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Posts by Rajiv
Joined: May 2, 2007
Last Post: May 1, 2015
Threads: 55
Posts: 400  

From: India

Displayed posts: 455 / page 2 of 12
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Rajiv   
Nov 3, 2011
Graduate / SOP for Masters in CS "An attempt to impress" [9]

I am sorry, but to my mind this is hardly impressive. The other paragraphs actually have more flow, being easier to read. The intro para is not doing the job it should, that is collect the reader's mind and launch him into the rest of the essay.

The original first sentence is quite catchy. You were not able to justify what you said there. I personally dislike all this-

I wish to broaden my scope for ideas and apply them intuitively.The world of technology is evolving with the influx of ever more innovative ideas.I seek to be a contributor of such ideas.

.. what original idea have you expressed, or expressed in an original manner? Your creativity should work here as well, shouldn't it?

You come up with a good first paragraph and I'll edit the rest of the essay for you!
Rajiv   
Nov 3, 2011
Graduate / SOP for Masters in CS "An attempt to impress" [9]

I don't know if I see any difference between creativity and intuition. I expected you to show how this is.

The next sentence is fine, but not the one after... I wish to broaden..this seems to have little connection with what you've said before or after.

Innovations challenge the norm ... this is fine, but not .. Computer Science by its very nature... by its very nature!
.. how? Isn't everything built on the power of ideas?

Again, the next sentence is alright, but theres an abruptness when you jump to ..My primary research..

Unless the first paragraph itself is clear, why will anyone bother with the rest?
Rajiv   
Nov 2, 2011
Graduate / SOP for Masters in CS "An attempt to impress" [9]

As you have put it, a reader will try to answer the prompt embedded in the title -- does the essay impress ?

That might be what you're trying to achieve, but I do not think it's what you want answered here.

Your writing is fairly good, I am surprised you do not always provide one space after a period ?

The question I have is, are you looking for technical inputs and is that how you're trying to impress; with your interest and knowledge in the subject?

If your concepts are gibberish and only put across eloquently, it will be impressive to the lay reader, which most here are on this subject; but that would be misleading to you, as the evaluator certainly will judge you negatively for any bull-shit you try to pass as content.
Rajiv   
Oct 26, 2011
Writing Feedback / 'how society perceives of your identity' - advice on my book essay [2]

If you can write an intro paragraph like this one above, I don't think you need to worry about your body paragraphs or anything else. You're probably wasting your time here.

Being honest about what you can do is the first step to accomplishing anything I guess ~
Rajiv   
Oct 18, 2011
Letters / ('she is amongst the well-endowed people') LOR from the employer [16]

Are you just a hard driven, gritty girl out to succeed because you haven't had the opportunities that 'privileged' people have? And believe you've been held down not just by your personal circumstances but also because you're of the feminine class?

And you also believe the world is there for you to take whatever you can from, provided you break no laws?

If you've heard yourself described as this anytime - I suggest you slow down !!

Happiness is a fragile thing you don't necessarily get by succeeding; much as you might now believe it is so !!

That's my impression on reading your original LOR
Rajiv   
Oct 15, 2011
Letters / ('she is amongst the well-endowed people') LOR from the employer [16]

I'm going to try and explain the main point I wished you to understand with the help of an example:

If you use 'copy and paste' function enough in Word you'll notice an icon which appears near the text you've pasted. Expanding this you'll see it gives you choices, whether you want to preserve 'source' formatting or want the copied material to be changed to 'destination' formatting. Seems to be no biggie unless you are working on something fairly large and you use this 'copy and paste' function frequently between two documents which are formatted differently.

You make a choice -- 'source formatting' or 'destination formatting' -- but do you realize that you choose from a set of possible and different contexts of what is best.

Reading your LOR above I could not tell: are you transferring from a college in India to a school in US or another English speaking country, or were you tranferring from a school to a work-place, or a work-place to another work-place; is the latter in an English speaking country -- meaning your evaluator will be a native speaker of English.

You said most of what is mentioned in your LOR is correct; so what remains is the impact your language alone will make. Here's where I wished you to appreciate that an astute reader will find too many, all too perfect expressions suspect; and if the reader is learned as well about other cultures, he or she will have a good sense of English as it is written by Indians; I mean grammatically correct English, but yet different from how native speakers, or other cultures would use it.

