Undergraduate / Ethnically, Culturally diverse/ Student Volunteer Council - Rutgers'/ Enviroment [3]

Please critique this essay. Thanks in advance

PROMPT- Rutgers is a vibrant community of people with a wide range of backgrounds and experiences. How would you benefit and contribute to such an environment? Include your talents, leadership activities, volunteer and cultural services. (3800 characters)

I am an Indian and India, probably, is the most diverse nation. It is so diverse that its each state is a country in itself with its own language, cuisine, traditions, attire and festivals. Even though, their lifestyle is different, people live together in harmony and peace. India is the paradigm of co- existence and the notion of 'unity in diversity'. Travelling throughout India has made me understand and appreciate the prevalent customs and traditions.

The community in which I live is culturally diverse too. People of all the states of India live here. During festivals, we distribute our indigenous sweets and snacks and celebrate together. We also help each other when in need. Growing up in such a community has imbibed in me the feelings of togetherness, belongingness and respect for others. It has also made me understand that people, though culturally diverse can definitely live together because the basic human nature that is love and care for each other is common globally.

I am a sincere and diligent girl and find pleasure and happiness in doing community service and volunteer work. There is an orphanage in my locality. I love spending time with the kids there. I visit there whenever possible and give them my old books, clothes and toys. I also read stories to the young kids and draw and paint with the older ones. Apart from this, I also like glass painting, gardening, making greeting cards and dancing. I have learnt two Indian classical dances for three years each. All of these activities have evolved both my talents and my skills.

When I found out that Rutgers' population was one of the most ethnically and culturally diverse, I was quite intrigued. Through this community, I would gain a broader meaning of various cultures and traditions, while sharing my own. I would also be encouraged to open my eyes to the medley of personalities and talents that make up the college. Rutgers' Student Volunteer Council has enticed me the most. I am sure that it would keep me volunteering even at college. I will also try to open up and share my experiences with those whom I have never met before. If there is someone who had an arduous or painful experience, I would try to console that person. In today's modern world, people are losing their hearts. They are becoming self centered and insensitive towards other's feelings. They don't see beyond their noses and their world stops with the words 'I , me and mine'. I personally feel that when we live and learn together in a college, we should be empathetic and share other's grief because sharing the grief eases the grieved person and strengthens the bonds between them.

I would bring my talents and dedication to Rutgers with a hope of reaching new heights by participating in scientific research, meeting amazing professors, making friends and calling Rutgers my new home, next fall.

Undergraduate / Hospital/ Defibrillator/ Bio-engineering; PERSONAL STATEMENT [3]

Please critique my personal statement. Editing or any sort of related information would be helpful!
I still remember that particular day when as a young girl of eight, I was taken to the hospital by my parents to get the Typhoid vaccine done. I was very scared and made a lot of hue and cry right from the home. But when I entered into the hospital, I forgot my fears and was amazed by the scene. The hospital was full of busy doctors, nurses and patients. As we waited for our turn, my mother explained to me the vaccine's importance. Beside us the parents of a girl who met with a terrible road accident were sitting and praying for their daughter's life. As the doctor came out of the operation theatre and told them that the operation was successful, their faces were radiating with relief and happiness. This is a memory I will never forget, and at this moment I realized my purpose in life was to save people's lives.

Last year grandpa had a severe heart attack. The doctor said that a device called defibrillator had to be implanted. I wondered how a device could make grandpa stay fit. I did a little research on the internet and learned about its working. I was simply amazed. I also read about Biomedical engineering and found it to be very interesting. It was then that I decided to make a career in this field. The way this field bridges Biology with the principles of engineering amazed me and I wanted to study Biology along with Math. But I had already opted for Math, Physics and Chemistry as my main subjects in summer before junior year of high school and couldn't opt for Biology now. This has made me want to know about the human anatomy even more and I learn about it whenever I get time by surfing the internet. This field is the perfect amalgamation of my love for mathematics and my desire to work with machines and know about the human body.

