Undergraduate / Great study environment; Exchange student study statement [2]



This sentence should be edited because
1. What does the word 'they' refer to ?
I guess that 'they' refers to 'the university' because it is the main focus of your paragraph.

2. Although...., but. << You have better chosen one of them for your sentence. If I were you, I would not mention that ABC university was not as old as other universities. For example, ...

' with cutting-edge curriculums and multidisciplinary research environments, the university is placed as the first rank.'

Furthermore, I would like to suggest that it is not a good idea to be negative about your hometown, your school, or any pass experience. You had better tried to reflect the positive quality of your experience.

For example...


If I were you, I would say that
" The leading-edge courses in your program will fulfill my knowledge on XXXX which I learned from BCD university."
In addition, this sentence shows that you have prepared yourself for being a student in the ABC university.

Finally, ....


An alternative way is to say that ...
your culture and chinese are very similar, and you would like to define their differences which is delicate and sophisticated. Then...you may emphasize on what

you have learned as a korean.

PS. you should try to focus more on what you want to study, instead of trying to talk about something out of scope. Your life in the US is the example of going out of the focus.

However, I realize that being an international student guarantees about your language proficiency. Thus, if you would like to show that you have had experience as the international student in the US, I would like to use this opportunity to say about something interesting at the beginning of your statement of purpose. For example, ...

Intro.... Being an international student in the US, I noticed the distinction among people from different backgrounds. As a korean, I knew that my culture is different from other asian nations despite sharing the similar race, looks, and some culture. Chinese culture is closely resemble to Korean in many aspects, however I recognize the differences. I would like to gain a deeper insight in Chinese culture which is sophisticated and beautiful...

Then, your back ground...

Conclusion, ...your conclusion is fine...

PS 2. Using the abbreviation such as don't is not formal. Please, change it to 'do not'.

Writing Feedback / Home is not a place, structure, or a coordinate on a map; What is home? [3]

In overall, I think your work is excellent. I found some phrases from novel. They are beautiful. However, I do not know whether your writing is for an official test. Thus, my suggestion may be just an addition or alternative ways to your work.

1. The reason it hurts so much to leave a home is because a home is somewhere we plant our emotions deep in the soil, rendering our hearts, and capturing our souls.

I would like to suggest that you may find an alternative way for this sentence because " The reason that is B... is because..A " sounds redundant.

My suggestion is that you may make it more concise, despite the number of words.

2. You should be more precise in your ideas and give the example to substantiate your nice reason.

The difficulty in leaving home, is trying to rebuild a home. That is the frightening part. Having to figure out right from wrong and trying my best to not make mistakes, or make good mistakes. Having to find a purpose and find a passion, and run with it.

I feel that your are going to say that your house is not perfect but it is the place where your heart is... you may show that each member has a unique quality and thus, their combination has made your home the most perfect place, or show that your home is the place where you feel comfortable with it ...such as ...although the house is a bit too small, it keeps people in family close and warm.

I hope that my suggestion would help.