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Posts by joythblessy
Joined: Sep 24, 2012
Last Post: Nov 30, 2013
Threads: 86
Posts: 272  
Likes: 15
From: India

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joythblessy   
Dec 14, 2012
Writing Feedback / IELTS essay : criminal who send to prison would commit crimes when set free [15]

hai ....

this is two questions for you..

i took it from IELTS Blog..

IELTS test in Spain - September 2012 (Academic Module

Some animal species such as dinosaurs and dodos become extinct because of natural processes. So, it is not necessary to try and prevent this from happening. Do you agree or disagree?

IELTS test in Kerala, India - September 2012 (Academic Module)
Writing task 2 (an essay)

Private companies that support and carry out scientific research are spending more than governments these days. Do the advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages? Explain and give your reasons.

Tessy..
joythblessy   
Dec 14, 2012
Writing Feedback / IELTS essay : criminal who send to prison would commit crimes when set free [15]

hai...
I like the funney comment of olosh_ami.

If you are able to write 350words or 400 words in 40 miniutes under exam conditions you can carry on with laborate introductions. I shared the advices i read in one another famous ielts site which is run by experts..

Anyway, i told you my perseption about introduction and remember that body para is covering more marks.

Tessy..
joythblessy   
Dec 14, 2012
Writing Feedback / IELTS essay : criminal who send to prison would commit crimes when set free [15]

hai...

I am not so brillient in writting introductions, but i will tell you how i am writing my introduction..

This question is related to crime and ex. Criminals..

I will address the question

Crime rates are surging day by day.

It is true that ex-prisoners are engaged more in crimes.
( if you got an opinion question, you can write your clear opinion here, agree, disagree...)

In this essay, i will discuss the reasons behind it and some solutions to tackle it.

Three or four sentences..that much only needed.

Give the reader a clear hind what you are going to write in the following para...
I fell it is not needed any explanations in the introduction.

This is the common way of writing introduction. As you have a wide range
of vocabulary you can you it here. You nees to read other essays in this forum as much as possible. if you leave your mail i.d i will give you some more information

Tessy
joythblessy   
Dec 14, 2012
Writing Feedback / The advantages & disadvantages of starting school at an early age. [4]

hai..

The essay stracture and organization is good. Some sentences are confusing. As it pointed out earlier.

a different advantage : furthermore, besides.
Having improvements of the brain : are in the devpomental stage of their brain.
All the best,
Tessy
joythblessy   
Dec 13, 2012
Writing Feedback / IELTS essay, new things or old things? [6]

hai ...
I like your conclusion..
I feel you are running out of ideas..
Reason...
Follow fashion..
Cheap new items..
Attractive outlook..
Costly, rare, duplicate, spare parts..
High reparing charge..
Demand of change after a short use.

Impacts..

Pollution,
More energy for recycling..
More labour and lack of facility to dispose..
block the free flow of water in the sewage system.

Read more essays...
Tessy..
joythblessy   
Dec 12, 2012
Writing Feedback / Intentional tourism can promotes people to understand and respect other cultures [13]

Hai...
I am really happy to read the other side of the same question which is coinsidentely posted in the same day around same time.

The correction by leeminh is good. Well done...

easiiy misunder....: misunderstand people from other country, (by leeminh also correct)
in sum : in conclusion.

The para starting ' on the other hand..
I didn't find proper connection of the ideas you wrote under 1stly, 2ndly to your opinion.

You didn't write good points to suppot that tourism creates understanding, internet and books you can relate but...
In your essay now, more point to support 'it create tensions'

Try to add some more points in support of your idea..

It broaden our out look and improve our knowledge.
Understand culture.
: read more essays...
Tessy
joythblessy   
Dec 12, 2012
Writing Feedback / (IELTS essay) International tourism creates tensions in the host country [9]

Nowadays, international tourism is the biggest industry in the world. Unfortunately, international tourism creates tensions rather than understanding between people from different cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

As a result of advancement in technology and globalization, the number of people moving between countries are surging now. It leads to a hot debate, weather it beneficial or create tensions in the host country. In my perception, it may leads to tensions if not handled well.

Tourism is the movement of people from one part to another and businesses related to it. International tourism brings enormous benefits to the host country. It opens the door of employment opportunities in service industries like, hotel, transportation and so on. It broadens our mind and helps to understand diverse culture. It enables foreign currency inflow and economic developments.