Example: in India the 'well-endowed' term is common and good usage. Mostly as: well endowed with talent.

But as Susan pointed, in US it means big-breasted. I think this is a specialized use of the term to US, maybe other English-speaking countries picked it up. But should an evaluator take this amiss .. I wonder. You want to play safe, go for the 'destination formatting'. You want to impress the reader with who you are then be yourself, make an impact !!
Rajiv   
Oct 13, 2011
Letters / ('she is amongst the well-endowed people') LOR from the employer [16]

Hi Ankita -- your writing is good enough !!

Its possible that you've lifted these nice sounding phrases from other LORs, because that's what they are: nicely rounded phrases. After reading them one is likely to say: are they really about her.. how can I know that for sure? !

What comes through, is your enthusiasm, even if it is in the trouble you took putting all this together.

On a different note -- how much should you even be concerned about getting this perfect? What is your benchmark? It could either be english-perfect OR it could put across perfectly who you are. I think, not saying it like a native english speaker is not always a weakness. Because, you're trying to put across something in your mind which is quite different. It is of a nature of experience, that cannot be had in an english-speaking country. The cultural "atmosphere" you experience in is of a different quality, and you best convey it in exactly the words coming to your mind, those you put it all down in -- broken grammar though it might be. It is you who is stretching as much towards the person evaluating your work. Do not stretch so much that it isn't even what you would have liked to have said.
Rajiv   
Oct 10, 2011
Writing Feedback / How far mankind has come from its previous, simpler way of living [2]

However, whether or not is a discussion we should be having is another point entirely.

This is not very clear as it contradicts the previous sentence.

they value more and that austerity is found in different aspects of our culture as a whole anyway.
Examples: (Native Americans to an extent) (3rd World Countries) (Hippies/Gypsies/Bohemians).

..they value more[,] ..

I would not argue if you included native americans in the scope of .. our culture as a whole .., maybe even gypsies and bohemieins, who are after all found almost everywhere, but I really wonder what you have in mind when you include 3rd world countries in .. our culture as a whole .. . Its a noble idea though, but I don't think people generally see it as this. It is culture which differentiates the different worlds.

going back to an austere life leads to people wanting to become more complex and differentiated. [I had a sociology source for this argument.

why do you ask - "would it be possible for me to make the argument ..." ? Thoreau was tackling one of the deepest issues that mankind faces and it is timeless. Complex and differentiated apply to hippies and bohemians since they chose this way of life. Gypies, generally, and people in 3rd world countries live austerely, but have different reasons for doing so. Only those who would rather have more are open to label desperate.

The others though live the principle of austerity, or are trying to, and this is what Thoreau himself was talking about.

I think people in countries that are not 3rd world would have difficulty understanding this.
Rajiv   
Oct 8, 2011
Writing Feedback / 'Heer - Ranja' - immortal love story [5]

Heer - Ranja .. it's a story I heard very long ago. Nothing about it comes to mind, except this picture of young lovers, in a desert maybe, their faces drawn with intensity and pain, and their clothes - him, in white kurta, colored jootis, a sash around the waist; her - slim, a light colored lehnga, thick strands of deep black hair.

Ah, love ! The above description aside, for it's most likely a memory of some poster .. the couple were very likely real. Heer - Ranja .. is a symbol now, from the past; like the Kada - steel bracelet, which Sikhs wear to show their dedication to valor. A symbol though of something real. For those of us who might wonder, or seek in our own lives, this very real thing, called love.

Much as I might like, I will not dwell on this often found coupling of love .. and Beauty. We've seen beauty abundantly in nature, in birds, in sunrises and sunsets, or by an expanse of water stretching into the horizon, in the night sky even looking at a distant moon, sprinkled with stars.

We've admired the forms of women on posters, their graceful dresses. As often, just the sinewing forms. We've felt an attraction, which might have been of lust.

But love, they say is a gentle thing .. and, love as they also say is immortal. It does not perish. Many of us are only willing to take this metaphorically. Yet, this idea is there along with the others, that some things transcend our lives. Even become the reason for the next one.

