Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by shaddy
Joined: Apr 8, 2013
Last Post: Jun 3, 2013
Threads: 17
Posts: 47  
Likes: 7
From: Australia

Displayed posts: 64 / page 2 of 2
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shaddy   
Apr 18, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Increase of Illiteracy rate causes and effects on society [10]

Secondly

Thank you, but I used 'Second of all' to maintain the continuity, as before I had used 'First of all'.

Dear friend, I won't write this in my essay because to me it takes away the natural flow of the essay. I feel there is no harm if you leave with the first two sentences.

You are right, but it is to make the reader aware what he\she is going to find in the rest of essay.I understand the sentence is so much used that it feels extremely unpleasant sometimes.
shaddy   
Apr 18, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS; How to stay healthy in your country? Reasons & Answeres [6]

I think in the essay we must conclude with the contents center to the point that we have had already mentioned in the body paragraphs. If I state your conclusion then I would say

"To summarize, staying healthy is not only dependent on gym exercises and\or eating less but in my opinion one must adopt a routine of daily walk for some time. "
shaddy   
Apr 18, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Increase of Illiteracy rate causes and effects on society [10]

Illiteracy has traditionally been viewed as largely a third world problem.
However it is becoming apparent that in countries such as the USA and Australia, illiteracy is on the increase. Discuss possible causes for this and its effect on society


Education plays an important role in building a person's personality. Lack of education is an issue for many third world countries but it has been seen that some developing countries are also heading towards the threat. In the following paragraphs I will analyse its reasons and impacts on the society.

First of all, lack of family support is the main cause of literacy. Families do not tend to show interest in their children's education. As a result they start showing less interest in their studies and eventually stop it at a certain age. Furthermore, there are very few scholarships for the students who want to study but cannot bear their expenses. Therefore, they leave their education incomplete.

Second of all, the recession time the world is going through is another reason for the increased illiteracy rate. Countries like USA and Australia are not save from it, so children do not think it necessary to get an education. When they hear the unemployment news in media they find themselves reluctant from studies, so they abandon education and start looking for job. For a short term profit they do not know that they are losing many opportunities such as the best time to learn and a vast exposure in knowledge. When the children grow older they often regret of their decision and target society and people for all of their misfortunes.

To summarize, literacy rate can be raised by providing financial and emotional support to the children in the first world countries.

______________

Hi

Please check my essay for correction. I appreciate yours help so far.

Regards
S
shaddy   
Apr 18, 2013
Book Reports / Character study about Pere Ubu ; Need help with thesis statement [2]

How can i write a good thesis statement about this character. Please Help URGENT

I would say

"We can not label a person with a fixed title of right and wrong for life time, but sometimes some characters are developed in order to show the inner emotions of a human. The emotions from which we want an escape but can't. Among those emotions are greed, meanness, vulgarity and untrustworthy behavior. Story's characters live with the label for ever, but in the story of life title changes very often. Among such characters Pere Ubu is one. Let's try to get an insight in it. "
shaddy   
Apr 18, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS Essay: Impact of computer usage on children. [8]

You have very good writing skills and no doubt about that. You follow a good essay structure. But, I think you should take what eileenalien said a bit more seriously as it would certainly help you to get the maximum benefit with your writing talents :)

Great and thanks again.

softwares
i think ur essay is good. Well-organised. However i think the reasons supporting your statement is not that strong.
And there are lots of people think drawbacks of computers outweigh the benefits when it comes to children's education. Maybe it is better to mention a few disadvantages of computers.

Thanks eileenalien, your suggestions are equally important to me.

Cheers!!
shaddy   
Apr 17, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS Essay: Impact of computer usage on children. [8]

This is a good essay except for the reason in your second body para. Excellent essay structure

Thanks alot dumi.

Does it matter in IELTS exam how strong one's arguments\reasons are, as mentioned by eileenalien?

Thanks again for reading and commenting on it.
shaddy   
Apr 17, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS Essay: Impact of computer usage on children. [8]

Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children.

Do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.


