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Posts by scarlet_bouquet
Joined: Apr 9, 2012
Last Post: Apr 13, 2012
Threads: 1
Posts: 6  

From: Viet Nam

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scarlet_bouquet   
Apr 9, 2012
Writing Feedback / Petrol price increase and its impact on traffic & pollution levels [5]

This is my first essay uploaded. I feel it a little too long for a test but I did not know how to cut it down. I hope that you all could help and give me your feedback and correction for my writing. Thank you.

Question: Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree? What other measures do you think might be effective?

My essay:

The question of how to tackle the growing of traffic congestion and pollution remains a controversial one. Solving these problems is likely to need more than a simple rise in the price of petrol.

The idea of driving up fuel cost could be considered as a solution for the problems. In order to limit the effect of fuel cost increasing, people might choose between: to limit their travel activities, or to consider alternative saving transport means such as public transportation, thereby partially solve the problem. However, I find it hard to completely agree with the idea that the solution is the best one for heavy traffic and pollution problems for long. The reason is vary; one is that the both two choices would not drastically change the total demand for travel. People only can afford to limit their "extra-curricular activities" which is not much and cannot reduce the demand for required activities such as work or education etc. which is the main demand and they also would not use public transportation as an alternative one due to its quality and quantity are currently not meet the needs and the convenience of the passengers. Secondly, escalating the gasoline price would also increase input costs of wide ranges of enterprises that relies on petroleum either in their production processes or delivery stages; which in turn lead to the rising sale price of products. Products with same quality but higher price together with the pressure of higher transportation cost would affect the consumer to buy fewer products and definitely it would not encourage enterprises to expand their production which eventually might harm the economy and in a worsen circumstance it could lead to an economic crisis.

There are also other more effective measures to be considered such as properly re-dividing lanes in cities, charging additional fee on transportation traveling during rush hours in some heavy traffic roads, encourage people to use clean-power-using vehicles etc. Moreover, it is also required a serious consideration for long-term solutions. Everybody knows that along with economic development, the explosion of transports as a need for development is inevitable. Therefore, solutions for long could be to focus on forecasting the needs of transportation in order to build appropriate plan for infrastructure construction, invest in cleaner fuels or fuel-saving vehicle R&D (Research and Development) activities, making strict standards for vehicle production, adopt more environmental friendly materials and producing equipments, relocate population in cities etc.

In conclusion, heavy traffic and pollution is the common problems of any developing countries. To solve it, it required combination efforts from individuals and governments; prudence and consistency in implementation.
scarlet_bouquet   
Apr 12, 2012
Writing Feedback / Petrol price increase and its impact on traffic & pollution levels [5]

Hi hales,

Secondly, escalating the gasoline price would also increase input costs of wide ranges of enterprises that relies on petroleum either in their production processes or delivery stages; which in turn lead to the rising sale price of products. Products with same quality but higher price together with the pressure of higher transportation cost would affect the consumer to buy fewer products and definitely it would not encourage enterprises to expand their production which eventually might harm the economy and in a worsen circumstance it could lead to an economic crisis. (A little bit off-track in above paragraph, as the main topic is to solve traffic problems and pollution issues, but you are talking about now the economical harm

My plan is to first answer the question of what extent that i agree with and my reasons for it, and then to give out my suggestions of other measures for the problem.

In the first paragraph, i give out my opinion that I agreed with the idea that petrol price increasing could be a solution for the problem however it not the best one and definitely cannot be used for long period of time, the 2 reasons for it was given after that. The second one for price lifting not to be the good solution is that it will raise input costs in many enterprises and consequently lead to the situation as bad as economic crisis. It've mention cisis problem in my essay just for strengthening the view that higher price can't be the best solution.

(This paragraph does mention the other measures, butit does not prove increasing petrol price is not the best solution. maybe they are all good, but increasing petrol pricing is the best among them; I think you many need to state more about it )

As mentioned above, I am not totally agree with the price increasing solution and the reason was listed in the first paragraph, The second one is use for giving some suggestions only. Maybe my idea wasn't done clearly and convincingly enough then made you a little confuse?? I currently don't know how to improve it :(.

Thank you for your comment.
scarlet_bouquet   
Apr 12, 2012
Writing Feedback / IETLS GT writing task 2: Should children follow strict rules of behaviour? [5]

Hi peterc,

It is undeniable that strict rules to children return promising outcome in some countries like Singapore. Despite its success in certain extent, establishment of an all-round personal development is not guaranteed because they must follow a definite path instructed by the parents or even the society, while they might never be able to fulfill their interests .

I understand that in this paragraph, you intend to answer for the question of what extent children should follow the rule . In such kind of paragraph, i believe that examiners want you to give "other side of a coin" that children should obey the rules. Therefore I don't think that giving evidences to support the opposite side with the statement is appropriate in this case.
scarlet_bouquet   
Apr 12, 2012
Writing Feedback / IETLS GT writing task 1: bad meal experience in a restaurant [3]

Hi per,

Hope you find the below helpful.

Dear Sir,

I am a group leader of a kids organization, who reserve a table for dinner every Saturday at your restaurant. I am writing to complain about the quality of foods and attitude of your staff during the dinner on last Saturday, and arewhich are both unacceptable.

I arrived at 7 o'clock with ten kids and I ordered the main course, roasted pig knuckle, for each of them. In the middle of the meal most of them felt extremely uncomfortable and some vomited on the ground. One of theyour staff member noticed that and quickly came but, unfortunately, he collectedkept collecting the dishes away and did not both to apologise. When being asked whether a refund isa possible, he firmly refused and further ignored my request to seek formeet the manager.

I am utmost disappointed by this kind ofthe staff's attitude and food quality. Would there be a formal letter of apology from the staff, it is very welcomed. I would also request to receive a refund to compensatea compensation for the medication offor the children after the dinner.

Yours faithfully,

scarlet_bouquet   
Apr 13, 2012
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Financial success enables individuals to acquire a comfortable and relaxing life [7]

Hi xyx0905,

scarlet_bouquet:
incredibley economic growthing
there has no " growthing " found in dictionary. "growth" is a noun. there has no "ing" form of a noun. in the normal circumstance, you can add "ing" to a verb to make a word to verb-ing form or adjective.

Oh, I'm so sorry, i do have mistake in this correction, thank you for your feedback.

scarlet_bouquet:
it is convincing (I recommend to use: I am convinced that)

My writing style is: if possible avoid all "I" or "Our" or "My" in the introduction and conclusion. Therefore, I prefer to use it is convincing.

I understand that you want to keep your writing as neutral as possible, however, as the question also suggest you to "give your own opinion" then i believe that there's no where better to do such job as in the conclusion. Anyway, that's just my opinion only.

I think your writing is really clear and good structure.

If you don't mind, i would like to invite you to give your comments on my topic too.
scarlet_bouquet   
Apr 13, 2012
Writing Feedback / IETLS GT writing task 2: Should children follow strict rules of behaviour? [5]

Hi peterc,

I think that focusing on the "rule/obey" side is actually what the question want you to do and it should better be the main points in your essay. The question did not ask you to give your opinion on which side you agree with, therefore, giving your thought on the "open" side is fine but I think that shortening and moving it to your conclusion as the way you express your opinion could make your essay more convincing.