I haven't heard of women in India asking their husbands .. why don't you bring me flowers ? It does not mean the same as it does in other countries. Nor that kiss as one of them goes out in the morning, or does missing it mean what it might elsewhere. Love in India is somewhere in the same realm where other things, other worldly, are to be found. Expressed in this lifetime with no less an open heart, bare, vulnerable, which we would like to offer to our Maker.

Enough of questioning, does He exist, or does He not ! Silence those doubtings in your mind. You are in a way, like two simple birds, sparrows; flitting from tree to tree, parapets to parapets. Nesting, feeding the young, watching them learn to fly, maybe even witness to some tragedy. Love, life, Devotion, God .. it is all the same.
Rajiv   
Sep 27, 2011
Undergraduate / 'The field of dentistry' - UVA career possibility relation to course of study [5]

Kate I hope you will find this comment, for I do not know where else to post it.

Was it the glum-smiley in the second post that made you pick this essay, or have you some interest in 'dentistry' yourself?

You've chosen some really great essays to comment on in the past.

After that though, you've let your frustration get the better of you. You want the essay's author to try harder. Appreciable enough as this is -- you could try a bit harder yourself, and engage with the writer -- with their feelings and ideas. Becoming a part of 'their' writing process, like two musician's 'riffing' on a piece.

All the same. Good job !
Rajiv   
Sep 25, 2011
Undergraduate / "got me wishing I'm a Yalie" - Why Yale?=Short answer [29]

"got me wishing I'm a Yalie" - Why Yale?=Short answer

read above ...

uchicago "Between living and dreaming there is a third thing. Guess it."

Kate47: It's painfully obvious you used a dictionary and/or thesaurus to pepper what you thought was a really imaginative statement with all kinds of "smart-people" vocabulary words. Rather than making you seem like a really skilled writer, it's overkill and leaves the entire thing almost meaningless--not to mention the ridiculous overuse of analogy and metaphor. Some of the big words you used don't actually exist. It's hysterical that a moderator didn't already point that out.

"Cosiness" - Why Yale

"Cosiness. The state of warm confort between the students, the professors and the roommates is the most important factor for me. I feel that being an international student at Yale I will not be thousands of kilometers far from home, but I will actually find a second home. The fame of Yale is not only for being one of the best universities in the world, but also for providing the best learning and housing environment for its students and employees."

Kate47: You didn't even TELL us anything from this. Every school has roommates and professors. And the part about Yale being the best? Anyone can read that on their website. Yale knows they're the "best." You need to seriously rethink your answer. Going to Yale because you think it's "cosy" is ludicrous.

I do not understand why every kid thinks they're being so novel when they basically restate what the universities' write on their own webpages.


'My grandparents' - Persons who has influenced me--national merit scholarship essay

"I do have half of their DNA, after all"

Kate47: Cheesy. Delete.
Rajiv   
Sep 22, 2011
Undergraduate / 'from arrogant skeptic into humbled believer' event, experience or accomplishment- UF [4]

I'll be harsh because you would really benefit from some criticism.

Good things first. Your writing flows. But unfortunately that only shows up the other defects in this piece.

Right off the reader expects some sort of concrete event, but whether you can see that, there is NO event in your essay at all. You need to have something that would give a sense of the real, something which makes others relate to what you're saying.

You say you read the 'apologetic' works of C S Lewis and Ravi Zacharias 'one night' while preparing to write an essay, and that changed your entire world view .. transforming you from a skeptic into a believer. But that's not enough. You were a genuine skeptic, and that's another good point to your writing, that this comes through, maybe because of that one concrete thing you say about earlier believing that the poor were so because they were lazy. But there has to have been something which truly caused the 'epiphany'. You have to recall the specific ideas you held before then and somethings as specific in these authors writings, which transformed your thinking.
Rajiv   
Sep 18, 2011
Essays / John Burroughs, Wendell Berry or Henry David Thoreau, English Essay causes of place [2]

Hi Danielle,

Among the authors you've mentioned I've only read some of Thoreau's Walden Pond . My sense of what your teacher might be asking is:

You've to adopt a philosophical tone and outlook. Observe, or imagine you do, natural things as they happen around you. Imagine living a few days in some wooden shack, built somewhere close to where you live, with natural surroundings. That is, tucked somewhere in a place away from all other dwellings. You yet feel safe enough to live there and explore nature and everything happening around -- some insects as they build a home or gather food. A bird with a favorite perch on a brush or tree it likes to skitter in. Or a piece of wood that has been lying around so long its colors and texture have become a part of the surrounding foilage. You could imagine all of this as though you're painting some natural place. Omit putting in leprachauns and such if they come to mind. Maybe a faint mist, or dew in the mornings. Dragonflies.

