Freimuth96
Nov 2, 2013
Undergraduate / "My Near Death Experience" Failure Common App Essay [3]
First draft. I know it's rough. Critique absolutely everything and offer suggestions.
Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
I hopelessly gasped for air as the weight of my body fought against me, pulling my water-filled lungs closer and closer to the unforgiving depths of the seemingly bottomless pool. Shadowed figures overhead effortlessly glide past my increasingly limp body. The once crystal clear liquid darkens with every slow motion thump from my overburdened heart. My vision fades to absolute darkness as my body finally makes contact with the submerged ceramic tile. The last thought that passes through my terror-stricken mind is, "This can't be the end."
Before heaving up a massive amount of watered down stomach bile, I opened my eyes to see a glimpse of fourteen faces, each with a uniquely worried and confused demeanor, staring directly down at me. As noticeable renewed consciousness filled my body, an uproar of clapping and cheering filled the indoor pool area at the recreation complex.
I was fairly certain this was atypical for a standard high school swim team tryout, but I had nothing to support this assumption; this was the first one I had ever associated with. However, near death experiences had to be irregular for a group of high school athletes with aspirations to swim competitively. I, on the other hand, due to a complete lack of skill and knowledge for the sport, failed to fulfill the most basic requirement for human life: breathing. That Friday afternoon, in my first attempt at swimming 100 yards nonstop, I relinquished every ounce of my energy before reaching the halfway point in the race, depriving my lungs of oxygen and subjecting myself to the whims of the body of water surrounding me.
Driving home, I was forced to pull over as a tsunami of emotions rushed over my recovering mind. Tears rolled down my cheeks because I was attempting to start a new chapter in my life and the pages were ripped out before I could finish the first sentence. Self disappointment took over. I had failed nobody but myself, and I almost killed myself in the process. If only I had not exerted all of my energy within the first forty yards, then I would have finished the race and stood a chance at making the team. But now there was no possible way I would ever get back into the water or be a member of the Coffee County Swim Team.
The next morning I received a call from Coach Ray. I made the team.
The following Monday afternoon, I hesitantly shuffled into the large room that nearly claimed my life. Waves of uncertainty surged as I rummaged through my thoughts, searching for any excuse to exit this wretched place. But there I stood. Subconsciously, my decision had already been made. I was here to be a member of the swim team. I was here to conquer my fear, to plow through uncertainties, and to continue this chapter of my life.
That season I grew from unmistakably the worst swimmer on the team to one of the best freestylers in my entire school. Every single practice I pushed myself, and every single practice I improved. As fate would have it, the same race that almost took my life became my specialty. I swam the 100 yard freestyle at every swim meet, and by the end of the season, my best time was two tenths of a second away from qualifying for the regional meet. Initially disappointed that I didn't make time, I was quick to recognize this as a personal accomplishment rather than a defeat. Only a few short months prior, I could not even complete the same race without playing Russian roulette with the Grim Reaper. A large plaque displaying "Coffee Co. High School Swim Team Most Improved" hangs proudly over my bed as a memento of how I responded to my brush with death and wrote the next chapter of my life.
First draft. I know it's rough. Critique absolutely everything and offer suggestions.
Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?
I hopelessly gasped for air as the weight of my body fought against me, pulling my water-filled lungs closer and closer to the unforgiving depths of the seemingly bottomless pool. Shadowed figures overhead effortlessly glide past my increasingly limp body. The once crystal clear liquid darkens with every slow motion thump from my overburdened heart. My vision fades to absolute darkness as my body finally makes contact with the submerged ceramic tile. The last thought that passes through my terror-stricken mind is, "This can't be the end."
Before heaving up a massive amount of watered down stomach bile, I opened my eyes to see a glimpse of fourteen faces, each with a uniquely worried and confused demeanor, staring directly down at me. As noticeable renewed consciousness filled my body, an uproar of clapping and cheering filled the indoor pool area at the recreation complex.
I was fairly certain this was atypical for a standard high school swim team tryout, but I had nothing to support this assumption; this was the first one I had ever associated with. However, near death experiences had to be irregular for a group of high school athletes with aspirations to swim competitively. I, on the other hand, due to a complete lack of skill and knowledge for the sport, failed to fulfill the most basic requirement for human life: breathing. That Friday afternoon, in my first attempt at swimming 100 yards nonstop, I relinquished every ounce of my energy before reaching the halfway point in the race, depriving my lungs of oxygen and subjecting myself to the whims of the body of water surrounding me.
Driving home, I was forced to pull over as a tsunami of emotions rushed over my recovering mind. Tears rolled down my cheeks because I was attempting to start a new chapter in my life and the pages were ripped out before I could finish the first sentence. Self disappointment took over. I had failed nobody but myself, and I almost killed myself in the process. If only I had not exerted all of my energy within the first forty yards, then I would have finished the race and stood a chance at making the team. But now there was no possible way I would ever get back into the water or be a member of the Coffee County Swim Team.
The next morning I received a call from Coach Ray. I made the team.
The following Monday afternoon, I hesitantly shuffled into the large room that nearly claimed my life. Waves of uncertainty surged as I rummaged through my thoughts, searching for any excuse to exit this wretched place. But there I stood. Subconsciously, my decision had already been made. I was here to be a member of the swim team. I was here to conquer my fear, to plow through uncertainties, and to continue this chapter of my life.
That season I grew from unmistakably the worst swimmer on the team to one of the best freestylers in my entire school. Every single practice I pushed myself, and every single practice I improved. As fate would have it, the same race that almost took my life became my specialty. I swam the 100 yard freestyle at every swim meet, and by the end of the season, my best time was two tenths of a second away from qualifying for the regional meet. Initially disappointed that I didn't make time, I was quick to recognize this as a personal accomplishment rather than a defeat. Only a few short months prior, I could not even complete the same race without playing Russian roulette with the Grim Reaper. A large plaque displaying "Coffee Co. High School Swim Team Most Improved" hangs proudly over my bed as a memento of how I responded to my brush with death and wrote the next chapter of my life.