Computer has become a part of almost everyone's life. It has been in discussion for a long time that whether it is good or bad for children. I believe that its virtues are far more than its vices. In the following paragraphs I will provide some reasons to support my statement.

The principal reason for considering computers for children in their everyday life is its usefulness in learning new things. There are many software that make difficult concepts of hard and dry subjects easy to absorb. For example, Algebra and Geometry are the two important and toughest concepts of mathematics but the intuitive nature of some good software makes it easy to learn for children. Moreover, the learning is very fast with computers and a child's mind adopts it quickly. To learn new things computers can help a child in various ways.

Another reason for promoting computer usage in children is that they do not feel any need to remain out of their homes for playing. For the countries where there are proper places for children games may this reason not be very effective but for others like Bangladesh, Pakistan and India etc. the computer games are really helpful. These games keep the children at home and a child remains safe from the vulnerabilities such as drugs, crimes and bad company. Undoubtedly, computers are a blessing for such an environment.

In conclusion, after analysing computer's usefulness in learning and giving an healthy environment I disagree that computers have more bad effects on children than that of good effects.

_________________________

Hi,

Kindly review my essay and please suggest me any important advice you consider for my writing. I've my exam in a couple of weeks and I am targeting band 8.

Regards
S
shaddy   
Apr 17, 2013
Essays / Have problems with the introducation on the global impact essay / school [8]

How can someone know about issues that you had before...

If I have to think, I perhaps think of some issue created by misunderstanding or miss-communication in a relationship.

The relationship is not necessarily to be of girlfriend and boyfriend type of relation but you may highlight some assignment or test given by teachers
shaddy   
Apr 16, 2013
Writing Feedback / 'My sister's problems and solutions' - concise narrative describe a meaningful event [3]

My sister's ability to overcome her problems despite her handicaps has inspired me whenever conflict arrives in my life; it helps me overcome these conflicts in a positive manner helpful to me and other beside me. This is the attitude I will bring to the UF campus. I will be able to help my self and others and rise to success as a proud Gator if can your acceptance as a student

I was actually going to ask why did you write the bad comments on my essay but then this piece of writing came across my attention.

You wrote brilliantly and it is a great piece of writing !

I do not know much about the essays that are written for university admissions but the script is great and you can be a good story writer. Just need to use the experiences with your full of emotions !
shaddy   
Apr 16, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS Essay: Suggestions for the densely populated countries. [3]

Counties such as China, India and Japan have unsustainable population growths. In fact many experts are of the opinion that the population 'explosion' which is now a very worrying concern, is the most serious threat to life on this planet.

Give some suggestions to address this problem.


Advancement in medicine and science has a great impact on the world's population. Unlike past, nowadays birth rate has increased and death rate has decreased. Countries like India, China and Japan are considered overpopulated. This overpopulation creates many issues for the people. Some of them are hunger, lack of education, resources limitation and lack of employment. In the following essay I will propose some suggestions to control the population.

First of all, population control is possible only with the individual's co-operation. People of the overpopulated countries should be educated to have smaller families. Moreover, efforts should be made in order to realize them the benefits of having one or two kids only. Benefits such as happy family, more opportunities and healthy lifestyle should be promoted through advertisements and media. Furthermore, people should be educated to adopt birth control methods such as pregnancy termination pills, contraception and surgical operation etc. Educating people in this manner will surely be helpful in having fewer children, so this will control the population.

Secondly, at government level there must be laws regarding birth. Like in China, families having more than an allowed number of children must be fined. In addition to this, government should put tax on the families for additional babies. By regulations from government people will be compelled to have smaller families and hence, population will be reduced to the required level one day.

To summarize, both government and individual level help is needed to control the population in the over-populated countries.
shaddy   
Apr 16, 2013
Scholarship / "Why I want to be an International Affairs major" CHCI Scholarship Essay [3]

I don't know much about the scholarship essays like how they work but would it be alright to mention the hardships one has gone through in its life?

