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Posts by college134nj
Joined: Nov 22, 2012
Last Post: Jan 1, 2013
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Posts: 44  
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From: United States of America

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college134nj   
Dec 5, 2012
Undergraduate / My Ventures Into The New Lands - harvard supplemental [8]

REally guys? I thought it was quite well written. I felt myself traveling iwth him as he went throughout europe. the way u connected the end was very touching.

only comment for me is to cut down on the parenthetical stuff... try to incorporate it directly into the text instead.
college134nj   
Nov 22, 2012
Undergraduate / UC Prompt #1: My interest in Legos spurring me to become an engineer [4]

I agree with yi zhi. i luv the topic, very good choice. but the focus is a bit too much on legos... just needs a little tweaking in the 2nd paragraph. there's a bit of informal language, too. but maybe that's just ur voice. it was interesting to read, tho
college134nj   
Nov 22, 2012
Undergraduate / 'The New Kid' - UC Personal Statement Prompt #2 [13]

It's really really good! Gives a lot of voice, interesting story. I really wanted to continue reading to find out what happened. And the reader really sympathizes with you. Somehow, I feel that the first conclusion ending in a rhetorical question might not be a good idea. at the same time, it conveys a strong point... maybe rephrase to be a statement instead of a question?

either way you go, the essay is stellar!

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