Letters / Letter of Continued Interest for UPenn [4]

I am not sure if this is in the right format.. Is this concise? Would this letter improve my chances at all? I will send it tomorrow!

Another question! Should I send it to the regional officer or directly to the admissions office? Thanks so much to whoever helps!

Here it is:

May 4, 2014

Dear members of the Admissions Committee:

I am writing to reiterate my interest in becoming a member of UPenn's Class of 2018. While the University of Pennsylvania has been my top choice since I began the application process, my interview with Mr. Terrence Seller and further research of the Annenberg School of Communication have made it clear that the University of Pennsylvania would be a perfect fit for me.

While I know that UPenn has a lot to offer me as a student, I also feel that I would bring a unique perspective to my class and become a dynamic contributor to the community. In my current role in the Service Committee for the National Honors Society, I have worked with Catholic Charities in a project to collect suitcases and other goods to those in need of our community. As a student at UPenn, I will seek to engage in the concentration in Communication and Public Service, where I can utilize and hone the skills I've gained through my previous experiences of serving others.

I also wanted to notify the Admissions Committee of updates to my application. Since submitting the application in January, I have been focused on concluding my high school career with a strong finish. As well as maintaining good grades in school, I have been involved in my church and music. As well as cantoring on regular basis, I have played the ukulele at the First Holy Communion masses and put on a production at the Good Friday Mass. Currently, I am preparing for my senior recital with my voice instructor, Jody Kienzler and for State Oral Math Competition. I look forward to the vast opportunities that are present at UPenn to further develop these interests.

Thank you for your time and continued consideration. While I have already heard back from other great schools, University of Pennsylvania is absolutely my top choice; if I am admitted, I will definitely attend. Please let me know if you have any questions regarding my application, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,

Min gi Park

p.s. May the Fourth be with you!
^(Should I include this or no? lol)

Undergraduate / Pomona Supplement Create a Course "The Art and Science behind the Smile" [NEW]

I was really stuck on this one. Is my tone too degrading? Please comment and make suggestions! Be harsh!

Pomona's Critical Inquiry course is required of all first-year students, and is designed to be highly interdisciplinary and engaging. Recent class titles include: \"Molecules of the Mind\", \"The Economics of Sin\", and \"Punk: Poets, Politics and Provocation\". Imagine you were hired to design and teach a Critical Inquiry course. Describe the title of the class, its contents, and why you chose it.

Welcome to Pomona College, Class of 2018. At this time, I present you the innovative and thought-provoking course entitled "The Art and Science behind the Smile." Have you ever stared at the painting of the Mona Lisa? What is it that draws you in as you continue to look at it? The answer lies in her serene smile. Smiling is a way of communicating; in which neuronal signals travel from the brain's cortex down the brainstem into the cranial muscle and, then, toward the "smiling muscles" in your face: orbicularis oris and orbicularis oculi. Yet, smiling is more than just a contraction of muscles; it conveys a range of emotions. This simple yet powerful gesture is a fascinating blend of science and soul. This course is an introduction to the basic science behind smiling and its role in the society. It will focus on analyzing not only the mechanism of the brain when we smile, but also how the gesture is perceived and factored into situations of social interaction. In addition to the readings and discussions on previous research findings on smiling, we will be able to conduct new research here at Pomona College to explore topics ranging from detecting the sincerity of a smile through structural examination to revealing its unidentified health benefits. You will walk out of this class with a smile, instilling in the rest of the world a positive impression.

A course like "The Art and Science behind the Smile" is essential for progress in this world, and can only be found at Pomona College, an environment for intellectual development and personal growth that is second to none. Despite the immense number of sharp minds today, majority of them stay put in their room, studying for an upcoming test, or going on SNS, locked away from the rest of the humanity. Perhaps, a simple solution to bring them out is showing them the power of real-life interaction demonstrated through smiling. This course allows the student to gain scientific knowledge as well as to experience personal growth, therefore becoming competitive contributors to make the world a happier place. At Pomona College, I believe that I will develop to become a real person in the midst of the world full of automatons

Undergraduate / Miral School and smile - Williams College Supplement [2]

Imagine looking through a window at any environment that is particularly significant to you. Reflect on the scene, paying close attention to the relation between what you are seeing and why it is meaningful to you. Please limit your statement to 300 words.

Hair up? Check.
Bright smile? Of course!
Open minded? Maybe not.

I march into the classroom, eager to "touch" the lives of my soon-to-be-class consisting of seven autistic second-graders. Though, when I'm introduced, the students pay no attention and continue doing their own thing: running around, talking to themselves, and hitting things. (I want to make this part more descriptive) After some futile attempt at becoming acquainted with my students, I stand in the corner of the classroom, defeated. Why am I here? Suddenly, someone tugs at me. There, my little reticent savior Young-Soo stands, with his hand reaching out. Uneasily, I take his hand. There is no hesitation on Young-Soo's face, only sincerity. Within seconds, he speaks to me millions of heartfelt thoughts as his three deformed fingers and my five fingers intertwine.

I know I'm coming back tomorrow.