That's how I woud do.

Thanks for commenting on the 'separation versus divorce' essay. I'm surprised you even found it.
Rajiv   
Sep 5, 2011
Essays / Pros & cons of separation vs. divorce (input on the subject) [14]

You put an essay question out there .. one assumes you want to discuss it.

Once its out there, forum etiquette requires you to be respond to anything anyone has to say. This is not a High school where you can choose to act like some grandoise dame and put your nose up, as though that says anything pertinent at all !

Spend some time thinking what you want to put across. I am seriously interested in this subject, and wish to truly understand your point of view.
Rajiv   
Sep 3, 2011
Essays / Pros & cons of separation vs. divorce (input on the subject) [14]

Linmark,

Don't like to leave this discussion hanging.

We obviously have different ideas about 'separation'. Mine as you might have gathered is that separation is like falling off a cliff. There is an inevitable and disasterous landing at the end of it and you are impelled towards it by natural force .. once the process begins. Separation is the state of falling, the flight from the point nearer the top and all you see around there, to the point somewhere in the middle of the drop when any hope of being saved abandons you, till finally to the point before impact, when you brace yourself for inevitable calamity.

Reconciliation is as improbable as hitting a branch or a ledge that arrests your plunge, and after recovering your senses you can climb up, and hopefully there is a way back !

Your description brought to my mind the picture of some bird launching itself from a high point, a cliff maybe, then taking to the wind; for flying is the more natural to it, its truer and happier state. It lands to rest, which too it does not need as much as the other creatures that live on land. Yes, but for the bird, I agree, it certainly is the more 'ideal state'.
Rajiv   
Aug 22, 2011
Essays / Pros & cons of separation vs. divorce (input on the subject) [14]

The picture coming to my mind is of a person falling off a cliff. You say, just hanging there .. ie somehow never hitting the bottom is preferable than hitting it. According to you, or the society you speak from, its only water down there, and one can swim awhile, thrash around a bit then climb out -- again.

Staying with the above analogy, not so in other cultures, those abjuring the idea of divorce altogether. The fall down the cliff is into a burning pit, or the waters too raging and turbulent that anyone comes out unscathed. Of course it is always both that fall in, but the guilt lies with the one that pulled them in, and is therefore also the one who should and probably is, the one that is eventually most burnt.
Rajiv   
Aug 22, 2011
Essays / Pros & cons of separation vs. divorce (input on the subject) [14]

Divorce is a dysfunction of societies in developed countries -- nothing to look up to much less to emulate. That it is creeping into other cultures was my point in my own thread.

The earlier post of that guy frantically trying to get into America was a reminder that there are worlds out there, which are actually different from anything that people imagine them to be. Which applies mostly to you, looking out from your laced curtains. You're forgetting that almost everyone here is not from developed countries, but like my Iranian defector, only wishing to get there.
Rajiv   
Aug 14, 2011
Essays / Pros & cons of separation vs. divorce (input on the subject) [14]

I was watching an episode of a serial on TV.

A man, part of an Iranian delegation visiting Canada, wishes to defect. He sneaks out of his hotel, past the guards around .. apparantly they're necessary .. and takes off into the streets. He runs some blocks then frantically waves down a cab, fumbling in his pockets. Breathlessly he says to the driver ".. I have sixty-three dollars, can you take me to America !"

The driver, a black man gives him a look and seems to understand. He waves him into the cab " .. yea, just get in !". And soon they're speeding past a highway sign which says -- Niagara Falls 75 miles.