Apparently, a foreign tourist bring some problems with them that can leads to stress and dislike for local people. Undoubtedly, a foreigner is vulnerable and often ripped off by locals. Another point is that, the language barrier can lead to misunderstandings. Tourist sometimes refused to buy things from local market. Their bargaining may results in dispute between them, which ends up in dislikes. Furthermore, spending a short period in another country or with foreign tourists is not enough to understand fully about an alien culture

Most importantly, countries and societies have specific beliefs, traditions and culture. Foreign visitors may mistakenly act contrary to local norms, or they just plain offensive. For instance, special dress code and mannerism are there to enter inside the traditional temple in India. If a foreigner refused to follow this, it may consider as disrespect to the local culture. Therefore, some people think tourist insults local beliefs. Additionally, the wealth of the foreigners can cause envy and resentment. Besides, youngsters may be easily influenced by the bad social practices like alcoholism, of the foreigner.

In conclusion, global tourism is favorable to host country in various ways. At the same time, it can generate a large number of issues. If not handled well, it may pave way to tensions in the host country.
joythblessy   
Dec 9, 2012
Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] Some people prefer to eat at food stands or restaurants,other people prefer.. [8]

hai...
good eaasy well organized, though it ask your preferance and reasons,i feel it is better to reduce the use of I. It is allowed to use I but avoid over use.

It is easy to make it 300 words. A few sentences only needed.

You can enjoy cooking togrther with watching your favourate T.V programe..
It offers an excellent oppoertunity for family togetherness while preparing and saving food.

We dodn't know the ingradents of the food we took from the restaurents.
Unhealthy ingradients like colours, aginomoto and so on are dangerous for our health.
hotel food give us an opportunity to taste different kinds of foods and a change.
It is a blessing for people who have no cooking facilities like bachelors living away from home..

Moreover..

Make better introduction...

Hope this is enough for you to fill the necessory word strength..
Tessy..
joythblessy   
Dec 6, 2012
Writing Feedback / (IELTS essay) MNC's are good or bad..? [3]

hai Jenny...

Thanks a lot for correcting me..it was useful for me.
Thanks a lot...
Tessy.

I forget to add the queation..

In most countries multinational companies and their products are becoming more and more important. This trend is seriously damaging our life? To what extent do you agree or disagree?
joythblessy   
Dec 6, 2012
Writing Feedback / (IELTS essay) MNC's are good or bad..? [3]

Multi-national companies nowadays find it convenient both to market their goods all over the world. They set up production facilities wherever they find it suitable. In this essay, I will discuss why I fell multi-national companies have adverse effects on our lives.

Firstly, it spoils the local business and the livelihood of the local people will be in danger. Multi-national companies attract people first by giving cheap and wide range of products. The tight competition from large companies obliged local companies with fewer resources to move out of business. After capturing the market, they may decide the product and its price, leads to less choice and high price of the commodities. People forced to choose whatever available there, as it became the only one showroom there.

Secondly, they may results in the loss of cultural diversity. Undoubtedly, multi-national companies and globalization are making societies more open and identical. If people follow diversity and consume varied products, wherever they live, then only societies will be varied more. As multi-national companies flourish everywhere, it is possible to buy the same products from identical multi-national super markets or outlet around the globe. For instance, it is easy for anybody anywhere, to enjoy KFC by visiting the regional outlet of KFC.

Thirdly, we have become more vulnerable on them, which in turn make us more susceptible to their decisions. The availability of a product, price rate, hours of duty, facilities for employees, outlet locality, and so on, will directly affected by their rules. For instance, a multi-national company decides to move its production facilities to another country or to cut down the wages and benefits of employees, against the governmental policy, according to the company's regulations, it may create critical impacts.

To conclude, I believe that, multi-national companies cause unfavorable effects in peoples' lives. Governments should protect the local market and business from excessive outside competition. However, proper planning and effective rules can diminish its adverse effects to an extent.
joythblessy   
Dec 6, 2012
Writing Feedback / ( IELTS essay) foreign visitors should be charged more? [5]

Hai Ahmad...

Please i want your attention once more..
Thanks for your concern and time for correction.

It was re....ally healpful for me.
I re think about the sentences which i wrote without much concentration.

Because of nationality...: i wrote foreign visitors. Means tourists from other nations not from in side the nation.
Foreign visitors pay more means only because of their nationality they forced to pay more.

:nobody like to pay more for the same thing:
I was confused , whether i can use the word product for scenic beauty, cultural program, tribal celebrations and so on.

In the conclusion is it o.k if i put the last sentence first and leave same remaining sentences...

:really i like your rewrite (suggestion)
But one confusion. If we write on the other hand, it shows the opposite meaning know. Second sentance also is the reason for the same idea.

What about using besides instead of on the other hand..

Please correct me, if my thought is wrong.

Thanks a lot for your efforts.
Tessy
joythblessy   
Dec 5, 2012
Writing Feedback / Multicultural societies are becoming more and more popular due to... [18]

Hai..
I will give you more ideas..

Adv
It will enrich the artists. Stimilates innovation and creativity.
Country will be a fav. Destination of tourists.