Fast forward two years:
I'm still here, in a different class, comprised of the oldest students at Miral School. Some are even older than me, yet, I'm inwardly convinced of my superiority. Next moment, I'm abruptly pushed to the wall and bitten in the right shoulder by my student, Jun-ho. I disappear quickly to the bathroom, trying to process what has happened. I'm confused; what did I do wrong? Suddenly, I become more shaken, shamed by the realization that I have hurt Jun-ho. Entering a stall, I drop and cry. I have acted rashly, but so has he, in an attempt to defend himself from the pressure of the society, from the discouragement he perceived from my faulty attitude. Every day, he and all the other students stand alone, enduring ignorance at home, at school, and everywhere they go, just for being themselves. Still, they continue to hope that one day, someone will value their individuality. Today, I have stood against him for my sake, to further selfish sense of arrogance. Wiping my tears, I walk out of the stall, back to my students. I am ready to stand together with them.

Did I answer the question? I know this needs a lot of work!! Please be as harsh as possible!

Undergraduate / Why Northwestern/Penn? Communications major [7]

I still got long ways to go the word limit i think is from 250-300 and I'm well over.. and I don't know if I answered the question right..

suggestions to make it a stong, short and sweet essay? PLEASE PLEASE HELP

Northwestern Statement: What are the unique qualities of Northwestern - and of the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying - that make you want to attend the University? In what ways do you hope to take advantage of the qualities you have identified?

Marching through the Arch at the Northwestern University, I am here to make a difference. Throughout my life, I have walked in the overflowing streets of Seoul, in the wilderness leading my group of autistic friends, through the corridors of St. Joseph's Home, in the March for Life in Washington D.C., and in the fast moving hallways of schools in Korea, Australia, California, and Illinois. Everywhere I go, I'm intrigued by the various reactions of the people as I flash them smiles. This is just one way of how I communicate, and I cannot imagine living in a world where there is no interaction among people. At the same time, it fascinates me that this is all workings of an organ that takes up merely three pounds of my body, the brain. A tiny section of it called the Broca's Area has allowed the speeches of the greatest historical figures like Gandhi and Wilberforce.

Now as I walk through the Frances Searle Building, I see curious people like me. With the support of these people at the Northwestern University School of Communication, I plan to major in Human Communication Sciences with a special focus on Learning Disabilities. I am attracted to the depth of academic study of human communicative processes that the NU SoC offers. It emphasizes the basic science principles tracing down to the roots of all human communication and cognition. This will introduce me to clinical issues and research findings that pertain to disorders of communication and learning like autism, which I have had a first- hand experience with from volunteering at Miral School. Fortified from taking part in autism research at the Neurodevelopmental Disabilities Laboratory at Northwestern University, I will be able to make my goal of empowering the communicatively disabled members of our society a reality. I know that education at NU will enable me to further pursue a never-ending inquiry of communication and neuroscience. I am aware that there is no special formula for me to reach out to all the people in need. I must take steps, however many there may be. As of now, I'm ready to take the first step that lies in Northwestern School of Communication.

Do I need to come up with more specifics and get rid of details? make it more insightful?

Undergraduate / "What are you doing? Go away!" Personal statement- Relationship with brother [6]

Please be honest!

any title suggestions?

I feel that this needs to be broader in scope but i have not come up with how yet..

Here it is:

"You have violated once again rule number 7: Thou shalt not steal." I declared with great authority, covering the monitor screen, which had already succeeded in luring my brother into the dazzling world of StarCraft.

"What are you doing? Go away!" screamed my older brother Chris in his exasperated voice while slurping on the strawberry ice cream bar that was supposed to be mine. I continued in my high-pitched voice, "I'm not done yet! Rule number 9: Thou shalt not fall into the temptations of StarCraft."

My brother hesitantly moved away from the computer, eyeing me as if I was the most annoying person in the world. I had succeeded to control my brother, as always.

As time passed, my set of commandments evolved. Still, I believed, perhaps a little too much, in the idealistic world where no one went against my rules. It started with the strawberry ice cream. Then that turned into report cards. By the time I entered middle school and Chris, high school, I detected that my brother was delving into greater troubles. So my investigations began. Many nights, I watched the clock tick after Chris's curfew. Once he entered the front door, it was required that he pass the backpack check and other assessments. Many nights I waited, searching for evidence. Finally, I found it.

It is 10:30 on a summer night. I am sitting at home watching TV with my parents. Chris is late. Yes, tonight's the night. 12:00. Where is he? I start to sense the concern shared in the silence between me and my parents. 3:00. At last, Chris stands at the front door with his head down and reeking of alcohol. A huge ruckus follows. So many things are happening all at once: lots of yelling and hitting coming from my parents. A part of me wants to walk away, but some part of me acts. Something about my brother's attitude is different this time. He is kneeling on the ground and letting the teardrops fall instead of fighting back like usual. I'm surprised to see tears blinding my own eyes, too. I run up to my brother and hug him to protect him. I stretch my arms to cover a body twice my size. I can feel my brother trembling; I stay attached to him like that, until he falls asleep.

That night, a permanent bond was established between us. I realized that I had been to blame for our bad relationship; I was too busy trying to control Chris, when I should have been listening. Although Chris and I never discussed that night again, we did start to communicate more. I stopped imposing my rules on him and started asking about his day, what he ate, or what movies he watched. In response, he told me stories; he proved to be extremely talented at making me smile and sometimes, laugh uncontrollably. Gradually, the late nights for Chris began to cease.

I always believed I was better than my brother but I've learned to see with a fresh set of eyes. When I entered high school myself, I joined Operation Snowball where hundreds of people gather to promote making safe choices about drugs and alcohol. Through it, I met many people who reminded me of my brother, and I was able to approach them with openness. Every year when I stand in front of these people, I introduce myself, saying "Hi, I'm Lilly and I'm always willing to listen."