It brought that feeling back from long ago when "America" was all one wished to reach. The rest of the world, we believed, was all just too messed up. Beyond ever righting itself.
Rajiv   
Aug 3, 2011
Writing Feedback / Faridabad, Tracing a town's culture [6]

There is something quite distasteful about older people here in Faridabad. The religious groups that have formed here upset me for being so shallow. One of these gathers in our house each week, and I am required, by politeness, to sit through these meetings. Though the meetings are structured, and based upon a scripture which they read aloud ... the discussion has hardly any content. Instead I notice the person who has become the leader, using oratory techniques to hold everyone together; achieving little else but an assertion of his position over them. I am angry at the self deception. The only real purpose of this gathering is a very worldly one -- the emotional benefit that comes from sharing one's views with others of similar perspective. But please.. please, I implore them in silence .. don't swallow me.

At one time I really believed god was easy to find; like some things we might be looking for, and quite suddenly discover them. A particular book, a printer cartridge, a pair of Nike sneakers or Levi jeans .. a plant or carpet for the house, the right school for our child, or the right apartment for the family; or a job, when the earlier one has become weary. Searching for these things made me aware of the process; of wanting, looking for, the putting of one's mind to it; going over the steps one has taken when the searches are being unsuccessful; re-strategizing the search process .. and generally becoming obsessed with accomplishing the end in mind, even at the cost of neglecting of some others .. till finally, an acceptable result is achieved. A result which brings a sense of release from the mounting pressure that had built up inside, and then I might spend some time simply admiring the accomplishment, contemplating its features, even exaggerating its qualities to enhance the sense of achievement; as if to say to myself, yes - I do have capabilities that I had not completely acknowledged to myself, and that is the reason the object of my effort is unique and better than the ordinary; or I might say to myself, that luck or my own and unique good fortune favors me; 'she' is actually out there and working for me.

But of course, I never discovered god -- not the slightest part of him; for discovering even some of him, would have added to my capabilities -- is it not ? Is that not what we are expecting to happen if and when we discover him ? Like becoming acquainted with a person of power .. not so much as us getting to know him, but of him knowing who we are. Like a person of some importance, a supremely powerful politician, and letting him know that we have searched for him, and believed that he really did live somewhere around, and now that we've come face to face with him; he will remember us. Sometimes during the office of his day, he will recollect our presence, then wondering how we are, and remembering how we had looked up to him, he will summon his courtier in attendance, and instruct that the cause of our trouble, or what we were wanting -- be taken care of.
Rajiv   
Jul 27, 2011
Writing Feedback / Faridabad, Tracing a town's culture [6]

Thanks for your corrections above Kevin.

As my mind travels to the past, it takes me to my tower, the place I lived in then. It was two rooms on a large plot, built one over the other, with a red terraced roof and a stairway winding up. I mixed the two sides of the town I mentioned earlier. It wasn't actually the eastern with the smaller houses that had developed first. That was west of the main road and I would come over to the eastern side, to see what new was going on here. A Sweets Corner .. a fast-food like restaurant came up. It was a comfortable place to sit in, sipping tea and looking out at the traffic.

One time someone at another table recognized me. It was someone from my college; there with his wife. Meeting them felt almost unreal to me. They asked me over to their home.. a large and well furnished house, better than any I had seen in Faridabad till then.

They were hospitable people, and it was a relief to find someone to talk with easily, and do other things with some sense of abandon. I realized the effort it took to communicate with the other people in the town. I had not acknowledged that to myself till then. The paths we were on were different--- the one of the people I had known until then, and the other, of people like myself and these friends. Others too soon joined our group. They were from colleges such as ours, and it was always an experience discovering the strange similarities in our thinking.

It had been Pandit Nehru's vision to create a slew of high caliber engineering colleges around the country -- collaborating with the very best institutions in the developed nations. We were early graduates from these. These colleges were not just academically distinct, but their campus lives too set them apart. It is a little amazing to think how this was .. but it infused in us a totally different outlook to life. The culture, as it changed in schools abroad, did so simultaneously in ours.

A very Indian way of thinking was becoming out of place in India. Indian schools of thought count on a natural tendency in man to work harmoniously with his environment; all its teachings are directed towards enabling this and realizing himself as part of that. Western schools believe life is defined by an individual's goals, subjugating all in nature for realizing them. An innate belief in his supremacy in the world.