My hobbies are dancing, painting, gardening and reading. Whenever I get free time, be it during vacation or just a few minutes break between studies, I like to indulge in these activities. I have learnt two Indian classical dances, namely Bharatanatyam and Kathak for three years each. I have also learnt ceramic and glass painting. I like making greeting cards and thus learnt the art of quilling during my winter break this year. I also love doing volunteer work and community service. There is an NGO called Bharat Vikas Parishad in India, whose primary objective is to work for the betterment of especially the under privileged sections of the society. I have actively participated in organizing a blood donation camp, in October this year. The NGO organized a weeklong camp to the forests of Chhattisgarh. In this camp, we distributed high yield variety seeds, clothes, books and medicines to the tribals and enlightened them with rainwater harvesting. Through this visit, I learnt about the culture, lifestyle and the hardships faced by the tribal communities. I was also fortunate enough to participate in a seminar that was conducted to spread awareness about women empowerment. I prepared charts and PowerPoint presentations for this event. I also like designing and have taken courses in AutoCAD and CollabCAD (designing software) this summer. All of these activities have evolved both my talents and my skills. I hope to bring these skills and experiences to the college and get the best out of it. I will also try to enhance my skills here.

Undergraduate / People go to bed HUNGRY/Wastage/ Shortage; TEXAS/ ISSUE IMPORTANT TO YOU [4]

Hi guys! I wrote this essay for Texas A&M University. It is due tomorrow. So kindly help! I will help you too. Any ctriticism is welcomed.

Prompt- Tell us about an issue that is important to you and how does it affect you? (9600 characters)

A walk through the roads behind my house would display the richness of my country. The sight of cooked food thrown on the grounds beside it and the foul smell clinging in the air would make you feel that my country has abundant supply of food. Ironically, it is the nation where two and a half million people go to bed hungry, each day. "Annam parabrahmaswaroopam," says Indian philosophy. This means that food is equal to God. But are we giving the same amount of respect to food these days? Frankly, most of us do not.

In India, 30% of the fruits and vegetables perish due to the lack of cold storage facilities, while thousands of tons of food grains spoil in ill equipped warehouses. A lot of food gets spoiled and wasted during transportation and also due to natural disasters. These days marriages have become mere means to showcase people's status. Many families are staging extravagant displays of food at their children's weddings to show off their newfound affluence. Guests are fed not as per their need but as per the elasticity of their stomachs and the status of their host. It has been estimated that 15-20% of the cooked food at weddings is wasted. Even restaurants are estimated to throw away more than six thousand tons of food each year. India produces enough for its people, but the bulk of the food reaches those with purchasing power. Very frequently I see people dumping off the food in dust bins because it was over cooked or didn't satiate their taste buds. Even more frequently, I see poor, skinny children rummaging dump yards for even a single grain. In a country which ranks second in the world in the number of children suffering from malnutrition, this issue has to be culminated.

But food wastage isn't limited to India only; it is globally present. ."Around one- third of the total food produced in the world is lost or wasted every year", said Mr. Jose Grazianoo, Director General of FAO It has been estimated that the amount of the food wasted in Italy itself is enough to feed the hungry millions in Ethiopia and that, that in America two twenty five tons of food is wasted every year.

Food wastage has a massive impact on our lives. Apart from being a global concern and hitting our wallets badly, it also creates environmental issues as well. Food waste in landfills is the primary cause of methane gas emission, a very potent greenhouse gas. In waste converters, food waste is the cause of nitrogen dioxide, another greenhouse gas as well as a cause of smog and respiratory illness.

Wasting food squanders the time, energy and resources used to produce the food. There are so many things we can do to help stop food waste. We can plan our meals, start backyard composting and encourage our cities to start curbside recycling pickups for food scraps.We should buy only that much quantity of food which can either be consumed or kept safely at home. We should not waste food at social and religious functions. Control of weeds and harmful insects in fields and their proper preservation would increase yield of food grains, fruits and vegetables.