Dis adv

If minority groups rights are neglected, it may lead to conflict.
May reduce the wages of employees, leaving local residents unemployed.
joythblessy   
Dec 5, 2012
Writing Feedback / ( IELTS essay) foreign visitors should be charged more? [5]

In many places, foreign visitors are charged more than locals when they visit cultural or tourist attractions. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Tourism is one of the emerging industries in the world. The policy of charging more from foreigners than local people, viewed as discrimination by so many people while others accept it as being fair. In this essay, I will explain both views and say why I generally agree with foreigners paying more to visit cultural or historical sites.

On the one hand, charging more from the international tourists has many drawbacks. It irrational to charge much more, from foreigners because of their nationality. Nobody likes to pay more for the same thing. Besides, it will affect the peoples' travelling experience negatively. For instance, a foreigner should pay more money and suffer local peoples' harsh behavior by standing in the quae to visit a historical monument may spoil the enjoyment of the total trip. Moreover, the inequality in price will degrade the reputation of the local business, which in turn spoils the tourism industry. Tourist demands for the maximum enjoyment of their money. To compensate with the extra payments, they may become more selective in spending their budget on local markets. It further ruins the business. Once the tourist realize that the cost is high compared with other countries they may choose destination in other countries.

However, there are good reasons why oversea visitors should pay more. Firstly, it is expensive to maintain these tourist attractions. Tourists who are wealthier than the locals, visiting once in their lifetime should compensate to the cost of maintenance by spending few more dollars. Most importantly, if you are dreamed in your whole life to visit India's Taj Mahal, then you should ready to spend a little more for this experience. Secondly, a small increase in charge will not affect their budget. Thirdly, locals paid a lot from their salary as taxes for its maintenance. Lastly, the attraction of a cultural site is part of the local community's history and heritage. They should not pay to learn about their history.

In conclusion, it is important to meet money to maintain the cultural heritages. Local people should try to keep up a good reputation and wise use of their resources. I believe that, charge a little more from the foreign visitors is justifiable.
joythblessy   
Dec 4, 2012
Writing Feedback / 'the aging tendency and burden on the society' - my ielts essay [4]

hai..

Ageing is a process and not a tendency..

1st sentance =>...poses..i did nt get the meaning if spelling mistake correct it.

Or add 'is a' in the place of poses

Well- being of society => progress of society.

Furthermore....this finacial burden : as per the meaning of the sentence it the fincial burden od pension. But in the last part of that sentance you

wrote it is the budern ofcaring these people.

Furthermore...their childern and next generation as they are the tax payers. They should meet money for taking care of senior citizens.

:i liked ur conclu...:
joythblessy   
Dec 4, 2012
Writing Feedback / 'the aging tendency and burden on the society' - my ielts essay [4]

hai valency...

You tried to put different words in your essay :good

But you have so many run on (long) sentences.
Try to add small sentances. You need a variety of sentence with different length.

I am in hurry, i will give more coments later.
joythblessy   
Dec 4, 2012
Writing Feedback / I believe parents shape the way you see life! [3]

Hai...
Good essay, good flow to read, and interesting too..

The question asked you agree or disagree...?

You agreed totally. So i feel no need to mention school in your introduction.

Parents are the leaders...?

Good example. Proves the role as an instructior, i feel it is better to cut leader and change instructor to guide. Instructor feels heavy...!

:the kind...views:o.k
Everyone...society: though it is one sentence, i didn't understand the second part.

The para about the role of school i feel, no need.

You already reached the required word strength and you are strongly agreeing with the statement.

All the best...

Tessy...
joythblessy   
Dec 4, 2012
Writing Feedback / (IELTS essay) disappearing languages good or bad? [6]

Hai pahan...

Thanks for the second time reading..

People feel unity, equality and it encourages economical development.
( A comma supply, mistake) thanks..

:'Diversity is the beauty of the nature'

It a sentance as it is.. Like
'Knowledge is power'.

Nature contains so many things say for example, butterfly, rose flower.
Though the name indicate one catogary there are verieties in itself. Buterfly not the same colour but different colour are a feast to the eyes..

:the third one..
I am not arguing for single language.
Say for example, in India there is different official languages in each state (some more than one.) If two or three laungages, more people can share ideas easily.

In canada english and french, talk either languages. It is easiar than more than three official languages..

Any way i like your curiosity...And great pleasure to replay you...

Keep it up

Thanks again..
Tessy..
joythblessy   
Dec 4, 2012
Writing Feedback / (IELTS essay) disappearing languages good or bad? [6]

hai Pahan..

Thanks for spending your valuable time for me. you pointed my mistakes.

I got the question as it is. I forgot to check it with my last year collection of questionier.