It was not from a want of means that people in India deferred taking the Western path. There were advantages in learning western ways and becoming part of their systems. These always worked more efficiently in the changing world. But for many, it simply wasn't the right thing to do !
Rajiv   
Jul 21, 2011
Writing Feedback / TOEFL essay: "quick decisions are unsafe decisions" [15]

Hey, it is probably a boy that fell in the river and not a girl. Girls are usually smart enough to avoid that sort of thing. :-)

OK, you're a feminist, but this is a little troubling !
Rajiv   
Jul 21, 2011
Writing Feedback / Faridabad, Tracing a town's culture [6]

If you drive from Gurgaon on the pahari (hilly) road and enter Faridabad, you can cut through the town by taking a right at the Sainik colony, or drive straight past Badkal onto Mathura road. You go left some distance before making a u-turn, then head back in the direction of Agra. Old Faridabad comes up in a few kilometers and sectors 14 to 17 are on your left, behind it. The shorter route though is through the town, if you do not mind driving in the congestion. All sectors are mostly west of the main road. Four sectors coming together first, then an equal space taken up by government and commercial buildings -- plazas, civil courts, a town park, a stadium. At the far end is the Ford Motors factory and next to it, Indian Oil complex.

Making a boundary there, two parallel canals run from Delhi to Mathura. Past them, on the other side, was a typical rural landscape just twenty years ago .. green maize and mustard fields with a small road meandering through the villages. But now BPTP - the extension to Faridabad, is fast coming up, and only the higher of these building floors get a view of the countryside, till that too is obliterated..

I have a long association with Faridabad, back to the 70's. It was a boom town then, and I had just begun college. My father retired early from the army due to health reasons, starting an ancillary here. My intention is not to write about that ancillary, but instead, of the evolving culture during these past thirty years.

College years and into the twenties are the headiest in one's life. As we step into the deeper waters of adulthood, what all do we carry within ourselves! Anxieties too, of course, but much more of optimism; bolstered by enthusiastic friendships, and life seems to have no foreseeable end.

There's a kind of hand-off happening at this time, between parents and their grown-up sons, and maybe even the daughters. At one level it's all quite natural and organic-like a process -- of the old being shed, or moving away, and the younger moving in. One can visualize each family as a stem or branch, and the entire tree, its community. The parents are like pieces of bark shedding from the branches, peeling off and disconnecting. They survive as long as some sap is stored within them, connected by slivers here and there to the bark forming in places they have been displaced from. Finally then letting go: dust to dust, ashes to ashes !

Sometime soon after partition, so I hear about the history of Faridabad, a group of people, in all likelihood a fairly large group; displaced from their homes in the region now Pakistan, approached Pandit Nehru, Prime Minister of India, asking him for a place they could settle down in. The partition was bloody and violent; families were wrenched of their possessions, fleeing with only their lives. They don't like talking about it .. like a memory they wish wasn't there. But the group that met Nehru, was likely a very bedraggled one.

One can surmise that they had strong beliefs; strong as any other community in the country. They had given up their possessions, but not their faith. And like the rest of the country had united on the principle of ahimsa, a basic tenet of our religion. Every adult in the land, young and old, believed in the rightness of this path. For by its power had they rid the yoke, delivering the coming generations to freedom and independence.

Faridabad was born, a child out of these shackles. Placed some distance from Delhi, it was looked over as an older brother might the younger sibling. The township of Faridabad thrived, espousing the most modern of ways and becoming industrialized. Manufacturing heavy agricultural equipment and motorcycles, rugged enough for rural areas, which for the most part the country was.

The township came up twenty kilometers south of the Delhi border. All along the road, large plots, an acre or more each were alloted to individuals capable of setting up medium scale industries there; some of which are around today, thirty years later. The town spread out where the land flattened, as that was easier to construct upon; unlike the pahari area towards Delhi. When Huda - the urban development body was formed, it mapped the existing habitation into sectors 1 to 5, as these were only haphazardly constructed colonies. Sector 6 onward were placed around them, each with parallel roads, markets areas and all the other infrastructure of an urban town.