Food waste thus is something that we can't contribute to ignore. Mahatma Gandhi once told that if God were to appear to the millions of hungry people, it would be in the form of food. We must remember that "today's wastage is tomorrow's shortage" and thus mend our ways and live sustainably.

Undergraduate / Helping People/Technology/Biomedical Engineering ; NCSU ESSAY- WHY THIS MAJOR? [4]

Guys, I have to apply to NCSU in two days and I am stuck with this essay. Please critique it. Also, I am terribly exceeding the word limit. Tell me how to make it short. Any criticism appreciated. Thanks!

PROMPT- Answer in not more than 500 characters, why you chose this as your major.

At the age of ten, while playing, I dropped my Barbie doll from my bed and her left leg broke. Unable to see her limp, I tied a stick at the missing leg's place and put a full length gown on her to hide it. Little did I know, at that time, that this job would interest me and propel me to make a career in it.

For as long as I can remember, I have enjoyed helping people, whether it was giving advice or being there when they needed support. I also liked technology. My grandfather repairs all the household items, himself, when they break down. As a child, I found it very exciting to sit beside him and watch him mend the device. When it would start working, I used to feel as if some magic took place and think my grandpa to be a hero. As I grew up, this childhood fascination augmented and I got inquisitive to know how the gadgets around me work. Many a time, I would just dissemble a device just to have a look at its construction. After quite a lot of research and endless hours of discussion with my parents, I decided that Biomedical Engineering would be the perfect field for the amalgamation of my love for technology and my desire to help others.

Undergraduate / GRANDFATHER - my first teacher - person who influenced me [9]

Please critique this essay. Be as harsh as possible.

Prompt- Tell us about a person who has made on impact in your life and explain why this person is important to you. (9600 characters)
The kind of person I am today is mostly because of my first teacher, my grandfather. He is the person who taught me how to live and the meaning of life.

I still remember how very eagerly, as a child, I would look forward to my summer vacation, because two months of summer holidays would mean our trip to grandpa's house and endless hours of teaching classes there, each day. Grandpa is an awesome teacher. His classes were so interesting that time just flew away while listening to him and I was as enthusiastic at the end of the class as I was at the beginning of it. The teachings comprised of his personal experiences and his childhood memories about his lessons at school. Each day we would discuss about different topics like love, friendship, forgiveness, success and desires. At the end of the class, he would ask me what I had learnt and would then patiently listen to me. One day, when I was at his home, my best friend and I had a petty fight over the phone. For two days, we didn't talk to each other, hoping that the other person would call. Grandpa then told me the importance of friendship and that, that these fights didn't matter much because whatever comes, we were best friends at the end of the day. He also said that if I didn't call and apologize, I would lose her, as a friend, forever. I understood how selfish I had been and called my friend. She was very delighted and said that she was afraid that we weren't friends anymore.

Grandpa didn't always lecture the good things; he himself practiced all of them and set an example for others. During childhood, I used to feel that community work is a sheer waste of time and that, that I should not spoil my time working for the welfare of others. Grandpa then told me that a person is always known for his/her deeds and not for his/her richness. These words got engraved in my mind and from that day onwards, I have always loved doing volunteer work and community service. I understood how narrow- minded I was. Now, I get immense happiness and satisfaction while helping others and long to do so. I have also learnt that it is only by giving, does one receive.

Grandpa tells me to ask myself each night whether I was being the kind of person I would want to be and that, that this would automatically make me a good person. Being his first grandchild, I have always been very close to him. Ever since he had started teaching me, I tried to be like him and this has shaped me into the type of person that I am today. When in dilemma, I always try to remember my classes with grandpa and get a solution. Apart from being a grandfather, grandpa has been my best friend and my role model.

Is this essay too short? Please tell me how to expand this essay. The prescribed word limit is 9600 characters and this essay is just 2657 characters.

Undergraduate / Leadership is an art, not a quality; North Carolina / Leadership [7]

Please give your views on this essay. Also tell me how to make it short. It is terribly exceeding the word limit. Be as harsh as possible.