I mean they are perhaps more interested in knowing what benefits can you brought after receiving the scholarship.
shaddy   
Apr 14, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS; Can price hikes on fuel solve environmental problems? [8]

i feel like there is some thing wrong with this one

Thanks malhamed. Are you able to please elaborate this? I am preparing for IELTS exam and targeting band 8. Any suggestion regarding this would be appreciated.
shaddy   
Apr 14, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS; Can price hikes on fuel solve environmental problems? [8]

hikes - reason is they don't like to burden people with higher cost of living

Thanks dumi.

I am just wondering if this is an acceptable approach to write an opinion essay? As you may find that I put forward some reasons to agree and then more reasons to disagree. At the end, I concluded with the disagreement part of it.

When I started writing the essay, another approach also jumped into my mind and that was about stating my position in introduction and writing the rest of the paragraphs just to support my opinion.

Which one do you think is best in this kind of essays where a look at both views is not asked explicitly?
shaddy   
Apr 14, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS; Can price hikes on fuel solve environmental problems? [8]

The best way to solve the world's environmental problems is to increase the cost of fuel. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Environmental problems are rapidly increasing all over the world. Scientists infer that this is due to burning of fuel such as petrol, coal and gas etc. Some people think that the use of fuel can be controlled by increasing its price whereas others believe that the threats to the environment can be controlled by introducing other sources of energy and supporting researchers for their environmental problems research. In the following essay I would look at both sides of the argument and provide my opinion in light of the results.

The people who consider increase in fuel price is the solution of environment pollution give reason that this will cut down the use of cars. As most of the people prefer to use their personal vehicles to for travelling and increase in fuel price will force them to stop using them. Moreover this will motivate them to use public transports for daily travelling to work and other places. As a result, there may be a large reduction in the number of cars on road, so this this will help to lower the air pollution.

The supporters of the other side of argument, however, argue that instead of increasing fuel prices other actions should be considered to minimize environmental issues. Both government and individual must take it seriously. Individuals should buy the cars which emit less fumes. At government level, the authorities should educate people to use other sources of energy; for example light energy and water energy to generate electricity instead of coal, patrol or other kinds of fuels. Moreover they should support researchers in finding other ways of minimizing impacts of fuel burning on our environment. The research for running vehicles on other resources such as water and solar kits must be funded. By doing so, the threats to our environment can be reduced.

In conclusion, I believe that we should look for other ways to reduce environmental pollution caused by fuel instead of increasing prices of it.

_____________________

Hi guys

I would appreciate your time and efforts if you could comment on my essay.

Regards
S
shaddy   
Apr 12, 2013
Writing Feedback / Computers usage at school-level studies for children (IELTS) [8]

Thanks a lot and Good luck for the exam.

They are great suggestions Sir.

I always find it hard to connect my sentences in the flow of my paragraphs. Your suggestions and correction will be a great help for me to write some good essay.
shaddy   
Apr 8, 2013
Writing Feedback / Computers usage at school-level studies for children (IELTS) [8]

School children are becoming far too dependent on computers. This is having an alarming effect on reading and writing skills. Teachers need to avoid using computers in the classroom at all costs and go back to teaching basic study skills.

Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience


Modern technology has totally changed our approach to study. In the past, children only had option of writing with pen on paper and reading from paper-based books. Nowadays, most of the schools do not pay much attention towards the traditional way of reading and writing. This may cause some issues. I completely agree to stop computers usage at school-level studies and will propose some reasons to support my statement.

The principal reason to abandon computer usage at school-level studies is the elimination of writing skills from a child. There can be many occasions where a person do not have access to computers and if the child is unfamiliar with writing in any language without computer then consequences can be imagined. For example, a person wants to express its emotions in a written way and there is no access of computers. The situation like this may create problem for such a child as the child is not at all familiar with the structure of alphabets while writing.

Another reason is the impact of computers screen on a child's eyes while using it. It is severe in reading. As the children's eyes are very fragile, so constant radiations may harm their eyesight. Short eyesight and sometimes completely blindness are some of its examples. Constant reading and reading in unsuitable positions from computer are bad for a child's physical and mental health.

To summarize, I believe that at least in the primary schools studies children should be discouraged to use computers, as this may create a knowledge gap for writing skills and may result in bad health by reading text through computers.

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