The sectors were placed both sides of the main road. On the east, a few sectors with built up houses were first offered. They were well designed but on plot sizes that were fairly small. All those wanting to get away from the congestion in the town, and could afford these, opted for them. As did junior executives and officers of the larger plants that were coming up. The western side of the main road with bigger plots was the choice of the higher level executives, desiring to avoid the commute from Delhi. As the sectors developed with schools and parks, owners of some medium sized industries too built houses here. But no top executives or owners of any of the larger industries ever chose to live in Faridabad.

One begins to get a sense of how different stratas of culture formed here, influenced by the town's own developing characteristics. Thirty years after urbanization began, one can guess where people in an area came from originally, and even a little of their background.

It is noticeable that as people grow older and into retirement, their lives become similar to each others -- the larger and different influences in their lives becoming discernible. Younger people living somewhere and their lives, are not as indicative, being driven yet by their professional needs.
Rajiv   
Jul 14, 2011
Writing Feedback / "The Crusifix of Pope John Paul the II" - Describe an insignificant object [8]

Yet, there is also this ..

Truth I believe is actually new each moment --- such is its nature. So, in the changed culture from the times of just a few decades ago, we necessarily need to find it anew. Actually it always requires to be discovered. Therefore intellectually inclined persons are always living in the present.
Rajiv   
Jul 14, 2011
Writing Feedback / "The Crusifix of Pope John Paul the II" - Describe an insignificant object [8]

There you are in what you see; this is a reflection of yourself, because the existence of the subject is contingent on the availability of an object.

I think the implication here is, the sense of our own existence comes about only because we apprehend other objects .. and their existence. Of our own we have no sense at all, and cannot, without them. Our existence is always an inferred one.

This goes beyond what the other expressions mean ..
Rajiv   
Jul 13, 2011
Writing Feedback / "The Crusifix of Pope John Paul the II" - Describe an insignificant object [8]

There you are in what you see; this is a reflection of yourself, because the existence of the subject is contingent on the availability of an object.

Wow !
And I always thought - I think therefore I am - was the common belief on consciousness of one's own existence.
Rajiv   
Jul 12, 2011
Writing Feedback / Ships Ahoy -- floundering marriages [25]

These were my inspiring surroundings, when I joined essay-forum. The mountain range Jura in France. I lived here for just over a year.

Yes of course I've read Kahlil Gibran, 'The Prophet' . Back in the 80's it went with the Woodstock package. More recently, I found myself impatient with his style; maybe his writing effected me more than I care to acknowledge.

Sarah ( EF_Sarah) is whom I acknowledge with feeling and regard of being a mentor to me. Our dialog -- You, Sean and Simone -- took me further along the way !



  • 2008,
Rajiv   
Jul 11, 2011
Writing Feedback / Ships Ahoy -- floundering marriages [25]

Everything I had to say, I have done. I am this side of the road, but where you are the lights glitter with more promise. I ask myself why do I call you over to this side?

Seems like a large grey concrete tube now. That light on the other side pulling me on. The action has all come to an end. Such a phoney end, after the promises.

I shake my pockets, looking for something worthwhile to fall out. Its only crumbs, nothing interesting at all. Nothing to talk about.

But why do you scratch your beard so? You look weary, do you hold some hope after all? We are but tramps here. Just look at us. Our trousers, they've seen better days. These crumpled shirts, dont come too close now.

Nobody cares. Am I sad? Nah, I am quite glad it was all meaningless.

Those troubling thoughts, and cares. Wanting of things and knowledge. Nice isn't it, we came and then we're gone?

Does it even matter, if we're born again. What would you want to remember of this life? I would be just fine doing it all anew. All of it. The ignorance, the wonder of little things. The bleeding and the hurting, the questioning, and thinking. The falling ill, the feeling pain. Arrogance and humiliation. Feeling small, feeling big. Loving, rejections..

What else is really there? Till later then...
Rajiv   
Jul 6, 2011
Writing Feedback / Ships Ahoy -- floundering marriages [25]

One more challenge for you, Rajiv: A 19 year-old girl from India writes an essay about wanting to be a physician. She also wants a fulfilling marriage. What advice would you give her?

I would not have let this hang for so long Kevin .. truth is I was surprised that I felt no inner working in my mind as I contemplated this question. I want to try and answer this now.

