ha phuong
Aug 10, 2012
Writing Feedback / 'spending twelve years at high school' - Student Should Work Part-time While Studying [8]
Topic: People tend to believe that all young adults should undertake a period of unpaid work for the good of the community. Do you agree or disagree?
In recent year, unpaid work has become increasingly common in the society to encourage young people to work as volunteers for non-profit organizations and the community. In my opinion, I agree that the young ought to take part in unpaid work which is useful for the community and themselves as well.
Supporters of learning of the young would like to argue that the young should prioritize their education at schools which will help them to obtain good academic results. However, it is undeniable that these unpaid jobs will also equip them precious experiences and exercise skills for their future career. Most of the young that are volunteering have little social experience, as they spend much of the time at school. Working with others and interacting with people from all social backgrounds, they can enhance their abilities of problem solving, communication and teamwork. They are thus better prepared for the public life in the future.
It is sometimes said that the young people deserve to attain the salary when they work as they also have to spend on daily travelling and living expenses. Nevertheless, the benefit of volunteer work of also wake up the young's motivation of interest in helping poor, disabled and homeless people in their community and help them to use their free time more effective which help avoid the unhealthy activities such as over-playing games, and addicting drugs. Moreover, working unpaid jobs will help unlucky person to feel warmness, care and love from the community for them as well as reinforce national solidarity sprit in the society against individualism and egoism emerging between people.
In conclusion, from above clearly foreseen benefits, I believe that the young adults should participate volunteer work which enrich both working and social sill of them as well as contribute the social development. However, it is worthy note, the young must be well-controlled to balance their learning at school and working unpaid social jobs.
Please help me correct my writing. Thank you in advance.
Topic: People tend to believe that all young adults should undertake a period of unpaid work for the good of the community. Do you agree or disagree?
In recent year, unpaid work has become increasingly common in the society to encourage young people to work as volunteers for non-profit organizations and the community. In my opinion, I agree that the young ought to take part in unpaid work which is useful for the community and themselves as well.
Supporters of learning of the young would like to argue that the young should prioritize their education at schools which will help them to obtain good academic results. However, it is undeniable that these unpaid jobs will also equip them precious experiences and exercise skills for their future career. Most of the young that are volunteering have little social experience, as they spend much of the time at school. Working with others and interacting with people from all social backgrounds, they can enhance their abilities of problem solving, communication and teamwork. They are thus better prepared for the public life in the future.
It is sometimes said that the young people deserve to attain the salary when they work as they also have to spend on daily travelling and living expenses. Nevertheless, the benefit of volunteer work of also wake up the young's motivation of interest in helping poor, disabled and homeless people in their community and help them to use their free time more effective which help avoid the unhealthy activities such as over-playing games, and addicting drugs. Moreover, working unpaid jobs will help unlucky person to feel warmness, care and love from the community for them as well as reinforce national solidarity sprit in the society against individualism and egoism emerging between people.
In conclusion, from above clearly foreseen benefits, I believe that the young adults should participate volunteer work which enrich both working and social sill of them as well as contribute the social development. However, it is worthy note, the young must be well-controlled to balance their learning at school and working unpaid social jobs.
Please help me correct my writing. Thank you in advance.