Prompt- Leadership is a core value of North Carolina University. Please explain your personal view of leadership and how this view has influenced you to make a difference in your home school and community in 500 characters or less.

Leadership is not a quality, but an art.It is the art of influencing others to attain a common goal.An effective leader should be humble and strong at the same time, teach and learn at the same time, give credit and command respect at the same time.

I have been the city student head of Bharat Vikas Parishad, a NGO in India, for the last two years.We have organized camps for blood donation, assistance to the tribals in my state and conducted seminars on social issues. It was a challenge for me to get involved in these activities and simultaneously manage my grades. This experience taught me teamwork, time management and social awareness. It has transformed me from a shy girl to a young woman, who continues to help those around.I have also learnt that being in the position of leadership, one has to please others and stay calm when others are against his or her ideas.

I hope to bring these skills and experiences to the college and get the best out of it. I will also try to ameliorate my skills here.

Undergraduate / "We make a life by what we give"- RUTGERS /What you take & give to Rutgers community [6]

Following is my essay for Rutgers. Kindly read it and leave your comments soon as I have to submit it soon.Be as harsh as possible.

Prompt- Rutgers is a vibrant community. How would you benefit from and contribute to such an environment? Consider values like talents, travels, leadership skills, volunteer work and cultural experiences.

"We make a living by what we do, but we make a life but what we give", said Winston Churchill and I get inspired by these words and indulge in community service.

I spent my twelfth birthday at an orphanage. Though there were no gifts, games or dancing, it was the best birthday I had ever had. I distributed chocolates and I can never forget the pretty smiles the kids had on their faces. Since then I visit the orphanage whenever I get time and give them my old books, toys and dresses. By doing so I get a lot of happiness and satisfaction and realize how lucky I am to have loving and caring parents.

There is a NGO called Bharat Vikas Parishad in India which works for the welfare of the under privileged sections of the society. Last year it organized a free medical checkup camp for the tribal communities living in the forests of Chhattisgarh. I actively participated in organizing it and also assisted the doctors in the camp by giving the medicines to the patients. The NGO also organized a camp called 'Assistance to the farmers' there in which we distributed high yield variety seeds to the farmers and also taught them rain water harvesting. Through this I got a closer view of the traditions and the hardships faced by the villagers. Later this year I participated in the seminar on woman empowerment organized by the NGO. I prepared power point presentations and charts to spread awareness against child marriage, female foeticide, dowry and abuse of women.

I have been voted the class captain and project head for several years during my middle and senior secondary classes .It elevated my self esteem knowing that my classmates trusted me. It was definitely a challenge for me to be involved in many activities and simultaneously manage my grades, but I somehow managed my work. This experience taught me team work, time management skills and leadership skills. These skills transformed me from a shy girl to a young woman that continues to help people and make a positive impact in their lives. I have also learned that being in a position of leadership is something that should not be taken for granted. In this position you have to please your fellow teammates, but maintain order and keep calm while others are against your ideas.

I also like dancing and have learnt two Indian classical dances, namely Bharatnatyam and Kathak. I am a member of my school's dance group and have given many stage performances. We also perform in social events and fund raising activities. Apart from dancing, my interests are in glass and ceramic painting, gardening, swimming and making greeting cards. All of this has brought my skills in organization.

I was born and brought up in Bhilai, Chhattisgarh, India. Bhilai is called 'mini India' because people of all states live here. India has a very rich and dynamic culture. It is so diverse that each state is a country in itself with its own language, cuisine, dressing style, festivals and traditions. Even though their lifestyle is different, people live together in harmony and peace. India is the paradigm of co existence and the notion of 'unity in diversity'. Being an Indian has imbibed in me spirits of togetherness, belongingness and respect for others.

When I found out that Rutgers' population was one of the most ethnically and culturally diverse, I was quite intrigued. Through this community, I would gain a broader sense of various cultures and traditions while spreading my own. I would also be encouraged to open my eyes to the medley of personalities and talents that make up the school.

Thanks for your help in advance.