Undergraduate / common app relation career and courses [4]

Hi all!
This is my essay for transfer. Really need help,bz I'm not a native speaker =(
Please be critical!
Many thanks!!

How do your possible career or professional plans relate to your planned course of study? Limit your answer to one page.

As a financial mathematics student, I study a wide range of subjects, which seem not specific for me to find a good job. However, there are jobs like a risk manager that need knowledge from several different subjects.

The requirements for a risk manager form a long list: risk analysis and evaluation abilities, presentation and organizational skills. They can mainly be divided into two groups - one stresses academic knowledge and the other focuses on personal abilities.

For academic knowledge, the cross-disciplinary courses I plan to study qualify me. An outstanding risk manager can evaluate the company's future risks mainly by figures, which necessitates strong mathematical foundations. This requirement is met by my 50% mathematics courses such as mathematical reasoning and introduction to mathematical statistics. Those courses provide me with adequate mathematical knowledge and problem solving experience. For example, I am able to analyze the myriad of abnormal numbers and make a concrete one sentence conclusion for the business potential after studying statistics. Moreover, in mathematical modeling classes, I will use all my mathematical knowledge to solve a real life problem like which equation best represents the relationship between the sales of coats and weather. For the other courses, they give me an overall understanding of the financial world. Consequently, my planned courses provide me with the prerequisite knowledge as a risk manager.

Group discussions and presentations during classes enable me to develop the inseparable personal abilities for this career. In the introduction to financial accounting class, an assignment, analysis the failure of Enron and give a presentation concentrated on accounting as a team, is waiting for me. The time is limited and the workload is huge. Accordingly, I will organize several times of discussions with my group to schedule our time and arrange the work. The lively discussion and reasonable organization of time will lead us to the successful completion of our assignment. In all, my study is filled with the similar presentation and teamwork. Every time, my skills of using eye contact and time arrangement can be improved. Owing to the chances offered by my planned courses, my presentation and organizational skills have been developed. As a future risk manager, I do not have to panic while explaining the negative risk evaluation results to the board.

Therefore, the knowledge which I will gain from my planned courses and the requirement of being a risk manager perfectly matches. Furthermore, the diverse personal skills such as communication, organizational and presentation skills can also be gained.