usage of new technology and software made the class more fun and useful.
Line two: "He told me.." : it would be better to use "tech" instead "told"
The last line: "He always encouraged.. : "he could see" and "scientist" are not rational. The word of "passion" has been used for the second time, it would be better to use a wide range of vocabulary : He always encouraged me to be an expert in computer science because he knew about my eagerness to this discipline.
Hi, here is some suggestions.
Line one: "...which was a computer science teacher..." :change "which" by "who"
Line two" he was able to...": Start sentence with a capital letter. It would be helpful to support your idea, how the teacher could make the subject fun?Furthermore, in order to make you essay shorter, you can use a sentence like this: His ability for expressing intricate subjects and the usage of new technology and software made the class more fun and useful.
Line two: "He told me.." : it would be better to use "tech" instead "told"
The last line: "He always encouraged.. : "he could see" and "scientist" are not rational. The word of "passion" has been used for the second time, it would be better to use a wide range of vocabulary : He always encouraged me to be an expert in computer science because he knew about my eagerness to this discipline.