:second one :
As an opening sentence i wrote it, because that time i felt i can co-relate it.
Anyway nice sentence. I hope my 1st two sentences i can replace with your one scentence.
Thank for your support.
Thanks again..
Tessy

wrote it
joythblessy   
Dec 3, 2012
Writing Feedback / media focus too much on celebrites [3]

hai..
You have good ideas..
I feel you need little bit more organization.

Some ideas for the 1st part.

1 st question reasons..

:People are attracted towards success..
:Curiosity about- how they achieved their dream, how they are maintaing it, personal life.
:their victory is a motivation
:people want to follow it as they are ordinary people, their life style is easy to follow.
joythblessy   
Dec 3, 2012
Writing Feedback / (IELTS essay) disappearing languages good or bad? [6]

Many languages are disappearing every year. Is this is a bad thing or could have fewer languages help bring people together.

Globalization and liberalization made the world to shrink into the size of a village. Unfortunately, this means that smaller languages are in danger of extinction. Some people fear the loss of cultural identity, while others believe that the world with less language is better. In this essay, I will explain why I feel that we should preserve local languages.

Language is the main tool of communication between people. A community's language is bond up with its culture and identity. Therefore, it may be difficult to preserve one without another. Secondly, the loss of diversity may also deprive us of different ways of looking at the world. Thirdly, when an unwritten and unrecorded language disappears, it is a loss of science. Rapid reduction of world's language is making it increasingly hard to trace when and how people involved. Lastly, fewer languages do not necessarily mean better communication. As more people speak one language, it became easier for billions to be influenced by shallow media or aggressive politicians.

However, there might be a lot to be gained from having fewer languages. People feel, unity, equality and encourage economical development. Besides, it may reduce the problem of translation, reduce misunderstandings, speed up travel between countries, and boost business. Other major problem is marginalization. Communities who do not speak a major world language may fall behind in science, technology and their economies suffer. Another point is that having less languages might mean more shared ideas. Global collaboration could happen instantly rather than taking years. Although some people are afraid of the loss of culture and identity, it seems that, good ideas can survive. For instance, we are not speaking Latin or Greek, the values of their philosophers are remained with us.

To conclude, diversity is the beauty of the nature. After analyzing both sides, I feel that, dying small languages is not a good trend. Therefore, let us try to keep these minority languages as a part of this diversity.
joythblessy   
Dec 3, 2012
Writing Feedback / What can we do to save our environment? [3]

hai...
As ah_zafari pointed out lots of mistaks..i will give you some ideas..

:Reduce use of plastic and encourage use of biodegradable sub. Such as paper products
:Strict norns and conditions for the running of industries by government.
:frequent follow up and huge penalties for vilation of rules.
:cut down the use of private vehicles and switch on to public transport..

Read more essays,
Write againsy time..

Dont worry...

Tessy
joythblessy   
Dec 2, 2012
Writing Feedback / Person should never make an important decision alone; 'faculty choosing' [8]

hai...

I am totally agreeing with dumi..

Time management is essential..
I feel...
It is a lo...ng essay..
Cut down your intro..
Address the question, give your opinion..
essay is in desited structure..good
Try short examples to reduce the essay length..
Conclusion ...
Put little more words..

Try to write against time..

Tessy
joythblessy   
Dec 2, 2012
Writing Feedback / IELTS Topic. women's role in modern society [5]

hai...

I feel you should read the question once more...

The question is men discreminated or not..(Nice topic)

The first para is totally about arab musilm,as i am working in K.S.A i know the depth of the reality..

I think it is off topic..

Dumi already told it...

Second para...

also not justificable..

Collect some ideas...
Here are some in support...(agree)
Now
:female employment reservations
:Maternity leave and other leaves increase work load of men
:Leave preference also : female..
:Top posts are given to women nowadays..they post more females.
:Females shown their presence in all fields, before not: example Army..
:high income of female employment in some fields eg: nursing, male now depending on females (some times)..

You can write good essays...
Rewrite if possible...
Sorry, if it disappointed you...

Take it as a challenge...
All the best..

Tessy
joythblessy   
Dec 1, 2012
Writing Feedback / Expressing concern : Environmental Damage VS Rise in standard of Living [7]

Hai...

Before adding anything I just wants to know that this essay is for IELTS or not.
I know only structure of IELTS essays...!
In the starting of your essay, you wrote 'prompt, assignment' which confused me.

Anyway, thanks for your response.

Best of luck,
Tessy
joythblessy   
Dec 1, 2012
Writing Feedback / IELTS essay, gap year between high school and university [6]

Hai..

Advantages para i feel o.k some points are there.

But disadvantages add more ideas..

They may feel they are gaining more money than their counter parts in university and give up further studies.

If they miss the opportunity of university studies, they may lose a chance for better career and living standards.

They may involve in anti-social activities as a short cut to save more money, which may spoil their future life totally.

Read more essays of others....

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