I do not wish to do any more bashing of Western culture and its detrimental effect on the ideals of the East. Why should I need to do that ? I am looking at something seperated in the most natural way - by gender. And what I say should hold wherever we can see a difference of gender, in animals even, if we can discern their behavior reflecting the conditions we have in marriage! And perhaps we can. I am thinking of a pride of lions, because I remember seeing movie tracks of these. They live harmoniously, the males and females, and any problem only comes up when another male ventures into their territory. Similarly, we have street dogs here in India; in the West these would be rounded up. They have patterns of behavior, for I have seen them quarreling, even when it wasn't over food. I have also seen males and females playing together, or a male basking by the side while the female plays with the pups .. remniscent of human families.

I feel inclined to think that an arrangement imposed for social considerations such as it is in marriage, will succeed, if it bolsters what has existed naturally in a relationship between genders. Two differences amongst the genders stand out starkly in a cohabiting arrangement. The female's role of bearing progeny and nursing them. And the male's greater physical capability. Given these two factors, their coming together as a single unit should have more strength and resilience than any male or female's life alone.

The second of these natural difference is transformed into 'earning power' in the present - for that's what the purpose of physical prowess in animals is, to provide and protect. When a woman becomes empowered to earn, and protection is assured by society, or is not a matter of physical strength .. the male will have to fill the void by caring for the young.

A question is, is this as good an arrangement as the earlier one when the mother bore the child and cared for it? Ask the children, since they are most like the 'outcome' here. I think they are likely to say, sure it was fine having dad around instead of mom... same thing ! So, it comes down to how mom and dad feel about the arrangement. Is it mutually agreeable ? Or was it forced by situation and circumstances. In which case, was it equally acceptable as it panned out .. or were the switched roles grudgingly taken up?

Any young woman 'wanting to work as a professional and have a good marriage' needs to look at things from at least this distance. Before pursuing a path which will lead to rewards such as society has for those who succeed professionally .. what is she taking away from the way things have worked thus far, and must compensate as part of an incumbent responsibility. Else it isn't a sustaining unit and will quite naturally come apart.

The woman who has the 'earning role' in the family may also think, but this is only good. The man is deadwood now and the kids are as much mine as his. So why the need to take care of him anymore?

I wonder how it was when the man played the sole role of bringing in the bread? What kept him from similarly discarding the woman after a time? How did she manage to have a place in the family? And it was even a place of some importance. We can look at families that have held together and with children that are grown up, and see the woman is the more dominant person after the man retires, the one more in command in the home.

Strange !
Rajiv   
Jun 7, 2011
Writing Feedback / "Grandmother from a small town": Write about an old person in your family [6]

I imagine the four of you sitting across a picnic table one can often see on college campuses in the US. Ester is from Spain; Kathy from Vietnam; Annika from Cambodia, and Dhammika - the only male member here, is from Sri Lanka. Or maybe, you could be gathered for a cup of coffee in some school's cafeteria after a class you attended together.

Noisy chatter all around, the boisterous atmosphere of students and a few adults ! The venerable-looking university building, the friendly teachers, all draw you together by their common strangness, encouraging and alluring at the same time.

As I come closer, I notice a strange spark -- of the youthful desire to find kinship with each other, as much as in what you are talking about !

She has chickens, pigs... and she is a great cooker.

I am reminded of the time, when my family and I were house hunting in a village in France. Only this man was at home, his wife was gone to work and his children had been sent away so the visitors - that is us, could look over the house. At one point after he had shown over the house to us, I asked him '.. so, what is it that you do ?'

'I am a cooker!' he said. ' I do the cooking at home '.

We kept a straight face, my girls and I. But thereafter, often when I was asked what I did, I would say ' I am a cooker !'
Rajiv   
Jun 6, 2011
Letters / How to write an appeal letter for admission into University [7]

There is an appealing honesty in what you have written here. You do not want to exaggerate any qualities you have from a sense of modesty, but it is always hard to know such things in oneself.

Take this line, and for each of the things mentioned here, write a paragraph or even two:

I have average grades and did not attain any leadership roles from Poly. I really want to get into a University.

Your writing is good. And yes, your tone must be formal and respectful !

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